Grandma Needs Advice

You are smart to realize there is an underlying reason for his behavior. Hopefully the counseling will work, but try to figure out if something unusual happened 2 months ago. Did he do something in school that would cause the kids to make fun of him? How does he react when they call him names? If he reacts at all it just feeds their bullying. I am not a fan of bullying, but over the years have observed that bullies usually pick on a kid for a reason and the more the kid reacts the more they bully. If you ask the boy why kids call him names he will probably say he doesnt know, but if he thinks about it he will be able to figure it out. Then he needs to ignore the other kids, totally. No looks, no gestures, no whining, crying or anger. Just act as if they didnt say anything. They will soon get bored, but it might take a month or so.
I can probably guess that he did or said something incredibly dumb or babyish and he is embarrassed by it. He needs to know that everyone makes incredibly dumb mistakes at some point. Maybe even relate your most embarrassing moment to him.

Counseling will be helpful....also insist they remove him from this class and put him into another. If he has fallen behind with his school work, insist they assign him someone to work with him to catch up...or work with him yourself on this...

At some point he needs to learn how to stand up to the nastiness of other children calling him names but it would be a lot easier on him to do once he has a chance to mend is feelings and his self esteem.

His Dad and you should each spend some special alone time with him doing stuff he might enjoy. Talk to him...let him know he is special and loved. Try to get him to talk about his feelings...listen well and be as supportive as you can...

Also, ask him if he would like to join some local activities with children his own age...making some new friends would be good for him...Take him with you to check out the "Y" or some gumnastic or exercise class that may have a program for children his age. Incourage him to join...

You said your grandson is being called names. That's the whole problem right there. He is being bullied, and he's acting out because of it. The teacher needs to take charge of the classroom, and do something about the other kids that are being mean. Dad needs to have son moved to another seat, and let him know that he has to communicate with the teacher. He needs to understand that he can tell her anything that is bothering him in class. Good luck because I am going through almost the same thing with my son. He is 8 and was being bullied by another boy. Once the teacher was made aware of this, seperated the kids, and is watching them more closely, the bad behavior stopped.

I agree with Hannah. The school counselor should be able to help your grandson out. Bullying is not acceptable in school anymore, especially since the Columbine tragedy. It's also a good idea for your grandson's family to start aking how his day was and if there are any "stories" he would like to tell you about that happened at school. The more you get him to talk, the more information you'll get. It's not a good idea to ask him why he does what he does, but it is a good idea to find out what's happening in school.

C.,

It sounds like he is being bullied at school. Sometimes teachers are not aware of what is going on because the bullies become so good at it they do not get caught. It is very difficult for children to communicate what is bothering them to their family so I am sure counseling will help. If you do find out that is the problem then I would give him a fresh start at a new school. No matter what you do once a child is labeled an easy target the same bully will probably be with him in school for many years to come. I am not suggesting running away, however I went though this with my daughter with jealous nasty girls. The school system did nothing to help me. My daughter wanted to stay in her school and until high school she was tortured daily. I must say it did make her a much stronger person but not all children handle it that well, especially boys. They act out and in some cases can cause harm to themselves or others. Why don't you see if he is open to changing schools, if he jumps at the opportunity then it probably means something is happening to him at school. Acceptance from your peers is probably the most important thing to a child and if they are being rejected it can change who they are. They can have very low self esteem and basically just feel really bad about themselves. Don't wait because at this age you and your son are his only voice. Children his age don't have the reasoning tools needed to help them through these terrible situations. We have to be their voice. I hope it all works out for you and your family. You are a great grandmother for being so involved he is lucky to have you. Happy Holidays

I was an elementary school teacher until this year, when I became a stay at home mom. This really sounds like bullying. And even if his teacher says she isn't noticing anything, that doesn't mean it isn't occurring! Bullying is one of the biggest problems in every school, and it can cause serious, painful issues for children. Issues that can become life long if not addressed!

A counselor can really help pinpoint the problem, and also teach your grandson how to handle it. (Including how to talk about it with his family!) But school counseling usually is only offered once a week for 30 minutes, based on limited resources. It's a great help for parents who are struggling. But if you can afford it, I'd find a great children's therapist on your own. Somebody who will have the chance to really get to know your grandson, and then his father can also meet with the therapist each time as well.

Good luck. It's horrible to watch a child suffer like this. And he's truly suffering. 7 year olds don't just "act up" for no reason. He's hurting, and scared, and miserable and asking (in his own way) for help.

Your grandson is so blessed to have you care so much about him. Perhaps he will tell you what's going on in school even if he doesn't want to tell your son. He might be embarrassed if he is being bullied or he might think something is wrong with him. Ask him how his day was; ask him what he teacher's name is and who his classmates are. See if he will describe any of them for you. You might get some clues as he talks about each class he had. Be sure to stay neutral but supportive in your responses -- 'that's interesting", "what did you/Jack/Susie do after your read the story," "what did you think about the story you read", etc. Counseling is a good idea, but the school has to do more than that. See if your son can arrange a meeting with the teacher; you should go as well since you are so involved and you can be part of the solution. It's possible that he is being teased because he IS being polite. Kids can be mean, even at this young age. Hopefully the Christmas break will give him time to unwind and have fun.