Do I Get a Father's Day Gift?

Updated on May 15, 2017
K.H. asks from Des Moines, IA
24 answers

Okay mommies!! I need some help. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. We are completely in love with each other. We are looking for house together but some people say it's too fast but sometimes you just know! Anyways!! He is amazing to my daughter who adores him! If you saw him in public with her you'd never know that she isn't biologically his, in how he talks to her and cares for her! Especially since two can kind of test your limits! He's even helped with weaning from the paci!! So my question is do I get him a Father's Day present? Like something little. Perhaps a card made by her or something like that. Her real dad is in the picture but we don't get a long and we have a no contact order. He does see her every other weekend. So I would get something from her to him. But I was just wondering about my boyfriend! Thank you!! ❤❤❤

What can I do next?

  • Add your own comment
  • Ask your own question
  • Join the Mamapedia community
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

No, he is not her father, her father is her father. If you guys do move in with each other and he starts acting as a true step-parent then maybe next year a card or small gift would be appropriate, but I don't think it would be appropriate this year. He is a boyfriend, not a parent.

More Answers

J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I know everyone is addressing your relationship more than the gift idea and I am sure that isn't exactly what you wanted but the thing is your relationship addresses the gift. Everything you say is about how it looks. Looking at houses, he looks like he is her father, acts like he is her father. Your question looks more like you are asking wouldn't it look good if she gave him a gift.

You remind me so much of my niece. Your profile blurb reads like half her FB posts. Like if you say happy happy joy joy enough, if enough of your friends believe it or at least claim to believe it, your version of reality becomes real. What really concerns me about this post is you are here. I am sure you have facebook, snapchat, instagram and all your friends come support you as long as you ask for nothing more than words. That you are seeking outside validation makes me wonder if your friends have valid reasons to tell you that you are moving too fast.

Listen to your friends and family.

9 moms found this helpful

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Welcome to mamapedia!

No. You don't get him a father's day gift. He's NOT her step father. He's your boyfriend.

There's no way in hell I would have introduced my child to a boyfriend immediately. NO freaking way. She's TWO YEARS OLD!! She has no concept of "daddy" really.

I don't understand how her biological father is seeing her every other weekend when you have a no-contact order. How exactly does that happen? She should have something for her biological father, NOT your boyfriend.

He's "testing your limits"? How is that? You're already contemplating moving in with him? I truly hope you are using birth control. You don't need another kid right now - sorry to be rude - but really. You're moving at the speed of heat and things like that usually tend to implode. You have a no-contact order with your first kid's bio-dad and now - at five months (you realize that's not even 160 days right!?) you're moving in? NO.

You need to be on your own. You need to know you can handle life without a man in it. You don't introduce your toddler to a boyfriend until you've been together and committed for at least a year. If you can't wait a year? It's NOT REAL LOVE. Learn from your mistakes - your first "relationship" didn't work out. How fast did you move on that one?

Back to your question - no. Your boyfriend doesn't get a father's day gift from you or your daughter.

9 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.A.

answers from Columbus on

Your boyfriend is showing your daughter how she deserves to be treated by men, and I wouldn't ignore that fact. I'd buy a gift for him, but I don't think I'd present as a Father's Day gift. One of my friends celebrated 'Special Guys' day the Saturday before Father's Day. She had a cake and gift for him, usually with a heartfelt note to him about how she loved watching him with her daughter. She continued this tradition even when they got married. That way, both men felt honored and recognized, and her kids didn't have to choose between the two men. (She started this tradition before she even had a boyfriend... It was her father and brother she recognized the first year because they did so much for her kids when she became a single parent.)

You also need to be sure to buy her father a gift from her. The relationship between the two of you doesn't matter-- what's important is her relationship with him.

ETA: As others have said, you need to be very careful that you don't refer to him as Daddy around her. In her eyes, she needs to view him the same way that she views a uncle or other male relative.

9 moms found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I say "no."
He's not her father.
He's not her step - father.
He's not even her "almost" step-father (meaning you are not engaged).
He's only been around for 5 months.

Your child HAS a father. Whom it says that she sees every other weekend.

8 moms found this helpful

V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

How old is your daughter? He's been in the picture for 5 months, and she's just been weaned off the paci during that 5 months? I'm guessing she is a toddler?

I would say no. If she were old enough to consciously want to recognize him as being a father figure then I'd follow her lead. She isn't. Recognize her father (whether you get along with him or not), and let that be it. For now at least. When you are married and he is actually her step-father, then I'd say sure.

8 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Anchorage on

"Sometimes you just know" - those are your words to justify moving so fast with this boyfriend. Those words are ok if you are a single person with no responsibilities. But you are NOT a single person with no responsibilities. You have a child to consider and protect. You don't get to be immature and frivolous when you have a child. You owe it to your child to take a long time to get to know this man and make sure he is a quality person who deserves to be in both your lives. You haven't known him long enough to see how he handles stress and disappointment. Have you even had your first argument yet? How do you know how he will handle that situation? I think you are moving way to fast. And I think a father's day gift for this boyfriend is a big no no. He's not her father.

8 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Atlanta on

K.,

At FIVE MONTHS? You should have NEVER introduced your daughter to him. Sorry. I understand the "love at first sight" but to a child? No.

Your post is confusing. You state you have a no-contact order, yet she spends every other weekend with her bio-dad? How is that?

I think you need to put the brakes on and slow down here. This has all the ear-markings of a summer love that might end badly.

While it's sweet that he is showing her love? He's NOT her daddy. She shouldn't be calling him DADDY (no, you didn't say that). I'd get him a card and tell him you are thankful for showing your daughter love and caring. But NOT a "Father's day" gift and certainly NOT from her.

Please slow down. Kids really should NOT be introduced to "boyfriends" until you have been together for at least a year, that's MY opinion. I think you're moving way to fast.

8 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'd say no, he's not her father. If, at some point in the future, she wants to include him in her father's day giving then that's up to her.

He's not her father. Her dad is her father. So no.

6 moms found this helpful

R.A.

answers from Boston on

I'd get maybe an " I appreciate you being in our lives" kind of gift. But not a Father's Day one. Especially from your daughter- she is way too young to process, and it could become very confusing and damaging to her if you and him didn't work out.

It sounds like you're rushing things to create this perfect ideal life. It's understandable, but you need to keep a slower pace.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Until he is her step dad then the answer is no gift.

The fact that you are so excited about him Because he "even helped wean her from her paci" honestly makes it sound like you have very low expectations. Five months is hardly enough time to really know someone and I caution you from tying your finances together by getting a house together.

It sounds like from your post you picked horribly the first time when selecting a mate, hence the no contact order. What has changed so you don't make the same mistakes again? Many woman have gone from one bad relationship to the next but now you have a daughter to consider. IMHO your BF should not have even met your daughter after only 20 weeks of dating. Best of luck! I hope this new guy is everything you hope him to be.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.W.

answers from Portland on

You seem to have an optimism which, in the long run, might be misleading. Just because a person has been successfully in your life for 5 months-- that does not make a commitment. Even when you 'know'.

I'm guessing you also found the father of your child very attractive until whatever happened which changed your opinion. I mean, you did think enough of the guy to make a baby with him.

Personally, if you were my friend, I'd tell you to get your primary life (child, ex-boyfriend) straightened out. New relationships are already challenging enough. Imagine cohabitating with this guy, moving out of your stable living situation and then sharing a living and expenses, a financial situation with him. It's not as easy as it sounds, even without a kid involved.

I'd strongly suggest waiting to live together until you are both certain that you will be married in the immediate future. This will financially protect you. If this guy is for sure he wants to live with you, then marriage should be on the table as an option.If he isn't sure he wants to marry you, then I think it's okay to cool things off and take things a LOT slower. Or you will end up like a lot of people in your situation do-- in court, asking a judge to hash things out. Moving in together is a big step. Introducing your child to a new male figure is a big deal. I'd seriously ask yourself what the endgame is in all of this. How do you see your family's future? The last thing you need to do is make a baby with one guy, find that the relationship has deteriorated, and then, find another guy to play 'daddy' to your child. It's not fair for anyone. If he's committed, then let him show this over time. There's no rush.

And no, no Father's Day card. As an adult, I've sent my stepmom mother's day cards from time to time, but that was/is MY choice, not something an adult imposed on me.

5 moms found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

How about you say to him, you know he is not her father, but you wanted to celebrate him being the special guy in your daughter's life. Give him a card she made and maybe a small token gift. You are looking for a house together, but are you also getting married? Is he saying he wants to commit to you and your daughter for life? 5 months is a really, really short period of time to be dating. You are still in the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship. My mom went from one relationship to another and it was hard on my brother and I as kids. One guy was there for 2 years. One guy for 3 years. One guy for 1 year. One guy for 7 years. One guy for the next few years. She never actually just spent time being single, and each of these boyfriends quickly moved in with us. Each time she thought it would last, but it didn't. She never married. Anyway...if this relationship works out that is great...but if not try to slow down next time. You will have to think a lot about how this affects your child as she gets older. It's hard to be a kid and love someone like they are your dad and then they leave...over and over. It makes you feel bad about yourself inside. I wish you luck. I hope that doesn't happen to you.

5 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

I wouldn't. I get that you are head over heels with this guy and the prospect of a new family. But you're only 5 months into this, and it's still very new. The lovey-dovey aspect to your relationship with him is normal in the early phases of a relationship, and you have converted that into a 2nd lovey-dovey relationship between him and your daughter. It's still so new and you're still writing with lots of exclamation points. Be careful. This is not a tried & true, tested relationship over the course of time. If anything happens in your relationship, you'll be requiring your daughter to adjust to the loss of a man you have already promoted to "father" in her life.

And, in defense of other parents, I wouldn't say this: "If you saw him in public with her you'd never know that she isn't biologically his, in how he talks to her and cares for her!" Good heavens, you've already proven that biology means nothing (her father is not in the picture) and you've diminished the parenting of adoptive parents, gay parents or those who have used different types of fertility treatments! Parenting is about chemistry, not biology. So please get past this storybook fantasy you have about your boyfriend. You need to show much more maturity and patience here.

You're look for a house? To buy? You are not married, and while you don't have to be, you absolutely must get your finances and your child's legal care settled. You need a financial planner to help protect you, to set up a legal agreement for the house so you are not stuck with a mortgage you can't afford if your relationship goes through the bumps and glitches that ALL relationships go through! Even if you are renting a house, you need protection! Don't take on a new financial situation and obligation based on your gut. You think "you just know," but you don't. None of us does.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.6.

answers from New York on

No. Just, no. I also wouldn't worry about getting her something to give her biological father if she is 2. Let his mother or girlfriend worry about that. She is too little to even understand and it sounds like you don't need any more drama.

Just remember, your boyfriend is NOT her dad. Just like her father's girlfriend (if he has one) is NOT her mother - treat the situation how you would want to be treated if the situation was reversed.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.G.

answers from Portland on

I would not personally.

I have a few friends who had more than 1 dad figure in their lives. It gets pretty confusing, especially for little ones.

To be honest, I think your boyfriend should be this invested in your daughter - you're a package. I think it should be the expectation that he would bond with her and be involved.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

How is your kid's dad seeing her every weekend if you have a no contact order?

Your boyfriend isn't her dad. He isn't her stepdad. He's her mama's boyfriend.

4 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

It's too soon to know if he will be a permanent fixture in your daughters life.
If you get married, then he'll certainly be step dad, but as things are right now, not this year - maybe next year.

4 moms found this helpful

D.D.

answers from Boston on

A father's day something for your boyfriend of 5 months? No. Something for her real father? Yes.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.!.

answers from Santa Fe on

You are 24 years old and you hope for a happy future! I truly whish this for you both!

While everything seems so perfect just make sure you don't add another baby to soon to your trio!

Get financial stable and enjoy your daughter growing up for 2-3 years. And enjoy your new partner.

The thing is with a Father's Day gift that you may shock him and he feels pressured to take a role on that he is not ready yet. He is not her father but you indicate that you expect him to be responsible for you and her which in reality it is your deal.

He has fun with her because he is around her occasionally. Make a card as others suggested to honor him but keep it easy. It will also help him with the transition to become a family member but don't push him into a "daddy" too fast.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

Since she's only 2, she probably won't completely comprehend Father's Day, or all of the little nuances involved in something that's not Christmas or a birthday. A card made by her would be more of a coloring adventure at this age, since I'm assuming she doesn't read yet or know how to write words.

So instead of a card or a gift, why don't the two of you do something together, special for him? Make cookies. Even a 2 year old can sprinkle colored sugar on a sugar cookie or press a cookie cutter into dough. Or make his favorite meal, and your daughter can help build the salad, by putting cherry tomatoes on top. Just make him feel special and appreciated and demonstrate to your daughter how much he's appreciated, and what we do to show love to people in small ways.

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I understand why everyone is saying no, and I pretty much agree. BUT if you really feel like getting him something the ONLY thing I would do we be a card from YOU not your daughter and make it more of a Thank you card, or I Appreciate You card, something like that.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.M.

answers from San Francisco on

No. He is not your DD's father. He's not your fiancé and you don't live together, and you've been together for all of five months. That said. It sounds like he is really helpful with her and they have a nice relationship. You don't need a holiday to thank a person. Just pick a random day to give him a thank you card or a little gift - from YOU, not from your DD - and unconnected to Father's Day or fatherhood.

Also? If you have a no contact order with your ex - you should not be buying him a Father's Day present. His mother or sister or some other relative can help your DD "give" him a gift.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.G.

answers from Fort Myers on

I would get him a gift. Or make him one with your daughters hand print or something. Show him how much you appreciate him treating your daughter as if she was his biological father.

Btw - I don't think its too fast that you guys are house hunting. I knew after my first date with my husband that we were going to get married. We moved in together less than 2 months later and were married a year later. We'll be married 8 years next month. Do whats best for you 3.

Next question: Define Step-Dad?? What Am I Doing Wrong?