My sons after school sitter passed away. We have known her for 13 years and she took him sick and took him early and kept him late. She had him on holidays. She even took him for an hour or so after school till I could get him after work. Her health took a turn for the worst. She didn't go to the doctor and it turns out she had breast cancer which went untreated and ended up spreading to her bones and she got bone cancer. I was still using her up until about 3 weeks ago.
Should I go to the funeral? I am thinking I should.
I asked because i wasnt invited by the family. another co-worker said something when I was passing her in the hall. Obviously, at that point I was invited. THen my husband was saying how he didn't know any of her kids and why should he go and going on and on. i shouldn't have listened to the husband. i've only been to 2 funerals. For the first time, today I met 2 of her kids and yes the funeral was today.
Boy, gotta watch what you ask, you mamas are hard core. LOL!!!!!
Without a doubt...I can't believe you are asking. The people we come to depend on everyday ...are very important to us...you should honor her by going. I bet she was a wonderful person!!
Yes, I agree you should both go. And don't be afraid to share just how important she was to you both, her family needs to hear it.
yes go to the womans funeral. funerals are for the people in front of the casket, not the person in the casket
K. h.
Absolutely! I can't even believe you have to ask!
Absolutely go. And bring your son, as well. Our society distances death too much, and then we don't know how to deal with it. Death is just another part of life, and it is nothing to be feared. Let him go and say goodbye to a woman he was, presumably, close to as well.
For real? Is this a real question?
Yes and don't hide it from your child. It will make things worse to not deal and talk about it. Im deeply sorry for your loss.
Why would you even consider not going?
Yes, most definitely. Your paying your respects to her and the family she left behind..
Yes, you and your son should both go.
Absolutely and your son should be there with you!! If this is his first experience with death...it will be a learning experience for both of you. I would think that her family would love to know that you cared about her and wanted to remember her by joining them at her memorial service. I would assume that she was a very important part of your sons life and he needs to be able to have a chance to say goodbye and to think about all of the things she meant to him.
Of course you should, and bring your son too. Why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you go to her funeral, she was a dear friend.
Yes, you and your son should go! I'm really surprised that you'd even think about not going - it sounds as though she was a great person and a special part of your lives.
Of course, you should!! I'm wondering why you need to ask...?!!!
You should go to the funeral. Perhaps this is the first death of someone with whom you were close and therefore it's "scary" or makes you anxious about going. Take a deep breath and go and take your son. As MomOfSixMiracles said death is a part of life and something to be acknowledged. Saying goodbye is very important.
Attending the funeral is also a way of recognizing what she meant to you. It's a way of honoring her life. And your attendance will show appreciation of her life to her other friends and relative.
Yes. I think you need to go.
The highest form of respect to the surviving family is for you to attend.
J., I take it that you haven't been to many funerals. Perhaps you feel that funerals are only for family and close friends?
Funerals are also for people to show respect for a former co-worker, an acquaintence, or someone they did business with. That includes you.
Dawn
Of course, and your son should go too.......as someone who had sitters in my childhood, they were dear to me and my mother and she would have taken me.....sorry for your loss.
You absolutely should, to show her family you care and show them support. I would take my son too.
Yes, you and your son. I would also ask what I could do for the family, like bringing a meal to them. It would also be nice to send them a sympathy card and maybe flowers.
I am assuming you are asking because you have not experienced a death of someone close enough to you to have done this before. So don't feel bad about having asked.
Well, of course you should! You and your son should both go!
oh yeah. she is on the level of a grandparent
Yes. You've known her 13 years, used her services that whole time, and you have to ask? You are right. You should go.
YES, you should. Why wouldn't you since she was such an integral part of your lives!!
How sad...it sounds like she was MUCH more than a "babysitter" and you should absolutely try to go to the visitation, at the very least! She helped raise your son! Very very sorry for you and your son, for losing someone so important. Prayers for you and her family.
I agree with everyone for the most part that you should attend. However, what does the obituary say? Is it private?
If private, send a card and leave it at that. If it is not marked private, yes I would attend.
Not everyone sees a funeral the same way. My husbands family does not bother to go. My family will travel to any expense to be together.
******
The reason they didn't ask is because it is not tradition to send out or call for invitations. It is more customary to join and be together with a dish in your hand if possible. At this point the family is at a loss and they are thinking about inviting people. As well, I find that more woman are okay with funerals than men. A funeral would be considered dealing with the loss.
Why wouldn't you go??? Sounds like she was almost a part of your family and a pretty big part of your son's life!! I would think it would be wrong of you not to go.
I just wanted to add that I am also sorry for your loss!! That had to have been quite a shock for your entire family!! Prayers and warm thoughts to you and to your sitter's family.
I would definitely go to the funeral and take your son. You don't say how old your son is but I'm assuming he's at least 13. This is how I always handle funerals: I always take my children but NEVER make them look at the body unless they want to and I stay with them every step of the way. And I NEVER use the word SLEEPING - that just sends the wrong message. I'm thankful my parents didn't shield me from things like this growing up (especially since we had so many animals that died). It's something I think kids need to know about. I've been to many funerals in my lifetime and of course it's not something I enjoy but it IS a fact of life. I know one girl in particular that was "shielded" from so many things growing up that now she can't handle any situation like this. My prayers are with you!!
Absolutely you should go. She sounds like she was a big part of you/your sons life.
I'm so glad you went. Funerals aren't for the dead but for those of us left behind. We get to comfort the family and remember the good things about the person who has passed away. Sorry for your loss.
First of all you should go to the family and help in any way possible. Sounds
like she did a lot for you. Secondly, you do not get invited to a funeral. You
just go. I know this is late, so I hope that you and your family ultimately
decided to go and to help this family.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't worry about the hard core answers. People are a lot harsher when they're hiding behind their computer screens. You're fine to ask anything you want here. Sometimes it's hard to gain perspective when you're in the middle of a hardship. Hang in there and good luck!!
