Family Stress How to Coupe

First of all, congratulations on your new little guy! With all of his complications it sounds like he is thriving with all the love you give him! Stress under circumstances like yours is to be expected. I know you already said your medical bills were big but is there a chance you can see your own primary care physician and let him/her know what is going on? They have a lot of resources! Hang in there, you are doing the best you can!

Congratulations on your baby boy and I am glad he is now progressing well.

Everyone has different ways to cope with stress. You and your family have been going through some major stress.

Talk to your Dr., get a complete blood workup to make sure you are balanced with hormones, thyroid, iron, etc. The excessive crying and meltdowns are not healthy for you or for your children to witness.

Once you are ruled healthy, then you need to find someone to talk to so you can learn some coping skills through these tough times. You may be depressed and if so, there are counselors and Rx that can help you.

Your daughter needs you. Your attention has been placed toward your son who has been very sick, which is normal. Please make time to have some one on one with your daughter, even if it is a few minutes a day, bath time, bed time, etc to talk, read a book or something. She is old enough to help you in the kitchen with simple tasks... you would be together..

Find some help for yourself and your family. You will feel so much better if you do and everyone will be happier.

Best wishes to you.

For logistical support around here, we have a group called Neighbor Brigade that's run off of the Lotsa Helping Hands website. Anyone can contact the administrators and ask for help with whatever they need. Usually it's dinner brought over a few times a week to provide some respite to families undergoing health issues, like you're dealing with. Sometimes it's rides places, or lawn care, or errand running, or whatever it is that someone else can take off your plate and give you a bit of relief. So check to see if there is anything like that, or ask a friend or relative to set up a LHH site for you. I know that if one of my friends or family members were going what you're going through, I would want to help but wouldn't know how. If you can get a friend to put this together for you, people can help without being intrusive - perhaps it's dinner brought to your house 3 nights a week, or having someone do your grocery shopping or something that will free up a little bit of time here and there. When some of those peripheral tasks are getting taken care of, you might feel less stressed and overwhelmed.

I would contact the social worker at the hospital where your son was to find out what's available for support groups if your insurance doesn't cover counseling. If your health insurance covers counseling, use it! An hour of alone time to vent and get support every week or so can be a tremendous stress reliever. Counseling during a crisis is very common and can help a lot.

I wish I lived near you so you could call on the Neighbor Brigade. Definitely reach out for help locally and I'm sure people will be knocking down your door to take some tasks off your hands.

I pray alot and I depend on my village. I have a few trusted family members, church family and friends that I can call on and they come in to my rescue like the calvary. It's great. Let your husband do more and don't complain about the job he's doing. Your husband is a grown man and should be helping more.

It sounds to me like you need a break. What really helped for me was having an exercise routine. It helped me get that anxious energy out in a healthy way. Also talking about what you are going through and how you are feeling helps too.

I have several pastor friends that I can talk to as well. You could also get some counseling. Your insurance or job may offer something for you. Many places charge on a sliding scale which is great. Look into it because you need this to bring you back into balance.

As for the bills, paying even as low as $20.00 a month until they are paid off is something. Even if you need to negotiate that with a collection agency then do so. They never turn down money and something is better than nothing. When my son was born, I ended up with over $5,000 of medical bills to pay. I did pay it off by the time my son was a little over 3 years old. No stress there. I just had to pay what I could consistently over time.

My son went through a long illness/hospitalization when he was 7.5 months old, and last a month before he was finally "healthy." It was extremely stressful and exhausting!! I feel for you! You have a lot on your shoulders! As hard as it may be, you need to take a step back some how. Whether it be not keeping up with the house as much so you can do something fun with your daughter while your son naps, or (if you can afford it) hiring a housekeeper or babysitter once a week, or (gasp) asking friends/family for help. I know how hard it is to ask for help in a situation like this, but sometimes to be a better mom you HAVE to step out by yourself for a little bit.

With your daughter, you've made the first step, you know there's a problem with how you're acting with her. If you haven't already, sit her down and apologize. Don't give her a big long list of all you have on your plate that has made you feel stressed. Just say that you haven't been as nice to her as you want to be because you're tired and stressed about her brother's medical issues. Assure her that you love her VERY much and are going to make an extra effort not to take your anger out on her, because she hasn't done anything wrong. Remember, she's acting like a normal 6 year old, but it's during a stressful time for you. Then, try to find some time alone with her to just have fun. Fun will be good for you too! You need to laugh again, and who better to do it with than your daughter?!

The best free counseling that is available 24/7 is God. Instead of saying something outloud, try saying it to Him in your head. He's a great listener and sometimes it just feels good to get it out of your head.

Best of luck during this difficult situation!

Call the Children's Hospital, A., and ask to speak to a social worker there. Talk to her and tell her that you need some support. Ask her if she can get you some help.

As far as your 6 year old is concerned, just tell the social worker that between work and your baby needing so much, you are having a hard time giving the 6 year old attention, and your relationship is suffering for it.

After leaving the hospital with your infant, you have a right to ask for help. That's one of the reasons the social workers are there.

Good luck,
Dawn

I google support groups in Oxnard & came up with a few near your area.
-I say start there. Make a call. Go to a supp grp meeting.
-See if your health insurance offers counseling. Book an appt for yourself
during your lunch hour.
-When you feel yourself starting to well up & cry, try to go into another room like the bathroom so your 6yr old doesn't see.
-You are going through A LOT right now so it's natural that you are
stressed! Take care of yourself in these ways: talk to a friend, see if you can visit a counselor on your lunch hr to unload & get professional advice, get rest when you can, don't take on anything new, rest every second you can (housework is not important at this point & can take a back seat), finding a support group with other parents of sick children can help greatly at this point.
-when you feel ready to blow, take a deep breath first before responding!
- Women in Transition supp grp in Camarillo ###-###-####
I am sending you hugs & hope things get better for you very soon!

I'm glad your baby is getting bigger and is happy. I hope he continues to do well. I know you feel SO busy right now, and struggling to do everything without help, but to be a good mom you have to take care of you as well as taking care of everyone else. Do it for your daughter's sake. Your husband, children, mother, friend will never make sure YOU take care of YOU. Reach out to a local church, find a mature college age sitter, or younger senior citizen, so you can get out and exercise, or meditate, or do yoga, or hike thru a path, anything that makes you feel calmer afterwards. Sign your older child up for fun things at the local library and try to squeeze in a few fun outings with just her, maybe when your hubby is home with the baby? I am not in your area but I'm sure you can find free counseling or a group, keep looking, God Bless