Getting the Baby Out of Our Bed

I honestly couldnt say! I am in the same situation. My son is almost 13 months and refuses to sleep in his own bed. He refuses to nap by himself as well. IF we dont lay down with him, he will get up within 10 min after crying himself to sleep. We have tried and keep trying.. good luck! Sounds like so far so good... just stick to it, as weary as it can make you, I hope all goes well, we are doing the same!

My baby is only 2 months old. However, I think if you stick to your guns and gradually help her get used to her crib, that should work. Don't let her play in her crib. The crib is for sleep. So once you establish a routine for the night, stick to it and put her in her crib. If she cries, let her cry for a little bit. You and your husband can help each other. Get a monitor so that you can hear her at night if she wakes up. It may take some time but don't back down. You need your space and the baby needs her space too.

Blessings....

WELL MY KIDS STILL SLEEP IN THE BED WITH ME AND MY HUSBAND SO WHAT I DO IS WHEN MY DAUGHTER WHICH IS 2 WHEN SHE GOES TO SLEEP I EASILY PUTS HER IN HER BED AFTER THAT BUT MY SON STILL SLEEPS IN THE BED UNTIL I CAN GET A CRIB FOR HIM BUT WHAT TRY TO PUT ON SOME MUSIC SOFT MUSIC OR EVEN A LITTLE TV PUT ON SOMETHING SHE LIKES BUT IF THAT DON'T TRY IT A LITTLE LATER WHEN SHE GETS A LITTLE OLDER BUT THE REASON WHY SHE SLEEPS IN YOUR BED IS B/C LET ME GUESS U OR YOUR HUSBAND LET HER SLEEP IN YOUR BED WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE BUT PUT HER IN THE CRIB WHEN SHE TAKES HER NAPS BUT GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING

I have had the same problem. My daugher is about one year's old. I think what might work for you as well, is if you go to bed earlier, or at least pretend to. Stay with your baby until she falls asleep and then put her in her crib when she is fully asleep. You should also make sure that she is eating enough during the day and napping appropriately. Not too late or past 6pm. Get her up as early as you can. I think as far as napping goes, you might want to get her into the best scheduled routine as possible. I think more than a 2-2 1/2 hour nap once a day or a 1/2 hour to a 45 min. nap twice a day would be too much. My daughter only sleeps for about 45 mins. twice a day. And the more she runs around or crawls around in the day, the better she'll sleep. If she wakes up in the middle of the night after you've put her in the crib, I would just let her cry for a little bit and then come check on her after that. If she doesn't go back down, try rocking her. If she's hungry, DON'T give her milk. Just give her water. She should go back. Or even try a pacifier. Maybe even try singing while rocking or leaving on some nursery music. A nice gentle woman's voice always helps my daughter. Also find a safe material that she likes, like a croucheted blanket or velvet or something she takes to. My daughter will not sleep without her homemade blankie from my mother. As soon as she gets it, she curls up in a ball on her side and goes right down with the pacifier. If all else fails, continue to go to bed with her at an earlier hour like 9 or ten if possible. When she's used to going to sleep earlier, than start trying the other things I've suggested like putting her in the crib after she's asleep or even half asleep. After she's used to going to bed earlier, she'll be more tired at that time and will go down more easily. Don't get discouraged. It took us forever. Sorry if I wrote too much, but I just thought it might help. Good luck! :)

I would recommend reading "The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems" by Tracy Hogg or checking out some of her tips at www.babywhisperer.com.

Getting them to be conent and happy in their crib at 10 months if they haven't been before is tough and will take some time. There are many different approaches you can take, but I would not recommend letting her cry it out - it is not good for the trust bond between you and your daughter.

You will most likely need to take baby steps. Get a good bedtime routine so she is aware of what will be happening next and won't be surprised when you put her in the crib.

Here is a recommendation from the baby whisperer website I mentioned earlier. This takes time - maybe a couple of weeks, but it does work (sorry so long - the process is called Pick up/Put down or PU/PD)

When a child cries, you go into his room. You first try to comfort him with words and a gentle hand on his back. Just lay a hand on the child’s back to make your presence felt. If he doesn’t stop crying, then pick him up. But put him down the minute he stops crying and not a second later. Make sure you put him down compleatly, even if he cries as you lower him, when he is down if he continues to cry then pick him up again and repeat. You are comforting him, not trying to put him back to sleep. –that’s for him to do on his own. If he cries and arches his back (is really fighting you), though you put him down immediately. Never fight a crying child. But maintain contact by placing a firm hand on his back so that he knows you are there. Stay with him. Intervene with words as well “It’s just sleep time, darling. You’re only going to sleep”. (Taken from Baby Whisperer Solves all you Problems page 222) The tricky part is knowing when to lay him back down. If he is held to long or not long enough then it is harder for PU/PD to work. If you get to a point where you can't take it anymore and you LO just wont stop crying, then by all means leave the room for a few minutes and regain your bareings. While CIO and CC are discuraged, you wont do yourself or your LO any good if your an emotional mess. Just step out and calm yourself then try again.

Tips for babies between 8mths and a year:
· You wait for them to stand up or pull up and then you place them back down so they are looking away from you and not at your face.
· If you feel they are truly frantic and need more you can pick them up for a moment but you put them straight back down.
· At this age it’s important to use your voice even more. Your baby will start to recognize what you are saying, eg. “I’m not leaving you, you’re not alone, it’s nap time” etc.
· At this age you may need to pair pu/pd with gradual leaving of the room. First you stay in the room until asleep, then move a few feet from the crib, in a few days you move to the door, then out the door.

What can I expect from the pu/pd process?
You can expect crying and resistance, especially if you’ve previously employed a prop for sleep. “Pu/pd doesn’t prevent crying but it does prevent fear of abandonment, because you stay with the child and comfort him through his tears”. Through your actions you’re saying to your child “its ok, I love you, you can do this, you are ok, it’s ok to be upset, you can do it”, and you should actually say this when soothing your baby during pu/pd as it will also help you to stay calm and to keep perspective.

Your baby will generally go through a series of “peaks” and come down over and over. Eventually they will lose steam and settle. This can take minutes or hours and it’s been known for some babies to take 3 hours to settle with their first pu/pd session, though this is the extreme. The number of pick ups generally gets less every time until you’re down to none and it may help to actually count them so you can chart your progress. In most cases the parents see an improvement over the course of a few days but then the baby regresses around day 5 or so. Typically the baby fights sleep even worse than they did before but if you stick with pu/pd your baby will pop right back. Consistency is the key.

Eventually, after all your hard work, your kind words and touch will put your baby to sleep. This method DOES work if you do it correctly, stick to it and ride it out. Unfortunitly there is no quick fix, and this is a lot of work, but it is well worth it in the end. You may want to invest in earplugs to help deafen the cries. You also should consider having support and start pu/pd on a weekend so your husband or a friend can be around to keep you calm. Expect to feel upset and frustrated. Expect to want to give in and go back to your “old” way, your prop… DON’T DO IT.

I have a 2 year old boy that still since the day we came home from the hospital, he still sleep's with us. Not every night, but everynight we have to lay in bed with him to get him asleep. And when he wakes up in the night he walks to are room and gets in bed with us. My husband sleeps in our guest room or our son's room almost every night now. I can't stop it because I hate my son sleeping across the house in a room all alone. I get scared something is going to take him or hurt him. I love sleeping with my son he is my snuggle bear. I would sleep in his crib some nights when he was a few months old (I'm small)My husband can't stand it but he to can't stop it. We love our son and want to make him happy but it does hurt our time together (ALOT). Oh yeah we tried the..let him cry for a little bit and it was one time and never again. it was so hard and hurt so much that we both had to get him. I hate him to ever cry but he's 2 and he is becoming a spoiled brat so we are getting more tough, but it takes time and I have learned what not to do with the next one!

Hey! I got online today to ask advice for the very same thing! Our daughter will be 10 months on Dec 3rd. She wouldnt sleep when she was a newborn...colic maybe, then at about 3 months she slept like Rip VanWinkle! Id have to check her several times a night at first to make sure she was breathing. Then, in August, she stopped wanting to sleep in her crib at all. Not even naps. She wants to sleep with us just like your daughter. We have a california king and still cling to the edges! Shes a beast! I cant figure it out and I have 4 kids! Youd think Id have all the answers....(my other kids loved their own beds at 6 weeks and slept all night) so Im at a loss also. So basically, your not alone everynight....we are over here on central avenue in kannapolis going thru the same thing! Take care and good luck to you both!

Hi J.,

Unfortunately, you started her with a habit she has come accustomed to and now you have to break her from it. She is going to cry because she knows you and your husband will go and get her. Most experts will tell you when she begins to cry let her cry for 10 minutes first, then go in to her room, DO NOT PICK her up, speak to her in a soft but firm voice and tell her you and daddy are there but she needs to go to sleep. Then leave the room, Keep doing this make each time longer, she will eventually get the point. But you must stay consistant, if one day to let her sleep in her bed then another night you let her sleep with you both, then it will be that much tougher for her to break this. It will be rough, but it does work. GOOD LUCK.

J.,

Unfortnately, I had the same problem with my premie son. You are doing the right thing by just putting her in her own bed and letting her cry. Unfortnately this is gonna take time. This is a bad habit to get into as i learned. My son was almost in the 1st grade before he was fully broke of waking up and climbing into bed with me. which that started after i got him broke from starting out in my bed. i know its hard to sit there and listen to her cry but she will eventually give up. and letting her cry is not gonna hurt her at all. it is actually good for her. I hope you and your husband hang in there. If you want to talk more just email me....wish you the best of luck, i know its not easy

take care.
kim

Crying it out wasn't for us; so we opted for a book called "the no cry sleep solution" by Jodi Mendell... this book saves the night! It teaches you a gentle approach that gradually transitions your baby! Our son was sleeping 11-12 hours straight by 5.5 months! And he's 10 months old now and LOVES LOVES LOVES his crib! I literally put him in wide awake, and he's happily off to soothing himself to sleep!

This strategy takes about 5-10 days of consistancy before you see real results, and you may have a few fall backs, but I have 3 other mommy friends who've used this book with their babies, and it worked out for them too! (this book has a specific chapter about weaning co-sleepers)

Good Luck!

Hi J.,

I tried letting my son cry it out when he was 9 months old. I went back to check on him and soothe him every 5-10 minutes like they suggest. It went on for 3 hours and he never went back into the crib again. When I tried to put him in, he would scream and hold on for dear life. If I got him in, he climbed out. We finally took the crib down.

We started letting him fall asleep in our room and then moving him into his bed (a twin bed with double rails) and that worked well. After a while, he started going to sleep in his own bed. He still shows up in our room some nights, but it's not like having him there full time. Also, he not a big sleeper. If i put him to bed before 9 or 9:30, he wakes up before 6. Last night, he went to bed at 10pm and woke up this morning at 5:30. He just doesn't seem to require much sleep.

Good luck!!

ok i've been there and done that.. the only advice i can give you is let her cry for a few say bout 5-10 mins then go and check on her.. do not pick her up just talk to her and calm her down...also give her a couple of toys to play with... she will learn that this is where she sleeps..

I think that allowing a child to sleep in your room is great, however a lot of times this is what happens and it can be very difficult breaking that habit. I would first possibly move her crib into your room and have her sleep in her crib but still with you guys, and keep her bed time around the same, and slowly move it up bit by bit so that it is not right away. She is probably not sleepy til around 11 and you are going to need to adjust her day time schedule naps and such so that she will be sleepy closer to the 9 bed time you want to shoot for. After a few nights of her being comfortable in her crib and going to sleep. Start putting her to bed earlier than you and leaving your room. This way she is in the room she is used to, however you are not in the room while she is going to sleep. After this works then move the crib and her into her own room. There will be tears with each move, however it may help her adjust better than just doing everything at once. you are completely right you and your husband need that time, and I am sure that it makes it difficult to be in the mood when your 10 month old is in the middle of the bed. Plus you probably haven't been sleeping well either. She will eventually cry herself to sleep and the habit will eventually develop. I also suggest getting a book called the Baby Whisper, she has such good advise all around the horn, but she has some really good advise about getting your children to sleep through the night and sleep in their own bed. Good luck to you.

Hi, J.. I am 23 and have an eight month old. Who which I had the same problem. And like you I came on here to ask for help. And I got some great advice, but this worked for me. I can't stand to listen to my son cry at night. What I have done is to put him to sleep, not in our bed, but by holding him. Then putting him in his crib. After awhile, when we know he can't stay awake any longer we put him in his crib (not fully asleep) and he stays there all night. It took about a month and a half to get him into this schedule, but believe me it worked. He still takes naps in his play pen, but sleeps in his crib at night. Plus we have found a cd, he loves to listen to at night. I hope that this helps you out. Schedule is key! Letting a child cry is not always the answer. The best of luck to you and yours.

J., I went through that with my youngest. The way that I broke her of that was to pcik a bedtime (8:30 pm in this case) and then I started doing things - the same things every night with her for the hour and a half before she went to be. ex., bath, playtime in the floor, a book and a bottle (this was when she was 7 months that I started this) and by the time it was bedtime she was sleepy and knocked out. It didnt go smoothly the first week, it took a while for her to get used to it but hte point to it it is be consistent and create a "routine" so she will begin to understand and recognize that its coming and she wont resist once shes used to it. My daughter is 11 months old now and I have no problem getting her to sleep, (there are some days though that it doesnt matter she just isnt ready) but for the most part it works daily. My hubby and I get to sleep alone and that is great because our daughter is like yours sleeping horizontal! Good luck

I personally do not like crying it out. Especially for an hour, that seems a little harsh. I got my baby on a night time routine that really helped her. Try to do everything at about the same time (at least within 30 minutes) in the evening- Such as dinner by 6-6:30, then let her play until about 7-7:30, give her a nice warm bath, and then go straight to her room with the lights dimmed and get her all ready for bed, read a book and then nurse her or give her a bottle, then lay her in bed. If she is not quite sleeping yet then rub her back until she is. This really worked wonderfully for us and my 11 month old daughter is in bed by 8:30..... just a couple of months ago she was going to bed at 11!

TO help with the night time sleeping you should try to keep her on a sleep schedule through out the whole day. Schedules work wonders with children. She should be eating and sleeping at about the same time each day. This will really help her relax and know what to expect. It will also help her nap better and sleep at night better. I know that my daughter can not sleep any more then two hours in the afternoon and no later then 3pm or night time is awful.

Good luck!