Ensuring 9Yr Old Son in 4Th Grade Does His Homework Daily! (Revised)

I know my mom did not let us do homework in our room till we were in 5th or 6th grade. We would sit at the kitchen table and do it while she was making dinner or cleaning the kitchen. I know one of my brothers was not the best at keeping on task so, finally half way through 8th grade he hated that he was the only one at the kitchen table doing homework (my youngest brother who is 3 years yonger them this one at the table had already moved on to doing it in his room) so my mom said that he has to prove he can do it without being distracted. Well he has ADHD so he really needed the gentle reminder to keep on tasks still so he was always at the kitchen table even during high school. I believe towards the end of his high school years he finally mastered the task so he was able to do his homework in his room.

To be honest have him do it at the kitchen table, have a school box full of pencils, erasers, sharpener, calculator, compass, ruler, and any other item you notice him needing a lot to do his homework. It is not a punishment to have him doing his homework at the kitchen table it is more of he needs that extra attention and help to keep on task.

If there is a lot of homework maybe after 30 mins of really working at it he can have a 5 min break before buckling down again. If he has 3-4 subjects let him know that after he finishes with each subject he can take a 5 min break to use the bathroom, get a snack or drink, or have him do a few jumping jacks to burn that pent up energy.

You can also make it habit that he always shows you ALL of his homework. Does he write down in a book or calander what needs to be done which days, take a look at it and have him show everything that is due the following day. I understant that he is senstive but this is his education so do what you think needs to be done to keep him on track.

See:
http://www.amazon.com/Late-Lost-Unprepared-Executive-Func...

http://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Disorganized-Child-Strat...

I highly recommend these two books, and suggest that you move his study area to a place in the house where he can be monitored by you, or you make an effort to check in on him regularly as he studies on his own in his room. (Every 15-20 minutes)

Cluttered and messy rooms are a recipe for homework failure...particularly in kids who can not focus. Mess, toys, bad lighting, and so on can be distracting and sometimes overstimulating, making study impossible.

If you have him at the kitchen table while you cook in a brightly lit kitchen, you'd be amazed at how much he'd probably get done...and quickly. If you see him spacing or not focusing, call him on it. Ask him to read his work outloud, or talk out loud about what he is doing to keep him focused. Ask questions to keep his thought process going and interest level up.

It may add more to your afternoon...and he may push back at first. But overtime, he will learn to stick to it. Some kids need help staying on task. Leaving them to do it alone and on their own in their messy room full of their favorite distractions will not work for some kids.

Yes, having supplies like paper, pens, dictionaries etc. on hand may cut down on distractions and excuses to wander, but in the end, it's teaching him to overcome the urge to walk away from his work that will matter. You need to tell him, no snack until he finishes the first paragraph, or the first 5 problems in math for example. Make him take a potty break before he starts studying. Have an incentive like a special movie or game time if he gets done by a certain time. You know what will work, but you get the idea.

Teach him ways to refocus. Even if he's not diagnosed with something like ADHD, you can benefit from the methods used to help these kids improve their study skills. See this book also:

http://www.amazon.com/School-Success-Kids-Stephan-Silverm...

Remember, between 3rd and 4th grade, the work level and expectations at school jump tremendously. Now is the time to instill good study habits. Your involvement will help him learn good study skills. Be involved.

Homework should be done at the dining room table. Keep a supply of pencils, crayons, scissors, tape, protractor, etc. in a basket on the table for him. This way you are available to help/oversee... I also keep in a larger basket in a corner of the room: a dictionary, thesaurus, a math reference, an atlas, a geography reference, a science reference, and anything else that might be needed.
LBC

Here is a bit of advice. I got two boys through school. Sometimes I wanted to pull my hair out! This is what helped me.

If he doesn't have it already get him a date book and help him organize lessons. Go over them with him every day when he sits down to do work. Even if he says he doesn't have homework. This way you are teaching him how to organize and remind himself of what he needs to do. Ask him about each class.

Have a time set....... let him choose, but give him only two options. For example: Would you like to do homework as soon as you get home from school or right after dinner? (You know your child, so if you know he will not be able to focus after dinner give him another time.......5pm?) This gives him some say in the matter.

Have him work at the kitchen table while you are cooking dinner or doing something nearby. Praise him when he is done and thank him for his cooperation. Don't just praise grades. When he gets a bad grade be sympathetic, "Oh dear. I'm sorry honey. What do you think you could have done to make a better grade." When he gets a good grade, "Wow, thats great......so what do you think you did to make such a good grade?" The hope is that all this will help him understand his work is what makes the difference.

All that said. 9 is the beginning of puberty and this is a typical age for kids to struggle with school and social. The next few years the hormones will make your boy emotional and confused. Keep home safe and empathetic while helping your son know how to stay on task.

:)

I applaud you for trying to keep this as "perfect" a setting as possible.

My younger son is 15, & there are still times when he's moved back into wherever I'm working. & yes, the tv is turned off. Doesn't happen often, but that's "how" last night ended. :) After 2+ hours of homework in his room, I had a temper tantrum & he moved into the living room with me. & get this - the reason for the delay in homework was because he was watching....omg! Fiddler on the Roof! 2 funny....he wasn't sneaking & playing video games, he wasn't on the phone/texting with friends....he was watching an absolutely excellent vintage musical! I felt like a dog, but was adamant about finishing the homework in a timely manner!

But I have found that regularly, he gets distracted...he disengages from the task at hand. This is all part of choosing to not treat his ADD. Until he was about 12, my son did ALL homework with me. The tv was turned off, sometimes even the music too. He did a snack, he took a quick break outside - usually playing with his dogs, & then the homework process began. The reason I followed this method is because, at school....if you think about it....the teacher is ever-present!

As for supplies, just follow the basic guidelines for school supplies! Pens, pencils, paper, calculator, a few markers &/or crayons....& that's all he needs. One simple box of supplies + the dictionary. Anything else & he'll be playing around.....

I have my almost 8 yr old son do his homework at the kitchen table. I hang out in the room cleaning or prepping for dinner and make sure he stays on task. Boy, does his mind wander! He gets a snack while he is doing his homework and he cannot do something fun (like play w neighborhood kids) till it is done. So far it has been working well but it requires me to hover a bit. Maybe move him to the kitchen?

I have my kids do their homework in the dining room of our house. That way they're close by for me to keep an eye on (to ensure they're staying on task) & I'm close by if they have any questions or need help, but none of their toys or games are in the same room to distract them.

I'm not at all sure what you mean by "school box size cases"...? At 9 years old & in 4th grade he should be bringing home pretty much everything he needs to complete his homework. Aside from loose leaf paper & several pencils with good erasers & maybe a dictionary, I can't imagine what else you would need to provide him with.

I was just wondering why he needs an excuse to come out of his room during homework time. Homework is not a punishment, it is for their benefit.To study and reiderate what was learned in school. The ideal is when parents are involved. Some kids want to do it alone. This shows responsibility. However, they should feel comfortable asking for help or advise or even conversing about what they are learning. Parents can listen to their opinion on certain issues; such as science, current events and history

All homework is done where they can be seen, usually in the living room or at the table. I have bookshelves in the room with my reference books on them, plus just about any other book one might need for homework. I have a drawer of paper and pencils/pens for writing and artwork in a little 4 drawer tall skinny chest that fits in very well against one wall between pieces of furniture.

One thing I will say though. If he has more homework than just a few minutes from each class then I would tell his teachers they need to coordinate their homework assignments so they are not each and every one sending home too much.

Our oldest grandson could bring home 3-4 hours of homework each night. It may only be one teacher for your son at this time but our grandson had 3 in 4th grade, they were supposed to be team teaching but they rarely talked. I would get him home from activities and he would have to eat then do all this homework and he could easily be up until 11pm and working steadily. I finally had my fill. He is a kid and doing school work for 11 hours per day. It just seems to me that a child does not need to spend more hours per day working than an adult does at a full time job..

Anyway, if he is not having that much but it is too much for him then you need to speak up. He sounds like a wonderful child. He needs to be in a room where he has nothing personal to distract him or draw his attention from what he is doing. I did my home work at the end of the dining room table and I could see the TV. I would sit for hours doing homework and watch TV while doing it. I could have gotten it done much quicker if the TV had just been off.

Setting the place and even setting a certain time is good too. He needs a good snack when he walks in the door, They often don't get much for lunch due to coming in close to last in 4th grade. A lot of the little kids eat first and they eat all the good stuff. Often my friends son would get to lunch, it was always last lunch, and all that would be left was salads. He would go days without eating food during the day and come to the house about to pass out from hunger. So make sure he eats, has plenty of light, and plenty of supervision.

My granddaughter is also in 4th grade and what she really needs to do homework is sharpened pencil(s), good eraser, student dictionary, paper, and crayons or markers, paper. You can keep all of that in a small pencil box. except the dictionary. I have a rule that when homework is done, the pencils, erasers, etc., are put in the pencil box and the box put in a drawer. Homework time is not "over" until the supplies are put away. Also, we have a rule that she is not to leave her desk until homework is done except to come ask me a homework related question. I make sure she uses the bathroom before homework time starts, so that is not an issue.

Hi J.,

"Our children are direct reflexions of ourselves".
Sounds like your son is quietly seeking help/support and it is upto you to figure out a reasonable/workable solution as a parent. Glad you are thinking about him and how to get help.

Here are a few suggestions:

1- Please let him do homework in your presence, make the environment more pleasent, positive by changing your own attitude towards homework and how he is expressing himself.

2- Please stop being so rigid/stirct and respect him as a person, he is only 9 years old. I recommend a loving approach. Self reliance is a skill that comes with practice, you have to help him thru this. If he is unable to do homework on his own, there are only 2 logical reasons for it, he might not understand the questions or he might be missing the basic understanding of the concepts.

3- Please don't entertain, watch TV or create other distractions to "CREATE" a positive/relaxed/encouraging environment for him to work in.

4- Please take some parenting classees to learn more supportive parenting skills.

5- Please read/research Ages/Stages of child development so you have a better understanding of his state of mind and feelings.

Lastly please think over how would you feel as a child if your parent was parenting like you are. Compassion and kindness is so needed towards our children.

Hope you take time to think things thru.

Best Wishes

You have a 9yr old in 4th grade? Dang! My kids and their October birthdays are gonna be SO much older than all their peers! My 8yr old is only in 2nd grade!

~My only suggestion is the same as some others, homework is done at the kitchen table at our house.

What about having scheduled breaks or a timer for him, so that every 20 minutes or so he can get up and stretch and must show you his progress?

When my son gets home from school, I always ask him what his homework is. While he's having a snack I check his backpack and planner. I look over the homework and get an idea of what he's going to have trouble with.

For him, simpler is better. Some days I have him do his homework on the sofa with a lap desk, and the only thing he needs is 1 pencil with a good eraser. His teacher this year doesn't believe in long homework, so all of the work should fit on the worksheet or on the back of the page if he writes small enough. Other days, he actually finishes the worksheet at school while waiting for the bus. (I was the same way, preferring study halls, quiet time in the library, or even sneaking into detention to do homework.)

We tried to create the perfect homework environment for our son in his room. We built a bunkbed so that he could have all the space underneath for a desk. Comfortable chair, smooth white desk surface, wall-mounted bright lights that can be aimed at his work.
But with his ADHD, he will still find a way to get distracted unless I am in the room with him. When I think he's in there working on homework he will be adding more supplies to the desk, waste time sharpening all the pencils, erasing pencil marks off the desk, or setting the clock. If I stay in his room, I can clean a few things and constantly remind him to go on to the next question. So far he has not been able to keep the dek clean. He has covered the desk with a pile of stuff including a pencil holder made out of legos, trash can, pencil sharpener, holepunch, stapler, erasers, clock, paper, ruler, scissors and more. We're still working on helping him organize himself. I've told him that all the cluttered supplies should be stored in a remote warehouse(dad's desk). But in his mind, the pile of junk on the desk is art. I've told him that not everyone will like his art as much as he does, when it's in a messy room it could be mistaken for a mess, and if he doesn't have a clean desk he can't do homework there.