Friend with Postpartum...what Can I Do?

How about getting a group of friends together and jointly helping her. You could each take an evening a week and make dinner and help her with rhe dishes, do a load of laundry, run the vaccume ect and do what we women do best TALK. Pick up the 2 yr old for weekend outings and as she is feeling better take her along. Her older kids may need rides to school events and with homework. When she sees how much she means to all of you she will start to feel better about herself and her family.

A good friend of mine (and neighbor) had terrible PPD and it was so difficult on the whole family. She got through it and we were having a glass of wine one night and talking pretty openly about it.

Some of the things that helped her:
1. Meds and regular visits with her doctor to check-in
2. People who remembered to ask how SHE was, not just the baby
3. People who talked to her about things going on in the world (or in our lives), not just "baby talk"
4. Visits from friends
5. Offers to babysit so she could get out for a while (may be tough for you to do this for her, but you could offer to take the 2 yr old again)
6. Offers for other husbands to take her husband out of the house for a while b/c he needed to "talk" too and she just could be the "listener" at the time.

Focus on helping her get through this, especially if she has help at home. She has shared the PPD with you, so ask her about it. Check in on her regularly and come to her with specific offers. "Sara, I made a double batch of lasagna last night and thought I would drop it by today. Does 4:30 work for you?" People suffering from depression won't "initiate" interactions, but will welcome them if you initiate.

My best friend went through a terrible time with PPD. I never had it, but did have the baby blues, and those nights where you just have some crazy thoughts! I shared with her some of the crazy things I said, did, thought and it made her feel less guilty. For her it was the guilt of feeling the way that she did, she thought she should be loving every minute of it, that it was supposed to be easy and that there was something wrong with her for wanting to scream into a pillow and cry and not have to take care of a baby for just 2 hours!!

Helping her out with the other kids is definitely a great idea. Or maybe even offer to come over for a few hours so she can sleep. Sleep deprivation is a huge culprit to the crazy feelings that come after the baby is here.

You are a great friend!

Just there her know you are there to support , encourage and stand by her ! Let her know this will pass and maybe suggest a support group to air things out. Keep up offers to give her a L. break now and then when you can. Keep her socially active , instead of becoming a recluse, and becoming isolated from the outside world. Take her out for a girls night out or suggest that maybe her hubby take her on a date night ! Keep things moving in a positive perspective ,get her to keep talking about how she is feeling. What a great friend you are, hope things improve for her, C. S.

You are obviously a very caring friend, and she's lucky to have you.

Krista makes some great points below.

Definitely keep reaching out to your friend. Taking the 2-yr old is probably a great relief! Just be open to talking, follow her lead, talk about things besides babies, don't make her feel weird about being depressed and needing meds. (It has happened to many of us!) It's great that she recognized that she needed help.

Good luck to all of you!

wow, i wish i had something to offer you, other than saying: you are a true, loving and attentive friend, and i am sure what ever you do will be right and good.
Thank heaven for people like you,
hang in there as much as you can, she needs you.

Tell her to go to this great site I found....mamapedia.com. Its full of wonderful and supportive moms who can help her get through this when you aren't available!

Tell her to keep talking and just listen. The med will take two weeks plus to kick in so just be there for her. Meds and talking to a therapist and my BFF was what got me through.

I think what you have done by easing her "burden" a bit here and there is a good thing. She's getting some medical attention and that's the important part.

Hi L. M.,
You are a great friend as many have written. And have received great advice.
so I will just add....

1. Your friend should know she is not alone. That is, other mothers can feel this way etc....It is OK. Brook Shields wrote an autobiography of her dealing with PPD ...

2. Sleep deprivation, lack of nutitious food and exercise can enhance the symptoms of PPD. Can her friends take turns babysitter while the older kids are out so she can sleep>

3. Can someone encourage her to take a walk every day???

HTH. She is lucky tohave you. Jilly

It's really scary and you are so kind to care. Please keep checking in with her. If you can't take the L. one, maybe bring a meal. Can you coordinate with her family/friend things that would be helpful - meals, house cleaning, child care - just here and there makes a huge difference. LEtting her know she is not alone is amazingly helpful. :)

Wow, it is so great to know there are people out there like you!!:) I had PPD all three times and it was by far the most AWFUL thing ever. I would check in with her frequently(calls, emails, texts)...even she seems too "down" to talk, you can make the conversation brief but let her know you are there for her and seeing if she needs anything. You made need to be the "aggressor" because this will zap her physical and mental energy. I would offer to do whatever you can in terms of help as much as your time will allow( meals, taking her other child, etc) and see if there are any other friends you can coordinate things with. Just making her feel NOT alone will be very helpful:)