Hi Mamas!
I could really use your feedback!
My BF is getting married this year. Some close friends threw them an engagement party last Spring. Then in the fall, there was an engagement party held in his hometown (so diff group of ppl). In December, my Mom and I hosted a Christmas Tea for her. Guests were asked to bring a favorite recipe and/or ornament. (So there was very limited expense or expectation on a gift).
The plan was for her bridesmaids to host a couples shower next month and I was going to host a Prenuptial PJ party (in lieu of a bachelorette party and gifts of lingerie or something related would be optional) the month before the wedding. She just called me concerned that it was just too much. She didn't want people thinking "Geez, another party for these people?" The couple is in there mid to late 30s, this is a first wedding for both of them. The wedding will be out of state, so I'm not even sure how many of the guests for the couples shower will be able to make it to the wedding. Additionally, she lost her Mom in 2008 and her Dad back in 1994. She has no siblings or close family and so I think this adds to why her friends and I would especially like to make everything so special for her.
So Mamas .... do you think this is all too much? I think she deserves all of this, but I also might be too close to be objective. Please let me know your thoughts!
Thanks in advance!
J.
I'd still love to hear everyone's feedback, but wanted to add that I discussed this with my grown stepdaughter after I posted my request. She told me that she's been invited to bachelorette parties where she's asked to pitch in for a limo, club entrance fees, drinks for the bride AND a gift so she has ended up paying over $150 JUST for the bachelorette party. This is also a party attended by much younger people who aren't as financially stable. The only expense for our bachelorette party (PJ Party) is the potluck dish and an optional small gift. So technically ... the only party that anyone will be invited to that is actually a shower that you are supposed to bring a real gift, is the couples shower. Just wanted to add that info in case it changes anyone's opinion. Thanks to those who have already responded. Your feedback is really helpful!
It is her first wedding! Plus you can't cut out the wedding shower or bacherolette party. If people get invited to all parties, they can choose which ones they want to attend. It is very normal for older people to have multiple types of showers! I say go for it!
Hi J.! It sounds like a lot when you "squish" it all together like that, but really the first two were different sets of people, and the Christmas tea, that's just something nice to do for her and people didn't have to come if they didn't want to, and the couple's shower is like a bachelorette party, right? Anyway, I don't think it's too much. If other's think so then they don't have to come, right. (not trying to sound mean). On the other hand, since she doesn't have her mom, that could be why it's hard to do all of this special stuff w/o mom. (I just lost mine 2 months ago so I can understand). You are a VERY good friend to want to do so much for her and w/her. I think you're doing great. I think an extra detail is that the wedding is out of state and most probably wouldn't be able to go (I'm broke so that's my automatic assumption!). Good luck sweetie! (If nothing else, you know in your heart you have good intentions!)
If it's the friends that are throwing the parties, and it's clear that it's the people that are the "gifts" to them, then she can relax and enjoy. It sounds like people want to be able to give their good wishes even though they can't make it to the event, and that's sweet. Best of luck to her and I hope she has a lovely time with her friends :)
i'd cut something out or down. instead of an all night event, do a late night event. definitely request no gifts at most events. i only had a bachelorette party!
I think she is right. It's a bit much. I would cut the couple shower and go ahead with the PJ party not asking for gifts on that one either. I would just make it bachelorette party where she can just let her hair down with her friends.
It sounds just right to me especially considering all the circumstances. If someone feels it's too much, then they certainly can elect not to attend. Just because a person receives an invitation, it never demands an attendance; just an acknowledgement of fondness.
Stay the course, your friend will be grateful in the end!
R.
I don't think there is a clear cut answer here. However, if your friend feels it is too much I do think you should respect HER wishes. Maybe she is politely telling you it is too much for her.
I think it's a bit much. Maybe three parties total but yeah, that's a lot. Especially spread out over so long...
Good luck!
The other factor I would consider is what other showers might be out there. When I got married I had 3 showers - a friends shower, one with work colleagues and one with a woman's org I belong to. One concern is that if there are other showers / celebrations - it may be everything in total that is taking things over the top.
If she is feeling like it is too much - then it probably is. I would have a chat with her to talk about it - and see if there is a way to know how special she is to so many people, in so many ways - without having a so many events - you have listed 5 - add a wedding, a rehearsal dinner perhaps, perhaps a post wedding reception in her home town, showers by other orgs/ groups - and that is a lot of attention.
You are a good friend for wanting to make this so special for her. Good luck.
