Do You Stay with Relatives or at a Hotel?

No brainer for us... Hotel and rental car! We fly to see family.

I have some family who insist that we stay with them but we just visit and go to the hotel.

Much easier, sleep better, can have the room temp where we like it and other positives!

I don't like being trapped with no car if I want to go somewhere, etc. I always have a rental car as well for my own transportation.

ALWAYS in a hotel. Sometimes my kids opt to spend the night with the family, but I need my space and a break from the craziness that is extended family.

i feel just as you do. my mormon relatives in utah are the most wonderful hospitable warm and welcoming people in the world and get genuinely butthurt if i don't stay with them, but with the exception of my cookie-person aunt (whose home is like my home), i am so much more comfortable in a hotel. and boy, that can cause some angst.
i find the best way to handle it is to just keep piling on the love and warmth, and never waver even an iota in the firmness. 'auntie ida, we're coming to visit next month! here are the dates. we sure hope you guys can clear your calendar for tons o' fun. we'll be staying at xyz motel. oh, you're a love to offer. i simply adore your home and can't wait to see it again. no, we'll be much more comfortable in a hotel where we can strew our stuff about and keep our own hours. how sweet of you! oh, we love to spend time with you too, and believe me, we will. you'll be ready to see us go by the time we leave, we're planning to wear you out. but a hotel just makes more sense to us. thank you, my darlin', you're the best. no, i really mean it, we're already booked, but can we take you guys out to dinner on that first night when we arrive? then it's cook-outs, pot lucks and marathon rounds of gin rummy, and get ready because i plan to win every round and clean you out.'
on and on.
bury 'em in love and thanks.
but not one single sign of weakness.
if your relatives are like mine, they'll zero in on it like sharks and the next thing you know you're sharing a room with two babies and an incontinent old dog.
enjoy your visit!
:) khairete
S.

Just be honest, sometimes you need your own space and your loved ones ought to respect that.

Hotel. It's easier for everyone.

For me, it depends on a combination of their house and their habits. For example, my sister has a lot of bedroom and living space, but just one tiny bathroom. She's also very sensitive to having things very quiet when her daughter is sleeping, and my kids are very loud. While it would be nice to stay with her since there aren't hotels nearby, I prefer a hotel over the inconvenience of the bathroom and the stress of keeping my kids quiet.

On the flipside, I have a close friend with a tiny house but she's very easygoing. When I visit her, we stay with her and sleep on a pullout couch in the living room. It's a lot of people in a small space, but it works well.

As for insulting them, don't worry about it. Make sure they know that you're choosing the hotel because you don't sleep well and feel anxious about it when others are around, which makes you sleep even less. Don't mention inconveniencing them, as they will just tell you it's no trouble to them.

If you're more comfortable in a hotel, just book a room and it will be ok.

When we visit family - we all PREFER to stay at a hotel!
No one is insulted by this.

When visiting out of town we never stay with family or friends and have never been questioned as to why and I think the reason is because it is much more convenient and comfortable for everyone involved.

I'm very open with people that I'm a horrible sleeper and my mother is too. So family already knows and any time it may be an issue with friends who don't know yet, I just explain it's me, not them. I wouldn't be surprised if on some level they are glad. Having guests is work.

Just be honest and tell them it works better for you to stay at a hotel. Don't say it like a question, but politely and firmly. You never know they may prefer you to stay somewhere else and not want to say anything.

We do what works best for our family and theirs.

Some of my family are very laid back, relaxed, have kid friendly homes ... we stay with them.
The family that is more uptight, have pets (my son is allergic) and I know we'd be putting them out - we just say we'll be visiting, and love to see them. We just say that we've booked a hotel in town. If they force the issue to be polite, I just say "Oh thanks, but it works better for us".

Just be honest, they won't be mad! We always stay with relatives because the travel costs are high enough getting there (Seattle, Tennessee, Colorado) but if we were swimming in dough and could swing hotels for the visit, I'd certainly do so and they wouldn't be mad! Just say, "We're going to stay in a hotel so we can leave you in peace at night and keep our mess out of your house" and if they beg you and act hurt, then say, "Thanks so much, I know you are sincere in offering, but we can afford it, and it's easier for us, we'll see you bright and early each day!" or whatever..
Also, I have a guest room downstairs, but rarely like people to come stay..especially relatives..it's just so exhausting for me..there is one best friend and her family who come a few times per year, and we're so close and similar in habits it's fun, but even then it's exhausting to host all the way through bed time and breakfast for a few days straight...I am NEVER offended when people offer to get hotel rooms, I'm RELIEVED!-even though I always offer the guest room.

We are a very close family so whenever possible we stay with family or have family stay with us. I would not be offended if someone decided they would rather have a hotel, but in our family it would be considered a very unnecessary expense unless there just is not enough room for everyone coming :)

And we never expect that them staying with us (or vise versa) means that we will be doing everything together, a little apart time is always nice when spending so much time together in one place.

some of my relatives have the space and offer their spare rooms in those places we will stay one night. if we plan on being in their area for longer than a night we get a hotel. unless its that one relative that insists that we stay at their house for the duration, then we would stay at their place

Most of our relatives are within driving distance. If it's just overnight and the relative/friend has space, we're likely to crash on the couch or in the spare. But if it's a few days or space is tight, then we'll just get a hotel. For my stepdaughter's college grad, we are staying at a hotel - we do NOT want to stay in her home with her crazy roommates! When I was a kid, we often stayed over the weekend at my aunt's house.

If you stay in a hotel, and they are upset, make it a point to visit them often and stay a while. You can't be responsible for other people's feelings, and if you genuinely just want your own space, then just matter of factly say so. "Mom, we've reserved a hotel for the weekend. What time would you want us to come over in the morning?"

I did stay with an aunt when it was just myself and my daughter. It was horrible. The problem is, if I had not stayed with her I would not have seen her. I would have never braved the rooms that were in her area. They all looked "Bates Motelish" to me.

Anyway, aside from the major personality conflict, my cousin took us around town as nice as it was and no matter how much I appreciate her time, I still had a few sites I would have liked to see that she didn't take us to. Unfortunately, I will not be back in the area. The aunt is the only reason I went.

So does that answer your question? If at all possible, get a room and enjoy your visits.

if i can wing it, i always stay in a hotel. i need me quiet time and i don't think i have that if im around people 24/7. most people are relieved when i say we are staying at a hotel. who wants to clean or entertain people 24/7? win win.

It entirely depends on that person I am visiting. If they have a nice home and it's a split floor plan and they offer there isn't any reason to turn them down. If their bedrooms and mashed up next to each other then I'd probably say no and make hotel reservations.

If I wasn't comfortable with that person's home or neighborhood I'd say we already paid for the hotel and couldn't get our money back.

I have a dear dear friend who was raised in a very elite lifestyle. Her family often had overnight guests during her growing up years. Her nanny or governess would take her and her brothers down at some point during the evening to say goodnight to everyone then they'd head up to the top floor and have their own dinner and evening things to do. She remembers Clark Gable coming to dinner a few times, that's how elite her lifestyle was.

They had a guest suite/wing on their house where a few bedrooms were located. Not much but a few. Not like some huge monstrosity we see nowadays. Maybe 8-10 bedrooms?

Anyway, this lady has a nice home now in a resort style town that is a tourist local that most everyone can find something to do and enjoy. She has never allowed anyone to stay in her home as a guest. She hated having people in her house growing up and just won't do it.

We can't afford a hotel bill every time we go see her so we don't go very often. When she comes to see me she doesn't/won't stay with us. She flat out just won't stay in anyone else's home. I accept that. Since she won't invite us to stay with her and expects US to pay for a hotel then she has to accept we can't come see her very often.

I grew up staying the night at relatives houses with a pile of kids in one bed. I can't imagine people coming to visit me and not staying with me. If they want to stay in a hotel it makes me think they don't really "like" me as a person but just see me because I'm a friend or family.

A minority voice... We always stay with family when we have the option. It gives us more time to just hang out together and visit. It may be less comfortable, however the point of the trip for us is to see relatives as much as possible, so that's what we do. If things get nutty, I come up with an errand or go for a walk.

We always stay with family, but if you're not comfortable doing that then don't! Just let them know you're coming and you'll be staying at a hotel.