Friendship Dilema

Of course you continue the friendship! It's not clear who islosing the job though... your husband or hers? Either way, just tell her you can talk about anything except the job thing. She'll be glad you said it first as I'm sure she feels the same way. Good luck! A

Sure you should its a layoff and its nothing to do with the VP's wife, I am sure she feels bad to, being her husband told her. Plus if they start to bring back employees it might be good your still friends with her never know , might help him ... on the other hand when one door closes another will open, he might find a higher paying job else where, does he sell cars for a living ??

Just wondering

If the layoffs are required and the VP is the one who has to do it, it's not his fault. If he is choosing your husband as one to lay off, then maybe your husband should look at hiw work habits. If it's just a matter of the VP being told who to lay off, then he cannot help it. I see no reason to stop the friendship. Your husband needs to get over this and stop being so insecure. At least he knows when he going to get laid off and is able to go out ahead of time to find a new job!

I think it's unfortunate that your husband feels uncomfortable remaining friends with someone just because he becomes a superior at the workplace. My husband had 2 friends that were friends of his for years (since HS). They asked to work for him and when he did finally agree to hire them and get them into the business, it seems they didn't want to do things with us anymore. And, both only worked for my husband for 1 year until they were able to buy their own businesses within the organization. We went to one of their daughter's birthday parties and as I mentioned (they were HS buddies), we were introduced as the "boss." That actually felt awkward to us!

Business is business and your personal life, regardless of how business relationships work, shouldn't be affected. It's taken a few years and bumping into each other again at mutual friend's parties, and now we're okay. But, I would always invite them over to our place for BBQ, etc. and they wouldn't come out. So, I say if your husband feels so awkward about it, perhaps he should try to realize that your friend's husband may not and it's not as big of a deal as he may think. Layoffs are unfortunate but in the business world, they are inevitable and people can't take them personally. In order to avoid lawsuits, companies must follow a standard protocol when determining who stays and who goes.

Good luck.

Of course you stay friends! If your husband is no longer comfortable around her husband, you can just switch to "ladies/kids only" time. Explain that you told your husband you wouldn't discuss job stuff, and that's that. End of subject. Surely your husband has not asked you to end the friendship. If he has, he is way out of line and needs to be told that he does not choose your friends - you do. It's not national security, or a matter of marital loyalty, or crossing boundaries. It's a friendship. Your friendship.

Hi V V:
I agree,that your friendship should continue,regardless.I think your husband,is right in requesting you to keep the business separate from the friendship.Hes actually helping you to preserve your friendship by doing this. I know you feel badly,about the outcome of the position held,but you have no control over that,and If your friend is mature and level headed,she will understand that as well.I of course wouldn't contact her the day of the termination,but I would keep in contact,and attempt to preserve the friendship you have spent 3 years to build. I know this is of no constellation right now, but after this passes,there is the posibility,that all four of you may move on,and be able to have a close friendship.I wish you the best J.

Hi V V,
My best friend, who was 15 when we became friends, married a man my husband and I introduced her to.....of course we had no idea they would marry....My husbad was his boss...We continued our friendship, her daughter is like my granddaughter... This friendship has lasted 28 yrs so far, and won't end any time soon.
Over the yrs we just did not discuss work related things, altho I often wanted to....they are divorced now, and we have both said we are glad we didn't make it a couples friendship....so, yes, just take anything work related out of it and have a wonderful friendship.
Good luck........C.

Because you are friends and the job issues have nothing to do with your feelings towards your friend, stay friends. Tell her that you are uncomfortable about these issues and that right now this is a touchy subject so lets avoid the topic when together. Most likely she feels the same way, if the friendship trails off that's ok, but remember that most people aren't cold hearted, I don't think she is happy that your hubby is getting layed off. She is probably having the same feelings as you are.

I guess if you talked to her about it you would know weather to stay friends or not, depending on her answers or comments. Good Luck to you and your hubby with finding a new job. J.

Is it your husband or her husband who will be getting laid off? Either way, it is best to leave the work and friendship separate and not discuss it. Because a job has ended doesn't mean the friendships needs to. It will be weird at first but during hard times you need support from friends.

Respect your husband's wishes; don't discuss the spouses' business. He has a right to his feelings. Ask your friend to leave that topic off the table. I think you can keep the friendship with her if you can avoid that. Otherwise, it may be time to give it a break.

Wow. What a tough situation. It's always hard when friendships are involved with work or any other type of business.
I bet you anything your friend will find it a tough situation too.
I say, just back off on the friendship for now and just see how things progress.
Good luck.

I don't think you should end the friendship, although she may if she finds out her husband will be loosing his job, and that you knew about it and did not tell her. You are in the middle of something that you didn't ask to be in. I don't think your husband should have told you, that your friends husband was going to loose his job, becasue when she finds out she will need a friend, but it may not be you. J.

You said it perfectly; 'I cannot cross the boundaries of his working relationship.' He is uncomfortable, because it seems to me he is trying to ignore the elephant in the room. If they are real friends and if your husband is at all interested in keeping that friendship alive, then he should talk openly with his friend (not his boss). This of course is something that should have happened when the friend became the boss. It's possible your husband may have feelings that he isn't ok with having his friend be his boss or may have feelings that maybe his friend should be doing more to save his job. Keep in mind that when the company hires again, his friend will be in the position to re-hire your husband. But it is clear that your husband needs to resolve this for himself. Continue to stand by his side, but there is no need to have any off limit topics in a friendship that apparently you value. If I were in your position, I would do the same to support my husband, but between he and I would feel free to express my opinion of what I think he should do. Good luck with your husband's job and the friendship.

Of COURSE you should stay friends with her. I dont have anything else to say, and no one should have to convince you. You shouldnt even question it.

Wendy

If the friendship is worth keeping then I would definitely keep it - so long as their is an understanding that business and work is separate. I was promoted to a position where I had to supervise my long-time friend who I hold very dear. We discussed our friendship and the best thing she said to me was that she wanted me to succeed and I had to treat her fairly. although there is some natural nepotism, we secretly meet for lunch and we meet for dinner. Our friendship remained strong, if not stronger, and I love her to death for it. She goes to my family events and I go to her family events. I knew she was a friend I wanted to keep for a lifetime - so that should be the question you ask yourself.
On your other point - definitely respect your husband's wishes and do not discuss his work issues with her - it'll put her in an awkward position also and I'm sure she'll respect it if you don't bring it up, thus she will not have to react.
Good luck

Hi V.V. , most importantly your husband comes first before any friendships. Especially a more recent one. I'm not trying to sound harsh or anything. It's just your marriage should come first. If he's ok with you still being friends with her and not talking business, then ok. However, if he still feels uncomfortable about you talking to her, then I would give it a little break and respect his feelings. He will most likely feel differently later. Lay offs are really h*** o* men. It hurts them in every aspect of their being. Even if they try and not show it. You know how men are. My husband has gone through 2 lay offs. He's a great man and a strong Christian, but both layoff's took a beating on his self esteem. Once he found another job and was happy, then of course he felt better. Communication is key, give as much support as he needs and wants. Good luck, and hope he finds a job soon.

Friendships can get a little tricky- especially when spouses are involved. How close do you feel to this person? If you are only situational friends, try to include other friends in your activities together- that way you are still seeing her without being forced to have any substantial (dare I say intimate) talk. If you really feel close to her, just avoid the issue of your husband's lay off and concentrate on the friendship. This will require discipline- it's hard to not share everything with your girlfriends! If it's just too much, come clean and tell her it's too hard to maintain the friendship with this issue looming over your head. This situation is a tough one and I am sure you are not the only one who will be dealing with this due to our present economy. Best of luck to you and I hope your husband will find new employment very soon.

You should be worried that your friend wants to keep up with you.
B.

Whatever will be will be.