I am at my wit's end. My 13 year old girl is in 8th grade. She was identified as gifted and talented in 5th grade. She was diagnosed as ADD (not ADHD) in 7th grade. She started medication and her focus and her grades improved. Now, this school year, her grades are badly suffering. She turns in little classwork, zero homework, yet she tests at the top of her class. What are some resources or suggestions that can help our family? I have tried everything I know. I go to school part time during the day. I work part time so I have time to spend with my girls. I keep her on a VERY short leash. (even her teachers have noticed). We have a pretty structured lifestyle. Things are more organized than they are chaotic without being militant. I just don't know what else to try or do. Please help!
Addendum- In response to those who say she needs a "shorter leash": I understand that, initially, that seems like a reasonable suggestion. I just wanted to let ya'll know that she has been lying to me about almost everything. I didn't explain that earlier because I wanted to keep my request short. Everyon's input is truly appreciated.
Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for all of your advice. I now have access to some valuable resources that will me get the education for my daughter that she needs. I am going to insist that the school educate her appropriately since she is protected by the No Child Left Behind act. Thank goodness most of her teachers are cooperative. Also, thank you for letting me know that I am not alone. God bless you all.
Have you and her teachers considered the possibility that she's just bored? It could be that she's finding her schoolwork to be too easy (since she's testing so high) and it's not enough of a challenge to keep her interested. I'd recommend sitting down with her teachers and seeing if they think that might be the problem, and if so how they can challenge her--without making her feel like they're just piling on extra schoolwork. For example, if the class is studying American history, perhaps she can be challenged to put together a special report on one of the subjects to present to her classmates in place of the standard classroom work her classmates are doing.
I went through this with my oldest son back before the schools recognized gifted and talented students. His teachers were really co-operative about providing more challenging assignments or assigning something a bit more advanced to keep his interest. (Most schools now have programs that allow the students to start on high school credits in middle school.) One day, while taking laundry to his room, I overheard one of his friends teasing him about a girl in his class. I mentioned it to his teacher who subsequently moved him to a different desk and the problem corrected itself.
SENG is an organization dedicated to meeting the socio-emotional needs of gifted kiddos. Hoagies is the most comprehensive gifted site out there. TONS of resources.
Middle school is tough for a lot of gifted kids. For many it's the first time they've had a full schedule of "tough" classes. If, in elementary, the gt program was a pull out program, she was probably only really challenged that one hour a day. If she's in several pre-AP/GT classes in middle school, she may be "hitting the wall". The first time she's actually finding something difficult. Some kids simply climb the wall, but many more have a hard time adjusting to figuring out exactly HOW to study because they've just been coasting. My position is that I'd rather they hit the wall now, when there are more resources available and there's still a chance she'll listen...sort of...to Mom.
Without knowing her, I can't give a lot more advice, but I'd be interested in knowing the why behind her behavior.
M. it sounds like you are a very good mother. You have focused on alot of things that most parents let slide by. Have you ever taken your daughter on a one on one day together and just have fun and share things about yourself and just let her know you are human? I'm not saying you need to be her best friend but I think sometimes we get so busy with responsibilities we forget to let our loved ones in on "ourselves". Which in return allows them to be able to open up to us. Maybe a big hug and some alone time together. Don't go to a movie. Play a board game or go roller skating, bowling or maybe if you do see a movie rent it and watch together then discuss it. It just sounds like something else is going on. I may be wrong (and you may have already tried this) but whats there to lose? Kids always need their parents approval and one on one times. They are influenced most of the day by their peers and spending that extra time together can really help strengthen your relationship against any negative outside influence. Good Luck. :)
I am already experiencing some of the same issues with my kindergarten son. At this point he does not get in trouble and completes all work (mounds of color, cut, and glue worksheets). He has gone to loving school to hating school. Our ISD focuses on ESL and children that need extra support. Our elementary school PreK to 2nd grade has 1 GT student. I myself am a teacher but am staying at home with my four year old daughter. I volunteer at the school and tutor 2nd grade reading twice a week. My sons educational challenges at school look bleak. The high school offers few AP classes and most have been cut because of budget reasons. I so want him to be in public education and thrive not just endure an eight hour day. I have turned in paper work for him to get tested for GT but know that is not really an answer. We are trying to enhance his learning by special projects driven by his interests at home. He loves literature so I volunteered to be a Battle of the Books coach. Any time he asks a question we google it and find out more and then try to figure out something to do with the information.
It sounds like your daughter has checked out mentally of school because it does not interest her. As a parent I would ask to see if the teacher can modify the amount of her homework so it does not seem like busy work. Gifted students are protected under the same law as students with special needs. As a teacher I can say that many teachers want to meet the needs of all their students but it is very difficult if not impossible. But an involved parent with the teacher may help them to understand and modify your daughters work.
Other things to look out for is if her friends have changed and her overall attitude. Kids this age look to peers for approval more then parents or adults. Make sure she is hanging out and being influenced with a group of kids that have the same values as your family. If she is not already try to get her involved in a active youth group where she will be get a positive influence. Maybe find out what she wants to be when she grows up and find a mentor or start looking at colleges. She needs to see the importance of her education and it is not just a grade or a paper to make mom or her teacher happy.
Prayers are with you as a single mom and two teenage girls. You are setting a great example by going back to school. Studying together and letting them see the hard work and joy of working towards and reaching a dream is a blessing to them both.
To understand what causes a 12-13 year girl to become unhappy (as it seems might be the issue with your daughter) I recommend "Reviving Ophelia", if you can find the time with your busy schedule. I suspect the tight leash and how busy you are might be involved, but without counseling you won't know for sure what you can do to help her. I HIGHLY recommend some counseling sessions with a qualified professional; a minister if you can't afford a psychologist. A minister will generally allow you to pay what you CAN, without judgement or documentation. A sudden change in behavior can be an indicator of SO many things, ALL of them very important and many needing intervention, but the type of intervention, supportive or firm, depends on what precisely is indicated by the behavior.
I hope everything works out for you and your daughter. Be well, and congratulations on your dedicated effort to do the best for yourself and your family.
Changed schools- private w/ smaller classes, more hands on stuff, and more activity, more challenges. Then later went back to public school later.
Teachers that were willing to let them work ahead. One child was about 4 chapters ahead of his class in 8th grade in 2 subjects. He took the tests when the others did, but he was allowed to just keep going in the book on the actual question/reading.
Extra curricular activities that tied into the subjects.
Rules- you fail you pay for the summer school (our only choice at that time) and you pay for the gas and time of your mom driving you to summer school. So to make the money to pay for this you can work every day after school. You can clean the house, wash the car, do yard work.....because summer school is expensive. My boys did not like that. They found it easier to do their school work than to have to do 2 hours of manual labor and keep a tally sheet knowing all that money was going to summer school. Plus they would not get a summer break if they were going to summer school. ;-)
But ours got past this after they got closer to 15-16 so just hang in there. It gets better.
A lot of it is they are just bored with things. One of mine is an auditory learner and he really hated school for awhile, till he got the point of being able to work ahead, do extra things, get through it so he could move onto the fun stuff.
Lots of times gifted children are what is called "unevenly developed"... their cognitive comes a couple years advanced while their maturity is a couple years behind.
Speak to your pediatrician and the school.
Speak to a child psychologist who can help her develop the maturity skills and even out a bit.
My high-school Freshman daughter is the same. Gifted, yet failing.
We started just last week taking her to a Cognitive Behavior Therapist... I think it's going to work but can't tell you yet.
Check out the National CBT org on line and get some info. Just like the other poster said, they can develop unevenly and maturity and organization are way down the list for mine, but I believe the CBT will help.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that. I didn't have ADD, though I was GT and at the top of my class. In 8th and 9th grade I took a serious turn for the C average. I don't know why. Maybe it was hormones, cutting the apron strings, the need for independence. I had to take summer school after 9th grade to move into 10th and then made great grades until my last semester of senior year (senioritis). I went on to get a BS in Biology and graduated with honors. Maybe it isn't the ADD that you're so used to dealing with. Maybe she's going through some personal growth and needs to do things her own way for a while. I lied to my mom all the time even though she always understood and was supportive of the truth. I just wanted my life on my own terms. You've put in good time to raise her well. Keep it up and know that what you've done has laid the foundation for a good person who is capable. She and God will do the rest.
Best of luck and much support,
A major difficulty for many middle school students is that the expectations and structure are completely changed from elementary school where they had one teacher who stayed on top of them to get assignments done, reminded them what was due, when deadlines were coming up, etc. In middle school, they have multiple classes and teachers. They have to keep their assignments organized, write things down to remember when they're due, move materials from class to class and often have to use lockers. For a student with ADD, this is even more of a challenge. Being GT often adds the difficulty of a student not being challenged by the actual subject matter (hence her testing at the top of her class without doing the work other students are having to do to keep up) which makes her less invested in the work, less proud of her good grades when she gets them (because she didn't have to work for them so why try?), and less motivated to do the work because success doesn't mean anything. You can shorten her leash, try study skills contracts, and reward systems, but ultimately that just makes the job of her school success yours and keeps the responsibility from being hers. Your best bets are to find out what she actually cares about and give her opportunities to be successful in another area. This will help her self-esteem. It will also give you an area to be proud of her and not to keep the heat on. You can't then use this area as a motivator to try to get her to work harder in school, say by threatening to take it away if she doesn't do well. Additionally, give her the responsibility for being successful or for failing in school. Offer to help her if she wants or needs it. Try having an honest conversation to get her feedback about why she's not trying in school. Then let her know you're going to step back and allow her the freedom to do well or do poorly. If she fails the seventh grade, it will not impact her college transcripts. It will not doom her to being a failed student forever. But if you push her, monitor her assignments and deadlines, and otherwise "help" her along so that she manages to pass anyway, then she'll get to high school without ever having to deal with the consequences of not turning in homework or classwork. Then her C's or F's will limit her choices of college, career, self-esteem etc. She's lying to you because you're the boss and you're telling her to do something she doesn't want to do, but you're also the one that's suffering if she doesn't do it. Let her be the one to feel the consequences and see what happens. This might include talking to her teachers to make sure that they won't pass her through with all the missed assignments just because she aced tests. That gives her the message that she can do as little as possible to get by and it will work. Good luck!
Sounds like you've been getting lots of suggestions. I would like to offer another angle for you to ponder along with the rest: Diet. Have you tried tracking and keeping a food diary on your kids. I am a big believer that the processed foods, has a big effect on ones moods and ability to function not to mention what it also does to our bodies physically. Your dt is coming into her teens, becareful that the process foods are not contributing to her moods and may also have a side effect of adding or developing acne. You may not think acne is a big deal but for a teenager it is life and death and contributes to thier overall selfesteem. Selfesteem is very important especially for a teenage girl. The meds that may have helped her in previous years may be having different effects on her changing bodies. Just as a more mature women's body goes through several chemical changes which causes a sift in the chemical balance of your body. So my suggestion is, keep a food diary. If her diet is food of processed foods; things made with processed wheat flour, chemicals, fats, sugar, high in sodium. Then you may start thinking of switching up your family's meal plans. Limit red meats to only once every 2 weeks. Limit the fastfood restaurants or the dinners out. Adding more fresh fruits and vegetables to anyone's diet can improve their moods and add extra boost of energy. Try it, if you need suggestions let me know.
I was a teacher many moons ago... I have seen this type of behavior or "acting out" from very gifted children. Its almost their way of saying, "I need a break, I am still smart but just want to do other things like social, sports, etc..."
I would ask your daughter how you both can come up with a plan or schedule to meet both needs. Also, some of the behavior you may be seeing (although very frustrating and annoying for a parent) is very typical for her age. Just try to keep the lines of communication open. Ask her what she thinks her consequence should be if she makes a poor grade etc. She may then feel some control. I am not a counslor but I did teach very bright children and I have seen kids do this in order to exercise some freedom... sometimes in their world being smart isn't always a good or "cool" thing. We know its wonderful but maybe she feels peer pressure or has a friend who spends little time on schoolwork. You never really know, but I would continue to tell her you love her and you will always have high expectations of her. She'll come around. Teen/preteen stuff can be drag. Your a good mother to care and having that on her side will get her through it.
Also, I would ask the GT director in your school district if they are familiar with "2E" kids and their unique needs. I know the South Jeffco school district (in the Littleton, CO area) has a GREAT GT program and some info (including a binder in all of the schools specifically about teaching 2E kids) on 2E. Perhaps your school district could contact them if yours does not have info specifically suited to her needs.
Another thing, it could be that she has grown and therefore so has her medication needs- that is perhaps she needs an increase in her dose to match her growth spurts. Good luck and if you just need to chat with someone who is dealing with the same thing, feel free to contact me. ____@____.com
I know that it really doesn't help the problems, but it may help YOU mentally a bit...the third Nine Weeks is the roughest of all of them in school. Your daught is not alone in the fact that her grades and interest are falling right after Christmas. As a teacher, I see this EVERY year. Just keep encouraging her and talk to her. Maybe she needs a little bit of a shake up or a little bit "flexibility" in her schedule at this changing time of her life. If her teachers have noticed that you have her on a "VERY short leash" then no doubt the kids have, too. They are EXTREMELY cruel at this age and appearances (not just what the kids wear and how their hair is cut) are the number one peice of evidence the kids use against each other to judge with. Good luck!
I agree that some of this could be just "teenagers", but I think that a mother's intuition is the most important thing to listen to.
I have a child that has been diagnosed ADHD, I chose not to have him on medication b/c I think that it should only be a last resort and there are so many other things that can be done to help these children. That being said, it sounds like you are really doing everything you can to help her deal with these issues.
Something that I have recently learned is that most children with ADD/ADHD also have other learning disabilities that often go undiagnosed because so many people want to write it off as the child not focusing, etc. My son has also recently been diagnosed with a learning disability after 2 years of me fighting tooth and nail just to get someone to consider that there was more going on than ADD. I finally was able to get him in for an evaluation at Scottish Rite Hospital, and they are the ones that educated me that often these children have other disabilities that are simply making the ADD symptoms worse and that once the disability is under control the attention problems are easier to control as well.
Luckily, my son's disability is a minor issue and easily workable in a school situation and he is now doing soooo much better with both his schoolwork and his classroom behavior. But, I have another friend who's daughter was diagnosed as ADD and after several years of struggling in school they finally had her evaluated for other learning disorders and discovered that she actually has aspbergers (sp?). The medication was doing her absolutely no good.
So, I guess my advice would be that if you feel like there is more going on or that the current treatment isn't working, listen to your instincts and don't give in to what other people say is the "problem". You are her mother and you know her like no one else does. You need to decide what you believe needs to be done or what testing you think is appropriate and then be ready to fight for her. You are her advocate and I have faith that you will find the resources you need to help her.
My sister has a genius level IQ and had similar problems. She was extremely bored, but was also having other problems. Depression or other mental illness such as bi polar and border line personaliaty disorder present differently in teens than it does in adults. Chidlren can be angry and withdrawn, I would definitely check with a psychiatrist to evaluate and make sure nothing else is going on. Since she is on medication for ADD, if you don't already have a child psychiatrist I suggest you consult one as a pediatrician can't always give the best informaiton on this. My sister was ADHD but also diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder and if it had been diganosed at your daughter age we wouldn't have had so many problem with her when she was in highschool. My sister is doing well now as an adult and she was able to grow out of many of the problems without medication.
I'm sure once you figure out what is causing the problem things will get better.
Thats a tough age for girls. My own daughter at that age suffered and as I look back (she is now 25 and married) I realized I also kept her on too short of a leash and did not let her really spread her wings. Girls can and will be cruel to each other and often a girl is being teased or picked on to the point they will semi withdraw as a defense mode. Often they will not talk about it for fear of making things worse. My daughter did talk and I thought my short leash was helping her yet all I did was really make her suffer more.
Also my other child is now 19 and he also was in the G/T programs in school and extremly intelligent, with him boredom was the main source of his low function in the class room. When I got him in classes that challenged him or the teacher taught in a way that was more hands on for the kids he flourished. In the end what he finally said was the majority of his classes were a waste of his time since he knew the stuff already and most of his teachers would and did agree that he could have taught the classes, howver state law required him to be in class and so it was a huge challenge to keep him from being so bored and in classes he felt he was truely learning something.
Good luck with your daughter.
I wish I had some advice for you. All I can offer is sympathy. My husband, too, has ADD (not ADHD). He did the same thing in school... came close to failing because of lack of completion of a lot of homework/assignments, but aced every test. He always made stellar grades in the subjects he was interested in (he was in and aced Honors Advanced Physics, for example). Unfortunately it's just something that happens as a side effect of ADD.
The only suggestion I might have is to take the subjects she's struggling with work in and make every attempt to make them interesting and fun for her. People who have ADD thrive in exciting and fun environments. Play games with her to get her schoolwork done. Be militant about making sure her completed work is in her backpack before school, so you know she'll have it when the teacher asks.
My husband thrives on routine as well, and it may help to develop a routine of putting homework papers in a specific place every day so she won't forget where they are.
Having an ADD husband and daughter, I can sympathize and offer my advice, although I don't know how much it might help. Good luck!
If you find the answer to this, please let me know too. You could be writing about my 14 year old son (8th grade). He NEVER turns in his homework, aces tests but his grades have suffered terribly. Also, the teachers are not recommending him for AP classes next year. :(
There are already a lot of great suggestions in the replies to your post, but thought I would just add a couple other things you could look into.
There is a private school in Fort Worth called Hill School (and now they have a location in Colleyville as well) that is geared twords kids who have average to above average intellegence, but who have different learning styles/needs (many children who are ADD/ADHD, dyslexic etc). Anyway - you might check out their website. I've heard wonderful things about thier program. It might be worth checking into if you feel your daughter is not getting the most out of the education system she is in now. Good chance she is bored and perhaps a different learning environment would suit her better. http://www.hillschool.org/
Another resource is the Child Study Center in Fort Worth. http://www.cscfw.org/ It takes a while to get into your first appt there but they do have a variety of peidatric specialsts on staff and some who specialize in ADD/ADHD. You may already have a doctor your are happy with, but if not, might be worth looking at what they offer. They also have a school program (The Jane Austin Center). Not sure if appropriate for your daughter but something else to look into.
Another place to check if you want to look into alternative treatments for ADD is The Block Center in Hurst. Their approach is more along the lines of looking for what might be triggering the ADD behaviors such as allergies, dietary issues etc. She is more a fan of finding ways to treat root cause vs just medicating. http://www.blockcenter.com/
I hope these referenced might be helpful. Good luck to you. Sounds like you are wonderful and devoted mom.
I tell you I have been wondering about my son as well. I almost think it is an issue of not being cool to be smart...sad huh?
We have had big discussions about the importance of doing well. I have no clue if this is it with your child or not, but worth thinking about. Has she changed friends or had problems with a friend lately?
Good Morning M.: My husband and I are keeping two of our grandchildren while our son is in Iraq. The 13 year old is in the 7th grade and displays some of the signs that apparently your daughter does. My solution, I sit with him every night while he does his homework. I check it and he has a homework folder that contains all the homework for all his classes. Most of the time he turns it in and sometimes he says he forgot. We allow no TV during the week but occasionally let them watch a program on Thursday night called "Are you smarter than a 5th grader." I substitute teach at a high school and see many children who are just rebelling. Just try to obtain the homework assignments from the teachers and sit with her every night and see that it is done. It works for us. My prayers are with you. B.
Did you talk to your daughter, about the lying and not doing her job(school work)? My daughter is 16 years old now and has ADD(found out when she was in the 6th grade), we don't medicate tho, we use behavior therapy. I'm sure you have talked to her, but is it something at school that changed her attitude toward her school work, aka, boys, friends, or bullies. Is she in AP classes? Does she want to be in those classes? About the homework, you have to make her own it. Ask to see her homework, if she says she did it, go over it with her, proof read a report, etc. If she always answers she has no homework, you could set-up a homework journal with the teachers, where your daughter has to write down assignments and then you and the teacher have to sign off on it.
Your daughter is in that diffult time between being a child and wanting to be an adult, and she is trying to figure out who she is and her place in the world. Maybe she is just trying to control something in her life. It's something worth looking at.
Recheck her ADHD meciations with her doctor. Sometimes depression is also a factor. Talk to your doctor about this possibity as well.
She might need additional tutoring in addition to her school time. Check with your local High School and their honors students, who are many times signed up for afterschool tutoring. My daughter was tutored twice a week by a High School Honors student who specialized in math. We of course would slip her money for her time. It worked wonderfully for our daughter, and her grades improved!
With most true GT kids, like my two, it is all about control. My son is doing the exact same thing and living like a monk. I swear he will be the only senior that has his mommy drive him to school.
My daughter also refused to turn in work until she found something she wanted. We sent her to a summer camp for girls that focused on engineering. She came back on fire. Changed her schedule and started turning in all work. She is now at college studying Electrical Engineering and doing very well.
All this to say that I think the secret is helping them find their goal in life. Once they find what they want to succeed at, you just have to get out of the way.
PS. I have been teaching GT students for six years, this is a common problem.
We have a 9 yrs old boy with both ADD/ADHD who is also T&G. He's under the care of a very good psychiatrist who listens to both my son and I when we go on appts and keeps us updated as far as treatments and new medications. I would suggest to talk to a psychiatrist, if you don't have one yet, and explain the situation. We experienced something similar and it ended up being the medication he was taken. Maybe she needs to be re-evaluated and given something different than what she's taken now. Good luck and God bless.
I have a 24 year old son who did the minimum to get by even though he is very smart. Luckily he made it through highschool without a problem but once he was on his own in college all hell broke loose. He will graduate from college this year. (6 yrs.) He began seeing a therapist his freshman year. He still has his issues but at his age he has to work it out on his own. I suggest taking her to see a therapist. There must be some underlying issues. Children of divorces can carry a lot of pain for the many years or the rest of their lives. Something is not right. What city do you live in?
It is possible that she is bored in school. Maybe since she never had to try till now, she doesn’t know how to apply herself. This is probably the first time you daughter has had to try in school. She might need to work on her study habits. This is something that often happens with gifted kids. It happened with my brother and me. I am trying hard to keep this from happening with my daughter.
This also could be hormones. Girls this age are easily distracted from school because of BOY drama.
You may find that this has more to do with the age and less to do with the ADD. My son was diagnosed with ADD when he was in the 7th grade. We began medication at that time and his grades improved somewhat. However, his tests scores were then and even now very high, but his daily grades brought down his overall score. My son does his work but will loose it before he turns it in. He has been given many opportunities to use various methods to keep up with his things but he tends to think they take too much time. Good luck to you and your daughter.
Hi M., my mother had a lot of the same struggles with my youngest brother. He is also an extremely smart person. The first thing that comes to my mind is that your daughter is BORED out of her mind at school. She obviously knows the material without doing the homework or classwork. A good remedy for this is to ask the teachers to give her a different assignment than the rest of the class. Perhaps she can do a research paper on a topic of her choice that pertains to that class, this will allow her to learn something new, to be challenged, and also to have some grades in the gradebook. Another suggestion is after she finishes classwork or understands a subject they are teaching she could either tutor somebody that is struggling or go into the library, cafeteria, etc to help out. This encouraged my brother to get his work done, hand it in, and get out of there! LOL One more suggestion I have is to let your daughter decide if and when to take her medication. The medication can make a person feel horrible physically and mentally. Think about this... I know at LEAST 5 people who took ADD or ADHD medication as kids, NONE of them will take it as an adult...so on that note, wouldn't it be better to allow her to have some self control over her body now so that when she's an adult and out in the "real" world, she already knows how? OR possibly when the teachers said she had ADD she was actually just so bored she didn't need to focus?!
Your daughter sounds just like me at that age. I was in G/T from 4th grade on, but my grades never reflected my test scores.
I was bored to death in class. It felt like a huge waste of my time to go over stuff that was so simple. And then my parents would be angry and take away privileges, and I'd end up further frustrated and more determined not to successfully participate in the 'stupidity' of school.
Yes, it makes no sense, but in the mind of an adolescent, what does?
I don't have much of an answer for how to fix it; I'm not sure what would have helped me, except to have a more interesting curriculum. Have you talked to her? It may be hard to put in words what she's going through inside, but if you can talk with her and let her know you're really listening (which I'm sure you do...but kids are generally convinced their parents never listen), she may be able to shed some light on her struggles.
Is it at all possible that maybe she is starting to like a boy in her class? sometimes kids will change who they are so that who ever they fancy will like them back or so at least they can fit in with a certain crowd.
I have been down this path. My daughter is now 17. Gifted and Talented since 1st grade and IQ of 155. Middle school until her Junior year in high school has been a real challenge. I tried rewards, punishments, teacher conferences, short leashes etc. She has finally changed her attitude or I believe it had to be about self esteem. She loves animals and volunteered past summer at our Vet's office. Then pets began her focus. We are now working on forming a non-profit "No Kill" animal shelter. She wants to be a Vet. Found her hot button. She is enrolled.
Let me back up a little with a little history and background.
I am a single parent at 58 and her father died when she was 10. We had not lived with him since she was 2 1/2, but she was really hit hard. She saw a someone for a short period.
She would not do homework (said she did at school) or did it then not turn it in. She tests at the top 5% of her class. One day she said, "Mom I am the dumbest kid in my GT classes." I almost couldn't keep a straight look on my face when we explored that comment. She didn't get that even if that was true, she was still in the top 10% of all students on her grade level.
Here is what I did and it wasn't what I really wanted for her . She wanted out of GT so WE decided to drop 2 GT classes for math and science only. Her Chem and Algebra II are "A's". Now she it taking dual credit History and English. She will finish high school with 30 college hours. Her GPA is 5.0 and PSAT was in the top 5% nationally. She just took her SAT.
I make sure she gets at least one good meal (she loves junk food) and 8 hrs sleep every day. Real important!!
Our relationship has improved. I do little things like wake her up with a glass of juice and a "you are my sunshine song" (not every day) (I can't carry a tune) review her day with her on the way to school (10 minutes) making her feel this is her time. She made a comment several months back about being invisible to her friends. Last night she was complaining in a lighted hearted soft of way, that her friends just won't give her a break by calling, texting, IMing so she can watch a TV program. I laughed to remind her that I guess she isn't invisable any more. One other thing. She is taking a Robotics class and is the only girl of 10 students. These boys are friends only but are sort of like brothers she doesn't have. Her boy crazy stage is over too. They didn't like having a girl in their class at first, but now are friends.
Also made her accountable for her actions, but I do verify with her online grade book that each teacher reports to. She knows I check everyday. Good Luck. I just read all the other advice you received and looks like there is some good ideas.
I recommend that after speaking with your daughters teacher, you contact the school councelor. The councelor should be able to direct you to individuals that can help you and your child. If this doen't help contact the principle and let he/she know that you are in need of some help for your Gifted Child.
Have you tried rewarding her for turning in homework, and for good grades. I wouldn't do anything huge as a reward, just something that she would be pleased with. In the reverse, take away things that she cares about when she doesn't follow through with homework or gets a low grade. I would also try to really get to know her friends and what their rules are from their parents. This is such a difficult thing to deal with, and I did everything that I could think of (private schools, home tutoring, medications, begging for help at the public school), and still feel like we failed. Looking back, I wish we had forced him into playing sports, because he always was in a better mood after physical work. Best of luck!!
I am a special ed teacher and have worked with GT children. Your daughter may be simply bored with school, as many GT students often are. However, it could be a personal issue she may be having at school or at home. Keep communication lines open, not only with teachers, but with your daughter. She could be preoccupied by things other than schoolwork.
Your daughter sounds alot like my son. He is in 9th grade & we have been going through the same thing since middle school - not turning in homework, etc. He would also start his homework but then not finish it. The teachers said it was like he would get bored while doing it & just decide to not finish it. The teachers say he is extremely smart but just doesn't do the work. After research, I found a vitamin & mineral routine that was supposed to have great results for people who had these problems. I started him on it the beginning of January & the results have been amazing. He is more focused on his work (he actually brings his homework home now). He even voluntered to go to Saturday school yesterday to redo all of the homework he had not turned in to bring up his grades. If you are interested in finding out more, drop me an email.
Have a great day.
My only thought is that she is borred! She needs to be challenged more maybe, with harder studies. I don't know much about school systems yet, my son is only 3, but can she take some pre-college stuff to see if that helps catch her interests! Just a thought.
Our stories are so much alike, I want to jump through the wire and give you a great big hug! My oldest daughter is 14, tested gifted at 8 and diagnosed ADHD at 10. Her late 12th year, into her 13th was so hard, we were all ready to give up! Nothing seemed to be working, her meds weren't keeping her on track and then we went through a stage where she would hide her meds instead of taking them. I can't tell you how many weepy, despondant nights I had over this! There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but I was sure it was another train to run us over before we found help.
1) We had a serious talk with the doctor about how puberty affects her ADHD medicine and what could be done to find alternatives. It took two different medicines and three different dosing schedules to find one that worked and didn't make her feel like a zombie.
2) We enrolled her in activities that SHE wants to do (tennis and Honor Choir) and let her direct her own motivation.
3) Counseling. Counseling. Counseling. In conjunction with the medicine, we opted for individual counseling with a therapist that specializes in adolescent issues. It's her private time to rant, rave and be honest with someone in a completely safe envionment. Then we have a family session as needed where we can talk to someone about the issues and not feel like we're fighting with each other over it.
Having a gifted child is a roller coaster. Having an ADHD child is a roller coaster. Being a single mom to adolescent girls is a roller coaster. How in the heck are we supposed to do it when they are all together? We can't, so there are options for support.
As far as the discipline over lying and such... we went back to the two-year-old style: Immediate consequence with very little explanation. It's easy to think you can try to reason with a child if they can look you in the eye, but it only led to emotional, sometimes hostile, arguments. Sounds overly simplistic, but it works. You can tell when she's not settled and acting out - those are the times that you interject quick concise discipline. In an ADHD mind, there can be less than 7 seconds of focus when they are manic - that's a small window to hit!
I've typed a lot and I feel like I could just keep typing, but mostly I just wanted you to know there is hope! Parenting isn't easy and we've been handed a triple dose of chaos, but there are more good days than bad now and it takes adjustment. Good luck!
I would consider a number of possibilities. This could be related to puberty, curiosity she has about boys. If so, what is her relationship with her father like? This is a terribly confusing time for girls this age. Also, it could be related to more general social problems at school. Is she having any problems with classmates? Does she have new friends? Also, could it be related to your going back to school? How does she feel about that? How has the family adjusted to this change? This is a tricky transition period for a girl - still a child, becoming a woman - very confusing!
I have suffered with add my whole life it is very frustrating.Other kids dont understand it either which canbe frustrating.Have you switched her meds.If so maybe the new meds dont work.If not maybe you should consider it the medcine she is using may not be working for her anymore and also the doctor may need to up the dose.A lot of parents are against meds but take it from someone who has been there the meds are very inportant.My grades were bad before i got my meds and then I graduated at the top of my class.ADD is a chemical inbalance in your brain and cant be helped.Also ask her school about the help she can get for having add.i was allowed to go to the libarary also was allowed to listen to headphones while doing homework.Another thing is I didnt have to take timed test.You might want to ask your daughter about all of that because I found it a little embarassing like I was stupid or something.I wasnt given the choice and felt a little seperated from the other kids because of it but at the same time it really helped.I tried a lot of different meds my favorite was concerta.Good luck and dont get to upset it is probably just her meds it is very hard to concentrate with add classrooms can be loud and even the tapping of a pencil could throw me off.Talk to her doc.If you would like to talk or ask me anything you can email me ____@____.com
I know I'm not a mom or anything, but I know how that goes. I'm 17 and I went through a phase where I wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't turn in my homework or do most of my work, but I still test very well. My parents tried everything, but, as far as I could see, nothing worked. It finally ended when I just grew out of it. It was more of a spiritual change than study habit, and that just helped everyhting. My sister is going through it right now. The best idea I have is get her involved in something, because it sounds like she may have fallen into a bad crowd, possibly. Get her involved in choir or sports or something involved in church. She is lucky though, because she's still young when shes going through this phase. I didn't go through it till highschool and it completely through off my gpa. But that is the best advice i can give. Hope it helps!
I don't think a shorter leash is the answer. In fact, I think that using the leash as a tool is the way to go. At this age, it is all about learning why we should value freedom. The harder you tug on that leash, the stronger she is going to pull. It seems to me that you have to let her know that you are willing to negotiate on your terms. You have to let her know that you are smarter than she is. Right now, she doesn't believe that. You have to out wit her and out smart her. I have always said that many behavior problems in toddlers and young children happen because the kids are smarter than the adults. It is not the case here. You can do it, you just have to be three steps ahead of her. Play each situation like a chess game and have your moves planned out. It is exhausting and you may have to do it for a bit, but she has to know that you are in control, because you love her.
During this pivotal age, it is even more important that you spend more time with them, even if they are pushing away. The time needs to be spent doing things together. Simple things that she might really enjoy that you can just relax and be together. Find some way to communicate on her level. Get down on the floor with her, lay in her bed with her to talk, call her on the phone, text her...whatever her means of communication is, open it up and make it not serious. This is a very stressful time for schooling and just growing up.
Because of her intelligence and ADD, she might be at a point to where she feels that she is too smart to do all of the work, which has created a "lazy" brain, and she needs something to challenge her, even though she may not ask for it. Many times homework seems so mundane that it is pointless for them to do it. In middle school, they try to get the kids to understand that high school will not put up with that.
Reward for doing work. Give her a small reward for each work that she does, meaning, break up her work for her, she might not know how to do it herself. Give a reward t Take away her phone until she has done her work and then when it is finished, let her have the phone for 30 min. Call her teachers for that week. If she has turned in all of her work, bump her phone time up to 35 min. and for each week, add 5 min. etc.
Students with ADD also get distracted with hormones and social changes. It might be that she needs a therapist to help her organize herself, something that we, as moms, are not quite liscensed to do when we have special circumstances. I am having my daughter go to Learning RX in Plano to help her with cognitive skills. Memory training, auditory processing, etc. They specialize in children with ADD, etc. They are all liscensed therapist to help kids get through schools. They are not tutors.
M., I am no expert on this subject. I do have a daughter that was in the talented and gifted program in elementary school years ago. We have talked about it lately because of her educating her first born child of 10 months. These children who are gifted intellectually need the atmosphere of learning that they receive in the TAG program. If it is the same as it was years ago, they are given the liberty of learning in a very unstructured, creative environment which is squelched in the traditional classroom. I would suggest that you contact the administration office and speak to the TAG education office for advice and possible programs that would stimulate your daughter's learning experience. This may sound way out there, but I know that is exactly what my daughter would want. Hope this helps! M. M (Grammy)
Well, I would start with girls night out once a week, just you and her. Even if it's just an hour. It's hard to get to the root of something without building a relationship.
This stage sometimes brings on stress for children to produce. If they realize that it's vital to your happiness then they have your attention. Give her attention in a positive way.
Take a good look at other methods of education. There are other non competitive methods which give results.
I have two gifted children and the other two are gifted in their own way. I focused way too much on the grades and now looking back I should have focused on the enjoyment of learning. Coming along side and working on projects with your children can get them back in the groove. If this doesn't work consider switching schools and switching methods. It works. I love Waldorf method, learning happens and there's not the high pressure of grading.
Hi. I hear and understand your frustration. Has your child been evaluated by a neuropsychologist? This type of professional provides the most comprehensive, science-based approach to understanding academic difficulties. The reason I ask is because you said that your child was diagosed with ADD not ADHD. A professional who is "up" on the assessment of ADHD would not give an ADD diagnosis because the diagnostic label was changed from ADD to ADHD with the latest revision of the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders, 4th revision). ADHD can have diagnostic specifications like "mostly inattentive type" or "mostly hyperactive type" or "mixed" hyperactive and inattentive. My suggestion would be to seek out a neuropsychologist for a full evaluation, which would include an IQ assessment (which is a rich resource of information about how a child learns), academic achievement assessment (what the child has learned and what subject matter the child is falling behind in), and other cognitive assessments that include memory, attention, problem-solving, motor-speed/coordination, etc. Also included in such an assessment is a personality assessment and assessment for mood disturbances like depression and anxiety. Prior to all this testing, the parent is interviewed extensively about the child's health and developmental milestones and the teachers contribute their observations to the evaluation as well. Plan for the child to spend about 4-6 hours being evaluated. The parents will also be interviewed for about an hour. This is THE best evaluation out there. Neuropsychologists have Ph.D.s or Psy.D.s in clinical psychology, do a neuropsycholgoical internship and post-doctoral fellowship. In sum, they are very well trained in brain-behavior relationships. They are an excellent source for teasing out which behaviors have a neurobiological basis and which behaviors are more in response to environmental stressors. I think you will find that they provide awesome, relevant suggestions for managing behavior and helping the child reach academic and social goals. In all the ADHD assessments that I have done, even when the kids initially "appeared" to have ADHD, only about 5% met criteria for ADHD based on neuropsychological evaluation, and academic and social gains were made with more behaviorally-based interventions. Yet, ADHD is real, and if your daughter has it, the neuropsychologist will know the best resources for her. Good luck! You are an awesome mom for being so concerned and seeking further assistance!
Ah...so many possibilites and you have already received some good advice. I was a gifted kid, as was my brother and my kids...have you asked her? that is where I would start and be prepared to really listen and not 'defend' which is so easy for us parents.... I would check on the meds next but sometimes, heck, many times, gifted kids are put on ADD meds when they are not ADD but very gifted and bored...she may not need them. You could have her on too short of a leash - this coming from a woman (single mom since 1993, kids 14 and 15) who keeps hers pretty tethered...but if she has done nothing to deserve the short leash you may need to lenghten it a bit....is there a new boy in her life of a man in yours? and she could be bored to tears - my brother was as they did not start the GT classes until my grade and my friend's daughter was in public school and when they put her in a private school where are GT she did great.....finally, she if there are some social problems - is she being bullied? teased?.....it all starts with talking with her, assuring her that you want to know and will not punish for anything she tells you and that you want to help.........and do it.......best of luck and feel free to write me.......there is more if these do not bring results
I just went through the same situation. My son is a straight a student and was diagnosed with ADD in first grade. He is 9 now and This last nine weeks (he attends private school) his teacher complained of him not turning his work in and if he did it was not complete. We tried everything from discipline, a reward system nothing helped. I finally took him back to the peditrician and she changed his medication. He is back to straight A's. It made all the difference. Maybe her dosage needs to be changed?
I am a Speech/Language Pathologist in Midland, Tx. I'm also a Certified Dyslexia Testing Specialist. When I read you problem, I thought of so many brilliant children who struggle at school because of dyslexia. Many go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. ADD does go with dyslexia about 50% of the time. If you want some answers, go to www.BrightSolutions.US and watch a 40 min video clip entitled "Could it Be Dyslexia?" There is a lot of current research on this site about dyslexia and ADD. I hope this helps. After most parents watch the video, they call me and tell me their child has many of the Warning Signs. I hope this helps. L. Irvin
there may be some other issues as she is hitting puberty, etc...but one thing to try is the feingold diet. my sister-in-law is on it and has been since at least age 3 or 4. my mother in law was told that she had add and to put her on meds and she didn't think she did. she did some research and found this diet that eliminates foods that the child is sensitive to (not allergic). when she has these foods, she gets very emotional, can't concentrate and doesn't want to do a lot, as well as is just plain annoying to everyone around her. she has grown out of most of the sensitivities. maybe what your daughter is going through has more to do with her diet.
just an idea. please let me know if you have any questions. good luck!
I don't know, so am speculating that perhaps the leash is too short and she feels no sense of control over her life. This is an area she can control. Even if it is negative, she is in control. Visit with HER about it and see what she is feeling. Maybe she is bored with the classroom. And of course, I am always suspicious of the effects of medication.
Her body is changing, perhaps the medication needs to be revisted. So many problems boil down to control issues.
I definitely believe in protecting children from much of the vile things in the world, but if she has a good group of friends, perhaps it's time to give her a little more freedom.
Blessings as you care for your daughters as a single mom.
May the Lord encourage, guard and guide you.
Okay, I just read your addendum...find out why she is lying -Is she doing things that will get her in trouble? Is she not hanging with the right crowd and doesn't want you to keep her from them?
Please don't fret! Your daughter has a HUGE advantage! She has a wonderful caring Mother who loves her! Look at all you do! Focus on her strengths, don't dwell too much on the negatives. Try really limiting electronic devices in her life. They are distractions that really are addictive and life is much calmer if the T.V. is not on all the time and the gameboy is put away. Have rewards for her and they don't have to be monetary. Also, food is SO important in kids lives, have really good food available to her at home and limit sugar. Don't tell her that she can't have certain things just don't buy it and replace with something she'll like just as well.
I have a 13 almost 14 year old daughter and it is SO crazy! I wish I had a manual!
I am a retired teacher of thirty years working with students with al sorts of learning disabilities.......ADD as well as ADHD which in many cases are of little difference. The medication can work, but puberty can upset the apple cart completely, and at this age the condition can be at its worse. It is important that you have her medically re-evaluated as she may need a different type of medication or a different dose. Or she may not be taking it at all if she is allowed to take care of her own dosing.
My niece is quite gifted, but suffers with this condition. Her parents are quite concerned that her grades kssp on target to be accepted into a fine university. She has suffered with this since she was beginning school. Many times in the 12-15 year old age, students rebel and refuse to take their meds. Puberty keeps them off focus as they are influenced by their peers and the opposite sex. Even depression is a charateristic of ADD. She is now a beautiful 17 year old. She is a world traveler to Belize, Canada, Italy, New York City (multiple times) and is preparing to visit Chile soon. And her grades are terrific.
So my advice is to take her back to her physician, explain what is going on, and if need be, schedule some counseling sessions for her with a good psychologist, as this condition isn't going to go away. It is something she is going to have to live with. Hopefully, it will get better, but it can be an uphill battle.
Knowing several families with this sort of situation, depression, lowered self worth, lack of motivation, can be part of the issue. There is a reason children feel the need or justification to lie. I don't know how you all communicate with one another - but a good sit down without judgement, and punishment is in order. Being a single mom is hard and even harder on the kids. You are all in this together and sitting down with a weekly girls gab session and getting on the same wave length on what your goals as a mother are, what you hope for your girls and what they even hope for themselves would be beneficial. The teen years are fraught with all sorts of feelings, it is a scary time for them and they are both at the age that they will need more freedoms in some areas. But with more freedom comes more responsibility, which they need to understand. A family counselor may help with communication if it is too emotionally charged. Hopefully you are involved in a church family and she has a youth group to be with. Studies have shown that teens who are involved in charitable activities feel better about themselves and they are motivated in school. Let the girls make up some of the family rules -- it is time they started contributing to the structure and harmony of the household. I hope their dad is involved in their lives as this is the time they need him to be a positive influence for them. And even tho a child can test out well, does not mean they have it all together in the classroom. Further investigation into the reasons is due here - she may need some additional support in that department. Some children do really well on a daily basis in school and can't test well --- She may need help, start with the school counselor, and move out from there - but don't just things will get better on their own. good luck - Sher
Sounds like your child is acting out anger about something - anger in teens can surface at any time - try to find a copy of Dr. Ross Campbell's How To Really Love YOur Teenager - it's old but the best book ever - easy to read and quick - in one hour you will have a very good grasp of what is going on and what to do.
I went through something similar with my son. At 13 (and this goes for boys and girls too) they all lie. I know I know..."my daughter/son would never..." yeah I've heard that, I've even said it. It's their way of making sure you are paying attention.
My son is brilliant. He made straight a's all the way up to 7th grade. The only problem with all those straight a's...he got straight d's and f's in his conduct. I wondered how my son could pass every single class but they wouldn't make him GT because of his poor conduct...well...his conduct was poor because he was BORED TO DEATH in school. In 7th grade I finally got him into GT classes. He was so used to "skating" by in his other grades he nearly failed. A couple of his teachers even called me for a conference to beg me to get him out of their class. Not because he was violent, but because he would call the teachers on their mistakes, ask a myriad of questions, get through with his work early and because of his talking would get a failing grade. Yeah...7th and 8th grade was fun indeed.
Then in high school, we went through the same thing. Sorry...drawn out tangent...
I digress...what I'm getting at is that when they are GT (or have a high IQ) they don't learn like the others do. They see things in 3D not black and white like regular kids do. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have him put in a special school or see a psychiatrist or counselor to work out a way he could co exist with his peers without causing a disruption with his teachers.
He is in college now. He's mentally stimulated because the teachers there don't talk DOWN to him. He enjoys going to school now. He is excelling. The problem we face now is...well...because he pissed off most of his highschooling...he got zero scholarships. So...college is breaking me...but he's worth every single dime.
Keep vigilant. TALK TO HER. Ask her what's going on without judgment. Come to an agreement on assignments. Then allow her to see a psychologist to help you and her get through this trying time.
For the record...my son used to ask his teachers what greade he needed on a final exam in order to pass the class...then he'd make one grade or two higher...jsut to prove a point.
Good luck. And how awesome it is that you have a daughter like you do!!!
Check out Little Giant Steps. I have heard of really great results from her. The website is www.littlegiantsteps.com. She has helped adults, teens and children. Those who are gifted and those who are not. She is really friendly and has been known to speak to parents over the phone and offer some suggestions. Give her a try...I don't think that you will be disappointed.
I have a nephew (also gifted and talented) who in Junior High/ Middle School started with bad grades. He winded up quitting school when he was 17 got his GED and went to College. It turns out he was bored in school and would get in trouble for correcting the teachers wrong answers. Nobody ever asked him WHY the bad grades. He would just be punished.
When your change in routine it is sometimes hard for ADD people (Adults and Children) to get use to it.
My suggestion would be to start the conversation with: "I understand you routine has change and your grades are suffering what can WE do to find out the cause of the grades slump." Try not to be accusing or blaming or anyone.
I know with my 2 ADD children (1 ADHD) Sometimes things that you would never even thing of is the cause of a change in behavior. ie. My son loosing interest in soccer after he begged me to join, because a good friend at school moved. This friend did not even play soccer with him. After much discussion,we (he and I) discovered that was his way of dealing with loosing someone he like so much, to loose something he liked so much.
It doesn't make to much sense to an me but it made since to him.
Any way I thought you might want to know that my nephew is now the general manager of a Circuit City Store and is hope for a district managership soon. His is only 26.
I had the same problem with my second grader who was in the gifted program and tested highly and found that the teacher was the problem. She refused to challenge him with harder work because he wasn't doing the simple work. My husband and I spoke with the principle, counselor, gifted program teacher, and even had meeting with everyone in the school who said the same thing, he needed to be challenged. She still put her efforts to pointing out that Blain wasn't doing the simple work instead of working with him. Bottom line is your daughter like my son needs more stimulation. I am reading this great book "Genius Denied" and it has given me a good insight into what my son must have gone through. It explains how it is difficult for smarter kids to do the mundane work. I choose to home school. I don't know if that is an option for you but it has worked out well for my son. There are some good resources on the internet for gifted children if you spend a little time surfing around. Be understanding of your daughter as she is gifted; not choosing to be bad. The lying is not morally o.k. but it does make logical since to not say what will get you in trouble. Maybe she needs more creative freedom. Find her passion and support it. Just know that this is normal for some gifted kids.
I would also second guess those meds. I think that another thing to think about is that a more intelligent child NEEDS a longer leash. They need to feel trusted, independent and feel like an individual (find their identity)...all which a short leash may inhibit.
Does your daughter have a social life?
Sometimes kids that are really smart will not do well on purpose to fit in with their peers.
If you haven't already done so, talk to the school counselor and see if they can help in some way.
I have a little sister (who's 14) who is the same way. And I have a husband who grew up ADD and was very smart and gifted also....and he never turned in his work at school. I find it so irritating that he kind of brags that when he was in school that he never did any of the homework, but always aced the tests.
I asked him why he did not do his homework (and being a teacher myself, find this even more irritating). He said he was just bored. It's hard enough with ADD to keep kids attention, then have a brilliant child at that who finds it easy to do work...well they get bored.
Sometimes also, kids who are brilliant and gifted, have ALWAYS been good. And it gets to a point, they need a break from ALWAYS being good. Sound strange, but it's true.
I don't think I have any wise words of wisdom other than give her some space. Try not to nag about school work, and just encourage her and love her.
darling...have you realized she is a teenager? i know that won't give you much hope ( they all do that!!) pressure from her class mates.... is she interested in sports or any other extra cir? simpley ask what her problem is, sometime the direct path is the clearest. spend as much time with her as she will let you. let her know no matter what...you still love her.. mine are grown, but my son was a BIG handful (in and out of school). hope it helps Mammaw of one and nearly one
Have you asked the teachers about giving her more challenging work? My daughter had the same problems in the first and second grade until the second grade when the teacher noticed and gave her different stuff than the other kids. She was bored because she felt the stuff the class was doing was too easy. When the teacher challenged her, she met the challenge and started having a better time.
You might try something like Sylvan Learning center. They can help her out and see if theres something they can help her out with. You might also try and find out if there is anything going on with your daughter that would be making her do badly, like friends, boys, or bulling?
I too have a gifted child. His avg was 100% over the children his age. He doesn't do well w/ homework at ALL. We are the same in our household...structured w/out being militant. I am just as consistant w/ my boys' diet. But enough about me!! I just found some info over the net that I am hoping will help me and my child. I included the website below. It is a list of 5 over-excitabilities in gifted children. Once you pinpoint which sounds most like your child, you can check out a book on how to cope w/ your child's struggles. I have a lot of research yet to do...my son has 4 out of 5 of the oe's!!! Good luck!
My daughter( who is now a grown woman with a grandchild) was tested in early grade school with an IO of 160. By forth grade she was failing everything,was a problem at school, and rebelious to all adults ! she was BORED, the school work presented no challange to her. Solution ? more involvment, in outsde activities,church, volunteer work, yes there are things a 13 year old can volunteer to do. extra more responsible duties at home, girl scouts,but especially the youth group. Our prayers are with you, it's not easy, but worth it to FINALLY have a wonderful relationship with a grown daughter. One other thing, now that she is grown she tells me she felt in competition with me?? She felt I could handle anything, and she felt like she was ugly(SHE WAS NOT) and she would never be able to do what I did. If I had known that I don't know if I would have known how to handle it. but I never had a clue. C.
I have 3 children that are all at the top percentile of their grades. I have found they thrive when you let them find their creative outlet. My daughter loves to cook, bake, and decorate cakes. At 10 she can make a birthday cake to rival some bakeries. My step-daughter also 10 loves to do art. I put her in a painting class and she does this when the weight of school is on her and comes out with some of the most beutiful painting you have seen. My step-son who is 9 is into video games. I allow him to play on the weekends but try to baance with physical time to keep him moving. All of my chilrdern do their work and enjoy learning.
My aunt, who is a master teacher, works with the GT teachers. She told me along time ago to feed their creativity and they will always have something to be proud of and that they find fun.
Market Street has wonderful cooking classes for children and JoAnn's has many different classes for the artistic outlet. Both places are very reasonably priced and not to much of a time commitment.
I think that you should sit down with this bright daughter of yours and find out what's bothering her. It sounds to me as if she's crying out for attention. Being that you have gone back to school yourself, your attention may not be as focused on the girls as you think. Approach her in a nonoffensive way and just try to get her to open up to you and let you know if there is anything you can do to help her right now. You also mentioned that you have her on a tight leash......if she has been a good student...I can only help but to wonder why???