Disciplining Toddler in Public

My son is just about 5 now...and still does that...but he knows that if he acts out of control we WILL leave...
unfortunately we've had to leave some really fun places...In the begining he got one warning if he did something bad and then next time we left...then it became one warning before we got out of the car. Now there are no warnings - I would just leave if I had too and we leave very few places...
I did tell all my friends ahead of time that I needed their support and understanding...if we got up and left, they knew why...

i have the life experience with this issue. it sounds to me like he is becoming overly stressed about the shopping and dealing with all the sensory overload from sounds, smells, colors, etc.

i can only tell you what worked for me.

i took my son out on very short shopping trips when he was about 2. if i had a lot of shopping to do, i either did it in short spurts or i found someone to keep him so i could get everything done all at once.

in taking the short trips, i worked him up to handling long trips. it took time and a lot of patience.

as for church, see if you church has a crying room where you can go and sit with him when it gets to be too much for him, but you can still hear the sermon. if there is no crying room, see about a nursery where you can take him when he starts to get out of control. again it will take time and a lot of patience, but you can work him to handling a whole worship service. also let him take a few quiet toys with him to try and keep his attention a little longer.

as for the dining out, when we would go out, my son would take a few quiet toys and then when he had finished dinner and he would sit quietly under the table at my feet and play with his toys. this was acceptable and as time went on, he got to where he could handle the entire time out without needing to hide under the table and he would play quietly at the table.

ask his pedi for screening for sensory issues. you can also get in touch with the FDLRS program in your county - it is part of the school system for Pre-K age groups. they do screenings for free right about your son's age.

Hi V.,
I wanted to offer you some of my own tried and true advice. I don't by any means claim to have it all figured out. I most certainly don't! But I have learned from experiemce what works and what doesn't.
First of all, you should look at how you get him to behave at home. Whatever form of "correction" you use at home (and we are all different) obviously works for him so use it everywhere. Case in point:- I have a friend whose children, when they were little, behaved very well at home all the time. They weren't just "good" kids. She worked hard to teach them how to behave. She didn't have a problem with them until she went out. I noticed all the time that EVERYTIME she took them out, they were awful. I was close enough to this friend and spent enough time with her to see why. And here's what I saw: she wouldn't discipline outside of her home. She is the kind of person who doesn't like people to notice her (for good or bad), so she would never correct them in public because she was afraid someone would say something to her. Ironically, people were always stairing at her screaming kids, no doubt thinking, "why doesn't she make them stop screaming?" Her kids had learned that Mom would do NOTHING abou their behavior when they were out, so they acted the way she had allowed them to.
So my advice is DISCIPLINE IN PUBLIC!! If you do it at home, do it in public. Don't teach your child that you are afraid to do what's right in public. Teach him that he needs to behave adn control himself (to the best of his age ability) no matter where he is. We all have to control our behavior. so do children.

Something else to consider. This won't be very popular, but I believe if you let him control your life (as is the case when you leave just because he is misbehaving), then you are setting him up for thinking everything is about HIM. I agree with some that you should find out why he is misbehaving. If he is tired, plan your day so he can get his nap. Sleep is a need, don't forsake it. But if he's just misbehaving because he's bored. That is unacceptable. Evryone has to deal with boredome. Life isn't always going to be entertaining. Better for him to learn now how to control his action in spite of his boredom. I think it's sad to see children who have no self control. It's always obvious which kids rule their parents, adn which kids are taught that they are accountable for their behavior, just like everyone else.
Teach him now while he is still young. Hope this helps you. ~C.

Have either you or your husband let him know he's behaving badly, and if he doesn't stop, he'll have to go outside/back in the car/time out chair? My husband & I had the same experiences you are having, but after a few times of taking him out and away from the situation, he realized it wasn't as fun as behaving and staying with the group. It may stink for you/your husband to be the one to take him out & stay with him, but once he realizes you mean business and you aren't backing down, I'll bet he'll get the message. (of course, that doesn't mean to take him out and let him run & play...put him back in his car seat if he's really out of control) And for goodness sake, don't be embarrassed for having to deal with this behavior in public, the ones who have been thru the same thing will be surprisingly patient, and the others can just stuff it!

Like the other mom's I thought it was an attention thing but maybe he has some kind of sensory issue with being out in public. Shopping, the mall is busy, loud, etc. Then dining out, forget it, places that are kid friendly are always loud! Church, depending could be very loud, music or in a playroom with lots of other kids. Most kids I know are crazy at home, because they feel save and secure there or even at their preschool they are accustomed to, they feel safe there too and don't act out. Then they more reserved in public, possibly he doesn't feel safe in public. He could be shy like my daugther, until recently would cling to us anywhere she went but just now in the last month or two she is finally being a sillyhead in public with her brother. She learned entertaining people gets their attention. Your son might be a little young for this because we use it for my son to establish behavior ground rules but talking about what will be happening before we get somewhere helps. As long as it's not medical, don't feed the bad behavior and he'll probably grow out of it. Good luck!

Hi V.,

Ok my son is 3 so I have just went through the 2's with him. Here is the thing, he is 2! Let me tell you I have seen all kinds of 2 and my son...woooohooo was he a handful the minute he turned 2 yrs old. I see you have another son, but seeing that he is a stepson you may not have been there for the terrible 2's with him. Boys are SO different then girls in the way they respond to different situations. Personally we stopped taking him to any restaurant that was not loud enough that I did not worry about him being annoying or vocal. We would never take him out somewhere that he would have to sit and be good at nap time because that was just a disaster waiting to happen. Start small, let him know what you expect of him before you get there and what he can expect from the situation. In the end tho it comes down to the same thing. HE IS TWO! Man am I glad the twos are over :) Good luck, stay calm and breathe, and NO yelling does not work. Trust me we have tried it all.

T.

Could he be bored? Does he have books and toys and snacks when you go places? My daughter is great, but if she is tired or bored she tends to scream just so she has something to do! (She is 1). I wouldn't yell at him, but I wouldn't try to reason with him either. He is 2!

I also wouldn't be afraid to talk to him like he is a big kid! Tell him where you are going and how you expect him to behave. My son always needed to know exactly what was going to happen and when. If he was playing and we just left without warning he would MELTDOWN. So we would always give him the plan and warn him before leaving. So don't think explaining things to him is a waste of time. 2 year olds understand a lot more than we all give them credit for! Good luck and take care!

I agree with most of what Kim said. I don't agree that you should have to stop your life and remove your child who is misbehaving. Sometimes keeping him in the situation and giving him NO reaction to his bad behavior is a better option.
Whatever you decide keep it consistent and don't waiver. If he breaks you once, he knows he can do it again. It may take him longer to do it but he knows that he can. Trust me a kids stamina can outlast an adults in those types of situations.

Sometimes kids act the way they do to change their surroundings to what they want. If he's acting out in public it may be because he doesn't want to be out in public and he knows you'll take him out of that situation if he throws a big enough fit.

Maybe he doesn't like all the stimulation right now of being out in large groups. Some kids are like that. So, try and see if you can find out the what the root of the problem is.

He is 2 though and could just be exercising his boundary testers.

one thing I did with all of mine was to just leave. I would talk to him before we left about what I expected and then went to a store, library (somewhere easy to leave). If he acted up I just picked him up and walked out without even saying a word (be prepared for kicking and screaming, but just go about getting home without a word). Once at home he went to time out (again with very little said, other than a simple explanation as to why). It takes a lot of patience on your part, but it made a difference for us. another thing my husband came up with when going shopping was to give him a turn to lead the way (not to buy something, but to be in charge of where we went). It was helpful getting him to stay with me while I quickly grabbed my items and then let him lead the way.
Restaurants are trickier. A few times we took two cars and when a child acted up, one of us took him home and straight to time out.
I wish you patience and peace!

Hi V.,
It's plain and simple, really. You have to take him out of the situation no matter how hard that is for you both. Problem is, once a toddler learns the effect of having an audience, that feeds the behavior and no amount of cajoling or yelling will do the trick. Removing him from the place, and offering a choice to return for good behavior or early home as a deterrent to doing it again. Repetition is key, as is consistency on your part. The first time you give in, he will know he can wear you down!

Good luck!
K.