Falling Asleep on Her Own

It was very important to me that Kate learn how to put herself to sleep and if she wasn't completely asleep even as an infant, I'd put her down anyway and let her fall to sleep. As for swaddling, perhaps try a bigger blanket. I know for a while Kate only wanted to be swaddled - do you cover the back of her head with the blanket too? I found that the transition to the cooler mattress startled her, but if the back of her head was covered, it wasn't quite a shock. I hope this helps a little

J.

I'm sure you'll receive many emails with suggestions on this topic. I really did my research before I decided on a sleep "method" so to speak. I recommend the "Baby Whisperer" books by Tracy Hogg. I started using her EASY method at 4 months with my son and wish I had started sooner. You can start as early as 6-8 weeks, I believe. Her other book called "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" goes into further detail about sleep & other issues. It was a joy to have some specific help in the different situations she discusses. My son was sleeping through the night in a week! Her method is all about raising an independent, self-assured baby and her methods are loving and caring. If you have any other issues, there's a great website too www.babywhisperer.com. Unfortunately, the author passed away at age 44 this past fall 2004 from cancer. What a great loss of knowledge.
Good luck with your adventure and feel free to email me if you'd like. I'm not far away...we live in Prospect Heights. Judy

I would recommend for you to get the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth right away. He's a pediatrician sleep expert based out of Chicago. I think he says to wait until four months to sleep train unless you can't take it. He doesn't cover the swaddling, but from everything I've read (and that's a lot since I'm a new Mom too), I don't think it's good to still swaddle at that age for developmental reasons. Have you tried just rocking or holding her until she's asleep to transition from the swaddling? Best of luck to you.

Dear S.,

You don't say if your baby is breastfed or bottle fed and that makes a difference. It is perfectly fine that your baby wants to be asleep before you lay her down. It means that she likes being close to you and feels safe and comforted when being held. Breastfed babies normally fall asleep at the end of a feeding, just like adults like to have a warm glass of milk to make them tired.

You might like the books of Dr. William Sears. He says that the babies are most likely to startle awake if you put them down right after they fall asleep in your arms. If you let them snooze for a few minutes while you hold them, then they enter a deeper sleep and then you can set them down more easily.

Enjoy holding your sleeping baby. There is no greater pleasure in the world and these days will be gone very soon.

C., mother of two very big children now.

Hi S.! It is a little too early for her to fall asleep on her own if I remember right. My kids are 3 and 2 now. Anyway, there is a great book that I swear by for a sleep "guide" for babies and tots. It is called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It has a yellow cover with a picture of a baby on it. It was written by a Doctor who is local I think. His last name begins with a "W" (I can't remember his name). Hope this helps!

Hi. I swaddled both my kids and I totally believe it helps in the beginning. The tightness is a great sense of security, and as they lay there, they learn to soothe themselves to sleep. I swaddled both kids until about 4 months of age. But, I believe each kid is different, you have high maintenance, easy going...etc types of babies, which could make that whole transition hard or easy when the swaddling stops. My daughter was easy. She was sleeping on her own around 5 months. My son had a harder time after the swaddling was over, but I think breastfeeding made things harder with him (I did not bf'd my daughter). It required a lot of crying. Some people don't believe in the crying, but there are a lot of kind methods out there. I read Ferber's book, it's not as negative as people make it out to be. Very good advice on sleep in general that makes a lot of sense. I also read a sleep book by Jodi Mindell, similar approach, not as much crying. I took advice from both and did was worked best for our situation. Like started with naps...and bedtime was nothing. Still working on middle of the night--which is hard to do with husband, and sister. I recommend reading some of these books first.

But, basically, I think it is still early for you. The best time to start is 4-6 months and you will get an idea of how it will go. It is during this time where they start to sleep longer and wake up less frequently and do not need that middle of the night feeding. Which will work to your advantage. Also, keep naps and feeding consistent. And start a bedtime routine at this age. For example, dinner, bath, singing, reading...bedtime. Then, at the moment you put them to sleep, it does require putting them down to bed drowsy and will require some crying, but they just don't know any other way til you teach them. They need to learn to soothe themselves to sleep. Rocking, swaying, pacifiers, music...etc...they all are false sleep associations. They aren't the worst thing in the world, but if your daughter wakes in the middle of the night, expect that she will need that to fall asleep. My daughter had pacifiers, but by 5 months she was able to grab one and put them in her mouth on her own. I put several in her crib. If you are still giving her a middle of the night bottle, work on stopping that during this time.

Finally, do not do this until you are mentally ready. And give it a couple days. The crying is only bad the first 2-3 days. Some babies are worse than others. You know your baby best, you will know her types of crying, what is whining, what is tired, what is scared....and you will know how to handle it. Just remember, the key with anything with children is routine and consistency--and stick with it, it works.

S.,
I wish I was offering advice to you but I can't because my daughter is the same way. She is three months and must be wrapped tightly when she goes to bed. She will only sleep in her crib at night, during the day she sleeps in her swing. She can't fall asleep on her own. I was hoping if you hear of any good advice you could forward it along to me. I would greatly appreciate it. It is nice to hear someone else is going through the same thing.
It would be nice to hear what others have tried. I don't think I am ready to have her scream it out yet.
Thank you for your time.
J.

My kids both needed to be swaddled for a long time... they have some larger crib blankets and stretchy type ones. I think the babies really love the comfort of being swaddled. Don't worry in time she will start to go down on her own!!! Read some of the books (Dr. Sears has a good one) and then see what feels right to you. Dont forget to use your library, its a GREAT RESOURCE!!! Some say let them cry others say nothing wrong with rocking and comforting til they are older. It really is what you feel comfortable with. Personally, it broke my heart to hear my babies cry so I swaddled and rocked til they fell asleep and then put them down. You are doing great and it is wonderful that you are reaching out!! Hope YOU are sleeping!! :)

my son was just like this. I help him swaddled until he was at least 6 months old. On the one hand this could be your child's normal temperment. There isn't much you can do except all the standard recommended things. Keep to a routine. Try a bath before bed. I would take my son in the tub with me and float him in the water. He loved this. Try to make sure you don't give foods that are hard to digest with dinner. Use lavender aroma therapy in the room. While all my wholistic friends recommended this it was validated and recommended to us by the sleep specialists we took our daughter to at our local children's hospital. California Baby makes a nice calming spray product that I still use today even though my kids are 8 and 5yrs.

Remember it is an infant whose nervous system is barely out of the wrapper and is still figuring things out. It is perfectly normal for infants this age to not fall asleep easily or stay asleep for extended periods of time. It will pass in time. You can't rush your child's nervous system. Just because someone else's child sleeps at this age without being swaddled doesn't mean yours should.

This is hard to say, but I wish someone had said it to me. Please consider that your child could have sensory integration issues. There are interventions that can be started even at this young age. If you were a breastfeeding mom I would ask you if your child had a hard time latching on and had a hard time learning to suck. This along with the desire to be swaddled and hard to consol, things like excessive startle response, are evidence based pointers to check out sensory issues. You would ask your pediatrician for a referal to an occupational therapist who works with infants.

If you don't rock at bedtime try it. Let him fall asleep in your arms if you have to. Don't forget the limp wrist test. If you can pick up your child's wrist and it drops limp they are really asleep and you can try and lay him down. Then wait before you try and leave the room. If you have been trying no lights try low light or vice versa. If you haven't had music or singing try some or try stopping.

Whether your child has issues or not -- Only try one thing at a time and try for a good several days before trying something else. This will help you pinpoint what works and be able to repeat it.

Good luck. This too will pass.

Dear S.,

If she is happy being swaddled, get a bigger blanket. Or is there a reason why you don't want her swaddled any longer? It sounds like your child enjoys the security of the swaddle and if there is no reason to change that, I wouldn't.

I believe one thing new parents often do is try to impose their behavioral desires on their children. Don't get me wrong, this isn't always a bad thing, how else would we teach our children manners? What I'm talking about is the sometimes desperate attempt of parents to have their children adhere to a certain schedule, or bottle, etc. instead of tuning into what the child needs/wants. At 3 months your daughter is still adjusting to being out here; every experience for her is new and will be everyday for years to come. If she is comforted by the swaddle at the end of a busy day and it helps her sleep (infants process everything they take in throughout the day while in a good sleep, it is all part of thier brain development) let her be. As far as a schedule for her, a pattern is good to develop, but be aware that YOU understand the pattern and she doesn't, so be flexible and patient. This will go a long way for both of you.

There is a book called, "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp, this may be helpful to you as well.

Good luck,
L.

Hi S.-
My son is 9 months old and just started going to sleep on his own. So, I do think it is too early for your daughter. Everything I've read says that babies do not develop their central nervous system enough to self regulate on their own to sleep before 8 months or so. So, keep swaddleing her as along as it works!
J.

Hey S.!

I would suggest that you get a book and/or look online for information on "Ferberizing" your child. Dr. Ferber has some good info on how to get your child to sleep on their own...basically, you have to let them cry it out, but there is a method to the madness behind it, like increasing the amount of time you check on your child, etc.

I did this with my daughter, and although it was difficult at first, it WORKED! Getting her to sleep through the night on her own, and not in my bed, made all the difference in the world.

Good luck!

L.

We had same problems with our daughter. We used Happiest Baby on Block by Dr. Karp. It worked wonders. She falls asleep on her own now and is a great sleeper. Good luck to you!

I am the mother of 3 girls ages 2,4, and 6. In my opinion she will outgrow the swaddaling on her own and get a bigger blanket until she does. The putting herself to sleep is your choice if you don't mind rocking her you can just wait until she is old enough for you not to feel guilty but if you don't like to rock her to sleep then you can try to ferberize (walk in every 5,10,15 minutes and so on but I would wait to start that for another few monthes at the earliest. hope this helps and just enjoy your baby and have fun!!
Beth

S.,

I swaddled my son till he was almost 6 months old... as he grew older he would manage to get out of the swaddling blanket, but he still liked to do be swaddled initially. He would usually fall asleep nursing. We did not even try too hard to let him fall asleep on his own till he was about 4 1/2 months. At that time we let him cry it out. In a week he was sleeping on his own. Needless to say that hearing him cry was agonizing but it has worked for us. We have done that with him 2 times.. once initally and once when we came back after a long vacation and he refused to sleep on his own. Both times it took less than or jsut about a week for him to fall asleep on his own. I'd give your daughter a little bit longer befor eyou try this. She is still very little and probably just needs you. :)

Good luck.
Aarti.

S.,

As the mom of an almost-3-year-old and a baby who's 13 weeks old, I would say that three months is pretty young to expect a baby to be able to sleep easily on her own in a bed, or to fall asleep by herself. My son slept in his car seat for the first 6 months (he hated lying flat on his back), and didn't fall asleep on his own for quite a while either (that's a skill that you really have to teach them), but after that he became a great sleeper. It's very appropriate that she likes being swaddled - in my opinion, stick with it and just get a bigger blanket; if you've found something that works this early on, don't mess with it!

In a month or two you can start to work on sleep training. A book I think is great is Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Children, by Mark Weisbluth. You may want to adjust his ideas to fit your family, but on the whole it's good advice and it worked for us.

Good luck!

K.

My daughter, now 1, was the same - but she was colicky, too. I just used a bigger blanket and continued swaddling her tightly. But I do think it's too early to be worried about falling asleep on their own. I think it took us until about 5 mos to really start implementing putting her down while she was awake. And we used the heck out of the mobile to make it an easier transition! Also, I saw this product in a magazine and put it in the back of my mind for any future babies I may have - it's a Swaddleme blanket....
http://www.slumbersounds.com/swaddle-newborn-wrap.htm Maybe this might be of use you to you instead of a blanket? Hope that helps a little. I was where you are now just 9 months ago so I understand the frustration:)