WARNING: This is heartbreaking--at least it was for me.
A friend from church was with her ex-husband since they were 15/16 yrs old. They married and had three children. One little girl died hours after being born, and now have two boys. He was starting to be a leader in our church, doing the readings, stepping up for others while they were out of town. Just a very awesome couple who both reached out to the people. They made you feel welcomed.
His father committed suicide years ago. His mother did the same thing 5 yrs to the DATE of his father. After that he came out of the closet. He was molested by both men and woman as a child, and by his older brothers friends. When his wife found pictures on his cell phone of him and his boyfriends she was floored, she did not realize that their son was right there too. Just then the husband walked in and was furious! He got a bottle and hit her with a bottle and proceeded to cut her throat, she passed out. Their 9 yr old son got a kitchen knife and told the dad to let his mom go! He ran out of house with bottles of medication went to work and took them. The police and paramedics came. They got the husband and he spent a week in ICU. This was a few years ago.
She still misses the man and wife they use to be. Do any of you know if there are support groups for wife’s a men who turn to men? Anyone have any advice I could share with her?? I have been divorced and can understand the want to be with the man you used to know, but he cheated with woman, not men. So I am at a loss at times as what encouragement to offer.
She's missing the illusion of a normal happy life.
It's part of a grieving process and it sounds like she's at a denial/bargaining stage (if he comes back we can get back to normal, pretend it never happened).
She needs counseling (as do the children) and she needs to keep it up till she feels ready to move on and maybe consider she could be happy with someone else.
Wait...What?
A support group for spouses whose husbands come out?
This is NOT about coming out.
This is some SERIOUS dysfunction, trauma, and domestic violence.
Yes. There are support groups for survivors of domestic violence.
Here's a link to an advocacy center in your area:
http://www.wcspittsburgh.org/page.aspx?pid=354&gclid=...
I think she is grieving what could have been, not what was.
Your friend might benefit from some O.-on-O. counseling. She's had a lot of trauma.
The man is a very sick individual and she should not expose herself and her children again to such emotional (and physical) pain. If she wants him back, she's deeply unhealthy and should seek therapy. It's too late for the man (who obviously endured horrendous drama in his childhood and had pysicho parents), but not for her children. They can be saved and she is the one who must do it. Otherwise they'll end up having no parents to protect them just like their father. She should break the cycle immediately! Support her and guide her towards counseling and serious therapy, away from that maniac.
She needs to go to grief counseling. She misses what she had and what she wanted their relationship to be. Who he is now is not that person. Since he came out as gay and attacked her in such a violent way she needs to remember he isnt who he was and she can only look forward to a future with her son. Is she sure her son hasnt been touch since he was apparently in the room as well? Not to add more salt to the wound but.....
I would encourage her to find support, perhaps grief counseling. She is mourning what she thought they had, not what they actually had. It doesn't matter what the circumstances turned out to be. He was not who she thought he was and she had hopes and dreams built on different "facts". Men or women, it was still a betrayal.
I'll just agree with what the others have said. Counseling is past due! She and her son both need to go. The husband could use some too. This sounds like a story that was made up.
Holy cow. I hope that little boy is in some serious counseling..... as I hope his mamma is too.
A neighbor's daughter found out her hubby was gay and she went to The Straight Spouse Network... I believe that is what it is called. You could google it for her and find out the information. I believe it is a support group like Alanon but for people who have had a spouse come out.
She obviously has some SERIOUS co-dependency issues (wanting him back after all that) which she will need to see a GOOD therapist for.
You're a good friend for trying to help her - you may have to be her voice of reason for quite sometime. God bless.
Wow. I imagine that she needs some serious grief counseling. What a terrible situation. It's likely that she also has PTSD and serious guilt about what her son saw. Really, she needs one-on-one therapy. And the only sort of support group I can think of would be one for PTSD. A good therapist could probably recommend a few.
To answer your question, there is a group called Exodus Ministries that helps men who wish to leave the gay lifestyle.
But, that said, I completely agree with the other women. This is not the central issue. Even if there was a time that they were happy, the sort of trauma he has experienced as a child and they have experienced as a married couple can only be mended with some help or they cannot possibly have anything resembling a normal, healthy relationship.
How horrifying. =(
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My ex-husband is gay. The Straight Spouses Network was/is a wonderful group that has lots and lots of information for the children and spouses/former spouses of gay/lesbian individuals. It REALLY helped me to know that I was not alone.
