Feeling Leftout in Inlaw Family stuff...what Would You Think?

I don't think it's strange at all. I adore my SIL. We are very close. But if I could plan a girls weekend away with my mom and sisters, I'd do it in a heartbeat and not think of inviting my SIL. It's not a slight to her. It's about my mother getting some uninterrupted one on one time with her girls.

And my mother in law does plan special things with my SIL where I am not invited. I have never given it a second thought. I've been married for 16 years. My MIL and I have a great relationship. I know she loves me and vice versa. But I cannot compare to her daughter. The relationship is completely different and separate from me. I think it's great when they get together. Even when they go someplace fantastic that I envy, I am glad they get to go.

Girl please stop. This is a time for them to bond, reminiensce, make up for past issues, etc.

Now that my mama and daddy are both in Heaven--I wish that my estranged sisters and I could get together for scheduled heart to hearts.

It is not about you at all. Come on, get a grip.

I love my brother's wife. She and I get along so well and have so much fun together. She and my mom have really bonded as well. That being said, if I could have a weekend like that with my mom and sister, no I would not want to invite my SIL. It's not about her at all. Just about the fact that the relationship my sister and I have with our mom is unique. As much as we love my SIL, it's a different relationship.

I go Black Friday shopping with my MIL and SIL (my husband's sister). That's enough bonding for us :-) I usually have a lot of fun, but their relationship is different, and my relationship with them will never be that. That's ok, it's not meant to be. I love them, but that mother/daughter bond is unique.

It really isn't about excluding you. It's just about them having that time together.

I think its sad that they wouldnt include you, call me sensitive, but I would be a little hurt too.

Im sure they discuss this trip in front of you too, all while your sitting there wondering why they dont include you.

Mean. :(

Yep! I do! My in-laws are tight with one another as well...I just let it go, they grew up together, have secrets, have a past with their parents that I am not a part of. My part of their life is as an, 'In-Law' I came onto the scene as someone who was a part of another family initially & as a, girlfriend not as their sister. I love some of them, not all, we respect one another (most of the time they do anyway) & spend time together when it is a family event or something I have been invited to that I choose to attend. We keep in touch occasionally on the phone & FB. Sisters are tight, some brothers are tight (in a different way than the sisters). Life is what we make it, make yours happy with your girlfriends (and if you have family that is YOUR family) and let your in-laws be happy with theirs! It is what it is & we must make our own happiness in this life, you never said they were 'mean' to you, it sounds as if they accept you for who & what you are, their SIL!

I would be bothered too. Their actions are making you feel uncomfortable. I would probably say something to them about being included and see where it goes from there. They may not be intentionally snubbing you or being rude. Ask if you can be included if you truly want to participate. If you don't then just let it go or plan something with those not invited to their outting. That could be interesting as well or beat them to the punch and plan something for all the girls to do together and invite everyone. There are more than enough dates on the calendar and many things to do, places to go and wonderful memories to make. I actually think that may be the best way to handle how you are feeling without making them feel akward about your hosting an event.

I would be bothered to. Everyone likes to be offered an invite whether or not they can actually attend. I think that because you are the only lady in the family not included that it bothers you more that the BILs where there are 3 of them not going so its not that big of a deal.

I don't think it's strange. But I have to say that I too, come from a family without any other relatives as both my parents were single children, so we never had any cousins, uncles, etc.

I think it is sweet what they are doing. Just imagine when your kids are grown up and they do a mother-kids thing with just you and your kids - no wives or husbands. Wouldn't that be the loveliest thing in the world?

Don't feel left out, you are not her daughter. If you want to do something maybe you can arrange something else, like a lunch or something, that includes all of you.

One of my DILs is from a very close family. When any of those family members get together, for any occasion, they start talking about "Do you remember when" and other things that people outside their family don't relate to at all.

So I agree that being a close-knit family is a part of it. And the events are definitely blood-kin, mother-daughter events.

At least their doing things together is a whole lot better than their bickering all the time.

But what can you do? Can you start something new? What about starting a DIL-MIL lunch twice a year, just the two of you? Or a dinner just for sisters-in-law? Plan your own affairs and invite *them*. Take the initiative, and perhaps they'll be glad to be with you.

Best-case scenario (at least, the best that comes to my mind right now): they think you would be bored with their family talk, and they wonder why you don't do such weekends with your mother and sisters. And they think you don't mind because you've never said anything about it. (I would be more likely to say, "Wow, it sounds like a great time. Can I pack myself in your suitcase?" And I'd say it in such a light way that they'd know I'm not really trying to butt in on their plans, but I'd hope they got the point.)

My family is scattered around the country, but I think of my in-law children as children, not as in-laws; if I were to want to do something with the boys, or the girls, I'd invite all of them. But that's just me.

Well, I may go out on a limb here and say that maybe they feel like you would feel more left out if you went.

Look at it this way, here they are all sharing stories from their childhood, funny stories you know nothing about, etc... Wouldn't that be just as awkward? That's what I imagine would happen.

I have a group of friends, one of them is my best friend and we have almost twenty years history together. When my other friends come, sometimes they are left out of the loop because of something my best friend and I share. I really do try not to do that, but it's hard when you have so much history with someone.

Maybe they are afraid you would feel like the odd man out because you don't share their history?

It's not about you or leaving your out. It's about taking time out occasionally for them to reconnect. There's nothing wrong or even odd with that. If you want bonding time with them, then have an event and invite them. Just don't intrude on their chosen weekends.

I don't think it's strange either, but my family is pretty close from being a military family. And since it's the same for the father-son scenario, I wouldn't feel left out. It might be a bit rude to discuss their plans in front of you, but not strange.

Maybe next time they bring it up, you can tell them how great you think it is and then say something about how you'd love to plan another trip that ALL of you could go on (that way you're not "interrupting" their time/plan AND you can get it on the fun!).

Why don't you have a weekend with your mom and sisters?

I get the feeling your feelings towards that weekend have nothing to do with the weekend but just how the family acts in general. Like my ex's family is pretty ignore the in laws kind of people and I would see weekends like that the same way but looking at it rationally there is no reason you should be invited, you are not her daughter, ya know?

I know everyone feels different about their inlaws - but honestly I see NOTHING wrong with this. I have a good relationship with my MIL - but she did not become my mother when I married her son.

I would suggest that this is NOT about you. Your MIL will always be her daughters' mother, just like your mom will be yours, and them taking time to nurture their relationship with each other should not be met by jealousy from you.
Part of life is not being invited to every party, and frankly instead of being jealous that you don't get to go - how about feeling happy for them.

Good luck!

Yep, I think that they are just used to each other and want to nurture that. It sounds like their concept of blood-bonding is a combination of culture and necessity. Do you feel comfortable or close at all with any of them? Why not just ask the questions that you have? It doesn't have to be confrontational. Maybe you can join in the conversation when it comes up again. (Hey, how long have you guys been doing this? How did it start? Whose idea was it? What kinds of things do you do? Do you vote or draw straws to decide how you're spend the weekend? Don't ask all these questions at once, of course.) It's fine for them to enjoy each other without you, but if they are going to discuss it in your presence, join in the discussion. Maybe you can take one or two out for your own girl time and see what kind of bonding happens. I think that it's okay that they get together without you, but I can see how it can make an in-law feel like a perpetual outsider. Are you close enough to any of them to say lightly, "Hey, I feel left out. Let's hang out when you guys get back"?

I think since its the same for the guys it's not meant to exclude you. Why not tell them next time you feel like a sister to them and would love to go with them if they wouldn't mind? Why not run it by one of the sisters? I think they should ask you but it would be worse if they invited the bil's and previous sil and not you.

I think it's weird too. That being said, if they discuss it in front of you they must not think of themselves as leaving you out intentionally.

I would just note to myself that I won't do that with my future children-in-law. Otherwise I would be nice to them for my husband's sake.

Good luck.

You better off by yourself.

You sound like you could be in my family. My mom, her sisters and there mother all take a girls shopping trip once a year. The actually had to stop because my 83 yr old grandmother could not keep up from stores opening till closing. I actually went with them once. It sucked so bad. They had these stupid head phone gear and would call each other over to look at pillowcases or some picture frame. I hated it. They shopped at Ross and other discount stores. It was cluttered and messy. I figured they were going to shop at some upper class stores as two of them actually did have some " money " . But no it was like gragesale shopping to me. Nothing special and really embarassing (this was about ten years ago ) and the neglect towards there mother and her needs was super irritating. She cant keep up all those hours with only a lunch break. We sat on a bench together and watched the sisters make fools of themselfs.

Point is you need to chime in and say something like " Oh I would love to go on a shopping trip" Most likely if they want you there they will ask. If its not something your invited along welcome arms out I would not force it. It could become miserable. Also its ok for imediate family to do things just together as them. Sometimes when you allow one person in another person gets offfended and it becomes a huge and impersonal event. Which might not be the feel they wanted. I would bring it up to the MIL and let ASK her if its just for the imediate family or if you could come along too the next trip they take.