Gross Pregnancy Anecdotes...

My worst was the delivery of my 1st. I was taking a phlebotomy class and the instructor was smokin hot. He was so gorgeous, you could see all the girls eyes glaze over and grin ear to ear when he came in the room. He told me he worked in labor and delivery. I asked what he did specifically. He said "you know, this and that" with a smirk. I had no idea what he meant, until I was in labor pushing and heard my hot teacher yelling at me to push. Apparently he's the guy that delivers the afterbirth (ewwwww) and does the epesiotomy repair. Hot teacher sewed my va-jj up. I was freakin mortified. I had to go back to class and look this guy in the eyes after he had more intimate knowledge of me than my husband!

my grossest thing was...

At 9 months pregnant sex is tricky in its self. But we managed and when it was all said and done.. he started to freak out. When I looked at what he was freaking out about... my plug had released and it was covering "him".

That was a pretty gross sight and needless to say the last time before the baby came.

About 8th month of pregnancy walking down the main street of our town..wearing a casual dress with sandels...underware elastic was stretched so far...all of a sudden...they dropped to my ankles...behind us walking was about 4 sailors dressed in there cracker jack uniform.. Sister reached down and helped me step out of them and we kept on walking.

Dear lord, L., your experience sounds too close to home after I had surgery and the pain meds plugged me up. Even the Fleet enema wasn't enough. That's why I urge anyone on here getting ready to have surgery to buy stool softeners and Fleet enemas and eat prunes. All three!!!

I guess my grossest moment was projectile vomiting when I had to pick up the dog's poop and throw it in the toilet. I was right there at the toilet - all I had to do was move my hand and drop it. But my whole stomach turned inside out with absolutely no warning. I didn't even get it IN the toilet! Instead, I threw up all over the bathroom! I had just gotten back from an unusually successful dinner too. The doc had charged me with gaining one pound a week because I was not gaining enough weight, and I lost that dinner.

My poor husband had to clean up the bathroom. He never asked me to clean up the dog's poop during the rest of my pregnancy!

Dawn

How about a funny story??

I have to say that one of my funniest stories is of the Anesthesiologist. He was the "trainee" if you will. At first, he was very appropriately located near my head. He wouldn't look, turned around when necessary and stayed away from the bottom of the bed.

I couldn't get numbed up with an epidural. So he was hanging out with me a lot as they stuck me like 20 times but nothing. So when the OBGYN came to give me the final check before saying I needed a c-section, I saw him at the bottom of my bed, totally watching her check me. I didn't think much of it - he's a doctor, a professional - who cares. He's seen it all before. But all of the drugs they gave me (Demerol) had it's affect on me and when I took my bra of for surgery, I whipped it around my head while looking right at him.

And to be more of an idiot (I'm so sarcastic) as I was leaving the hospital and pushing my newborn in the bassinet down the hall, I saw him and he said - oh, you're up and around. I almost didn't recognize you! And I said - of course you didn't, I have my clothes on.

My husband laughed out loud and this poor young doctor just shrunk down and said congratulations!! I'm so ashamed (well, not really).

I think the absolute worst for me was when I "lost" my mucus plug. it's gross just even the word, but when you go the bathroom and you wipe and that huge nasty glob of slimy snot junk comes out on the toilet paper it's revolting. NOTHING I dealt with (and that was a couple infections and a c-section) were as disgusting to me as that.

I mean pregnancy is beautiful and we all glow or whatever.......

Well, my first son was born 5 weeks early and we never made it to our lamaze class and I never experienced any signs of labor. So when I was pregnant with my 2nd I wasn't 100% sure what that gross, snotty looking thing was that fell into my underwear so I made my husband look at it :) he still hasn't forgiven me!

When my water broke, it broke in a big gush at home and was all over the floor which wasn't that gross until the dog came running over and starting lapping it up like it was the best thing he ever ate! I thought there was no water left because so much came out, but when the midwife examined me when I went to the dr's office, another big gush came out and completely soaked the poor woman from mid chest to her knees. Even she admitted that that had never happened before.

Bwhahahaha!!!!! L. that's so gross ;-)

My favorite pregnancy book is "Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth"
http://www.amazon.com/Our-Bodies-Ourselves-Pregnancy-Birt...
One reason I love it is that it has diagrams of what our organs are doing as our fetus grows (check out page 49 of the "Click to look inside"). Most books show a fetus growing inside of a headless, silhouette lady. With these diagrams, it's quite clear WHY pregnancy can be uncomfortable/constipating!!!

I really lucked out with pregnancy in most regards. It was low risk, no morning sickness...easy peasy. EXCEPT that I had intense pain after month three. My sciatic nerves were on fire. I could barely walk by week 30; My husband had to help me roll over or leave bed. I hated it. On the plus hand, it was so consistently painful that by the time my (long) labor rolled around I was ecstatic and just ready to do it.

Good luck getting through the rest of your day (tick tock, tick tock...j/k)!!

I am not easily grossed out by pregnancy related things. Although losing your mucous plug ON you husband....I could see hubs being mortified and banning sex for awhile.

My odd thing, well of course very similar constipation issue as your L., was that I had a lot of breast leakage before birth that I was not expecting.

And one day while pregnant and talking to the hottest engineer in the entire building, I had some sort of leakage and my white blouse became soaked. And I couldn't go anywhere and dry off, except my office. Then after Mat leave and I returned to work and was still nursing, same exact thing....ran into hot engineer again, started conversing in the hallway and bam, leaking everywhere, both sides, wet, white blouse again...I could not look that guy in the eye after that. Fast forward a couple of years, and I was divorced, same hot engineer asked me out...so the wetness didn't scare him too much.

um uh....when I was pregnant I had many occassions of uncontrollable flatulence...I couldn't help it...I know I was mortified at the times I walked past a few people to try to be discreet..oh nope not to be...broke wind in the hallway for the world to hear. ahhhhh

Ok L., I too am bored at work and trying so hard to hide my laughs! I was crying I was laughing so hard so thanks to all for these stories!
Ok, so my husband is a bit of a germaphobe (won't breathe out of his mouth while changing diapers....that kind!) so when they had him do the bear hug when I was getting the epidural my water (which had already broke but was apparently on a slow drip) gushed out everywhere. I was laughing about it and kept insisting I was peeing myself. They assured me that wasn't the case. Anyway, my DH was in front of me (being the bear I was hugging) when all this fluid splashed on the floor near his flip flopped feet! He was trying to hug me but step back without letting go (that was partly why I was laughing!). So that was the first part, the second part was that I pooed when I was pushing....I think he was grossed out by it but whatever! too funny!
What a FABULOUS question!!!! LOVE IT!!!!

hilarious!!! my grossest pregnancy experience has to be the vericose veins I got in, um, unmentionable girl part areas. I was in the shower and swore I had a worm or something growing down there. Nope, just a bulging vein. and it hurt if I crossed my legs! I was also totally grossed out by the hemorhoids (I know I'm not spelling that right, but I'm not gonna worry about it...) I got after birth. Another moment in the shower, soaping along, and then.... wait... what's that? ewwwwww!!!!!

bleh. When I was pregnant with my second son I had HORRIBLE heartburn. It was awful. It would wake me up in the middle of the night from a hard sleep and I would puke everywhere. This horrible, hot, liquid FIRE. I couldn't make it to the bathroom because I was so big and I yacked right into my husband's shoes. He was not happy. Well! Neither was I!
Also, I got horribly sick when I was prego with him and had to lay towels all over my side of the bed because I would go to the bathroom (#2!) in my sleep. I had diarrhea that just went on for days. It was truly disgusting.

my only one was i had to take progestrone and was vomiting constantly and it made M. go to the bathroom wayyy to much, so one time i ran into mcdonalds to use the restroom and i had a bm that was so loud it was comical, ussually i'd be mortified, but i couldnt stop laughing, ipictured the whole fast food establishment hearing it. I walked out proud and smiling and then proceeded to try and get to my car before having to vomit AGAIN.
Ugh I used to think i'd be pulled over for drunken driving because every 10 min i'd have to pull over and get sick to work every day and home every day...and throughout the day and night...ugh!

Well, I know this is late but after just reading through all of these I have to chime in. I can relate to most of these after being pregnant 5 times and delivering 4 healthy babies.

During the delivery of my last child I was completely numb from my epidural. I was also receiving the standard IV along with pitocin. Well, the resident came in along with my doctor and was suiting up. They got my legs in position and told me to push. I gave one big push as hard as I could and whooooosh. I literally peed on the woman as she was suiting up. It shot about 10 feet, I kid you not. I started laughing because I was mortified. I really don't think that she was too happy about it. But after everything was settled down I realized that they were pumping me with IV fluids all day and not one person emptied my bladder. What did they expect??? I couldn't feel a thing!

My husband still laughs about that one and actually tells people about it. Ughhh!

Oh, these are great -- trying not to LOL @ work!

I had an easy time, for it being a high-risk pregnancy. I went in twice to hospital to try to have my baby & must've seen umpteen new doctors. Two were named Dr. Ball & Dr. Dicke!! Dr. Dicke was so cute, I did NOT want him to deliver.

But, the second time I went in, this creepy doc kept lingering in my room & insisted on examining me. With no nurse around, it seemed odd -- husband WAS there, thank God. The more I think about it, he was a resident or maybe a student or ? I don't think he was supposed to be there. UGH!!

I ended up with yet another doc, Dr. Salinas, who was a hoot & Dr. Gray, a no-nonsense woman; they were the ones who delivered. There was a team of pediatricians, some students, hanging out in the delivery room because they were ready to take Natalie (who is 18 today!!!) immediately to surgery.

eta: oh, yeah, I remember doing the hug (the nurse being the 'hug-ee') for the epidural & I belched quite loudly in her ear! ACK! I'm sure I didn't have Listerine breath, either!

Fortunately my experience wasn't too bad. My one thing was vomitting. I vomitted so much during the whole pregnancy that I perfected swallowing it. The swallowing would just make my husband gag and he insisted I check with the doctor to make sure it was an acceptable practice. My doctor laughed, patted me on the shoulder and told my husband to be glad he didn't have to clean up after me anymore. Pregnancy can be so glamorous.