Getting a Three Year Old Dressed

A mom wrote in to my parenting magazine that she gets her kids dressed at night before bed. They sleep in their clothes and there's one less delay in the morning. I haven't tried it because my 5 and 2 year olds are both willing to go with my choice, but it is worth a try. Or you can use it as a threat if she won't cooperate. Maybe that would give her an incentive to reduce the stalling?

We bought one of those canvas closet organizers the ones with the 7 pockets. Then we labeled each pocket a day of the week then on Sunday we put an outfit in a pocket for each day. my daughter loved to help decorate the labels and then we choose the outfits together.
hope this helps

Let her choose the night before. It may seem a little silly (or anal), but when she's in a good and creative mood and you're not feeling pressured to get out the door, you both might have more fun with it. I started a high-five chart in my bathroom, which really got my 3 y.o. daughter excited. I traced my hand on a piece of card stock (and my husband's on another for the evening routine). On each finger it says what she needs to do in the morning: make her bed, put her jammies away, pee, get dressed, and fix her hair. Once she does all five, she slaps the card stock hand (I have it on her bathroom closet) and then she high-fives me. It's been working very well. Then she also gets a sticker on her good habit chart for completing the "high-fiver". At night, it includes putting clothes away, brushing teeth, putting on jammies, peeing, and washing up (if it's not a bath night). Yours could include choosing tomorrow's clothes as one of the five goals.

If she's anything like my girl, getting dressed requires patience on your part and a sense of humour about the outfits she chooses. I hope my suggestions can help with the former so you can enjoy the latter even more.

K. in EC

Your daughter sounds like my daughter. Same age too =) I have come to the conclusion that she wears what I pick out in the morning. Yes we still fight, but what I pick out is what she wears. It is getting easier and some mornings she just goes along. I have two girls now and I have come to the conclusion that if I don't put my foot down now, I will be making it worse for us in the future.

I don't give them options at that young of an age because it is setting your self up for a battle of wills. Maybe once in a while I would ask, for example if we had two choices to pick from for a party dress, but I would not ask them for dressing decisions daily.

I feel decision making privledges come with more maturity. My youngest is 6, and I do let my kids dress themselves, but if they come out dressed wrong I will tell them what would be appropriate type attire for the occasion and ask them to change.This works of for me because we homeschool and are not on rush-out-the-door time constraints.

Regards and best of luck,
Gail

Hey L.
Well, been there, done that and doing it again! My oldest is 7 and in 2nd grade at a private school with uniforms (thank goodness or we'd never get out the door!). But when she was in preschool, she began wanting to pick out her clothes. I thought, no way! Isn't this too early to be going through this? Well, apparently not. We did have a few battles, but this is what I've learned, and it's sort of a compromise between the two schools of thought I see posted here. I did give her a little time to choose an outfit in the morning, and to heck with what it looked like. It looks like matching isn't your point anyway. If I came back in say in 10 minutes and she wasn't dressed, I picked out the clothes and put them on her. No questions asked, no other choices given. Believe me, she is easily distracted still to this day, so she ran out of time most of the time simply because she got distracted doing something else. Well, there were many days that started with a lot of weeping and wailing on her part, but I never changed my mind and stayed consistent every day. It seems to me that they want control over something in their lives, but life is just too overwhelming to make decisions on their own yet. So, it was a learning process for both of us. But I'm the mom and I'm bigger than her and I make the ultimate decisions. Once she learned I wasn't going to change my mind, things were much easier. I know people have all kinds of suggestions as to how to make it easier, and if they work, then great. But for me, I decided I wasn't going to let her manipulate the situation, whether it was for control or just pushing my buttons. So with this and everything else for that matter, I'm the boss. They need to learn how to deal with authority since there will be someone over them all their lives (teacher, boss, police, IRS, whatever). The sooner they learn that, the better off their life will be. And don't we all want our children to have the best life possible? God bless.

I feel your pain! I was getting to work late b/c of my daughter's procrastination! What's been working for us is to have an incentive and a contingency in the mornings. And making dressing one of the first things they do, not the last thing. My kids can watch one tv show IF they are fully dressed by a certain time (inc shoes). I give my 3 yr old a couple of choices for what to wear. Good luck!

Let her pick out an outfit the night before...then you avoid the morning time crunch.

Have her choose at night before bed then be firm if she is stalling in the morning and tell her if she doesn't get dressed she will go to school in her panties. They are very good at manipulation even at a young age so you have to shopw them whos in charge.

L.,

Toni's advice is sound!!! Give her the same two options you've been giving her and if she fails to choose one she leaves the house in whatever she's wearing. I went through this same issue with one of my daughters when she was younger. Wearing pajamas for a couple of days and having to explain why fixed the problem.

After that she was always the first one dressed and ready to go. I did however, inform her teacher of the issue and what my plan was. I also gave her teacher, unbeknown to my daughter, left her a change of clothes....just in case. Good thing, they were asked for on the second day ;-)

Best of luck to you!!
CM

maybe have her pick out what she will wear the night before and let her where whatever she picks. will she pick out her own clothes in the morning if you don't intervene? if she doesn't get dressed then take her to school in her pajamas and let the teacher know that she has a change of clothes in her cubby when and if she decides to get dressed. she doesn't want you to go to work and this is where she has found power to keep you home longer. give her a time limit to dress but then leave on time whether or not she's fully dressed.V.

Hi L.,

I finally just gave up trying to do it for them. I have 2 daughters (9 and 6) and with the first one I fought every day to ensure her clothes matched. I hated the battle so eventually, I just decided that she was only 3 and I would let her pick out her own clothes. I did tell her that things did not match but if she was ok with it, I decided it was not a battle I wanted to fight anymore.

With my second daughter I just let her do it as soon as she showed an interest. They learned before kindergarten what matched and what did not and they were fine once they started school.

I say this is small stuff, over which you should not sweat.

D.

Hi L.!

I have one of those hanging clothes organizers in my kids closets. Mine was ordered and actually says, "Monday, Tuesday, Wdenesday, Thursday, Friday....on each shelve". On Sunday, we pick "outfits" for the week and put them into this organizer. This way THEY pick out their own clothes, and I just make sure sure it gets done :O) This saves alot of time on school mornings. It also helps me put their clothes away after doing laundry!!!!!

I started this at "preschool" age because of similar issues.

I hope this might help you :O)

~N.

;D Wait til she starts telling you "I don't WANT to go to daycare EVERY DAY. I WANT to stay home with YOU." ;) That's where my daughter and I are with the stalling; she's four.

She regularly dismisses most of the clothes I choose for her in the morning and I've tried the "two options" path: dress yourself, or Mama will do it. That doesn't always work.

What does work, funnily enough, is when I start talking about work or all the things I need to do before a certain time (stop at the bank, the post office, the gas station, blah, blah). She gets BORED and says "I'M going to go get dressed now."

Good deal, lovey! :D

For me, that time conflict on weekday mornings is the worst; I too would love leisurely mornings with her, but feel tied to the corporate clock. Sometimes I forego the business morning and take it easy with my child, because you know? They're only young the once. This time is precious. ;) Best of luck to you, mama!

My advice would be to let her wear what she wants. You have to pick your battles, if you want any peace at all, and she may want to wear the print that clashes with the stripes or the plaid that clashes with the print. As long as her clothes are clean, and she gets dressed on time, let it alone.

Choose one day a week and tell her you both are picking out her clothes for the week. Pick out an aoutfit for each day of the week and fold them so they are together. Then there are sort bins that hang in a closet and put each day in it's own labled section. The choice is already made and you can just hand her the clothes. She already made the decision.

We have a house rule...clothes are ready for the next day or you wear what Mommy puts out for you. No arguing allowed. It works. I'm not great with color...matching, so my daughter doesn't like me to pick out her clothes.

Stephanie

My son is the king of stall techniques! Unfortunately, the send him to school in pajamas route did not work. As for clothes, he goes to bed dressed for the time being. As for everything else, I use an egg timer with him. It's a visual representation of time passing that he can understand. He is less likely to argue with the timer than me. If he does not complete a task by the bell he loses the right to choose or do something himself.

As for threatening her with "you'll have to wear your PJs if you are not dressed when it's time to leave"--Most preschoolers don't care, but most schools DO and will not ALLOW it, so I think you would only be setting yourself up with that.

I agree with Dana J--she is 3 years old. As long as she is not in shorts and a tank top in the winter or overly warm clothing in the summer, let her pick what she wears.

Have a designated spot in her closet or dresser that she can pick from. Buy clothes that generally color coordinate. Take clothes that are not appropriate for the season out of the room and store them elswhere. Clothing should not be a power struggle at this age. They are exploring their individuality and finding ways to have a sense of control. At least clothign is a safe way to do so. Reinoforce with praise when she matches or when she chooses weather-appropriate clothing. If she seems particulalry proud of an outfit she put together, compliment her. Save the hard rules and "Do what I say because I'm the parent" mentality that others have suggested for things that really matter like safety issues or treating others with respect.

It sounds like you have a good idea on your own - close the door and let her choose. The only modification I would make is that you do it at night before bed and that way it won't cause a problem or delay in the morning. Also, I would tell her that once the choice is made at night, there are no changes. That is what she is going to wear, period, throw all the fits you want!

I think the night before idea is good, but if she's the queen of stalling she may just use that to stall bedtime. I gave my girls two choices (good way to learn about decision making and a little control over their lives), but if they didn't pick one right away (I would say "1, 2, 3, choose!" like starting a race and they had to point to their choice), they would lose their right to choose for the day and had to wear my pick. No argument. Arguing with mommy gets you a consequence such as, "Now you've lost your choice for tomorrow as well. Would you like to lose it for the rest of the week?" If you stay consistent, it should only take a few days (or evenings) for her to get with the program. :o)

L.,

Get her cloths ready the night before. Give her only a few choices and a certain amount of time to decide. If she starts pitching a fit in the morning and won't get dressed, take her to school in her PJ's a couple of times and that will probably take care of the problem.

Blessings.....

Any way she'll let you pick out the clothes the night before? They are used to crazy outfits at preschool, believe me, many kids go through this. Maybe just set a timer and tell her, Whatever you have on when the timer goes off is what you're wearing to school, even if it's pajamas. Best of luck. C.

My son went through this (and still does and he's 4 1/2). I've gotten to the point that I let him choose, but we have limitations. If its too small or holey, he cannot wear them. If we are going to church, he has to wear his church clothes and if it is cold/hot he needs to dress appropriately. I also stopped buying jeans and mostly only sweats since he does not like jeans. It is getting better, but he knows there are still rules and he can't make all the decisions.