Difficult Daughter That Will Not Eat Real Food!!!!!

Let me know if any of these work for you. I have a dughter who will be 3 next month and I hate mealtime because it is such a battle. She just added a couple new things to her short list of stuff she will eat, so the whole keep trying thing must be working. Know I am right there with ya!

When we took K to the Pediatric Dentist for the first visit he looked in her mouth and said "She has Geographic Tongue". He explained that she had spots on her tongue that were different than the other areas. He further explained that foods would taste and feel different to her, and at times that would dramatically change. We did lots of research on the issue too.

Sometimes she'll just touch the tip of her tongue to a food and start gagging. She is the pickiest eater you could ever think of meeting. Some weeks all she wants is mac and cheese and then suddenly when she tries to eat it she starts puking it up and then won't eat it for months and months. You are going to have to decide how much of a blattle you want. There are those out there who think kids will eat when they get hungry enough but they don't know K, she has made herself sick by not eating. She gets pale, shaky, and starts getting dark circles under her eyes.

I choose to make "some" concessions/compromises. I try really hard to plan meals she will find something she can eat or likes. I know she is not going to eat Hamburger Helper is she sees all the meat, I take out the large chunks as well as possible, I think that's okay, maybe she'll grow up and not eat meat. She likes pasta and some rice dishes. She won't put a vegtable in her mouth, so I have to depend on things like spaghetti to give the vegtables. IE: tomato, onion, mushrooms, peppers, maybe even carrots, etc....

http://www.thesneakychef.com/
Baby and Toddler Meals for Dummies
Idiots Guide to Feeding Your Baby and Toddler

Check out the cookbooks in your local library. See if they work for you. I use them both so much I finally bought them.

Hi there...I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this battle. I have dealt with kids seemingly more stubborn than myself when it has come to eating issues. My little girl was about the same age as yours when this actually became an issue for us, so I can totally sympathize!

For the dinner-time food challenges, this is what we did...We would fix a meal that we would ALL eat, because at the age of 3 1/2, my daughter was ABLE to eat everything we gave her (whether she wanted to or not). If she ate only part of it, or didn't want any of it, we wouldn't give her anything else instead of that. There are one or two times that SHE chose to go to bed without dinner. It is not that we didn't offer her anything, it is that she "didn't like it" and refused to eat it. After a while, she got it figured out. And some nights we would fix something that she liked better and didn't have as much of an issue. It is one of those things that you will have to take a stand on. This was worse of an issue with my oldest son because when he was 2, he didn't want to eat anything other than crackers, cookies, breads, etc., thanks to Grandma who didn't make him sit to eat balanced meals. We decided that we weren't going to keep buying him and fixing him his own "special" foods to eat just because he didn't want to eat what the rest of the family is eating. We are now implementing this into our 2-year old, and he is starting to get it.

One thing I also wanted to mention here...we are NOT "clean your plate" people. Our rule is that the kids have to have a little bit of everything, they have to try it, but they can stop when they are "full". Sometimes, they have come back 15 minutes later to finish their dinner if they decide they are still hungry, but we don't ever make them eat everything on their plates.

This takes time, and it is especially helpful if you sometime take some time to explain to her daughter about eating healthy foods, especially during this time of cold and flu. I've told my kids that eating good foods helps them run faster, play longer, and not have to stay in bed because they don't feel good.

I will tell you this. If you are trying to feed her healthy stuff and not catering to every whim, rest in this bit of knowledge...a child will NOT starve himself or herself. They will eat when they are hungry. There could be other reasons they are not eating like illness or fatigue. It may truly be a medical issue, but a normal and healthy child will not allow themselves to starve. Sometimes we think that a child is undernourished just because they may eat a few bites of something at every meal, or sometimes skip a meal altogether, but they will make up for it at another time. Their stomach is pretty much only the size of their fist, so no, they aren't going to require a lot of food.

I hope some of this helps...there are many reputable child nutrition resources out there, one of them is this one:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/4/T040100.asp

There is lots of good info here and some you might like, others you may not, but it talks about starting your kids on a healthy lifestyle.

God bless!

M., the only way to get your daughter to eat is to place the prepared food in front of her. Tell her she needs to eat it. If she refuses, she needs to stay at the table until the family is finished. Wait her out-if she chhoses not to eat, don't force it but do not allow her to have any snacks or food in between meals. She will most likely be hungry enough at the next meal. If not, be consistent and wait until the next meal. I PROMISE, she will not die from hunger. She WILL eat when she gets hungry enough.

You might try reading "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" by John Rosemond. He covers these sorts of behaviors in
1 1/2 to 3 year old kids. Kids eat what their parents make available to them - they don't buy or prepare the food themselves. And as any pediatrician will tell you, no sane child will intentionally starve themselves. If she gets hungry, she'll eat, but only if you insist on providing the food you want her to eat. And if she decides not to eat, let her know the consequence is to go hungry. If you don't plead with her to eat, but just be matter-of-fact about it, she'll surprise you by picking at the food and even eating it all. Our 2 1/2 year old is rather picky right now, and sometimes he chooses not to eat dinner at all, for instance, but if we leave it on the table and direct him to that when he asks for something else, well, he either eats or not - it's his stomach. :)

There is a book called Parenting with Love and Logic. There is a young children edition. That has helped with our defiant kids. All they really want is a little control. So if you give 2 choices that you are ok with, they will usually pick one. Also, I have found that when my kids help make the meal, they are more likely to at least eat a few bites. We also have the "eat however many bites you are old" rule. My 4 year old has to eat 4 bites and my 7 year old has to eat 7. They think it's pretty cool!

How are you defining "properly" and "real food?" Does she still want jarred baby food? Or does she just want certain foods?
If she wants jarred abby food, it's most likely because baby food manufacturers load the stuff with sweeteners, even for foods that aren't supposed to be sweet. When babies transitionto table food, their taste buds are shocked because everything isn't as sweet as they're used to. Carrots, sweet peas, and sweet potatoes are highly nutirtious foods that are naturally sweet, as is fruit. Encourage her to wat those. You can even add a little brown sugar or apple juice to them while cooking and then gradually phase out the extra sweetener until she is eating them without it.
If it's just that she only wants certain foods, kids go through phases with food as their taste buds get used to certain things. My daughter did that - for a while, she wanted scrambled eggs and yogurt for every meal. Her pediatrician said to let her hae it, and just give her fruit juice to drink with it to balance it out. As long as the foods she wants are decent in terms of nutrition, let her have the ones she wants and introduce one new thing at a time to her. Make her try a couple of bites of the new thing, but if she doesn't like it, don't try to force her to eat it. The last thing you want is for food to become a power struggle - that's setting the stage for an eating disorder as she gets older.

I have the exact same problem and have found that the best advice is to only feed her no more than 3 times a day..maximum and always include a healthy choice, even if it's the same fruit or yogurt at all three meals every single day..that's what I do. And only give her enough unhealthy food to suffice for the fat she needs to grow. And also include 2 little snacks, but no more. Make sure that she gets only fruit juice watered down considerably to balance her digestive system and because she is a picky eater she must must must have her 16 ounces of lowfat milk a day ..or equivalent if she's lactose intolerant. If she refuses to drink milk you will have to get her a breakfast shake and I like to give mine at least 8 ounces of pure vitamin water..no suger or suger substitute added. They like the flavored water but be sure there's only vitamins in it..like propel fitness water. As long as she's getting all of her daily requirements of vitamins and minerals she really will be healthy no matter how few veggies and white meats she's eating. French fries and chicken nuggets won't hurt a child unless that's ALL they get into there system no matter what anyone tells you! And I like the V8 selections they have now...just be sure to always water down her drinks so she gets plenty of water in her system so she can digest whatever nutrients she is getting and of course...no cool-aid or soft drinks or candy no matter what!! Good luck to you. Pam

I love MJH's response to your post, she is right, a child will eventually eat!

If you are having this much trouble with your daughter at meal time, I'm sure you are having problems at other times too. If so, please read on...

I also have a very headstrong daughter and this is what worked with her....Giving her choices. Many times children feel like they have no contorl over their lives, mom or dad tell them what to wear, when to eat, what to eat, etc. By giving the child choices, they feel like they are in control (when actually, you still are!). The key is to give 2 choices with each question (and ask as many as possible to give them more choices), either choice you are happy with.

Example:
When your daughter tells you she is thirsty, you say:
Would you like the red cup or the orange one?
Would you like juice or milk?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or at the dining room table?

This works with discipline too...
When your daughter shows inappropriate behaviour, you say:
That behaviour is not acceptable in our home (or at church, or at the supermarket, etc.), would you like to spend 5 minutes time out on your bed or in the dining room chair? If the child refuses to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Again, if they refuse to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Eventually they will see that the time is getting longer and longer and will choose.

The tough part is sticking with it in the beginning. When they refuse to choose (when it's not discipline) or try to give another option, you choose for them and STICK TO IT. This teaches them that if they won't choose from your options that you will take control back and choose for them. It won't take very long until they will choose because they will learn that if they don't you will choose for them and take the control away. If they refuse to choose (when it is discipline) you just keep upping the time and at some point you just stick with it so they will remember the next time that the punishment is worse if they don't choose.

My daughter is now 18 and a wonderful young lady, however, at 2 she was driving me crazy because she was so stubborn and strong willed. This method worked wonders on her. These children won't do what you want them to do just because you want them to do it, they won't do it until they decide to do it and that can be quite frustrating!

Good luck!!!

At this age she is finding her place, her ground, I would fix her plate have her sit at the table until everyone has finished, put her plate in the icebox covered by her, and no dessert, no snacks, when she gets hunger pains, get out the plate and say, you have to take at least a bite, of everything on the plate before you will talk about what she does want. She will see things your way sooner or later, depending on her willpower. Teach her now, while she is young there are tough decisions to make in life, and this is one. Fight battles you will win. You are Mom she is daughter, your rules win. on all levels. Her wellfare is in your hands, and she will be as good or as bad as how much time you are willing to put into her. God gave kids Mom's for a reason, it is a long road but one worth takeing. Turst me