Divorce, Job, Help :)

First off, take a deep breath, it will be all right. I have been EXACTLY where you are now and it is hard work at first, but you will get through it.

I know you love being a stay at home mom, and your kids have special needs, but you may have to make some other arrangements for a while at least. Unless your ex is going to totally support you, you need to focus on getting a job and health insurance, ASAP. I am assuming your kids' medical needs will still be covered by your ex?

There are work from home jobs you can do, but most require training. Doing medical billing could be an option, but you need to be trained and then hired for it. What options do you have for childcare? Do you have someone who comes in and helps with the kids or family you could get to do some babysitting at least for a month or so until you are back on your feet? In this economy you can't just wait for your house to sell- it might take a while.

I know it sounds crazy- but in my PERSONAL experience, you will feel better the sooner you make big adjustments and move on with your NEW life. My son and I moved into a one-bedroom apartment, but it was all ours. I worked a low paying job with no insurance until I found a better one, but we managed and I actually lost a lot of weight from my 'menial' labor, lol, so it was a huge benefit in that respect.

You are going to have to stretch yourself and be creative and think outside the box in ways you didn't have to before. It IS hard, but it can also really make you grow. Your children as well- I know having things be different will be a more difficult adjustment for them, but in the end, it might not be a bad thing as well.

Find your support network and USE it. Now is the time to do that. Go to the village and find out what community support systems you are eligible to use and take advantage of them. Do not ever feel guilty or low-class or whatever for that. Those services are often for people who are just in a temporary hard spot- whether it is child care or health care or whatever, if you need it for your children, then you just DO it.

Do a web search for home based careers. I know its hard if you've been staying at home a long time, but you may have to just knuckle down and get at least a part time job until your home sale goes through. Just make your arrangements one by one and do what you can. Don't beat yourself up - you are doing the best you can and it will ALL WORK OUT FINE.

The first year after the divorce is so hard. But it will just keep getting better and better, trust me. :) Last year I got remarried to a wonderful, kind man and now we have a house and dogs and ... let's just say I would NEVER have thought it would be possible the year after I left my husband. All sorts of things happen- and not all bad!

*hugs* hang in there and best of luck! You'll be fine!

A.,
One year from now, you will be amazed at what you've accomplished. But, you have GOT to get out from under the covers & go on living. Do it for your kids, if nothing else!!

Remember all the things in life that make you happy & do them!! There is life after divorce, I promise!!

Luckily, you are a woman & you are blessed with an inner strength to manage life's greatest challenges!!

Best wishes!!

Hi A.,

I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. I would like to encourage you that you will make it! Nine years ago, my sister's husband left her with four kids (one a newborn), and she has reinvented herself. She was a stay-at-home mom, and now, she has completed her college degree and works in accounts receivable at an eye care center in her hometown. It has been a long road, but she's done it. If she can, I'm sure you'll be able to do it!

A couple of ideas work-wise: check out http://flexjobs.com. There's a bit of a cost to join, but there may be some ideas out there for you. Also, I think there's a website that helps place virtual assistants, maybe google it and see how many sites you can find. Also, sign up with Focus Scope to participate in marketing research. You can get around $50-100 per research group you participate in.

I'm sure you'll be flooded with responses. Please let us know how you do. Best wishes to you in this difficult time!

T.

Dear A.,
I've been where you are though it's been many years. I felt just awful walking out of court the day I was declared a "divorced woman." I, too, had been a stay at home mom for the majority of the years my children were growing up. It's not an easy road you find yourself on, but you'll make it, just like I did, with God's help.
Back then I had never heard of this line of work but after my second divorce (no less devastating) I learned about mystery or secret shopping. You are a legitimate private contractor (you work for yourself so no insurance but then also no commitment or schedule so very flexible) and have a myriad of jobs to choose from, many not only paying you for the work but giving you a free meal and other perks as part of the assignment. I wish I'd known about this years ago. If you've got a good memory and a bit of acting ability (you "pretend" you are shopping as you observe and take mental notes to input later online and submit as a report) this might be a great way to augment your income. Just remember, you will NEVER be asked to pay anything up front if it's legitimate. If this sounds interesting, go to http://www.mysteryshop.org/index-na.php and then http://www.volition.com/mystery.html to learn about this opportunity. I wish you the best, A.. Big hug!!
J.

This book may help you provide some additional insight...

http://www.amazon.com/10-Keys-Navigating-Successful-Finan...

Hi A., kudos to you for going to school to better yourself, it can be SO hard for moms.
I would also like to say I've been divorced for a year now, separated for 4 years and I am STILL a SAHM. I haven't worked other than very part time in school with my kids in almost 20 years. I am not working now. When we separated I was working at a special needs school which required me to work in the summer. I DID it one year, left three kids alone in the house 4 hours a day 5 days a week for 6 weeks in the summer. It was awful. The kids were 9, 12, and 14.

My ex is NOT a very generous man, however if I WERE to go back to work full time he would be required to do some parenting, which does not appeal to him. He will also loose big money on his taxes since I will be claiming the kids every other year. At his salary, it's about a $15k a year difference. So he does pay about 30% more than his required child support, though I did not ask for maintenence.

I think you are very wise and brave to go to school at this time. I know it will work out for you. You will have a skill unrelated to parenting that you can fall back on your entire life. Also it will empower you to not feel like you've 'failed'.

My thoughts are with you, PM when you need a buddy!

:)

Cleaning houses is good money, anyone can do it. Don't take less than 15-20$ per hour. Good luck, hang in there!