First Broken Heart for Teen Daughter?

Put it in perspective and let it be. She is 16 and this is her first broken heart. I am sorry to say, that it may not be her last. She is 16 and if I were you, my concern would be that religion is such a huge concern, at 16. They are not engaged, they are not talking marriage and unfortunately in such devoted religions as Methodist, the fact that she would not consider to convert would be a deal breaker. He is most likely getting pressure from his parents and will succumb to that pressure. Take it with a grain of salt mom, and take this moment to teach your daughter about the difficulties a relationship can bring. This is her first love and she is too young. Perhaps they need to go their separate ways in order to come full circle .....either back to one another or find others. Also, if this kid feels like he's sinning by dating your daughter......asks God to forgive him??....then I'm sorry, nice kid or not I would be of the mindset that he is not for my daughter and she deserves better. Tell her to know her self worth and that no guy should be praying to God for forgiveness because he's dating her. He should be grateful to have found her. Good luck.

I suggest that you just need to be there for her to give her hugs, to sympathize, to let her know that she'll feel better later, that this is a normal part of growing up.

My heart was broken for the first time when I was a young adult. My mother and I stayed in a relative's cabin on a beautiful river over a long week end. She listened to me talk. She gave me hugs. She was confident that I would get past it without lecturing me. It was just a quiet but mostly unspoken confidence. I gathered strength from her and felt much better not too long afterwards. I still mourned the loss for several months but I knew that I was completing an important passage. I was never so hurt again.

BTW I don't understand why the boy is so upset. I suggest he's getting a lot of pressure from his family. I've not known Methodists to be this rigid. I was raised a Baptist and was taught that unequally yoked referred to marriage. Could the boy be telling his family that he wants this relationship to be permanent? Then I would understand them putting the pressure on.

I, too, suggest that you let the kids work this out. You be there as a support for your daughter while she figures her feelings out. She, nor you, can change the boy's mind.

Ok!
Realize that it's the FIRST time her heart is broken.
It certainly won't be the last time.
Hopefully she won't go through this too often but she needs to consider this first relationship as 'training wheels'.

Talk with her about playing the field for awhile.
There is absolutely NO REASON to be having exclusive relationships this young.
She (and who ever she goes out with) should ALL be seeing lot's of people.

I had no less than 3 guys I considered marrying (and I dated more than that).
I feel GOOD that I had a selection to pick from - that I didn't have to 'settle' because there were no other choices available.
My husband certainly had other choices too.

I can see now that 2 of the 3 were not the best matches for me.
They were nice guys, they are great husbands - for other women, but I'm glad I picked the one who is my husband.
We are perfect for each other - we courted for 9 years before marrying.

When she comes out of this, she'll be a bit more mature and she'll have some perspective.
It's part of growing up.
What works for me (and a lot of women) when I'm upset and have lot's of emotional energy is to clean the heck out of something.
Have her dig out the garden, vacuum the house or wash the car inside and out.

Let me start off by saying I have known and loved my husband since we were 13... We dated, each other, we dated others. We had feelings for others.. We have now been married over 30 years, but we are not typical..

I know all of this seems so serious, but they are just dating. No actual intention to marry. It may seem as though this is forever, but in reality it isn't.

This is a time for them to really learn how to communicate.
This is the good thing about them dating while still in their parents homes.
You will be there to guide them.

Maybe you could mention to them that dating people is for fun. It is not to lead to engagement at this point at this age. That is a lot of pressure to put on their special feelings and friendship.

Do they enjoy each others company? Do they do fun things together?
Do they have other things in common?

Could they admit they are enjoying calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend , but that the best part is having someone to talk with. Someone to see each day at school. To be able to enjoy activities with. To have someone to call when you want to go somewhere?

People like and love people for a lot of reasons. It is like training wheels.. Dating teaches us how to treat the people we love that are not our own family.

Teaches us about the way others live. But again, does not always mean they will marry.. That is so far away from where they are. They should not even worry about that.

Maybe they need to come to agreement about what it is they need or want. It is also a time for your daughter to understand, his feelings may not be as strong as hers at this point.. and that is ok, because at some point, she is going to be the one that is not as enamored with someone she was at one point.

I do not regret any of the other young men I dated in High school and college. They were nice guys. They treated me well and respected me.. I also respected them and had feelings for me. It gave me confidence that I could handle all sorts of situations. And that I had good taste in nice men that respected me.

Hug her and let her know this is all normal, but they are really reaching ahead of this relationship right now..

I guess I do not understand why the topic of how to deal with different religions was even brought up. They are only 16 so I sure hope they were not planning a future together. I am catholic and dated 2 different Jewish guys in college. It was never an issue because we were just having fun, enjoying each others company, nothing serious at all.
IMO... Don't try to help them work it out. They can do this on their own...or not. It is not your place, you are not their therapist. Additionally, I think you should tell your daughter when she meets the right guy it won't be this difficult. I would also caution her against claiming to "love" each boyfriend. There will probably be many before she finds the one she will marry and it just seems insincere to say it is actual love.
Also, he told her it is over so it over despite the fact he claims to love her and will not be happy without her. Help your daughter move on. Once again do not try to fix it.

It's just sad what religion does to people. Why two people cannot be together because of rules made by their religion is just horrible. I know they are young but this will come up again in her future. It's best she does like all of my Jewish friends and only date other Jewish men.

I also wonder about his feelings as Methodists are not really known to only stay in their religion for marrying. At least with any Methodists that I know.

I don't agree with religion in general, so you can just ignore me if you want ;)

I really want to encourage you not to say anything at all, but just listen and allow her to go through this. Take a huge step back and allow her her feelings. You both can't read his mind and neither of you know the future. She's hurting. Let her, and help her refocus. If you say anything at all, you are stepping into a relationship that is not yours. Yes, she's your daughter and she's 16, but she's at the age that she's differentiating. The fact that you know so many details and are writing in about this says something about how involved you are. You may be putting yourself in a dangerous spot.

I guess I have a different approach to this. I'm LDS (Mormon), and we are advised to date people within our faith b/c ultimately, no matter how old you are, you marry the people you date. Religion may not seem like a big deal when you're young, but it becomes a big deal when you're married and have kids, and you're trying to decide which church to take them to. It can cause contention, and it can be h*** o* the children.

I know they're young. And maybe it wouldn't matter for them in the long run, but if his parents feel like a it's a big deal, then I could see it being a big deal later on if they do get "serious."

You seem to be doing a great job in supporting your daughter. She definitely needs you. Maybe they should step back and just be friends for awhile. As my Dad told me, "If it's meant to be, it'll wait." :)

If I remember correctly in both relitions it states it is the womans choice or view points that the childrern of altering religion views of the paretns. So the momma picks. I think it would be very hard to raise children in this manner as one parent feels the truth to be different from the other. Like creating a wedge. But i dont see why they cannot enjoy eachothers company in a religous manner respecting God and there bodies while they are young. But if he sees it as its not going anywhere and that is the direction he is wanting to go then let it go. Tell her how sorry you are this is happening, that God has bigger plans for her. Then try to get her to go do something fun. Two days of sobbing and not eating is enough to feel blue. She had her moment now its time to build her self back up. Her entire worth was not in that relationship. Also talk to her about how valueable she is with or with out a relationship.

I think he is probably BOTH sincerely in love AND hoping she'll break up with him. He's in a bad spot, and he's only 16! The facts of life are that religion does come into play in relationships, and sometimes it gets forced in excessively by friends and family. Your poor daughter is learning that lesson. Hopefully she can take comfort in knowing that it's not HER, and in the fact that she was never planning to stay with him anyway. And maybe she can find the strength to say "hey, it's been fun, but if you're so unsure you can hit the road." Good luck to you, it's a tough situation.