Freaking Out - San Diego,CA

Not only did I continue to have kids, but I homeschooled them!!

You will be fine. Did you know that a person's fear is always worse than the actual event? Our imaginations can conjure up all kinds of things. I would open up my child's new 4th grade math book, go directly to the last chapters of the book, look at it, and declare that I couldn't do it. It was so scary! But when I took each day, one day at a time, I conquered. No problems! My fear was WAY worse than the actual experience.

Each day , one day at a time. That is all God expects from you. 'DO NOT FEAR' is written 366 times in the Bible. And God doesn't lie.

Please don't think I am being unkind in my response because I don't mean to be unkind. But I don't understand what it is you are so worried about. My Mom is 2nd of 6 kids, she was born in 1917. My grandma did her laundry in a copper boiler with a wash board. She grew and canned her veggies, baked bread, sweet rolls, cookies and lots of other baked goods. She made their clothes and had to iron everything. My grandma also made quilts and embroidered pillow cases and crocheted around them. She also made pot holders, doilies, dresser scarves and lots of other stuff. They didn't have a car and had a wood burning furnace.
My Mom would talk about reading to her Mom as part of her homework while grandma did her mending or cooking or other chores. They would practice their spelling and arithmetic while they helped clean up the kitchen after dinner.
They survived the depression and World War I and II.

This is 2011 we have modern appliances and wash and wear clothes that we purchase ready made. We have computers and TV shows to help teach our children.
I know having a child throws off your timing to get things done. Babies always need to fed, changed, napped and it's usually not at a convenient time. Once the baby gets on a routine and is sleeping through the night you should be able to keep up with daily household chores. You will find the time to read to your son as you are feeding and burping the baby or during nap time.
I have seen this question on here several times and I find so unbelieveable that so many of the young Mom's on Mamapedia had demanding powerful jobs and yet running a home and raising children just scares the daylights out of so many of you.
I guess maybe we need to re-visit the question from yesterday about cutting education budgets. We are teaching our children to be executives but have forgotten to teach them to be parents, both the boys and the girls.

There's always a reason not to go for it. And there's no time like the present. You sound like you are doing a great job already; don't let the "what ifs" rule you! Maybe go ahead and get the IUD out, then don't rush or pressure yourselves. I'm not trying to talk you into it if you truly have deep reservations, but if you work yourself into a tizzy you'll never be ready. :)

It's normal to worry about how to juggle the change another child will bring. However, not getting things done the way you are used to does not equal failure. In fact, you definitely will not get things done the way you used to, and you will be a better mother, wife, caregiver, teacher, etc for it! Yes, you'll have to figure out how to deal with two little ones simultaneously, but think about all of the things you won't have to worry about the second time around because you've already been through it. And your first will be around 3 by the time the next baby comes, so he'll be a lot more independent and helpful. There will be an adjustment period, there will be tough times when you wish you had 4 arms and the ability to be in 2 places simultaneously, but you will be fine. Instead of letting your fears take control and spiral out of control, focus them into coming up with a plan on how to handle whatever scenarios scare you. You'll be fine!

Yep. Happened to me. But my husband kept pointing out to me that by the time we went through another pregnancy and a new baby arrived, my 2 yr old wouldn't be TWO anymore! I finally realized how smart that little bit of obviousness was... and we got pregnant. Our daughter was born 20 days before our son's 3rd birthday. And my husband was absolutely right about almost all of my overblown worries being over the top concerns that worked out just fine.

Our 2 kids are SO close these days. Was just looking through some old photos last night (old as in: back when you actually took a picture on film and had it developed, not printed out digitally)... there are SO many pics of my son at 3 1/2 sitting on the sofa or in a chair or lying on the floor, with his arm around his little sister and they are both grinning from ear to ear with such love for each other. I wouldn't have it any other way.
They are 13 and 10 now, and they are still pretty much best friends. I know it doesn't always go that way.... but 3 yrs age difference worked out pretty well at our house. Despite all my stress and worry to the contrary at first.

There is such a huge difference in ability and maturity between 2 and 3 yrs old. How old is your toddler? If he is 2 (or close) then you will be shocked at how much he will be able to do (and behave, and help and and and and) by the time a new baby arrives! Listen to your husband. Sometimes they actually do have a little insight that we missed along the way. ;)

I think that is awesome that your husband is wanting another! I wish my husband would say that lol! I think that it will come to you natural.... Kinda like how you probably had some of these same feelings when you were pregnant the first time? You will find a way to make everything work for you and your little family, its what women do best. You will do great! good luck to you!

When we only had our oldest daughter I was insanely neurotic, Christmas cards were in the mailbox on Thanksgiving eve, everything was done according to schedule and then almost six years later we had our second daughter. I'm still trying to figure things out, but you know something, at the end of the day, it all works out. Do I get everything done as perfectly as I did w/just one, nope.....I get it done even better because I have two extra pair of hands helping me do it all. As far as the closeness between them, that varies. If I had it to do all over again, I definitely would've had them closer together but I realized that there is no perfect time in which to bring a child into this world, it's all about bringing them into your heart. Best of luck to you.

You'll be fine, have the second baby. You now have a helper with the first born.

I say take it out and 'drive without seatbelts' for a while. Your fear is completely normal. There are some things about having two that will stress you until your brain explodes. But MOST of the time you will marvel at how much more laid back you are with the second pregnancy and subsequent birth. Victoria had it right. 3 years apart is a great space in age. My kids are spaced that way (not intentionally, just ended up that way) and they are best friends too.

It IS hard to juggle two. But it's worth it. If you really truly want a bigger family, I say just open your heart and do it! Both feet! Jump in!! You can do it.

Sweet girl, you are in a GREAT place in life. There is nothing more special than becoming a mom, hopefully, over and over. As long as you are feeling good about your finances, or have a good relationship with your true provider, then don't let multiple kids, diaper bags, and logistics scare you.

Every once in awhile, one of my daycare moms will tell me how much they don't like having to get up at night with a baby and they hate diaper bags and pregnancy, so they will NEVER have another child. It's always the ones that are super into their career, work really hard to do things just perfectly, and barely wipe their kids bottoms without permission from the doctor. It's not wrong to want to be a super mom like you say. But these woman are trying to be perfect to cover up how much they don't like being moms. They love the one they have, but never want another.

It's normal to be nervous. We all felt that way between our first and 2nd. I so wish I was still in your phase of life! You will figure everything out. :)

I think the answer to your question is YES - it's really normal to worry about what a 2nd will do to the life as a mom of one that you've become accustomed to, and that you are proud of. I think you need to recognize that each one of those roles you play IS a job in and of itself. Mom, Wife, Caregiver, Teacher... well, that's 4 jobs right there, not to mention, cook. housekeeper, financial planner, budgeter, etc. etc.! They're just all packaged into a single paycheck, which is probably not a very high hourly wage. Give yourself some credit! It's pretty tough to be perfect at everything all of the time. But it's pretty good to be OK at most things all of the time.
Having said that, since you said you want another child, maybe you take the next year of planning, of pregnancy, and figure out what you want your life with 2 children to look like. Maybe it involves saving through this year so you can afford some help with things you don't want to waste your precious time on (i.e. cleaning lady, a 1x week babysitter, etc.) Maybe it means figuring out 1-2 nights/week that your husband is home early & you have that time to do what you want. Maybe it means signing your 2 year old up for a 2x/week afternoon playgroup or daycare. You can wait for the 2nd baby to change everything, OR you can take the opportunity to proactively adjust your expectations, and build the structure of the life you want.

You have to redefine your "job description"! Is being a "super mom" a reasonable goal? Would you feel you had to be perfect as a "super teacher" or "super manager"? Or would you prioritize tasks, delegate some, and eliminate others as being less important?

So I'd suggest you re-define what it means to "get things done" and to be a "super-mom"! Maybe a super mom just does her best to raise well adjusted and happy kids, but who doesn't always have a perfectly clean kitchen floor or a living room that looks like it's ready for the photographer from House Beautiful! Maybe it means to enjoy being a mom and occasionally give yourself the gift of unmade beds or a thrown-together supper.

Your husband works 40 hours a week. So do you. After that, you should be splitting tasks, rather than you working 90 hours a week to be perfect! If you want another child (and it sounds like you do), you need to decide if you want another child now, or in a few years. There's no magic to the age spread between kids, and don't let anyone tell you that you need to have them in rapid succession.

While you're deciding, why not practice letting a few things go now and then? Relax your standards - or better said, re-evaluate your standards to decide what is really important. What will your child(ren) say when they are 25 years old? That their mom was there for them and made their upbringing really fun, or that she was super-organized and ran a tight ship. None of us really loves clutter or disorganization, but sometimes we have to give ourselves the gift of relaxation and fun!

My suggestion is to print out your question and have your husband read it and start the conversation so he can understand where you are. You may be the type of family that needs a bit more of an age gap between your kids. When the older one is around 4 they are more their own person, in nursery school part of the day and much more independent, are able to be helpful and entertain themselves then you can keep the balance you have learned to do with one little one for a part of the day.

You will know when you are ready. Communication is the key to making major life decisions and if you share your thoughts and fears with your loved one, you will both understand each other better and make the choices for your family together.

*Totally* normal. And yeah, there are going to be some hard times in the beginning, but you can do it. My youngest two are one and three (the oldest is 18, so you can see why going from one to two wasn't as big a deal as two to three). Last year at this time, it was kind of rough. But I had a wrap for my newborn that helped me get through a lot of normal life with my toddler.
A year later (well, 15.5 months) and life is pretty good. And it's not like that just happened. I'd say the first seven months were pretty hard. (I work out of the home, so that includes my first month back at work.)
PS I honestly didn't freak out too much in advance of getting pregnant, or even while I was pregnant. It all hit me once she arrived. I'm hoping that means you'll be more geared up for the changes than I was. For some reason I really seemed to think that the baby was just going to fit into our lives without much effort or give on our part. Obviously, that's ridiculous... I can see that now, LOL.
Best wishes in this important decision!

We are contemplating a third and this is my biggest hesitation as well (well, actually, the no-sleep thing is my biggest hesitation!)....

Honestly, going from 1 to 2 wasn't that big of a deal. In fact, you will still be so occupied with child 1 that baby will just fit into your life and be a wonderful cuddle toy you can love when the rest of the world is out of control.

The toddler will hang from the ceilings whenever the baby learns new tricks (sit up, crawl, walk, etc.), but then, at about 15 months, when the kids start playing together, you will go "wow! maybe I should have another!"

I have the super mom tendencies too. I hate a dirty house, I strive for drop in ready, and I make most foods from scratch (including bread without a machine).

But, really, two wasn't that big of deal, and now that my youngest is almost 2, the kids usually want very little to do with me. They are too busy playing together. So the hard period isn't that long, and you will discovered new laid back mom that you will love! The second kid is sooo much easier.

Krys, it's not you. I'm sure you're doing everything as well as you possibly can for your son. When my husband asked me to try for another child, I really wasn't ready. In any event I did get pregnant, but psychologically I wasn't ready. Our schedule between my son and myself, was perfect. But, I ended up getting sick while being pregnant. I got cholic bowel syndrome. This didn't stop even until after I had my second child. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought I was going to die. Finally I checked myself into the hospital after I had my daughter (left my two kids with mother-in-law and parents) and stayed in the hospital for 5 days. Everything was psychological. I had to get on some kind of medication to fix the cholic colon, but in all it was me. Just nervous as to how I would take care of my kids, would I be able do the same things I did with my one child, trying to relocate with my family, and some other stressful thoughts. In the end Krys, it's not worth stressing over. There's a plan out there for all of us. If you feel you're ready for baby number 2 then go for it. Or, put it on hold for another year or two until your first is in school. It's not bad at all. If anything, things are quite good having a second child. My two play very well together now. They're two years apart and are in school for half days. It all works out believe it or not. You'll make a schedule for your kids. On a last note: I have finally relaxed this year (kids being in schoo). I meet with my girlf friend's once a week for coffee/tea. I think that being with friends is a must for everyone. Just as well, being on this site, has also been helpful for me. Stay well and don't sweat it.

I think you are stressing too much! I was worried how I would handle it too. But you adjust and you just get into the swing of things. You might now have things AS together as you do now, but it'll be fine. The best part is the way your heart will expand and you will love this new little being so much that it won't matter! You will love how your toddler has a sibling and you will cherish the moments the 2 kids just adore each other. Talk to your husband about hiring a mothers helper or a nanny one morning a week. That will give you a little break. Your 2 year old will be 3 or almost 3 and he/she can go into a little nursery school 2 or 3 morning s a week if you want. You will not fail...you will be great!

Cut yourself some slack! You don't need to be perfect just the best mom you can be. Children just need LOVE and it's an amazing feeling when your 2nd is born and you just grow another heart! I was worried I wasn't going to love my 2nd as much as my 1st but once my 2nd was born and especially as the days went on...I was so wrong!
I actually find 2 easier. It's tough the first few months of course but once they can kind of play together (9 months or so) it gets easier.
Of course it's normal to worry...that's what Mom's do! Just set real expectations for yourself. I say do it!

Oh, that's SO normal. :) Don't beat yourself up about it.

I'm a SAHM (always have been) and my husband works 12 hour shifts.

We'd planned on 4 kids, 2 years apart each time. My oldest 2 are only 13 months apart. It was a surprise, sure, but it was really easy to do everything I needed to. The fact that they were both girls made it easier - they handed clothes down, liked the same toys, books, movies etc. By the time #3 came, my older girls were in school, Scouts, dance class, church kids' group... all kinds of activities and obligations. My whole house would no longer revolve around baby stuff. I couldn't figure out how I'd get everywhere, on time and ready, and do it on not enough sleep. I worried A LOT.

It turned out to be so easy! :) I made sure I napped when he did, even though his naps were at a time of day that wasn't really convenient for me. I took him to parent night at school, recitals, anywhere the "big kids" needed to be. It was all so easy that by the time #4 came, 4 years later, I didn't worry.

All of us fear our shortcomings, and all of us have them, because we're human. We don't have to be perfect, just loving and trying hard. :) If you want #2, GO FOR IT. You'll never regret it.

So, wouldn't it be considered a bigger failure that you did not have the second child because you were so afraid of failing. Not doing something can be a failure as much as trying something and failing at it. So, have the second child and embrace that your standards will have to change a bit. You will not think of yourself as a failure if you change your standards of what you will be able to accomplish. Your husband will need to understand these change of standards as well. And, one final thought, think of all of the people who have had more than one child and they are doing just fine.

You put that IUD in for a reason! If you are not ready mentally... don't do it.. tell him your feelings and that you'd rather wait one more year... you will know when you are ready. It's exhausting.. we all forget what hard work it is during the newborn stage.. when our little one starts to babble and climb and be the cutest he can be.. then they hit terrible two's/threes and BAM we have a newborn AND a tantrum-loving tot to deal with.. where is daddy...? At work, ofcourse..

Sorry to put such a damper on your day, and please don't take my advice.. this is just my feelings.... you might feel different.

I would love another, but I too, don't feel ready.. my son is already 3 and I keep reminding myself of the colicky nights we had with him...

Dear Krys, I know exactly at you mean! As soon as my son turned 2 my hubby wanted to start trying for number 2. I wasn't as keen - mainly for financial reasons and cos I had an emergency c section and my son had had a whole lot of health issues those first 2 years. I gave in and it took 6 months for me to conceive. My daughter is such a blessing! What worked for us was getting my son used to going to creche from the 7th month of my pregnancy (my son used to freak out every time his routine changed). My hubby dropped him off on his way to work and picked him up again on his way home. We also moved him into his "big boy bed" and out of the nursery months before the baby came. That way when I was in hospital his routine remained the same as he was used to leaving with his dad in the morning and coming back with him. We kept sending him even after I got home from the hospital. That way we had to hassles at all. Rest assured that you will not fall pregnant while you are stressed - even without protection. Baby number 2 will come when the time is right.

Hey Mama
Relax you got this- I'm sure you we're afraid b4 you had ur son. Every child is diff but at least you hv an idea of what to expect this time around. It sounds like you hv a great support system w/ur husband- u guys hv each other & u hv a little helper who i'm sure would like to help out.

So go for it & good luck w/this wonderful journey

You are stressing too much! Remember there is never a perfect time to start or add to your family. I have three and of course this was always in the back of my mind...I also dealt with post partum each time but got better at addressing it the second and third time. I am excited for you! You just have to take one day at a time. :)

1- If you think you're not ready, tell him you're not ready.

2- After IUD removal, it still takes a while for it to get out of your system, so I'd have it removed NOW and use condoms until you're ready, just to prepare your body.

3- It's never a good time to have a baby, but it's always the right time once baby is here :)

You could always wait a while until your toddler is older, that would make it lots easier....