Divorced Mom of Three Years, with Two Kids

K.,

I agree with Molly. Go to pre Marital counseling..and if u have any douts right now, then you need to slow it down until you are 100% certain like Molly said. If you still have doubts b4 going to the alter, then dont do it. I know you want to be certain this time around, I dont blame you. I wish you the best and Congrats to you.

Best,
C. Z

My aunt gave me some pretty good advice when I was first dating my now-husband. She said, if he gained 100 pounds and was in a wheelchair, would you still feel the same about him? If the answer is no, then he's not the one. At the time I didn't really understand what she meant, but now that I've been with my husband for 10 years, I get it. Marriage is so full of ups and downs - there will be times when one or the other of you is sick, injured, out of work etc. - so there has to be something there where the two of you love EACH OTHER and not the idea of each other. Also realize that love changes with time, and this is not a bad thing! Some of that intense spark will go away, but underneath that (if you're lucky) is something softer and better.

I think some of the basics are - does he love your kids like they're his own? Does he treat you with love and respect, as his equal? Do you agree with him on how many more kids you will have (if any) and how you will raise them? Are there any other "deal breakers" that you have? If nothing else, there is no harm in having a long engagement. Don't get so caught up in planning your wedding that you forget to plan your marriage! =)

Good luck and best wishes!

K.,

Long engagement, no live in.

How well do you know his family and history?
How well does he know your family and history?
How does he treat your children and (if you have any) animals?
Does he interact with your children's father?
Does he have any children or former wives?
(If so do you interact with them)?
Have you discussed finances?
What happens when one of you is sick?
How many fights have you had in two year?
(How were they resolved)?

What is the foundation on which you plan to build your lives together?

There is NO such thing as perfect.

Blessings.....

K.,

I suggest going to pre-marital counseling before planning your wedding and all of that. Work out all the kinks in your relationship before moving forward. As far as if he is the right one, you will know in your gut. If you don't feel that right now, I would make sure to take it really slow and have a very long engagement until you know without a doubt that he is the one for you and your kids.

Congratulations~

Molly

There is no such thing as perfection. Beware of that trap. You WILL make mistakes. Just do your best and then let go.

First of all, neither you nor he will do everything perfect, so you can let that one go. The best you can strive for is excellence which means taking every mistake as a learning opportunity. Second, I would recommend premarital counseling to help you two work out potential issues BEFORE you are married. Lastly, I can recommend Linda and Charlie Bloom's work for both fun and insight couples' workshops and a great book called, "101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married."

I was like you, a single mom with two kids, and now I have been in my dream relationship for 9 years. It hasn't always been bliss, but we love each other deeply and are highly committed to working through any issues that show up. Congratulations on your impending nuptials!