Has Anyone Had a Bad or Known of Bad Situations in Elementary School?

Updated on August 28, 2011
D.J. asks from Huntington Beach, CA
48 answers

I'll try to make this quick: my daughter is now ready for kindergarten and I am not sure if I will be homeschooling or sending her to school. I am terrified of all the bad things I have heard, seen and experienced myself over the years (I also feel like maybe I watch too much news). But, honestly, I prefer to be informed rather than ignore all the scary stuff going on these days. My question: have many of you had things happen when you were in elementary school or known of things happen to others? For instance, my uncle was a child molester and he worked at an elementary school as a janitor. Bullying, guns at school, drugs (I'm sure), things of that nature. I have the ability and thankfully my husband is on board if I decide to homeschool. I am most worried about something life altering happening to her when she is at such a young, vulnerable age and I feel like children just don't have enough eyes on them keeping them safe at school -- say, during recess and if they have to go to use the restroom etc. I guess I'm just looking for other thoughts and opinions on this subject. Please share your stories.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

S.B.

answers from Topeka on

My kids learned at an early age what sex was. There was no way around it, other than sheilding them from the world. I had to have THE TALK with my daughter at 7 years old. She is now 9.
Not to mention all the language these kids have heard at home so they use it all at school.
But for the most part, school is fun for them. There are ups and downs.
I am all for homeschooling. And I think if you do it, go ahead.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from San Diego on

I understand where you're coming from, I would love to homeschool as well (my daughter is only 16 months atm). Personally, I went to a tiny school in a tiny town, and in all my years, the scariest thing that happened was one bomb threat in high school (and nothing came of it). But not everyone gets to go to little country schools. Just a town over, they have to have metal detectors and a police officer on campus everyday. That to me is terrifying. I say go for it. If it makes you feel that she is safer and can also have more attention on her learning, why not? There's always sports and other classes she can take outside of school to get the social aspect, so she isn't missing out on making friends.

More Answers

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Good grief, you need to get a grip or you are never going to be able to ever let your child out of your sight..

2 things.
Become a volunteer at your child's school and secondly, you need to see a therapist and work through these fears.. They are not healthy and will have a terrible effect on your child.. A mom should be confident and secure in her world. You sound as though you do not have a healthy outlook on the world.

Please send your child to schooll and make an appt ASAP..

14 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I think you are WWWWWAAAAAYYYY over thinking this....

Stuff happens, that's true. I went to CA public schools from 6th to Senior - didn't have a problem...yes, there were bullies - not to me - but there were bullies - hell, there are bullies ON HERE!!! And we're supposed to be adults.

You cannot shelter your daughter from life...one day she will need to walk out into the big bad world and handle herself....knowing what to do, what to say and how to present herself....if you don't feel they have enough eyes watching them at school - volunteer to be a nurse, or a reader or a recess helper...but really? you sound like a helicopter mom (who admits she's watched too much news! :) LOL!) and you need to take a DEEP BREATH and let her go to school....if it's not working out for you - then you know you have options....but until then - don't go into panic mode and make her frightened to go to school.

9 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Dallas on

You cannot live your life in fear. Bad things happen. And bad things happen everywhere. I know many people who choose to home school. I have heard a variety of reasons for homeschooling. I have never heard someone say they want to do it because they are afraid. We all want to protect our kids from anything bad. But your child could just as easily have to deal with molesters, guns, drugs and bullying while being at home with you. We simply cannot be with our kids every second of the day. Home schooling is not equivalent to living in a bubble. You will need to teach your child to make good choices and how to deal with tough situations whether you home school or not. If this is your only motivation, then send her to school. I really hope you are not as consumed by fear as this post sounds.

8 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.Y.

answers from Chicago on

Don't take this the wrong way...but why are you looking for negative stories? Do you want to confirm fears that you have? I think it would be much better to solicit positive stories about public schools. Why purposfully seek out the negative...how is this going to serve you??

8 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

When i was in 6th grade i had a gym/swimming teacher that was later arrested for lude conduct with a child in his swimming class. I was a little creeped out by the guy so i stayed my distance. I was armed with the knowledge and skills to trust my gut and i knew what to do in situations where i was uncomfortable.

We cant protect our kids from everything but we can arm them with the tools to use when they need protecting.

7 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.F.

answers from Seattle on

Ohhhh the media drives me nuts sometimes!!! Any BAD news is GOOD news... I'm talking RATINGS! So it is blown up way more than it should be IMO.

The best memories I have are from school, all 13 years! I remember Kindergarten and it was FABULOUS. The best part was creating something during crafting and bringing it home to my mom :)

I was inappropriately admired vocally by one of my teachers in highschool. By my mom and all my years in school up until that point, I was taught to report something like that to an adult. Which is exactly what I did! School assembly's, power points, videos, rally's and other sources they use are VERY informative and potentially save lives. Communication is KEY between you and your DD. Teach her what you want to teach her about safety, but I'm telling you, school has got it covered. My children will always be told to make as much noise as possible and to NEVER let someone take them in their car when they know they are not suppose to. My grandma gave me a whistle to wear around my neck to school everyday :)

If it makes you feel better, walk her to her class in the morning, and get there early to wait near the door to pick her up after class. I'm sure most parents do this when their first child goes to school for the first time ;) As someone else pointed out... "worrying won't prevent bad things from happening". PLEASE don't over-shelter her. Give yourself a break for a few hours and let your little caterpillar become a butterfly :)

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Redding on

My daughter started kindergarten at 4. Was I a little nervous? Heck yes. My son came along 10 years later and I was nervous for my baby to start kindergarten at 5.
They both did great.
I was more worried than they were.
But they were both ready. I'd prepared them as best I could to be okay.

And they were.
I am not against homeschooling whatsoever. I've seen families where it works, but I have to say that I've also seen the opposite. I've seen kids that were so far from being socialized that it made me sad for them.
If a parent wants to homeschool for educational purposes, fine. Temper that with being around plenty of other children. Don't do it to "protect" them from other kids because they will have no clue what other kids are about.
There are things that kids learn, good and bad, that are part of growing up and learning differences in culture, behaviors, attitudes and personalities.
If you live in Long Beach and have a bunch of gang kids in kindergarten, you've got problems. If you are worried about just the random and normal things kids encounter, it might not be so bad for your kids to encounter them.
My kids were both raised in public schools and there was no fighting, no not being safe going to the bathroom, etc.
Talk to the school about their policies. Tell them your fears. Find out what programs they have in place.
If you live in a really dangerous place, homeschooling might be the best option. BUT, keep your kids in contact with other children their ages.
The only downside I've seen to homeschooling is segregating children to the point they don't know how to interact.
Not all parents do that, but some do.
It's not a good thing, in my opinion.

Best wishes.

6 moms found this helpful

B.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I went to a public elementary school and have nothing but awesome memories. I think something that extreme happening is far and few between, hence it being all over the news when it does happen.

Huntington is an AMAZING area. I am sure your baby will be fine =)

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Nothing bad happened to me at elementary school and so far, in our second year of public school and preschool for our sons nothing bad has happened. I have to agree with Laurie A. -when do you plan on letting your child experience the world? Teach her, talk to her, volunteer at her school -bit sooner or later she has to get out there. I used to be completely against homeschooling, but I have seen valid reasons for it. However, these that you post aren't the reasons. The world is amazing and sometimes scary and dangerous, but our children need to learn how to navigate that in small steps as they grow. The only bad thing that happened to me in early childhood happened at the hands of a trusted "grandpa" type and an aunt of mine. You can shelter your child only so much. There are bad people everywhere, so teach her how to deal with them and send her to school.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I went to public school in California and have absolutely fantastic memories of it - the friends, the values, the sense of community, the truly dedicated teachers. In addition to the academic education -- I learned things that were invaluable to me through my whole life: how to work with others, how to form friendships , how to assert myself in a group, how to resolve conflicts -- the list is endless. Basically -- I learned all the fundamental social tools I needed to make my way through the world . I don't know specifically about your school district, but if it does not have a greet reputation then I would seek placement elsewhere. But in general schools today are far more secure (with their fences and their contained community) -- than other venues your child will be in . Everyone on that campus has to be allowed on, there are no strangers wandering in , the people there have background checks and a history of working with children. There are few environments you can say that about.

I think part of our job as parents is to prepare our children to make their own way in the world. I can't imagine how you can do that if you keep them entirely in a cocoon.

5 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Please don't home school purely out of fear, that just doesn't seem right.
Give your daughter a chance to go to school and experience it for herself. Become involved in the school as much as you can, volunteer in the classroom, sit on parent's club committees, be an advocate. It is truly a community of teachers, staff, administration and parents. You can have a positive impact and make a difference just by giving your time!
Schools and teachers (and even kids) are getting such a bad rap these days and I'm so tired of it. There are so many hard working, caring people out there doing the very best they can but does that get reported in the news? No, the only stories that get the headlines are the very few and random "scary" stories, like the teacher who was having sex with her fourteen year old student or the 12 year old who killed himself because he was being bullied so much.
I have no idea what your daughter's school is like but I think you owe it to her to at least give it a chance. Yes, bad things happen, but the world is not nearly as scary as the media makes it out to be.
I suggest you read Jaycee Dugard's book. Here is a woman who survived an unimaginable ordeal, and yet her attitude towards her own girls is NOT based on fear, she wants them to feel safe in the world. I think that's important for every child.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from New York on

My daughter (a sophmore) and I were talking the other day about school in general as she really doesn't like her school and isn't looking forward to starting up again. Then she said something very insightful like "at least it prepares me for all the stupid stuff I'll need to deal with in life."

We've had our share of problems with the public schools, but none of the extreme instances that you describe above.

Home schooling is an excellent choice, but don't base your decission on fear, base it on what's the best for you and your child.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Even if you homeschool you have to socialize the children.
We are in so many activities I have to have a spreadsheet to keep us on track. I am not always at every event either to watch my children like a hawk.
You have to step back, allow your children the freedom to enjoy school and the activities they want to be involved in.
Not everyone is out to get them.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Why are you asking for people to fill your head with all the bad, scary experiences they had? How is this helping you?

Why don't you contact the district to see what safeguards ARE in place for children? The more proactive and involved you are, the more your fears will be either quelled or confirmed.

I think choosing to homeschool because you're afraid is a poor idea. If, on the other hand, you don't live in a good district and are yourself qualified to provide a sufficient education for your daughter, it may be an ok choice, but you should know that you can't protect her forever. Challenges provide the most teachable moments.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hey D,
I was a teacher for 17 years and things do happen. However, I have found the most negative influence to be the other kids in the classroom, not the staff, outside influences, etc. Unfortunately, when you bring 20+ kids in a classroom together, there is no guarantee that they will be coming from homes where there are responsible parents and thus, your child may be exposed to things you don't want for her to be exposed to.
I will tell you honestly that although I think our educational system is very good, I think homeschooling is a FAR superior way to go. Most home school kids I have met are bright, articulate, confident, well mannered, and still innocent.

3 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

It's sad, but molesting usually happens from friends, neighbors and family members before it does at school.

Teach your daughter to say no and how to run away and get help, to be honest and not scared to tell if someone ever tries to touch her, about stranger danger... just keep teaching those things. Even home schooled children are at risk.

I also agree with being a school volunteer. One thing, when I was in kindergarten, i was in teh bathroom. The bathroom was in the room at that school. When I got out of the bathroom, the whole class was gone and the lights were out. I was terrified and got help form another teacher. Turns out, my class left for the library and forgot I was in the bathroom. Another time, I had to pee sooo bad, The teacher refused to let me go (during recess in kindergarten). I peed my pants. I should have walked inside and went potty myself. Had my parents explained to the teachers I had bladder issues, maybe that would not have happened. Just have a very open dialogue with the teachers about your concerns, and with your child on what to do in certain situations.

3 moms found this helpful

M..

answers from Detroit on

Send her to school. Get involved in the school. If it makes you feel better, I had to get a background check done every year to volunteer at my kids school.
This is an experience I feel every child should have. I never understood homeschooling. And trust me, Im as overprotective as it gets, well, maybe not anymore. Welcome D, you make me look good! ;)

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

At my kids school the kinder has their own playground and bathroom. so, they are super safe. The janitors daughter is in one of my kids classes. Super great school community. Could something happen? yes. could something happen within my own home? yes. I can't let my life, and especially my kids life, be dictated by fear. Stop watching the news, and live a wonderful, fun life!

I just read JoAnne C.'s comment-and she is wrong. Period. To put every district in the umbrella of all CA schools is incorrect. I can only speak for my child's school, and district. there is NO sex ed taught, at all. I actually have a problem with that. I know that an educator can teach about sex ed so much better than I can-and I had to find a place to teach my son. Of course I can teach the basics, and my values. But, I have no idea how bad sexual disease is, or how to cure it. And, yes, i do think my kids should know. Sex is a normal part of life. Also, my kids have never had a "gay" topic in their classrooms. Or if they have it went well over their heads.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Chicago on

Homeschooling doesn't mean you keep your kid home all day long where nothing can happen to them. It means quite the opposite. If you're going to homeschool then you'll need to connect with other homeschoolers and take her out on field trips and such. And there, anything can STILL happen to your child.

We homeschool because it's the best learning choice for us. But we do so many social activities that my daughter is still exposed to many different children and their different personalities. She's been pushed around by other kids in her homeschool group, or been left out, or left out other kids. The difference is I'm there to guide her--but I prefer to let her work the problems out (which she does). Homeschooling does not "protect" your child any more than public school does. It does afford you the opportunity to be more selective about who you child is with--but honestly, just because another family is Christian or uses the same curriculum you do doesn't mean their child isn't going to do the things that "normal" children do. I'm pretty sure my homeschooled child has encountered the same social issues that public/privately schooled children have. It's just a part of growing up and learning to get along with others.

My child's education is another story. I feel she's getting wonderful education, tailored to her learning style and needs.

You can't protect your child. You can only love them, teach them what you can, and send them into the world with the knowledge that you did your best and the rest is up to them.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes,hings happen, D, but we will never be able to shield our kids from everything. Nor should we try. So many more kids go through school with a good outcome then bad ones.

At the risk of sounding harsh, I think this is so much more about you than your child. Maybe you had a bad experience, in or out of school, that has heightened your anxieties about your child's safety. Please remember that our children have their own lives & experiences to learn from and about.

There are good trains to home school but if you are able to home school, than you are able to have your child in a school, public or private, that welcomes parent involvement so your family can be part of a community. Getting to know the school and becoming involved, not micromanaging, is the best safety you can provide since everyone else will get to know you and her. Friends protect each other, stranger often just walk on by. Don't deprive your child of social interactions and good experiences out of your own fears. You would only be teaching those fears to her. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.S.

answers from San Antonio on

Our elementary school is awesome...I love the teachers and learned how good administrators can make or break the school.

My son did have a traumatic event not at school but on the bus. You can look up my posting about the matter.

The administration jumped on the situation and the other student was pulled from the bus and has not been allowed to return...even into this new school year. The counselor met with my son several times to make sure how he was doing and to go over safety issues.

I pulled him from the bus for about a month...then my husband and I realized that we were denying him a chance to "get back on the horse" so to speak. So, we put him back on the bus. He has done great and flourished, he has friends on the bus with him, now. And the bus driver and I have become friends as well...he is a great guy and knew the child needed to be removed but until something happened and a parent reported his hands were tied.

Children are never 100% safe...but I do trust our school, the teachers, the staff and administration. I would home school in a heartbeat if I didn't trust them. So far they are on the ball.

Good luck with your decision!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

generally I don't recommend homeschooling for many reasons, but I understand that's not what you're asking. But I do think 1 reason we send our kids out to school is because it exposes them to all of that outside the home. of course we don't want anything awful to happen, I don't mean that. But dealing with peers who may not have your best interests in mind and peer pressure, acting in safe ways, being wary of strangers, etc. You just can't protect your child from it their whole life, so you have to start giving them the tools to deal with it starting in K. Elementary school is a good, controlled, reasonably safe place to start.
I know, we want to protect them every minute of the day, and it's hard to just have faith- in them and in their surroundings.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I went do nearly a dozen schools, myself (military... including Goldenview Elementary in Huntington Beach!). The education offered at each was HUGELY variable, as were the environments, policies, expectations, and even daily schedules. But neither I, nor any of my sibs, ever had a bad situation in any of our schools except for the "required" 1 year of "worst teacher ever" that almost everyone gets during their career.

My son went to private preschool (PHENOM), and a GOOD public K.

We homeschool.

Not because the schools are terrible... but (remember above when I said how varied the schools were that I attended) because of how much BETTER an education / life we can provide for him homeschooling. We homeschool because of all of the amazing aspects of it/ how we're able to live our lives not tied to school bells, set curriculums, etc.

Now... my son was miserable in K (bored to tears, literally), but not because it was a bad school, or had a bad teacher, or an unfortunate classmate. Which is why we STARTED homeschooling (bored), but we've kept at it (4 years now) because it's just such an amazing option.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I could tell you stories, but they would add to your fears.

The best thing is to let your daughter talk to you and count on you. I am the first M. to hear about everything and other moms know nothing until someone tells them. My daughter came to me every time and I was her advocate. Finally, I convinced my husband that there were too many problems at this school and we moved to a private school where they are strict. It is not perfect, but I am keeping the lines of communication open.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hey there,
first of all: maybe you should not watch the news? I stopped and it made me much happier. Remember that the news show the few cases gone wrong, not the thousand cases gone well. I had an amazing time in elementary and kept in touch with my teacher for years after. I still have friends from that time even though I left my home country as a teenager. Those bonds never die.
what if you let your kid go, and if things go well you keep her in school, if she gets uncomfortable you take her out.
Can you go visit a couple of schools and get a feel?
A good friend who is like an aunt to me told me when I was pregnant: Remember how I always let you guys go out? Of course things happen, but you cannot keep your children locked in. If you do, they will feel trapped and break out. I never locked my kids in and they come to see me every day. You have to let go a little bit every day, starting with the birth of your child.
I think she is right - and she was always an amazing mom!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.R.

answers from Denver on

I can understand your fear for your child. Me and my husband or nutso when it comes to protecting our kids. They are never allowed outside unless one of us is with them. However, when it comes to school, we really researched the school they would be attending. We got lucky and their home school was exceptional. Everyone at the school and the school district was on board with anti-bullying and really protecting children and allowing them to really develop into great people. It takes an entire school staff to make the school great. We also let our kids know that we were always there for them and would also listen. I highly suggest that you get very involved with the school. Volunteer and be there when you can. It is great for your kids to see you participating in the school too. You also get to see a birds eye view of what really happens there. Get to know the teachers and the staff. Even though my kids love everyone at their school, they know all of the safety rules. Never trust anyone enough to be alone with them or go home with them or accept things from them, etc.. My kids still experience some negative things even at their 'great' school. This is just a part of life. We teach our kids that not everyone is happy and not everyone will treat them fairly or nicely. As for the safety around other students, we have had some issues with some kids that had some disturbing behaviors, but our kids trust us and tell us, so we can help them with the situation and intervene when necessary. Thankfully, the shcool seems to be ontop of these situations before we are even aware of them. The most important thing you can do is let your child know that you are there for them and teach them how to be responsible and safe. Definitely be involved with the school! Just like a child care provider KNOW THE SCHOOL. Talk with other parents. If your home schools isn't to your liking then find another school. Wish you the best of luck. It is a scarey but also a very exciting and rewarding experience to have your kids in school.

1 mom found this helpful

E.S.

answers from Dayton on

We are homeschooling this year (kindergarten).
I feel like it is the best option for us.
If you have the ability and a supportive DH, I see no reason to not go for it.
But you have to get your head in the game-as do I. ;)

Follow your gut.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Having your kids start school can be a scary thing especially if you watch to much news. But you can't home school your kids the rest of their lives, they need to be able to livwe in society, learn to play and works with others, kindergarteners have a bathroom right in their classroom. In our world here is going to be bullying, guns , drugs and more, wouldn't you rather your kis be street smart than they to shelter them, and then the one time you are not around somethiong happens and they don't know how to handle themselves. My children all wentto the same elementry school tnhat I went to no issues ever, high school yes but my kids wwere taught how to handle themselves in any situation and they were/are all fine. It's norm al for moms to worry, but yopu don't want to cause your kids to have fears of the what if's just teach them what to do in emergency situations. J.

1 mom found this helpful

S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I haven't known anything really bad to happen at an elementary school. To me, there's a huge difference between ignoring "all the scary stuff" and torturing yourself with it. Do bad things happen? Yes. Do they happen at schools? Yes. Do bad things also happen at homes? You betcha. But they are all rare, truly. The big question is: Do you want to be a parent who makes the big decisions out of fear or with a full understanding, but willingness to let your kids develop to their fullest potential? I'm not opposed to homeschooling, but think it would be sad if you're really doing it because you're afraid instead of making the decision you believe to be best for your child(ren).

1 mom found this helpful

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Worrying doesn't prevent bad things from happening, being aware, preparing your daughter and taking precautions like not letting her walk home alone, etc., does. If we gauged the world by what is on the news a lot of us would more than likely become hermits.

Even if you homeschool her (which I have done and wholeheartedly advocate) she will still need to socialize outside your home. She'll meet people at parks, skating rinks, libraries, McDonald's...that you won't have any idea of what they're hiding.

And how many stories have you heard where someone thought they were doing everything right and something bad happened anyway? I thought I was doing the right thing and allowed my son to have a relationship with his father. This backfired on my son and I when he was kidnapped at age 5 and taken to another country for 10 years, 9 months. I blamed myself (and sadly still do at times) for this happening, but rationally I know i had no choice, the court would have given him visitation rights.

My point is, you can't prevent anything from happening, what will be will be. Act intelligently, don't put your daughter or yourself in intentional harm's way, and live life. Don't pass your fears on to your daughter, let go of them, and do what your heart tells you to do that will benefit your daughter the most.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Reno on

Are you open to a solution? If so, then please consider taking the time to visit the school your daughter will be attending (when it resumes for fall, of course). Sit in class as an observer, all levels, and see what you see. Watch the children at recess, in the hallways, before school, after school. Do you see the normal behavior of children? Do you see adults interacting with the children in a way you can live with? Can you live with things you're not so impressed with? After all, no school is perfect.

Instead of being a slave to the angst of too much television (and, it seems, your uncle), arm yourself with reality derived from observation.

My youngest had a horrible time in the 2nd and 3rd grades with his teachers. Complete and utter mismatches! I spent countless hours observing my son in his classrooms (yes, I'm a working mom and no, it wasn't easy...just important). I was amazed by what I learned. In the 2nd grade, his teacher was excellent...just not for my son. I would've loved her class! In the 3rd grade, I discovered that the teacher was really, really awful, aiding and abetting a child who was bullying my son. Because my husband and I were armed with FACTS, not fear, we were able to quickly and effectively create positive change for our son.

It's a scary proposition, entrusting our precious children to people who are essentially strangers. That's why I encourage you to get out there and observe the people at your daughter's school. You might discover a wonderful school awaits your daughter right around the corner. Please, judge a school on its individual merit, not the evening news.

1 mom found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Ok...I originally had a really long post about this...but stepped away and realized that nothing I said or wrote was going to change your mind. You are asking us to give you justification to your fears...and I for believe that you have already made up your mind without even looking further into the logistics, pros/cons of both.

Homeschooling vs Public/Private/Charter schools is a big decision and should not be based solely on fears.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.G.

answers from Dallas on

What Lifeisbeautiful said :)

1 mom found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

There are many more safe guards set up now in schools. Adults who work in schools must be fingerprinted and background checked. We have drills to evacuate the school or lock down the classes quickly. We have anti bullying campaigns.
It makes no sense for you to ask too much about my school though. Ask your neighbors not about the parents experiences 40 yrs ago but about the kids in your neighbor hood school. Visit the school and ask questions. Even try sending her to school when it starts and you can always pull her out if you find too many negatives.
and PLEase Read Mamazitas post today about school positives anyone?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from Las Vegas on

Most elementary schools are fine and if you are comfortable with your neighbourhood school send her.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think you're allowing "being informed" to make you "paranoid". And, that is no way to raise a healthy happy child. There comes a time when you have to have faith in your child, your community and God! My kids do things all the time that make me uncomfortable, but I know I can't held them back from living life. I trust in God that he's in control and I just pray for his protection. And, then I let go. Being a worrier means you are not putting your faith in God. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

1 mom found this helpful

S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

as a little curly blond haired girl going to school in los angeles, i had an amazing experience in elementary school. jr high was another story!
although my husband (who grew up one city away from me) had a horrible experience going to elementary school, he was beat up and chased every day because he was white.
now we live in irvine and this is supposed to be an amazing neighborhood to live in, my son had bullies in 2nd grade and the principle didnt even try to help! That was at Turtle Rock Elementary school. we took him out to homeschool him and we had a FABULOUS time, but since my husband was not able to help me with it i had to put my kids back in school :(
now we are at a different school a few blocks away and its quite a bit better.

you should try out homeschooling, if you think its not a good fit then put her in public school (i knew a bunch of kids who went to private schools and those tend to be worse when it comes to drugs and sex)

good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from Boston on

I have read some of the posts and I absolutely agree with the mom that said that children will lose some of their innocence once they enter K. My daughter is 4.5 and will be ready for K next year. We live in a small town known for it's school system but am I nervous to send her next year... you bet! She has been in Pre-school/Pre-K for almost 2 years but has such an innocence to her compared to many of other kids her age. Her Pre-K teachers have also noticed this as well. My fears are not about the teachers or administrators but will be the peer influence she will inevitably be around. The best advice I can give is mentally preparing her for what she may hear and see or in your case safe choices vs. non-safe choices. I have just started talking with my daughter about kids that may be mean to her and the best way to handle the situation and teasing, bullying, adults that may act inappropriate - you name it. I think the more you talk with them the better prepared they will be to handle the situations that we parents want to protect them from. We also set up age apropriate scenarios to see what her reaction or response will be. Best of luck we will be in the same boat next year!
.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.W.

answers from Allentown on

I have fabulous memories of elementary school, unless you count the day some guy tried to get me and my two friends into his car on our way home.

Ds has fabulous memories of elementary school, unless you count the names he was called on the bus, the glasses someone broke, and the (bus) incident where 5th grade boys were pulling down their pants in front of kindergarten girls.

My reasons for homeschooling are more academic than social, but I do consider the increased safety to be a big bonus.

P.S. I grew up in a tiny middle class suburb. We now live in a semi-rural area. We have no experience with poor, urban schools, so I don't consider it a socio-economic issue.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

Homeschool if you think it's the best way to educate your child. Don't do it out of fear. You should go check out the school your daughter would attend. Our kindergarten classes have bathrooms in the classrooms so the kids never have to share with the rest of the school. They have a special gated yard where only kindergarteners are allowed. At recess, at least three teachers watch the children, not to mention the numerous mom helpers that volunteer each day. If you are able to homeschool, you are able to volunteer to be a homeroom helper and watch your child at school every day or a few days a week as you like. MIL commented that our school is more like a private school than a public school. The school activities for the kids are awesome! I would never be able to match the activity level the school provides if I homeschool.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

The best advice I've ever heard about the decision to home school is the following - Never home school out of fear.

You can never protect your children from the world. It's not a realistic expectation.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My child experienced the worst situation imaginable at school, with a sexual predator who preyed on four young boys on a daily basis. Because he was a toddler at preschool, his detailed statements are insufficient to arrest and prosecute the teacher. The teacher has been "transferred". I was always over-protective, and that fact alone may be why my child was able to speak out, when others were too afraid. I am still fighting this battle, so I can not comment further. I share this harsh reality, only because this is something you never want to experience yourself. P.S. I discovered many school background checks do not include sex offender registries.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have to admit, I am glad we homeschool because the kids avoid the negative socialization that goes on in schools. But there are so many other reasons we love homeschooling and continue to do it; and I would encourage you to do more research on it and see if it is something you really want to do. Find other homeschoolers in your area and see what their experiences are like. A great education is one of our main reasons we homeschool; we also like the freedom they have in pursuing what truly interests them (while also making sure they are learning what they "need" to learn according to their grade level). They work at their own pace and their education is individualized; and they have many friends from the park days we attend with other homeschoolers. For example, last Friday we spent four hours at the beach with other homeschooling families. In California, there are so many places to take kids as far as field trips and activities, and I think it is a great place to homeschool.

But, if the fear is the ONLY reason you want to homeschool; and if it weren't for the fear you would rather have her in school, then you can always try her in kindergarten and see how you feel about the school and her experiences with it. You can always homeschool her later if you feel like the school is not the right environment for her. Good luck with your decision!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

You have valid concerns but you need to figure out what you are going to do, homeschool or public school. I choose private school and it's a really good school, if you have it in your budget perhaps private but whatever you decide I hope it eases your worries. Your a mom, you should worry, you should think if your doing the right thing, you love your daughter as I too my 5 year old boy and my 3 1/2 year old daughter. It's not easy loving so much and always worrying but try and do your best for your kids as you would to ease your worries. I live in Redondo Beach, CA and I still won't do public schools especially knowing working in California Goverment how the schools system here is really weak. Best of luck on your decision.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Just to answer your initial question, has anything bad happened to me or anyone I know in elemetary school... No. I have a pretty big family and we all went to public school. I have 5 sisters. and about 40 cousins. We all survived. Actually I take that back a few of those cousins went to parochial school. This is range of kids going to school from the 80's through now.
We went to good, safe schools with no gangs or anything. What are the schools like in your neighborhood? Why are you so scared?

The worst thing that happened to me was I broke my arm on the monkey bars in 1st grade :)

Your uncle was child molester and worked in a public school? Yikes. That said however. I had way more interaction with my uncles growing up than i did with my school janitor, so... it's the "uncle" part of that statement that scares me.

I work in education and I know you weren't trying to offend, but sometimes I feel insulted when people have beliefs like this, that public school is unsafe. All adults who work in education have the primary goal of creating a safe and nurturing learning environment for the students. I guess it depends what neighborhood you live in though, and what the people around you (that your kid would be attnding school with) are like.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.K.

answers from Chicago on

I don't know CA school. We live in IL, suburb of chicago. We like our grade school here. Particularly our school. The involvement of parents and teachers are great, the kids having fun. I don't know the 'criminal' status of our janitor, but no bully, no guns, and as far as we know no drugs. Even one teacher mentioned that he was amazed with how well the kids treat each other with respect and acceptance regardless the differences they have.
I put my middle school age kid in a catholic school, hoping he will have more discipline and religious education. Other than the fact the district cut the budget for gifted program (he was in gifted) and few years ago there was some bulliying happened at lunch time/bus.
I think it will depend on which school you are assigned to, kids that are enrolled, teachers and parents, and the curriculum. If you decide to sign your child up for elementary school and one day realize that you and your child don't like it, maybe you can take her out of school and do the homeschooling instead. Or vice versa :) Good luck !

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions