Disagreement with Hubby on Need for Childcare

There is no way a 10 year can be left alone by himself, esp with two younger children. He would not be able to take appropriate responsibility for himself or the younger ones at that age, and they are too close in age for him to assume the needed authority, have appropriate judgment, or to expect obedience. There is no WAY I'd leave those children alone for "a few hours on the weekend", much less on a constant and consistent basis in order to work. They absolutely need appropriate child care (read: certified adult). The average age a child can be left ALONE (not in charge but by themselves) in most states is 12. In KY it's 14. The Tennessee Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges states:
"There is no legal age for children to stay at home alone. Parents are advised to use their best judgment, keeping the child's maturity level and safety issues in mind."

As an added thought - are there TV's, cable, and/or internet in your home? Have you considered how easily a child can access/watch inappropriate or even pornographic material, especially if there's not an adult around to care for them?

If something were to happen to your children, you and your husband would be legally (not to mention morally) responsible. If something were to happen to someone else, or another's property due to your children, you and your husband would be legally responsible. I'd highly suggest disregarding what your husband WANTS and attend to your childrens' NEEDS. It sounds like you're there, but need some support. Get some statistics, information, and local/state laws regarding this subject and present your argument to your husband (I'm assuming he's also all 3 of the childrens' father?). Gather child care information you would seriuosly consider (inhome or after school care, etc) as well as the details of that care (who would be in charge, how much it will cost, the effect on your schedules and your lives as individuals, parents, and as a family). If he continues to disagree then he's obviously more concerned with how much money he has than the safety of his children. If chilcare is such a financial burden, you may want to consider if it would be advantageous financially to simply stay home, considering the change in tax bracket, etc.

All in all, tho, your children are not old enough to be home alone. At all.

I agree that hubby just wants to save money. I have 4 kids and we leave them alone in incrememnts of time starting at about 8, 9 in the case of daughter #2. I learned who children handle emergencies by leaving my 12 year old in the house by himself while we went to garage sales. We had the little ones. He had been left many many times before and babysat. He baked a pie, bless his heart, and set the stove on fire. We were just coming in the door, Thank goodness. He was in tears and freaking out even though we had talked about what to do if.....
What if you son tries to make popcorn and burn it or one of the twins?
What if there is a community emergency and the children have to evacuate for a gas leak? It happens.
Personally, for a full day they need an adult until the oldest is in highschool.
Also the RedCross does have the Safe Sitter program but the kids have to be 12 in some states. It is a great program but you don't even know how you would handle a true emergency unitl you are in one let alone a child.

Tennessee has no laws on this, however, the National SAFEKIDS Campaign recommends that no child under the age of 12 be left at home alone. Tennessee has a guideline stating that kids under 10 should not be left home alone.

Tennessee's state website says:
What is the legal age for kids to stay home alone?

There is no legal age for children to stay at home alone. Parents are advised to use their best judgment, keeping the child's maturity level and safety issues in mind. Younger children have a greater need for supervision and care than older children. Obviously, young children under age 10 should not be left without supervision at any time. In most cases, older teenage children may be left alone for short periods of time.

Honestly, depending on the maturity of the 10yr old, he might be okay to stay home alone. However, I would have serious reservations about leaving a 10 yr old responsible for two seven year olds. I'd even be nervous about leaving a young teen (13-15) home alone with two seven year olds all day, every day.

Is the 10 year old allowed to cook (stove and/or microwave)? Does he know basic first aid (cuts, abrasions, burns, falls). Does he know what to do if the power goes out? What about if there is a fire and no adults are home? It's one thing to leave them home for a short period of time - to run to the store, go for a jog, run other short errands. It's totally different to leave them there all day - even with your husband working from home. Since he is in and out and also doesn't pay attention to them while he's working, he can't really be considered as adult supervision.

I suggest you put at least the younger two into childcare or a daycamp (or hire a sitter), and if you can afford to put all three then put the 10 year old in a daycamp as well. It would be good for all three of them to have some structured time during the day. Most daycamps will have kids spending lots of time outdoors (swimming, hiking, sports, etc) as well as time for reading, crafts, etc. It's good for children to be around other kids their own age under adult supervision - not left home alone. There are day camps, traditional childcare centers, and sitters (a 16-18yr old HS teen or college student would be perfect).

TN STATE WEBSITE http://www.tennessee.gov/tcjfcj/faq.html
More Info on Latchkey Kids: http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm

In most states, a ten year old is not considered mature enough to be responsible for young children for any extended period of time. (Once upon a time that was not so but our world has turned a little meaner since 1969.) Consider YMCA day camp for your kids. That will keep them involved in healthy programs for a large part of the day. Establish rules for them for when they get home from their day camp programs (run the dishwasher, put dishes away, clean the yard/room/whatever, read, etc.) For periods where they cannot be in day camp or some other organized activity you need to get the legal statutes for your state on leaving children unattended. Then, when you talk to your husband next about this, you will have ample "ammunition" to support your argument.
Obviously, you want to instill integrity and maturity in your children early on but, the most important thing here is their safety and well-being. Your husband may be in and out of the house all day but, should he be out and something delay him, he could be gone for hours and your children would be alone for a long time. That is why you need to be prepared and have someone there for them at all times when you and your husband might be out of the house.

Then consider, what if there were a fire? Would your ten year old have the mental and emotional maturity to be able to safely get the younger siblings out of the house? What if, in the middle of an ice storm, a massive tree branch fell into the house? Would the ten year old know what to do? Or if one of the younger siblings fell or was otherwise seriously injured? Or the ten year old just had a moment of distraction with a friend or whatever and something serious happened to one of the younger children? That's an incredible emotional burden to put on such a young child. A parent would have a difficult time coping with severe debilitating injury to a child and they are adults with plenty of life experience behind them; a young child does not have that degree of maturity to lean on. Is it really fair to put that kind of burden on such a young child? And, not meaning to scare you (okay, maybe a little), if someone with ill intentions knows your children are left alone for long periods they will know when your home and family are vulnerable to invasion. You don't really want to risk that either.

Yes. It would be a great convenience for you and hubby to have that built-in babysitter BUT maybe not so great for the baby doing the sitting.

Good luck.

First I would check the age limit of staying at home. I some places to specify at what age they are allowed to be home alone, for how long, and if they are allowed to have younger siblings with them. With that being said, have you considered part time summer school for your two boys. I know some kids freak at the idea, but there are some really good programs out there that make summer school really fun (I used to go to one), summer camp, something that fulfills all your requirements and gets the out of the house. Why does your husband not want childcare? Is it the money? Could it be that because he is in and out of the house he may feel uncomfortable with somebody watching and caring for his children while he is there? My parents were like this. My dad was busy working in/out of home but my son needed some one to watch him (hubby was gone-army and I was working out of the house and we lived with my parents at the time) my friend offered to sit for me. My parents weren't comfortable with someone else in their house. We chose to send spend the money and send him to part time day-care instead. For my parents it wasn't about money, it was about having someone in the house. Could it be that times have changed and your husband doesn't realize it. Depending on where you live things aren't as safe as they used to be. Many adults grew up in a time when it was okay to be home alone. If it is any of the above the you could argue that it is to help keep the boys entertained and busy during summer. It'll give them something to look forward to and keep them out of trouble. If your husband is purely about saving money and you can afford it then why argue? Money v. safety and peace of mind (when you can afford it) guess which one I believe should take precedence?

The oldest will be 11 next summer? I would get a sitter or send them to day camp.

I also want to diagree with the post that suggests you shouldn't leave them alone EVER. I think that's extreme. I was left alone for a while starting when I was 9 and babysat from age 10. Heck, I used to wander around town alone when I was 6. YOU know your children best, and if you're comfortable with that (I do it with my kids for short periods of time), then cool! Kids need to be able to feel responsibility and trust. However, I think ALL summer long will be too much responsibility. And they'll get really bored. Even a teenager would be a good summertime sitter- play with the kids and make them follow instructions (like chores) from you.

.

Perhaps your husband simply has no idea how the children behave and how they respond to each other. My younger children are farther apart in age than yours, but I have a very calm, responsible 10 year old. But when he gets involved in a movie or playing - he is too distractable to be a good sitter.
Other than simply refusing to agree to your husband's plan and going out on your own and getting daycamp for them, see if there's any way that you can show him how they behave on their own? It really sounds like he is just not engaged with them enough to know what they are capable of doing. I would be more concerned that he seems so out of touch with the kids that he would think this is a good idea.

I found this on the state website.

http://www.state.tn.us/tcjfcj/faq.html

" What is the legal age for kids to stay home alone? "

There is no "legal age" for children to stay at home alone. Parents are advised to use their best judgment, keeping the child's maturity level and safety issues in mind. Younger children have a greater need for supervision and care than older children. Obviously, young children under age 10 should not be left without supervision at any time. In most cases, older teenage children may be left alone for short periods of time.

Personally, I have left my 12 year old daughter home with my 9 year old son but as you said, it's for short periods of time. A dinner date with hubby where we are gone for a max of 2.5 hours and we are less than 15 min away. My daughter has done some babysitting where she keeps a child in the summer for the entire day but it is a family friend and not a sibling (who would be harder to get to mind) and the child is 8 years younger than my daughter. Also, she is less than 10 min away if there is a problem.

I have to say, i'm with you on this one. Either hubby needs to pay attention to the kids during the day when he is there or you need someone to be there. My suggestion would be to check at your church now and see if you can secure an older teen that would enjoy spending the summer with the kids and would not cost as much as an adult. Keep in mind though that with the new drivers license system a teenager would not be able to drive your children unless he/she was 18.

In most places the law requires the oldest to be 12 before you can do that. And most pools (I take it you live in an apartment?) wont allow children there without an adult present. I think that is awfully young to be in charge of 2 siblings for an entire day, every day, all summer. I would check the laws in your area though, that might be the deciding factor right there.

Trust your instincts! My children are 6 and 10 soon to be 7 and 11 and I would not do what your husband is suggesting. If he won't budge I would see if you have a trusted neighbor who is usually home that will check in on the children and that the children can go to if they need help. If a neighbor is not an option do you have a relative that could help? If money is a problem could you barter with someone. When I was 17 my mom went back to work. I had to watch my 7 year old sister. My aunt had 3 children close to my sister's age and needed someone to watch them during the summer. My aunt had inherited a very nice cabinet sewing machine. My mother sewed and I had just taken a sewing class in high school. I agreed to watch her children as well in exchange for the sewing machine. My sister was happy because we lived in the country and she had other children to play with.
What are you good at - could you spend one weekend a month preparing meals to be frozen and reheated for someone in exchange for child care or could you or your husband take care of someone's lawn. I am a sahm who occasionally works part-time flexible hours. We have some neighbors who have children who are 11,7,5 and are sometimes home alone. I try to check on them when I realize their situation. I think that this usually happens when their Dad is supposed to be watching them. When their mom does this she usually comes and lets me know and asks if I am going to be busy and if I would check on them. If I am going out or will not be able to check on them she usually takes them with her or has a family member come. I hope that some of these suggestions help.