Frustrated with Putting My 9.5 Month Old to Sleep

Hey S., give him cereal before nap and bed time, this will fill him up and it is always easier to sleep on a full tummy, then rock him until e does goe to sleep, and lay hin down when he is a sleep, and put a cup of water in the corner of his crib, so if he does wake up in the night he may just be thristy. this is what i did, but i did not breast feed, and at 9 months my babies were olny on one bottle a day and using a cup. J.

I was in exactly the same place as you about a month and a half ago. My son was 10 months old and it was only getting worse. Plus I was so exhausted I could hardly think of how to fix it.

I finally called Kathy SInclair at http://www.babysleepsolutionsla.com In 2 days, roughly, he was sleeping thru the night and naps were a dream. There was some crying invovled but nothing that seemed drastic.

Plus now he can be laid down in his crib partially awake and goes off on his own with no crying! I didn't think it could be this good!! Good Luck!

Check out the Baby Sleep Solution. It's a great program, the book is fairly short and I used it when DD was 10 months old and it worked. The program is generally for sleep training babies 12 weeks and older, and is most helpful for the younger bunch, but there are lessons for older kids too, which is what I used and succeeded with. I highly recommend it.

It's not one of those awful cry-all-night methods. It suggests short intervals of leaving the child alone and then comforting them, gradually increasing the time you leave the child (in which time they usually do cry). I was a little leery at first (which is why I waited to use it until she was 10 months old) but I got desperate one night when she was still awake at 1am. I'd get her to sleep, put her down and she'd wake up. I couldn't take it anymore!

Good luck!

It sounds like you need to put him on a bedtime routine/schedule. If you're holding him for an hour, he's probably over tired by then so it's hard for him to get to sleep. If he's not already on a sleeping schedule, start putting him down at the same time every day (for naps and night time.) Do the same thing before you put him to sleep every single time, i.e. feed, change, story. If he knows what leads up to sleep, it will be easier for him to fall asleep. Lay him in the crib when he's sleepy, but awake. If you try this, the struggle should be over in a week or so. :)

Hi S.,
Has it always been this way or it is new? The reason I am asking is that my son who is just about to turn 10 months was a good sleeper and would go down for naps very easily and now that he is standing up in his crib and crawling all over the place, it is really difficult to put him down for naps. Just like you, it takes me 30 to 1 hour to put him down. I stopped breastfeeding him at 6 months and now I have to give him a bottle of formula for him to sleep at night and also sometimes during the day. it is really exhausting!!! I think it is because his brain has developed again and he does not want to miss out on life and all the new exciting things around. It is a phase but oh what a phase that is!!! Good luck and just keep doing what you are doing and yes the letting cry is something that I also opt for at times and when they are ok otherwise, I think this is a good way for them to learn to fall asleep on their own. Also I think the separation anxiety is very strong at 9.5 or 10 months. I found that with my son. He holds my hand really tight on his chest at bedtime. He does not want me to go and as soon as I say good night and leave the room, he starts crying but I say mommy is just outside the door still with you, don't worry and leave. But he cries and cries and I let him and go back to check on him every 10 to 15 min for just a bref minute. Ok good luck! First time mom of a 10 month old boy. N.

get the book "Babywise"

If he is causing a big fuss already, why not walk away for your own sanity? Don't torture yourself for the sake of seeming like a "good mom". He needs to learn how to go to bed on his own. He will do this routine as long as you will let him. It will be worse when he is 5! One of my sons did the same thing. He is a big sweetie now. Training is hard but it pays off.

Are you *only* breastfeeding? Sounds like he might be hungry! He should be eating cereal by now, at least. Talk to you pediatrician. If he is on some solids, try a cereal meal an hour or two before bedtime.

Hi S.: I didn't hear anything mentioned about him eating.If he isn't being given baby cerial or fruit to help sustain him,he will have difficulty going to sleep,and will wake you because hes hungry.This is important for him,especially when you decide to wean him from bf. It is not practical,benificial,or psycologically good for your baby to cry for 2 to 4 hours.After a few months, we mothers should be able to distinguish our babies cries. I could tell,if my son was just fussing because he was wet,or tired,or crying because he had colic or was in pain.When a baby has been crying nonstop for more than 5 minutes...you should be checking him and comforting him.I recomend speaking to someone professional,like your pedi/before attempting the cio method.The best to you and your darlin baby

I feel your pain! I know how frustrating it can be and you are just trying to do everything right and be a good mom.
What worked for me (but is not the answer for everyone) is a routine. I followed Baby Wise (but only in pieces, I did not follow all their rules, it was too much but there is a lot of useful info). So I would breast feed, play then nap. Always; feed, play, nap. This seemed to help both my boys sleep better and longer as they were tired when they went down and when they woke up it was meal time. So it'd start all over again; eat, play, nap (or bed).
I also had a routine for putting them down at nap and bed time. I would take them into their room, turn on music (6 minutes of music) say I love you and Night Night, then put them right into their crib. Once my older son was really good at his bed time routine I would read him books but sleep time was sleep time, no if's about it. Yes, they cry at first but now my youngest (14 months) goes to bed with no more than a whimper.
What ever you decide to do stick with it, it takes at least a week to break a habit so don't give up. :)
Another great read (as if you need more) is 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby'. Loved it!
All Smiles-
H.

Unfortunately, you may just have a stubborn boy on your hands. My son was the SAME way at 9 months... I understand how VERY frustrating it feels! Now that he's 3 1/2 and I've finally accepted that he's just not wired to need as much sleep as most kids his age, we're doing fine. I wish I would have given up the fight much earlier... like around 6 months of age. I would suggest that if he doesn't fall asleep when you try the first time, stop before all the crying starts and just put him in the stroller and go for a walk or take him out of his room and look at books or play blocks for a little while. Just don't keep trying to put him to sleep, after a half hour or so, try again. He may truly not be ready to sleep, even if it seems for his age that he should be sleeping more. Forget about a schedule for a while and just watch his cues, maybe some days he will only need one nap and some he will need three. I say just loosen up about your expectations of his sleep and let it happen when it happens, that's the advice I would've given myself three years ago... now I know for the next one! :)

For the last month (ever since my 9month old got 3 teeth) my baby girl stopped going down for naps easily. It is hard to see her cry so hard, but forgive yourself and close the door and walk away--he'll cry whether you are there or not, so you might as well save some of your own sanity! CIO is not torture for a baby and he WILL learn to self-soothe. I don't know what your regular feeding routine/schedule is, but he may not need BF to calm down into a sleepy state. Don't be too h*** o* yourself... every child and situation is unique and his needs are still changing as he grows, so hang in there!

Well, I am sorry to say this, but it sounds like he may have you on a really good routine. If you stay rub, sing, BF, he will expect that, and it sounds like he is. I was told to never let them sleep right after eating either. Your BM has colories in it. Calories give you energy. Do you want to go to bed on a full stomach? You should eat, play, sleep. At 9 1/2 months a typical schedule would be two 2 hour naps, morning then afternoon. Get a time down that works for you for nap time, read a book, then put him to bed and walk away. He will then learn that its nap time and he will sleep. It might take a bit for him to get onto your schedule, after all it did take him 9 months to train you. Within a week or 2 bedtime will be an event looked forward too, for both of you!

Hi S.. I feel your pain. It is so frustrating to lull your little one to sleep, and dread what I always thought of as the 'sleep transfer roulette.' Hoping they would stay asleep for the transfer to the crib, and then feeling like I had to start all over... I remember it vividly.

So, there is no one solution for every child or mother, so I can only share my experience in this area, which I have shared before on this site. With my first daughter, I would nurse her to sleep and if she woke when I put her down, I'd get her up right away. Or,I would let her sleep on me. By the time she was 7 months old, she couldn't take a nap unless I managed to get her to sleep and sneaked her into her crib. I was lucky one day, and my husband's aunt was home from work one day, and watched this torturous routine. She observed (after 3 failed attempts to nurse her to sleep) that my daughter didn't know when was the 'real' nap time, and when I was just trying to put her down because she had fallen asleep. It was like a lightbulb went off, as I realized that I hadn't done my job and been the mom in charge of our schedule. She wasn't a newborn anymore, and it was my job to teach her when to sleep. As a baby, of course she wanted to sleep on me or have me do the work to get her to go to sleep. It was my job to give her the assurance and the firm boundaries that would have her learn to put herself to sleep. Because I had set up some bad habits, we had to do a really tough sleep training regimen. We had to re-learn our nap routine, which meant that she had to learn that when I put her down, she couldn't get back out until she slept. It was torment, but I realized that if I got her up, I'd just be teaching her that if she cries for long enough, she could get up. I had to re-train her and myself, or I was going to be in big trouble with a toddler who needed me to get her asleep. Because I had given her such mixed signals for her whole life, she cried for 2 hours the first day. The 3rd day was the worst, when she cried for 4 hours. It was scary then, but it is a funny story now. We had a breathing monitor on the crib, and I would come and check that she was okay every 15 min or so, and spent the rest of the time pacing in the yard because it was such torment to hear her to cry. After 4 hours, I checked on her and the alarm was going off! I freaked out when I saw she was laying down in her crib, not crying anymore. I thought she was dead. I grabbed her and shouted her name, and she woke up. The poor baby had finally fallen asleep and had somehow disconnected the plug for the monitor, which made it go off. Anyway, after 5 days of crying in protest to being put down awake, she learned to put herself to sleep whenever I put her in the crib. She might cry for a few minutes, but not long. Now I should mention that I still nursed her as usual, and set up a routine of turning on music, which became a powerful cue to her that it was time to sleep. But I became very selective about when I would try to put her down, because I wouldn't break the rule of not getting her out until she had fallen asleep, at least for a few minutes.

Madeleine is going to turn 4 next week, and she no longer naps. She is an amazing sleeper, and an amazing little girl. The lessons I learned with her have helped me train my other daughter, who is now two. I'm in the process of training my little boy, who is 7 months old. My current challenge is that they all share a room, but that is another story.

I hope this helps, and you know that there are people out there who feel your frustration. Your son is lucky to have such a loving and devoted mommy.

Good luck!

Maybe he's not tired yet. I know that sometimes (especially when we travel and cross time zones) my son fights going to bed b/c he's not ready, even though it's 9pm EST (but only 6pm PST) - it's like his clock is still on the west coast. I don't know, just a thought. The whole sleep/bed routine really worked for us, but it did take a few weeks to figure out the right time to put to bed. Eventually his schedule adapted to 7:30pm, but it ranged from 7pm to 10pm the first year. Good luck.

I didn't read all of the other posts, so I don't know if someone else said this, but you may have made it harder for him by breastfeeding him to sleep, and now when that isn't enough to get him to sleep he doesn't know what to do. I know it doesn't sound like it will help, and it will be hard at first, but stop feeding him before nap and bed time (you can feed him like 30 min before, just not right before). Beyond that, it depends on your preferences and parenting style. Personally I don't like it, but cry it out (ferberizing, etc) works for most babies. I prefer the Baby Whisperer's method (check out her book, it's a great all around baby book and has lots of good info on sleeping). But any of the others people suggested are good. The key is to pick one and be consistant, and if you try something for a while that absolutely isn't working or doesn't feel right to you, then try something else.

Hi S.,
Do not nurse your baby to sleep. Then you become his pacifier. What I did with my children, is I changed their diaper and then nursed them when they woke-up and then I played with them or let them play in a play-pen, or read them a story. Then after they had been awake for 45 minutes including nursing, I layed each of my kids down in their crib for a nap. They had two 45 min. naps back to back with a little stiring in the middle but they were still in their crib without me going in and they would go back to sleep.I started this routine when they were born and moved from a 3 to a 4 hour routine as they grew. If you put them in this routene of time then they are sleeping as their bodies are using the food and they are asleep until they are hungry again and I never had fussy babies except when they were teething or sick. Good luck. D.

I am sorry mommy I know how frustrating this can be. Do you use white noise? I would try that we bought a sound spa at Target and use the rain sound every night. It also has little caricatured of light it projects on the ceiling that keep them entertained until they drift off to sleep. It helps them learn to self soothe which is what your little one needs to do. It really is amazing. We use the lights if she is fussyUntil then I would try rocking him a bit and then lay him down down and place your hand on his chest and put a tiny bit of pressure. It comforts them and I guess it makes them feel as if you are still holding them to your chest?? Not sure, but I read to try it a couple of months ago and it really does seem to calm her. Most of all mom if you need to walk away and have someone else help out if you can that is the best. They TOTALLY sense your tention even if you think you are not displaying any. If you feel it they do to. Best of luck to you and I am sorry.

Hi S.,

You are going to have to let him cry. He get's plenty of time with you since you BF so quit allowing his cries to manipulate you.

It may seem like you're torturing him but once he realizes you are not coming back to night he'll give it up. Be Strong.

Good Luck ~ F.