Hello all Im need a little advise on what i can do to help my friend. They are struggling money wise on paying bills, getting food ect. Im not doing so great myself but i want to help. Any ideas on what i could do to help them. I know she won't just accept any form of money. I don't want to make her feel like i feel sorry for her... ive been in her situation and no one would help me (note: this was before her and i became friends) What could i do or say to help her. I thought about maybe making the family a meal once a week, but not sure how i go about telling her or asking her if she would like that... we haven't been friends long so its a new friendship.
Thank you in advance for your advise!
M
You could either start a 'friends' night where you invite them over for dinner once a week.
Something I did once for a friend in a similar situation was that I bought a $50 gift card to her favorite grocery store. Then I snail mailed it to her anonymously in a 'thinking of you' card.
M.
Sometimes when friends share personal info with you such as finances, or marital problems it's just because they need to vent. It may not have been told to you so you can FIX it for her, at least that's what it sounds like to me. I know the rule of thumb is that you should not share personal family problems with others because they will focus on it and bring it up even when you are past it already or don't want to discuss it. Always be careful what you share with others. From your update response I believe that she probably wishes she would have never said anything to you about it and you should just let it go for now. If she really wanted something from you she would ask it of you. When someone vents, the best thing to say when they are finished is "I'll be here for ya if you need anything, just ask". And leave it at that, seriously.
I'm always greatful when someone shares some of their over abundance of veggies from the garden. If you don't have a garden, pick up some veggies at a farm stand and tell her you received them from a friend and just have way too many.
Invite her and her family over for a meal. Make extra and send her home with a doggie bag.
Car pool with her when running errands, that way you can say her some money on gas.
make her a meal... and tell her you were in the groove of making lasagna pans for some people and thought she may like one! see how that goes over, and you could always try it again. Maybe next week or two say you wanted to try a new recipe out and wanted her feedback. All kinds of ways to make it not look like charity....Good for you for wanting to help. If you are indeed friends.... she will be very appreciative and not push you away.
Dave Ramsey's books Financial Peace University or Total Money Makeover, buy two one for you and one for her and you can start a mini book club together, you can both read it and help each other get in better financial condition, you don't have to be broke to get in a better financial situation.
I've also heard of having a coupon club where you two can get together and clip coupons, and you can share coupons that you don't use with here and vice versa.
Helping someone financially is one of the most difficult things you can do, especially if they are not open to the help. Sometimes you can just share stories about how you saved some money, or earned some money, that may give them an idea of how they can do the same.
What about a gift card to Walmart or the grocery store - just left in her front door? You won't get any thanks, because she won't know where it came from, but you'll be helping her without embarrassing her.
A gas card always helps. No matter what you have to drive around.
M,
If you wanted to give money there is a neat site that was on a news report a while back. I have never used it myself but the reviews were amazing and I book marked the website! Basically a check is sent to the person through a non-profit organization anonymously. The website is: https://www.givinganon.org/index.php
E.
You can always invite her and her family over for a meal since she is a friend. I love giving gift baskets. I buy very cheap baskets at yard sales or on sale at craft stores or even get creative and put things in baskets I'm getting rid of at my home. I fill the basket with things I buy on sale when I go shopping. So if the store is having a 4 for $5 or 5 for $20 or buy one get one free. I buy things that way and share those things with my friend by putting them in the basket.
You may want to go together to the meat market and decide on a meat plan that you both would like. Split the costs and the meat 50/50. This is a great way of getting variety and much more bang for your buck. I uses to do this with the girl upstairs in my single days. We would buy the $70 plan and be able to stretch that meat for a month with great planning. Imagine $35 a month for meat. It was the best. She had a family of two and I had a family of 3 at the time.
FYI - Angel Food is great!
It does sound like she's wishing she hadn't told you. I can think of several reasons why she just wanted to vent but not ask for help. Perhaps in the meantime, you can just develop the friendship and if she genuinely feels that you use cost cutting measures (coupon clipping, ever had to use food stamps, etc), it will come out gradually over time. Perhaps her husband is terribly proud and doesn't want anyone to know. Maybe he or she has way overspent and they regret it but it is only temporary -- or one of them is out of a job, etc. You don't say. I really don't think any anonymous gift is a good idea. She may know who it came from and resent that you didn't back away as requested.
Just be a good friend, have some knowledge or suggestions handy if she ever asks for ideas. Do let her know you struggled once so she won't be embarrassed.
I agree with Megan. Throw a weekly potluck with your neighbors and friends and leftovers go to her. That way you are helping and it benefits everyone. And she doesn't feel needy.
What about just sharing your story? Tell her you've been there, you felt no one helped and you really want to help however you can. Offer to make the meal, offer to help her seek help from a food pantry, get her the Dave Ramsey book Financial Peace (that may not be the title, but it's his book on getting out of debt). Could you offer to watch her kids so she can get a part time job or something like that? Probably just being a friend that she can talk to without judgement would be the best thing you can do.
She can get discounted food through Angel Food Ministries. We've had to do it before, and b/c they expect a little bit of payment, she won't feel as if she is getting a free handout. Bringing a small bag of groceries over would be a wonderful gift. I had a new friend do that for us as well. She got little extra things she new we couldn't afford, like snacks for the kids, cake mix... as well as some fresh fruits and veggies a loaf of bread, deli meat and a gallon of milk. We were very grateful.
You are a great friend for wanting to help. I would say maybe a grocery store gift card but really just be there for her. I have a friend that is in this same situation and we have them money and baby stuff (she was prego), but really that just caused problems. So just lend her your hear and shoulder if needed. Also if she is open to suggestions, Dave Ramsey has a great get out of down/get on top of your bills philosophy. Google him and check it out.
When times got hard for my family a neighbor approached me about meal sharing.
She would cook a lil extra and give it to my family rather than saving it for leftovers. It was very nice and has since became a routine. saves both of us time and money. She cooks one week of meals and I cook another.
Maybe you could approach her in that way, by telling her that you have been cooking too much food and were wondering if she would accept it.
And eventually it could turn into a normal plan..like it did for us! Good Luck
