Difficulty with Mother-in-law

M., My heart is with you! I too have had the same issue with my MIL. One part of me says it is once a week and let her spoil what should be the brightest spot of her week...brunch with her children and grandson. However, I do agree with you that it isn't always about the food. I finally had to make my husband understand (I was as calm and businesslike as I could be) that it was about respect and that our sons had to know that I was the decision maker. He spoke to his mother and she didn't acknowledge my presence for 2 months! However, when that was over, she now has more respect for my rules. But when they are at Grandma's house, she is allowed to spoil them...I can't take that from her.

Girl, relax and live life......it's only on Sunday's I'm sure you can live with that! Trust me, you can only control so much and no more.....live.

M.
It is only one meal a WEEK!! At her age, she won't listen to you. I'd relax and let her spoil your son and be grateful he has a grandmother. You'd die if see what my MIL does with my son, but you know what? He only sees her once a week so I don't say or do anything. I stand back and let her do her own thing....spoiling. That is what grandparents do.

Best.

I don't have a mother in law, my husbands mother died when he was 15. And their other grandmother is 600 miles away. If your MIL wants to feed kids french toast, give her my email and I know they would LOVE to have breakfast with a grandmother.

BTW... I am a Family Wellness Coach I teach families how to eat properly and how to lead a healthy lifestyle and here is what I know, I know that one meal with your MIL will not RUIN him, unless YOU make a big deal of it. I know that "on the 7th day he rested" is not just about work, it is about eveything in life, food included. I know that kids are extrememly adaptable but parents are not. I know that right now you are frustrated and you want her to repsect your wishes and that is fine, but really, what is more important, your son knowing and loving HIS GRANDMOTHER and having THOSE memories, OR you being right, standing in the way of her showing her love (and I am sorry, her generation shows love through food) for the next few years. PS: Maybe her french toast can be her "specail treat for him" when he is done his other food. Ask her to "save it" so that it is special for just him and her at the end of the meal.

You are right, you are the parent. You get to decide. It is up to you how your son is raised. It is up to you if he has good memeories or bad of times with Grandma.

M.,

I would say there is an even bigger problem. The fact that your husband is not backing you up on this is an issue. You are exactly right. Your MIL should respect your wishes as the mother of the child. How would she like it if you came into her home and started to rearrange her house, I guarantee she would not like it at all. I would talk to your husband and get him to understand where you are coming from and the next time at breakfast insist that it is your way or the highway.

Good luck.

S.
35 y/o SAHM of 3 boys
14, 6 and 3

Dear M.,
I was wondering if your MIL isn't trying to create a special memory for your son.. Her being the grandma, this may be a fond memory for them both... My suggestion would be to let them have their little moments at breakfast; and then feed him a healthier lunch, or insists that he actively plays after eating so much sugary product. One of my most cherished memories is my Great Aunt Dorthay feeding us snacks of fresh baked cookies, ect.. It was such a treat for us as kids! Or try to compromise on the amount of french toast. Please do not take this as a personal affront to your authority! Unless she is an aggressive and extremely assertive type person, I think she is just trying to be special in your sons eyes. I do wish you all the very best! I'll pray for you's to have a very Merry Christmas!
Sincerely,
Kathy N.
PS: my MIL and I faught stupid games over my husband-her baby boy; and then she passed away and it was her knowing that I truly loved him that allowed her to go in peace and I TRULY miss her!

M.,
RELAX! Your son eats approx. 21 meals a week. Having one with french toast is not the end of the world. I too years ago wanted control of my son with his Grand Father though. He passed away when my son was still young. I am glad I make the choice to allow the Grand Father some freedom in choices with my son. These are memories that can never be replaced.(And he is 36 now) Your son with or without the french toast will grow up, and this in the reality of his whole life is a tiny thing. Do not stress yourself about it, you will have plenty of challenges to face ahead in life. Do not worry about respect, which I am sure Grand Mom has for you, she raised a few children in her time and they turned out fine right? So allow her this tiny treat with your son please, she will not be around forever. Good luck from someone who has been there. L.

Hi M.
First off i would sit my son out of reach of her and if she goes to sit down next to him i would move him again, secondly as she is approaching with the fork tell her NO and if she tries to brush your hand away pick your son up and hold him or move him if that fails knock the fork from her hand and simply say i've asked you time and time again not to do this now respect my wishes or i will leave. I had a Gran that did that and it got so bad i left but the next time she didn't interfear Good luck.