For Divorced Mamas with Boys: Child Missing Daddy

Life is so, so not fair. Dads can ignore their children for years, decades even, and the children will search for them and love them just as if they'd grown up with them. ARGH!
But, if the Dad is truly a bad person, at a certain age a child will be able to recognize it. I think the best idea is to let the child visit the dad, (not have him as a enemy-cum-martyr), and make a deal that at a certain age the child can go live with him if they both agree. That's reasonable, doable, and helps the mother-child relationship. A good age for a son is maybe 12 or 13 (maybe make it a 'teen' thing).
A good thing about that age, is that by then the child is able to know wrong when he sees it, and make his own judgments. And, the good thing about an agreement is that it help the child be patient and not demand it at too young an age.

Oh, and ignore that post about not taking your child back if he wants. You can probably send him without giving up custody, and I personally would always leave a door open for my child. AS IF he can really make such a permanent decision at age 14!

Every child is different, and they will handle abandonment issues from their father differently. Counseling for the child would be most helpful.

While I am not a single mom, from those I do know, they provide positive male role model influences for their sons (Big Brothers, Boy Scouts, church youth groups). They don't openly trash talk about their dads, but they don't lie or make excuses for them either.

Well my friend, a Single Mom, with her son... got him a "Big Brother" from the Big Brothers Big Sisters Organization of America.
She said it was GREAT for him and helped a lot... per issues like this.
The organization provides a 'Mentor" for a child and positive guidance.
Do a Google Search and see if there is one in your State.

Every relationship is different, really. One of my sons was extremely close and thrived with his dad, the other was more of a mama's boy. You just have to figure out what parent is best for the child at the time. Small boys, I'd say under the age of 10 are probably best off with mom for the most part, but once girly things arent fun for them anymore they need to be around male role models. Men bond different than women do, and boys raised without dads are at a disadvantage as they don't learn how to interact with other males without some male role involvement, in my opinion. Lots of guys thrive in a family of chicks.... I'm sure it's really all based on personality and what works for the kids.

he needs counceling, but after a certain age in most states that i know of as long as the other parent that may not be the "best" isn't into drugs/alcohol or leads a totally unacceptable life, it' up to the kid and not much either parent can do about it.

so she can either give in if 10 is that states "age of decision" or tell him no but if dad takes it to court and he's old enough to speak not much she can do if the kid is willing to testify in court that's what he wants

until then...counseling wouldn't be a bad idea

and gently explaining why she decides not to

but i would strongly advise mom to tell the boy, when the going gets rough there, don't come crying to me if you go through with this

i have a co-worker who JUST went through this less than a year ago, her son (14) went to see dad in another state, he decided he wanted to stay, dad sent her custody paper's she spoke with son, and told her can't change your mind once the fat lady sings, asked if he wanted to give it time to decide (was in the begining of summer and had 2 months before school started to figure it out), he said no just sign (dad was showering him with gifts and all kinds of usless freedom to persuade him-obviously) she signed, and not a month later he got into legal trouble from stealign from a militarty base-dad and step mom are military, and dad and step mom started showing their true selve's being gone all the time and he called her begging one day to come home and she told him, i warned you, you chose this, now you have to live with it or talk to your dad to give me custody back at his expense....obviously dad wont do

and that's that