Family Bed - Miami, FL

Updated on August 09, 2007
V.B. asks from Miami, FL
11 answers

Ok...so...another question. As it turns out...my daughter and I use the 'family bed' model. It wasnt on purpose but it just sort of happened. I was a single mom working fulltime and it was just easier when she woke up in the middle of the night when she was a baby. So now here we are...she's 2 and still sleeps in the bed with me. We share a room (at this time I can only afford a 1 bedroom on my own) but she does have her own bed in the room. She uses her bed to nap...and there have been nights she falls asleep sitting on the couch with me while we watch a movie and I then put her in her bed. Sometimes she sleeps there the entire night...other times she wakes up in the middle of the night and comes into my bed. However...MOST NIGHTS...we go to sleep together in my bed.

The thing is - 1) I don't mind her sleeping with me at all...actually I kind of like it...its comforting to have her there...and 2) she is TOUGH to get to sleep and has been since she was an itty bitty baby.

So...my point is...I dont personally have a rush or desire to get her out of my bed. My question is more about are there any real documental reasons why I should try to get her out of my bed. Am I doing her any harm? Does it or does it not affect her development in some way? Etc.

I also like us sleeping together because being that I do work all day and my time with her is limited...that time we spend falling asleep together...and waking up in the mornign is very precious to me.

Like I said...I just want to know if its ok for me to continue this way or if I should really consider pushing her to sleep in her own bed. Again...as I said in my other email....lots of changes going on...potty training...wanting to wean her off the pacifier and bottle...etc...so this is definitely last on my to do list but I wanted to get other people's input.

In January we moved out on our own (we were living with my mom before) so we're just sort of settling into our own groove...and schedule...and lifestyle.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks!

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More Answers

K.N.

answers from Miami on

Dear V.,
I think you are doing just fine! When she is ready for her own bed, she will go there on her own. Until then, you's should enjoy the company and special times you can share togther! Being a single mom is a very hard job; and having your child next to you, every second you can, is a joy & blessing! I raised my son and he went to his own bed when he was ready. He is now a US Marine and he will stay lay down next to me and just enjoy the nearness of each other, our special moments, that we treasure, till he is too sleepy-then he will go sleep on the sofa. We have a very great bond and there is no time frame for such love! As a single mom, my son and I are very well adjusted people. He grew up to be superb person. So will your daughter and you. May God guide and bless you both!

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K.M.

answers from Boca Raton on

I totally agree with the other mom, Relax and enjoy your daughter and every moment of cuddles you have, they grow up too quickly.

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M.B.

answers from Miami on

My personal opinion on the subject is that you should just relax and enjoy your daughter. She will only be little for so long and the memories will last a lifetime - for both you and her. Don't stress about what "other" people are doing. Do what's right for you and your daughter - period.

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L.H.

answers from Miami on

I'll join the chorus!

Enjoy your time together!!

If you feel you need/want more support, there are local AP (Attachment Parenting) groups :-)

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A.V.

answers from Miami on

i have a 4yr myself..she sleeps in a toddler bed in my room still! even though i bought her a brand new bedroom set just for her. she loves her toddler bed...Now she naps on her room, hopefully she will sleep on her own room...I guess is little by little...Just try a toddler bed in your room for now they use the same mattress for a crib..Good Luck!

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E.L.

answers from Boca Raton on

The site ate my first draft, so let me try this again. I slept with my mom until past my third birthday. It never negatively affected me, as we're very close, I have an IQ of 166, was moderately independant as a child and hit my milestones early. My mom was also a single mother who worked long hours, so it was our special time.
My almost 9 month old sleeps with us and I love the closeness of having her with me. Daddy works nights, so it's nice to not have an empty bed when I go to sleep, and he gets to spend some time with her, even if she's asleep when he gets home. We sorta fell into it also, I had a c-section and lived alone in the beginning (lease restrictions, not our choice) so getting up for her several times a night just wasn't an option.
Just do whatever is comfortable and "right" for you and your daughter. Don't worry, one day she'll want her independance and you'll miss these times. Cherish having her close to you, we all know how fast this time goes by.

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E.S.

answers from Miami on

I just wanted to encourage you!

I love the 'family bed' model! I hope you continue to do it as long as you and your daughter are happy and comfortable. She'll probably just go into her own bed ON her own WHEN she wants to. It is nice that its there and available. Don't fret and enjoy this time. Because the time will come when she won't want to cuddle. Good luck with everything else!

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A.M.

answers from Boca Raton on

V.,
The only advice I can give you is to do what feels right to you. Everyone has a differnet opinion on family beds and as long as you and your daughter are ok with it. Dr. Sears supports cosleeping so you can read his book.
good luck
A.

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M.K.

answers from Boca Raton on

I think the decision is yours. I don't think you are doing her any harm at all. The only time it becomes a problem is if you no longer want her to sleep with you and she still does. I personally don't want my son to start sleeping in our bed, but that's my choice. There are a lot of opinions on this subject, but I think in the end you are the mom and it's up to you. Best of luck...

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Y.D.

answers from New York on

Hi,

You sound like a wonderful mother! I don't think there are any problems associated with co-sleeping.I have done a lot of reading, you should look up Dr. Sears. His books are very well known, he is a pediatrician. I have a four month old that sleeps on his own in his room because my husband does not believe in co-sleeping. If it were up to me, he would sleep with us. I think that co-sleeping has MANY advantanges for the child. You should definitely look up Dr. Sears if you want a peace of mind. Good Luck!

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N.J.

answers from Boca Raton on

I was a single mother for about 4 years (from the time she was born until she was just over four). We did the "family bed" too. I loved her sleeping with me for the exact reasons that you did. When she had her second birthday she got a "Big Girl" bed and she liked sleeping there and pretty much the same thing as your case she would go to sleep there most nights then get in my bed in the night. I didn't mind this, then when her father and I started to get back together I started to enforce that she stay in bed because we decided to get married and by this time she was almost 4 and so I would just explain to her that she is a big girl and that big girls sleep in thier own beds all night long. It has worked out(she still sneaks into our bed sometimes) but we love it!
As far as the pacifier and bottle thing well we sort of had a hard time with the pacy. She had to have three at all times and when she was almost 2 i stopped buying them and as they disappeared or got yucky she was just without. Then when it came down to the last one it actually got chewed up by our puppy and I told her that was the last one and the doggy ate it! She was just a little upset but she threw it in the trash and that was the end of it. Bottles were very easy for her to stop she never really cared for them she liked the sippy cups much better.
I hope that I have helped!

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