Facebook & Marriage Trouble

It sounds to me like Facebook, text and picture messages aren't the issue here. It sounds like a trust issue. Is he trustworthy or not? Without trust & respect it doesn't really matter if you "track" him or not.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man that I had to "monitor" or "track."

This doesn't sound at all like a marraige. You "caught him", you "allowed him", you want to "monitor him". It sounds like your talking about your teenage son. It sounds like you need some marraige counceling. Get rid of the texting and the facebook. These are only "toys" and not necessities. If you can't trust each other, then you need to get the trust back or part ways.

The concern I have in your message is that you say you "let him" get back onto Facebook. I agree that there are trust issues, and they are the root of the problem.

There was a similar question a few weeks ago. I posted that my husband is my friend on Facebook and sees everything I do and everyone I am friends with......that includes ex-boyfriends. If you're honest and upfront about everything, you're not going to need to have to catch him doing something wrong.

There are some men, though (look at Tiger Woods/Jesse James) who apparently can't help themselves. If you look at data on why men go behind their women's back, it's almost never something sexual and is more for feeling insignificant and a low priority.

hi

forget the tracking device and monitoring him. you can't control another person. I say try couples therapy..... IF a person wants to cheat , believe me.. monitoring or not... they will and can so easily. not to discourage you here, but.. you have to be realistic.... in that, people do what they want to do..
I say therapy first.. tracking device NEVER..

J.,
I have read a few of these and most of them seem to be blaming you and calling you controlling. I don't feel that way myself. I believe that he broke your trust when he did those things and he needs to work to get it back. I have had several friends now that have gotten rid of their individual accounts and share a "couples" facebook account. more than one person can lot into the account at the same time so you can both be on it at the same time if you want, but everything is open to the other one. It looks like at this point the only way to develop the trust back between you and your husband is through absolute transparency.

Monitoring only works if it is a consensual thing that he asks for as a way to keep him accountable. A couple I know went through this thing a few years back, not exactly the same as your situation, but an internet thing that the man was addicted to. They fought a lot over it. He was always hiding his internet activity, and she found herself tracking him all the time, always suspicious, always disbelieving and wondering if he had been on again that day. They finally went to counseling, and with the help of the counselor, she was able to communicate– in a way that he understood– that his internet activity was a form of cheating on her. She felt she could not measure up, was not enough for him, that he didn't want her, and that she was sharing him when– as his wife, and he her husband– she shouldn't. He felt terrible, and wanted to change– though at first he didn't want any help doing it. As his own man, he wanted to prove that he could beat it himself. Unfortunately, as with all addictions, he couldn't, and after a few more tearful and hurtful incidents, he broke down and asked her to be his Accountability Partner. She purchased a Content Barrier program, which allowed her to create its settings according to their needs. As things changed, she was able to adjust those setting accordingly. At first he had no access to the internet unless she logged in, and she stayed while he checked his email and so forth. As time went on she was able to loosen the restrictions. They still use it to this day, and their marriage is one of the strongest and happiest I have ever seen.

The thing is, the Content Barrier only worked because he recognized he needed it. She didn't force it on him (though she wanted to). They went to counseling first, to deal with the problem, and figure out a solution.

Facebook has been great with connecting friends and family, but it definitely has its dangers, as any communication device does. The easier it is to connect, the easier it is to fall.

You NEED to go to counseling. You NEED to set up boundaries that he cannot cross. If that means restricting his internet activity to only when you are there in the room with him, so be it. But it has to be something you agree to together. Counseling is definitely a first, and a must. I would also say that Facebook, for now, be a Do Not.

There is a saying: Good Fences Make Good Neighbors.

This saying is SO true. When boundaries are clear and strong, people act and interact better because they know what is okay and what isn't. Good fences in a marriage is good, too. You are his wife. He should not be contacting old 'female' highschool friends, especially since he has a wandering eye.

Find a good counselor. It will be expensive, but there is no amount of money too great if it will save and improve your marriage.

I hope this helps!
God bless!
M. D

he's your husband, not a child that should need to be monitored and watched. I have a now ex husband that I divorced for this exact reason. I didn't want to live the rest of my life wondering what he was or was not doing. Just my opinion, good luck to you!

Dito what Dana W. said!

I personally would not want to be in a marraige where my spouse allowed me to do anything or monitored me like a child. Either you trust him or you don't. Get in to counseling to work through your issues and the both of you go to joint sessions along with it. That way both of you will get individual and joint sessions. If your marriage is going to make it this is crucial to it's sucessto have an individual that is oblective to help you guys get insight into the issues present here..

I have talked to a few of my friends and they say that they need to do this or that to check up on their husbands. I feel if you can't have trust in a marriage then you should not be married. I am not one for all the drama in a relationship. To me a marriage is somewhere a person should be able to let their guard down and not have to spy on each other.. Personally, I do believe you have two options: call it quits or get marriage counseling. I don't think that texting or facebook is the real issue.