Get Him Out of My Bed

HA HA. I'm sorry; I can't help but laugh. I feel like you wrote this for me. My daughter is 8 months and started sleeping with us for the same reason. 99% of the time, I love it and I'm wondering how we are going to get her into her bed for the entire night. She will take naps in her crib but I will be interested in seeing the advice you get. Good luck. :)

Lay down with him in his bed, when he falls asleep, get up and leave. This may take some time for him to get used to it. Its worth a try.

I thought this article by Dr. Greene might help.

http://www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?id=21&action=detail&...

If not, you might want to search his website for other articles.

Good luck and I hope you solve this soon so you can get a good night's sleep.

Put him in his own room, in his own crib. He will cry but after 2 - 3 days he will figure it out and you will be much happier. Trust me, Ive had to do this with all 3 of my children. Its heart wrenching at first but you have to do it, you will all be much happier in the end.

We moved our daughter out of our bed around that age. She did not like sleeping in her crib, but loved sleeping in the car. We would bring in the car seat and put it in her crib. For a few weeks she slept in the carseat, in the crib, and then when we took the car seat away, she was used to the space. A little unorthodox, but it worked for us! Good luck!

As hard as it might be, it is probably time you try a sleep training method. My one year old slept in our bed for a couple months and that was enough for me. She was really wiggly and I was not getting much rest. I can't imagine if she slept in our bed till 10 mo. bc I'm sure I would have landed on the floor due to her wiggly little body. I never wanted to use the CIO method and didn't exactly follow all the rules, but sometimes they have to cry a little so you can eventually get rest. It will be harder bc your baby is older and used to your comfort. It is best to start laying them in their cribs during nap time to get them used to their own bed. I did this and slowly started putting her in her crib at night. She cried and sometimes screamed but I would wait awhile to come in the room. I then would talk to her and comfort her but not pick her up from the crib. Believe me this is HARD!! Over time, you wait a little longer each time before checking and eventually over the course of a few days, they learn it is ok to sleep alone and Mom and Dad are close by. I could go on forever with more tips but research some online about different methods and hopefully something will work!! Good luck and hopefully sleep will be yours soon!

Dear L.,

This may take some sacrificing on your part, but I've heard it works. At bed time, put your child in his bed and pull up a nice, comfortable chair, which you can sit in and read to him or sing to him. Since he obviously has separation anxiety, this will help him know you are close by. After a week, move your chair about 10 inches away from his bed, still read or sing to him; the next week move the chair 10 inches more away from his bed, etc. etc. You get the idea. Eventually, you can slide the chair out the door and he'll still be able to feel your presence. Make sure he has a little, soft night light and can hear your voice in the distance. Eventually, you should be able to put him to bed with no problems. Maybe you can make a recording of his favorite song or story for evenings he is left with a babysitter.

Good luck!
AJ

You have to be consistent with putting him to bed, he will cry but it will ease up. It may take about a week, maybe less. As long as there is nothing physically wrong with him, he will be just fine. You are doing him a favor by pushing through, I know it is hard. My little girl slept with me until she was about 2. So I know how hard it is. Just remember he will be just fine and good mothers let their babies cry too.

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Start in small steps. First make a bed for him on the floor by your bed.(or a crib in your room) After he is asleep, move him to his bed. He may wake during the night, so let him go to sleep again and move him back to the floor. After you have done this for a couple weeks, start putting him in his bed after he is asleep, but if he wakes during the night, take him right back to 'his' bed. You can lay down with him there if needed. He will learn that he has his own place to sleep, but that you won't be far away if he needs you.

I do not hold with letting a baby cry themselves to sleep. He isn't even a year old yet. Babies cry for real needs; fear, loneliness or discomfort are as real as hunger and pain. By always responding quickly when your baby cries you teach him that you will always hear him and create a solid enduring trust.

These moms are correct! Crying will not hurt the child. They will learn how to sooth themselves and get to sleep on their own. You just have to commit to keeping the child in their room and when the child comes out simply placing them back in their bed and have a constant verbage of something like... "its bedtime, I will see you in the morning". Do not try to negociate, keep it simple. It is very tiresome and repetitive but the outcome in the longrun is sooooo worth it. I havea a three and a half year old and she has been sleeping in her room for quite a while now. Maybe start the process on a Friday so you are able to sleep off getting up numerous times the night before. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!

he will cry for a little bit but its way better to do it now then later. later is way hard the longer he is in your bed the longer it takes to get him out and besides do you and your husband not want that time together its worth a few nights of no sleep to gain your bed back. hope everythgin works out he will sleep better and so will you

I know this will be hard as it is always hard to break a habit that you have let go on for too long, but in my experiences, you just have to bite the bullet, be firm and consistant, and let him cry it out in his own bed.
I don't mean to be mean. You certainly want to talk to him and take him to his room and make sure he is use to it and comfortable there. I know he can't talk back at 10 months but he understands alot more than you can imagine.
After you have done all you can do in that sense, you just have to let him cry in his baby bed and you need to go outside or get in the shower..... a LONGggggg shower so you can't hear him. After a night or two, you won't have a problem.

I would try a "step down" program. Maybe for 4-5 nights (or however long it seems to take him to adjust try sleeping on the floor in his room with him. Then for 4-5 nights put him in his crib while you sleep on the floor in his room. Then let him sleep in his crib with you finally back in your bed.

I think there will be tears no matter how you do it. At 7 months my daughter was getting up 6-7 times a night wanting to be held and rocked back to sleep. I tried all of the gentle methods I could think of because it broke my heart to listen to her cry but after 4 weeks of being up that often I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't a fun mommy because I was so tired. So when she would wake up crying I would go sit next to her crib and rub her back, sing to her, just let her know I was there for her. After a good solid hour of crying she went back to sleep. But she only woke up 3 times that night (and cried for an hour each time). The next night she woke up twice but went to sleep in 15 minutes. The next night, still woke up twice but as asleep in 5 minutes. And finally the 4th night she was sleeping through the night.

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but it was worth it for both of us.

Good luck!

We still cosleep with are 12 month old. To give us more space we set his crib up in our room beside our bed with the mattresses even. We took the gate off the front so his crib is an extension of our bed(this is called a sidecar arrangement) Be careful about cry it out. I know everyone says its okay, but your child is still developing a trust relationship. Cry it out can break that trust.

Here's a different suggestion than the "cry-it-out" method:

I had a single futon mattress that we snugged in between the corner wall, and our own bed. Baby went to sleep on the futon just near by us walled in on 3 sides, and we went to sleep in the big bed above.

Part of the reason for our choice in this - we had the futon, didn't have a big crib once he grew out of the bassinet, and he had slept with us part of the time before that. He actually enjoyed his futon because it was large and he could crawl around on it and play with toys.

Since then, we have transitioned to having the futon at the other end of our bedroom, snuggled in our large walk-in closet (we have a long bedroom with the walk in closet that we keep the folding doors open to.) It is like he has his own cubby for sleeping. He can still come find us when he needs to but he knows where we are.It is also nice because he can crawl onto his bed by himself.

The training him to stay in the bed, well, we're still working on it. But for the most part, when its time to go to bed, he knows it and goes. Some nights he is just too wired to sleep and these days, we make sure he stays on the bed and doesn't wander around the room but you can't force a kid to sleep. He likes to get his stuffed teddy bear or dog and play with them for a while. Often he is just trying to get into a comfortable position.

We do lay down with him initially when he goes to sleep but if he is wired, we usually just tell him "in one minute I am going to go to my bed" and then we go. He doesn't usually like that but he gets it. Most of the time, he is a cheerful to bed kind of guy. I actually like the going to bed time since that is a time to relax and be close but not be too active. Sometimes he likes to talk and go over words he's learned to say that day. It is kind of neat. Sometimes we sing songs or say prayers or tell a story.

My three year old still falls asleep in our bed. We move him to his own bed after he falls asleep. About once a week when he wakes up scared in the middle of the night he climbs in bed with us. It is worse in the winter because he wakes up cold. His little arms and legs are freezing when he climbs in bed with us. Relax he will eventually outgrow this. My older children ages 18, 16, and 10 all sleep in their own beds. :o)

I would go back to newborn days and sit him in his own room. Let him cry it out! If he comes back to you during the night, take him back to his room and shut the door or whatever you need to do. Tell him that he has his own big boy room and that mommy and daddy have to sleep alone now. I think if you sleep with him in his room for a couple nights and slowly make him sleep by himself that would also help. Try to do things in his room that make him feel comfortable. Let him do a little "designing" like hanging up posters so he will want to be in there.

L., I had my oldest sleeping with us for 4 years of her life, it does put a edge on your own relationship. When my second child came was the only way to get her out of our bed..sad huh... With my other children There was NO WAY I was allowing them to sleep in my bed at any given time. I would put them to bed, shut the door and if they cried they cried. I did not allow them to cry more than 10 minutes. First few days were hard but They eventually got it same with my oldest. Try that and see..dont give in not even once. You need that special time alone with your spouse. Routines work wonders with children to. Bath at 7 bed by 8 give or take on the time to set with your own schedule, then you have the rest of the evening to you and your spouse. Relationships need that extra time as well Good luck! And let us know how things work out for you

Dear L.,
I have never read a parenting book that said it wasn't ok to let your child cry for awhile. What I always did with my own children is: I put them in their crib, let them cry for 15 to 20 minutes, and then, when they were taking a breather would go in and lay them back down and rub their back for a few minutes. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT when you are doing this. If he can get you to look into his eyes, it will start back at the beginning. Focus on a corner of the room, or a spot on the wall. This normally only lasts a few days, but it might take a little longer since your son is a little older. But whether you wean him from your bed at 8 weeks or 10 months, it still has to be done. Make the decision that this is what is going to happen and stick with it. It's when parents go back and forth and don't follow through that children get the most confused, and know they can get their way through a little more crying. The trick is being more stubborn than the child! Good luck! I hope this helps!
J.

I have a restless sleeper. But he still sleeps with us and he is 3! Our secret is a king sized bed.

Hi - Does he sleep through the night by chance? If so, once he falls asleep in your bed, have you tried moving him to his bed?? This worked for me (but included a couple set backs) when transitioning my son out of my bed.

Or stay in his room until he falls asleep in his crib so he has the security of knowing you are near...Sometimes you have to try different scenarios for a week or so before you know if they are going to work or not. It can be very tiring but if it's important to you, you've got to stick it out. Good luck!

Have you tried moving him after he falls asleep so he at least gets used to waking up in his bed? This is a hard one. You have to pick a weekend when you don't have to work, etc. and let him cry. I had to do this and it was hard for me, but honestly my child was just upset. i had to remind myself he was not hurt, etc. I went in every 30 min but didn't pick him up or hug him. I just said "Mama's here and everything is OK. Go night night." He had to wear himself out crying and it got easier each night. After just a few days, it was fine. Kids are smart and he would rather be with you. he knows if he cries long enough, you will come and get him. (Do you blame him?) Unfortunately, we have to do what is best for everyone and it can be HARD. Just make sure you reassure him and he knows you are near but that you are not going to get him out of his crib. This way he knows you will respond to his cries, but it will not get him out.

Hysterical crying is o.k. Just remind yourself that he's a well cared for and loved baby and nothing is wrong with him. Your not hurting him by leaving him alone in his safe and warm crib. He'll eventually stop crying and fall asleep on his own. It took my son about 2 weeks and it took my daughter about 3 days.

Of course you don't have the desire to have more children. Why would you. You are sleep deprived enough as it is, how could you possibly deal with any less sleep? What I recommend to you is this: Try the book by Dr. Ferber. It is basically the "cry it out" method, but it does work and I don't feel it is cruel. Start at the beginning of the book and read it completely before trying this method. It offers explanations and good sound medical advice on sleep patterns in children. I am the mother of two girls age 2 and 4. The first child was a piece of cake. That second one was a different story. She too suffered from reflux and ended up in my bed. Even then, she was up quite often and cried alot. Our pediatrician recommended the Ferber method and I was skepitical at first, but honestly it only took two nights and she was sleeping through the night finally. Now, she goes to bed with no problem and even takes naps well. Read the book! It addresses every sleep problem in children, including your sons, and offers you support in how to deal with it. You and your child we be much happier if he is sleeping in his own bed.

You could try to slowly acclimate him to sleeping on his own by getting a toddler bed that can be put to the same height as your bed. For the side of the toddler bed that is not against your bed, you can get a side mattress gate so he does not roll off. This way, his bed is literally beside you and your mattress, he can see you and if needed you can put a hand on him. As he begins to get use to this, slowly start moving the bed further and further away a little at a time, again getting another mattress gate so he doesn't roll off, he would be completely enclosed.

I would even suggest, if you have not already done so, starting a bed time routine of sitting in rocker to read, sing or tell him stories then placing him in bed. That way, when you are ready to put him in his own room, you can continue the routine and he will be okay to sleep alone in his own room.

It may take a while to build up to it, but it will happen. Also, my 4 /12 month old is dealing with acid reflux and we decided to put her on medicine and it has helped a tremendous amount. I hope this helps.

I agree with the suggestions of the Ferber method. Children must be taught to fall asleep on their own. It's tough love when you have a stubborn one, but it's worth it in the long run. You don't want your child to get between you and your husband...literally and figuratively.
Good luck!

Hi L.

All kids are different. I have one that was easy to keep in his bed and one that at 2.5 still sleeps in our room.
Some will tell you to let him cry it out...you have to do what is right for you. My boys are very different and one "needs" to be near us more than the other. We chose to take one side off his crib and pull it op to our bed. Now he sleeps in a toddler bed at the foot of our bed.
I understand the method behind cry it out but I could not stand it....so we chose a different solution that worked for us. My son also had reflux (the one that sleeps in our room). If you truly want him out of your room you have to be firm and follow through. Good LUck to ya.
J.

Little people... ya gotta love'm! lol

It's so hard not to start out with.. "I remember when my kids were that little". But little people learn as fast was we can teach them, and sometimes they end up teaching us that we can do it.
It will take a little work, and hard love. But I'm sure you can do it. What I did with my kids is..(there is that phrase again lol) I had to start a routine, expecially after dinner. We would go to the park, or play. (wears them down a little) Then off to the bath..(drains energy) Watch a little television & share a snack. Then when bedtime came, I marched there little hiney's down the hall to there room. We layed a moment (shared a story book) gave a kiss, and off to bed. I'd love to say it worked every time...NOT! lol So, that is when tough love had to come in play.
My husband and I had to take turns being firm making them lay down! lol

Psst... you can do it!

Take care!

Our first child would do anything to get into our bed. It was ridiculous! She just didn't like being alone in her room. I had to get my husband to help with the "project". He would be stern with her when we put her in bed. She was told not to get out at all. To call for us if she needed anything because we had the monitor on and could hear her. Of course, she called every two minutes for everything and anything. If she got up in the middle of the night, I would march her back to her room. She did not like it one bit, but you can't let them have their way just because they start crying. Just hug them and tell them you love them and you'll see them when the sun comes up.
One thing that works really well is the virtual aquarium on Finding Nemo. It is a Bonus Feature and we would put on the Shipwreck where the little creatures swim around the aquarium and all you hear are bubbles. Her tv has a timer so we just put the timer on and it cuts off by itself. She loves it! It works as a nightlight and there is just enough activity to get her relaxed and to fall asleep. Letting children watch an actual show is too stimulating and they will not want to sleep. I don't recommend that.
We have two girls now and they share a room. We put their virtual aquarium on every night as part of their bedtime routine.

Very tough. Try www.sleeplady.com and read her book. She has a process to rectify your problem for all ages. I'm going through it right now with a 2 year old so you are smart to try now. It's been tough (for 1 1/2 weeks), but he's actually going to sleep by himself in his bed. No pain ..... no gain.

Have you considered a mattress on your floor?

Unfortunately, you will probably have to listen to him cry for a few nights. You should put him to sleep in his own bed in his own room. You might want to start at naptime. Let him cry for 5 minutes and the go check on him. Do not pick him up. Reassure him and leave. Wait 10 minutes and repeat the process. Wait 15 minutes and repeat, etc. Remember that if you give in and pick him up or put him in your bed that all he has learned is that he will get what he wants if he pitches a big enough fit. Believe me, you do not want him to learn that! He has to learn to put himself to sleep. If you put him in your bed and then move him he will wake up and be scared because things are different than how they were when he went to bed (you are not beside hi9m). I know it hurts to listen to him cry but it will get better soon. Put on some music or read a book or clean house or something to distract yourself. Turn off the monitor - you will be able to hear him well enough I am sure. Good luck!

Let him cry. Eventually he will get used to it.

Start putting him in his bed throughout the day so that he'll get used to the surrounding. Then at night give him a nice meal and a warm bath and tell him, this is your spot for the night, kiss him and good nite!

My first suggestion is to see if he can find a buddy to sleep with him. My son loved Barney and when he turned 1, we gave him a stuffed Barney that sings. He kept that doll until he was 3 and he did EVERYTHING with Barney, including sleep in the same bed. My next suggestion would be to have a consistent night time ritual, like have him take a bath, read a book and prayers. Then, tuck him in and say good night. You might let him use a night light, to help him transition, but you'll have to leave the room. He's probably going to throw a fit, but after about the 3rd or 4th day, it will get better and he will sleep through the night. I'ts OK to check on him to make sure that he is still alive, but you can do it. You might want to get yourself some ear muffs or ear plugs, b/c this is going to be tough, but worth it, unless you still want his foot in your mouth in the morning:0) P.S. my son slept w/me until he was about 3 and then we had to go this route, so I know that it really works. Good luck!

My ds had reflux as well and slept on top of me until 6 months. That's when I used the Ferber method which was great. One week and he was sleeping through the night. I had tried the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley before that with no success, but if you're not too keen on the Ferber you could try it first. Good Luck!