Grandma with 16 Yr. Old Grandson Living with Her

He sounds like a typical gifted child if you ask me. The need to have sound knowledge before accepting a fact or making a decision is characteristic. Some things that my son's gifted teacher and I have worked on to help Chance with this are conundrums (questions with NO right answer) and we are starting basic rules of debate as well. Looking at conundrums has helped him realize that there isn't always just one way of looking at a situation, or a single solution to a problem. Basic debate rules are helping him to at least be tactful when arguing a subject, instead sounding arrogant. Another thing I like to do with him, when he's demanding an answer and the facts to support it, is to tell him to go look it up. The answers to almost any subject are available on the internet these days. Having him look up his own answers meets his need for the knowledge, and makes him less dependent on me to be the "know it all".

J.,
My heart goes out to you, and thank god for you. You are someone very special. There is a book out that is helping me called,"How to Talk So TEENS Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk" by, Adele FAber and Elaine Mazlish. This will give you a very good idea of how teens are thinking. It sounds like to, this teen has been through some emotional things, and need some special attention. It's so hard trying to figure out what to do. Your doing it now, asking questions, searching,until you start doing something different. I'm not an expert, I to am an RN, I have one son thats 14. I am an old mom, in my 50's. I have researched so much about behaviors and you can too. I know one rule to begin, just listen for now, until you get more information, don't force your opinion, explain your feelings, never yell, let him know how much you love him.
May God Bless you with more guidence. I'm a horrible speller, please excuse.
D. E.

J.,

I agree with the idea that he should look it up. Then maybe he could discuss his findings with you later. My father's favorite thing to say to us was "I don't know what do you think?" Drove me and my brother nuts, but it taught us to think for ourselves. Good luck with your grandson, sounds like you are doing a great job.

J. N.

Sounds like he has had a bit of instability in his life. I can understand the whole needing everything to be black and white in that situation. Maybe you could get a school counselor or a therapist to sit down with both of you and help answer some of his questions better. Are there other teens that have been in this program that he could contact to help ease his mind? Maybe explaing that not having all the answers in advance makes life a much more interesting adventure! I wish you luck! You are doing a great job, you must have the soul of a saint!

Oh J. I feel your pain! I have a 16 year old daughter and an 18 year old son! They both were raised in a "faith filled" home, and we are a very close family. I honestly think it is the age and the influences that surround them. There is so much out there and they are all about "Not Judging" others by their clothes or opinions on life. LOL Sorry but today we have to do all we can to give advice when needed, it's our jobs!! I think that what they have learned growing up is in their hearts, and they are just being teenagers! They are always right and we are always wrong!! LOL Oh how true is that! One day they will look back and think....."Wow they were right!!" I find myself doing that with my own mom. Especially now that she's gone. So take hope that perhaps he will grow out of it. If not your doing the best job you can, and I respect you for that! Being a Mom, Dad, Grandma, caregiver of any kind is the hardest job of all! You both are in my prayers!! Let me know how things are going.

Peace!

J.,
i was the same way as your grandson when i was younger. All you can do is have your own answers and opinions ready, and he will find his own whether he follows your guidance or not. sounds like you have already done a great job! There will be a time where he will come to you, as i did my mom, and say thank you and that you helped to make him who he was. Regardless of how he seeks answers now, he will always know that you are his rock.