Freshman Prom?

Teenagers need budgets, and limits.
Ideally the dad should be saying (to his daughter) you can spend up to x amount.
Even MORE ideally he should just give her the cash, that way when you take her shopping she has a fixed amount to spend. Plus she needs to factor in shoes, maybe some earrings or something.
Tell her dad to give her this before you go out shopping again. It's nice of you to take her, he should at least do THAT much.

I'm with everyone else. It's sweet and wonderful -- truly, absolutely wonderful -- that she asked you to take her dress shopping, but the question of finances needs to be between daughter and dad. Just give him a quick call:

"Hi Brian. Caitlin has been absolutely lovely, but I'm afraid I'm having a little sticker shock here. The median dress price seems to be $_____, though we are seeing a few for as little as $_____. I thought the best thing would just be to ask you how much you want to spend."

He's the dad of a young teen girl, and since she seems like a sweet kid, he's probably got some experience setting price limits with her. You SHOULD enforce his limits, but you shouldn't have to guess at what they might be. Just give him a call.

My daughter paid $180 for her senior prom dress and I thought that was expensive. No way would I pay more than that for a freshman prom.

I paid under $50 for my dress for senior prom. I think the amount these kids want to spend on a dress for one day is insane. I mean, even my wedding dress was only $300. I would get a firm price from her father before spending a penny, and I would urge her to be reasonable about the cost.

My older daughter swapped dresses with her friends. They all found the prices totally stupid so big sisters were robbed, everyone swapped, the whole time she was in high school she bought one dress and that wasn't even senior prom.

Before you think aww poor poor girls this was a private school and these were wealthy families. The girls just thought the prices were stupid and they weren't buying into the needs for all new all the time.

I went to prom all four years of high school. We girls typically traded dresses from year to year. It was really fun and each year we gave the borrowed dresses our own flare. Then senior year, we all went all out on a new dress.
I would talk to the dad and get a firm budget, then go from there. You and she will have a firm guideline for pricing. $200 for a new dress doesn't sound crazy, but it might be out of his budget.

Get a firm price and $$ from dad.

My daughter graduated last June. We had many school formals, etc. No freshman prom. Only senior prom .

Dresses are expensive. In the younger years for homecoming and school formals, we found good quality, reasonable dresses ( short dresses) at local department stores. Bebe has dresses that fit my daughter perfectly.

Her prom dress was by Sherri Hill and purchased at Terry Kosta in Dallas. I paid $800 ( alterations included for 2 yrs) for the beautiful dress she wore to 2 proms. When she tried this dress on, there were no less than 5 girls waiting to try it on because it was the only one like it in the store. It was a bit big at a size 1 so we altered it and it lasted her 2 proms. So bottom line $400 per year.

I wouldn't go "all out" for a freshman prom. I would treat that similar to a special homecoming formal. Senior prom is a big deal.

Priority is to get the exact "budget" and cash from dad so you are all on the sane page. Keep in mind this "budget" should allow for the dress, shoes, accessories, and bouteniere plus something I'm sure I'm forgetting about!

Makes me glad I have boys. (-: Sounds like she has her heart set on a new dress, but what about borrowing one or going to a consignment store? Get more information from other parents or the school about how formal the dance is. She would hate to show up in a long, shiny dress and be the only one dressed that way. Our HS does not have a freshman prom and most of the freshman go to the Homecoming dance as groups, not with "dates."

Sounds like a weird suggestion, but have you tried david's bridal? Some of the bridesmaid's dresses would probably suit, and are available at under $200. Same is true for j crew bridal. Another source would be jc penneys or sears at around this time of year.

Best,
F. B.

I'm with the others that say tell her Dad you need a firm dollar amount that is his limit, and tell him his daughter has been finding most dresses in the 200-500 price range to her liking, though you have tried steering her to those a little less formal and less expensive. I'd also tell him you'd love to continue shopping with her, but both father and daughter need to be on the same page as far as the max amount that will be budgeted for the dress.

Do you know any moms of sophomore girls? If you can, ask one what sort of dress the girls wore last year & what she thought was reasonable. If the mom tells you long prom-type dresses are common, that's one thing. If she tells you either short dresses or a mix of short and long dresses are "it", then that's another.

I can see where you've already tried to get a hard budget number from her dad. It sounds like he's not sure what's right, either, and doesn't want to step wrong on this. New territory for both of you! You might want to tell him, though, what his daughter is looking at and what information you find out from other moms. Then, the two of you can come up with a pretty reasonable range. At least he won't be blind-sided and it won't cause friction between you at the end.

For what it's worth, up until 2 years ago I spent about 6 or so years helping one daughter or another with prom dresses, semi-formal dresses, dressy occasion dresses (we had several family members get married), etc. Sometimes we bought a new dress; sometimes she borrowed one. One dress was a prom dress in May & then got cut down for a wedding in August. The least expensive dress I purchased was $35 (Bargain! And she's worn it a few times, making it an even bigger bargain!). The most expensive was either $195 or $225 -- in that range, anyway. And it was really beautiful. We bought a dress from a local bridal shop, from Nordstrom's (my favorite! not more expensive than Macy's, a better, more tasteful selection and MUCH better service!) and from Marshall's.

No girl wants to stand out in a bad way but every girl wants to look beautiful and unique -- just like all her friends. :-) You're in a tough position: you're supposed to be helpful and supportive but don't have the authority of a mom.

Good luck with this! I'm sure you'll find something lovely that makes her feel beautiful, while at the same time being appropriate for the occasion and for the young lady -- and for her dad's wallet.

My advice is to invite her dad over for dinner and discuss this. When dinner is done the kids can do homework and you, your hubby and her dad can look over the websites for the stores you have been shopping in. Show him the dresses she has been trying on and the prices. Get his approval for the dress before you purchase. Call the store and explain the situation you are shopping with her because her mother is deceased . You would like to purchase the dress but will need to put it on hold so her dad can come in and pay for it. Then call the dad and tell him you will need $X to hold the dress for 24 hrs. He needs to send the money with his daughter.

I have been burned too many times to pay for something for someone and not be reimbursed.

You need to get a firm budget from her dad. I'm sure he has no idea that his little princess' dress could cost him a small fortune. There were plenty of $200-300 dresses when I was in high school too (14 years ago), but I was able to get my formals for much less by buying on the Sale rack at Macy's or going to Sears. There are also high end consignment stores that you could try.

Freshman prom. Wow. Never heard of a freshman prom. Nothing left to look forward to any more. If they go to a freshman prom, the senior prom won't mean anything to them. Oh well.

Tell her father to give her a price limit. End of discussion. $200 to $500 is insane.

I'd make sure he knows just how much he could end up paying, he may be thinking of a much less total.

make him write the check first so you know his budget. his "go crazy" and your "go crazy" might be really different things. I would call the school and ask how formal it is. I have never heard of a freshman prom.

$200 for a prom dress is pretty typical. Our HS has a junior prom and a senior ball (junior prom is the bigger deal). I'm assuming that her father is paying for this prom gown. Has he given her a budget and does he know how much prom dresses cost? If this prom is the real deal, gowns, tuxes and limo's, then I'd assume a prom dress for a freshman would cost the same as for upperclass proms. I wouldn't get involved in the price, tell her father the range and let him set the budget. She needs to shop within that budget.

When is prom? Do you know anyone who might make a dress for her? That way she will definitely be the only one with that look. There are also stores that carry used prom gowns as it is only for one night that would not break the bank.

Try to explain to the girl that this is the first of many dresses and that you should get a dress that fits and is appropriate but not the "wedding" dress. If you get the bling dress first what else is there to buy in the years that come for prom?

Get you and dad on the same page with a price that includes the dress, shoes, bag, jewelry, hair/nails/makeup and a boutonniere for the night.

It was nice of the girl to think of you as a "mom" figure for this special event.

the other S.

My sophomore just went to Senior prom and her dress was nearly $400. She skipped some little stuff like hair and make-up and wore shoes she already had because she loved the dress so much. While it is a lot to spend she looked gorgeous and plans to either sell the dress on Ebay or save it for her little sister who will be in HS soon.

When I was a kid, formal dresses were $100-200, like everything else the price has gone up. My girl is very tall and thin so this didn't work for her but some of her friends traded dresses they had previously worn and paid nothing. Others went to second hand stores and bought vintage dresses. All the kids were VERY dressed up, no short dresses, tuxes on the boys, they looked very sharp and much more formal than my prom days. Talk to some older kids who have attended a freshman prom (I've never heard of one myself) and see how formal they are.

Sounds like this girl needs a special night, maybe her Dad won't balk at the price. I think it's really sweet you're shopping with her. Maybe treat her to a mani/pedi with you before the big day if it's in your budget. Enjoy your time with her, I love shopping with my teen.

Well everyone's definition of going crazy is different. Our son has been in Cotillion since forth grade, and they have been doing end of the yet formal balls every year. Jr high same way. Of coarse there is a wide range but some of the kids got limos for the dance! To each his own. Maybe buying a frilly dress may help her feel extra special. I'd definately look at consignment! You can get some pretty dresses at very reasonable buys! Good luck!:)

We were usually able to find something on sale for less than $100... but I would talk to the dad and see what price range he really wants to cover.... he may be trying to make it special for her since her mother isn't able to shop with her.

We also found the dresses at places like Macy's, Dillards, Sears, places like that...... it was amazing how little we actually had to spend sometimes! (Granted that was 10+ years ago, but still... I think the lowest we paid was about $15 for a black velveteen formal length dress with lots of rhinestones on it..... it was missing a decorative button, so they reduced the price even more than the clearance price!)

My daughter is a sophomore and was asked by a junior to go to the junior/senior prom. I paid $205 for the dress including alterations at a bridal shop. Jewelry was close to another $100 and we still need to get her shoes and a purse.

Some of my daughter's friends though got their dresses at macys, nordstroms, and JC penny's. They were mostly in the $100-150 range. Unfortunately, we did not have any luck in those stores since we shopped too late.

I'm against a freshman prom, but that's the question I anticipated, not the one you asked.

If I were the mom of a daughter who needed a grade 9 prom dress, we'd hit thrift stores in affluent areas.

This is ridiculous. Dad needs to consign on this before you spend his dollars.

I would talk to mothers of girls at your school, as you said, some schools are more and less casual