Desperate for Help with Breastfeeding/sleeping/being Held by Mamma...

most my kids were like what you describe (sorry for the news!) we co slept and it solved it to a degree that it was livable. and I used a hotsling which I highly recommend. the avent pacifier infant worked for us but I had to coax them :) my 4th was the worse! he is one now and just recently started letting daddy interact with him.

I just went through the same thing with my daughter. All the advice you have gotten is great. Hang in there, I know how tired you are. At least he took a bottle, my little girl wont. Good luck!

You could try flicking her feet this is what they told me at the hospital with one of my kids who was a sleepy eater to begin with. You could also try a damp cloth on their cheek or feet as well. The foot flicking worked with my sleepy one.
Good luck

Hi there.

Oh I do feel your pain. Really I do. First, I want to commend you on breastfeeding and not doing the CIO thing. CIO just teaches babies mamma and daddy are not there to help. Babies NEED us.

Ok ... I would try feeding your son in just a diaper or onesie, since it is getting colder outside. Don't make it all snuggly to try and keep him awake. His sucker will improve and he will become more efficient the older he gets. I also would change her diaper in the middle of feedings to wake her up. Or, keep a cool cloth next to me and just wipe her face gently when she would fall asleep.

Also, at this age he is most likely going through a growth spurt and is going to demand more food.

In addition, you may just have a high need child. It's not a bad thing ... just not what you are used to. My daughter, who is my first, is a high need child. (Dr. Sears talks about it on his website) Basically, they DEMAND attention. They don't like to be left alone. They want to be held. A sling will be your rescue! :-) I would try wearing him during the day and see if that helps.

My daughter did exactly this. She would fall asleep nursing and then want more, wouldn't sleep for very long, and wanted to be held ALL the time.

It gets better. It's just tough in the beginning. Hang in there.

My son was the same way. He ate around the clock about every hour and a half to two hours. He ate small amounts he then was content, would fall asleep and then wake up hungry again very soon after. It consumed my day. I actually didn't mind. He is my only child so I had all the time in the world back then (he is now 7yr old). Also like you mentioned
my son would not take a pacifier. My breasts were his pacifier. I breastfed unitl almost three years of age.
The last two years of nursing were just for comfort before nap time because I was his human pacifier. :)
To this day he still eats the same way. He eats very small
amounts often through out the day.
Anyway, I wish I had great words of wisdom for you but I don't. I only wanted to let you know you are not alone.
My situation was a little different because I had no other children so that made it easier with a child that ate around the clock.
Best Wihes.
M.

Babies go through a growth spurt at this age. Just breathe, relax, and nurse! Try getting a sling so you can carry him around and nurse him in that while you tend to your other children and household tasks.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/growth-spurt.html

New borns are so hard to figure out! Are you swaddling him tightly before you lay him down? Babies feel safe wrapped up tight...they did just come out of a really snug place where it was very warm and quiet. I would also suggest trying different types of pacifiers, maybe he just doesn't like the kind you are using. Don't give up on the nursing, you'll figure your little guy out soon! Good luck!

My son was similar and as soon as I felt he was big enough (probably around 2-3 weeks) I put him in a snuggly and carried him with me everywhere. I appeased him and made it easier for me to get around. The nursing will also naturally spread itself out as he gains more weight and begins to "wake up" more. I would simply say a prayer for the day and tell yourself 'this too shall pass'. Your baby is just adjusting and with other children in the home, perhaps your newborn simply needs to be near you to be around your familiar sounds/smell/taste. Good luck -

Dear ML,
I feel for you. My daughter was permanently attached. At six weeks, she was nursing, actually latched on, (I added it all up) 13 hrs a day! I couldn't do anything but sit in a chair and nurse. She would nurse for about 45 minutes, a time, with me constantly trying to keep her awake. I tickled her feet, played bicycle with her legs, rubbed her back, sat her up and down, and switched breasts. I had to eat over her head. Like you described, every time I would put her down, she would be screaming, within 5 minutes, wanting to nurse. I even tried using a heating pad to warm the bed for her. This way, she would sleep for 10 minutes before crying. I would finally get her to stay asleep, in her bed, around 4am and then she would sleep 4-6 hours. She wouldn't take a bottle, or binkie or let my husband hold her. Everyone just kept telling me it was all normal. If I would go out for an hour, she would cry the entire time. I tried to let her cry it out in her bed, she cried for 45 minutes and then passed out for 15 min and then was crying again. Nothing worked. Somehow, I was able to nurse her for a full year. My butt started to grow permanently into the chair but, we made it. My son was a little easier. He would nurse for 15-20 minutes and then I could take him off the breast when his sucking slowed to once in about every 4 or 5 seconds. Unlike my daughter, he could live with this. He would take a bottle, and binkie, and he let my husband hold him. Although, he still would not let me put him down for his long sleep until about 4 am. This didn't work for me because I had my daughter to take care of in the morning. My, then 2 year old, daughter would watch Blues Clues while I passed out next to her on the couch. I tried limiting my diet in every way possible (no spices, no garlic, no nuts, no tomatoes, no gassy foods). Finally at about 4 months, I switched to nutramigen formula. (We tried soy formulas but, this was the only one that worked) Finally, he would sleep. I wasn't able to give up dairy products in my diet and I wonder if this was the cause of the problem for both of my kids. Whatever it was, we lived. My daughter is now 7 and my son 5 and neither have any food allergies. At the time, I remember how awful it was and how exhausted I was. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there. Maybe, you could hire some help so you can get some sleep. Good Luck.
K.

The best book for help with this is called "On Becoming Babywise" by Ezzo. It is a great book on how to set up a routine. It worked wonders for me in the early months with a newborn. The key points to it are: 1.) Feed him upon waking. No snacking. Ensure that when you feed, he gets a full feeding from both sides. Do what it takes to keep him awake (cool washcloth, stripping down his clothes, etc.) That way you know he won't be hungry for at least 2-3 hours. 2.) Keep him awake after he eats 20 minutes or whatever you can. Play with him, bathe him, etc. 3.) Put him down for a nap while he is still a little awake. He will then cry to get settled in to sleep. Then wake him up during the daytime hours for a feeding that is about 3 hours after the last feeding.

It works by allowing you to get his metabolism and sleep cycles on track.

You are a wise mama not to let your baby cry it out - there is a reason that letting them cry makes us uncomfortable!! I encourage you in that you are doing the right thing, nursing your baby and going to him when he cries. Is there anything you can do to make it easier - bring the baby in the room with you, keep it dark, relax in a lazy boy for nursing? All your baby knows is you - for those first nine months he heard all the sounds of your body and your voice and now he is out in the world.....he sounds like he is more sensitive than your other babies were. We are all wired so differently. Know that this time shall pass. Can a friend help out during the day for an hour holding him while you catch a nap? My kids all loved to be held and my daughters hardly evern slept during the day and sleep at night was interrupted and my son only slept during the day while being held. Sometimes it is our expectations that get us in trouble - maybe because your other kids slept during the day and maybe better thant his little guy at night, you think that is how babies are, well not this little one - whatever one child is, he will definitely be different than those that came before. Keep following you instincts!

I'm the daughter of a woman who has started 4 hospital lactation consultation departments. As far as I can tell it sounds like you have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance going on. When your baby starts to nurse all he gets is the carb rich milk and none with fat and or protein. It makes them gassy and irritates their little tummies and causes frequent feedings due to both comfort and hunger (high carb little protein = need to eat more often). You might want to see a lactation consultant or keep putting him back on the same breast for a few short feedings. I had the foremilk/hindmilk problem with my son. For a week I would only nurse him on one breast per feeding (the same breast for three hours no matter how often he wanted to nurse). It took a week and eventually worked itself out. Best of luck!!

My recommendation is to supplement with a bottle. I was a first time mom and had no idea that I was not providing enough food/breastmilk. The signs to look for are regular bowel movements/urine. My baby had a bilirubin (not sure if spelled right) of 19 when I had to admit him. He had a bottle immediately and was right back on track within 24 hours. I understand that they do not want nipple confusion, but what he needed was more. Give a 24 hour trial period and see what happens. Good Luck and let us know how it goes, whatever you decide.

This all sounds incredibly normal. I your baby is having 6 wet diapers and 3 bowel movements a day and gaining, he's getting enough. You are borrowing trouble with artificial nipples, though thus far he's definitely preferring you - and that's what you want!! Rest when the baby rests as much as you can. He'll begin to take in more at a feeding and spread them out a bit as he grows. Try to empty one breast at each feeding so he gets the rich, hind milk that comes later in the feeding. Right now his job is to grow and he's apparently quite good at it!

You can go to the LaLeche League website for more info - www.lli.org then click on resources then answers. You can also locate your local group on the site and get mom2mom help there from women who understand. If you can get someone to pick up a copy of their main book THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING at a bookstore ($18), you'd be reassured that this is a good start for you and your sweet baby, as tired as you are. Do you have a sling? There are many on the market, even at target. The kind with 2 rings is probably best for a newborn. Your baby could snuggle and rest while you move about a bit more. He's telling you that he needs to be connected to you, and not just for the milk.
You're giving him the very, very best gift you can, and you'll never regret it. He'll grow out of this early stage before you know it. Rest when you can, holding him if you need to. Hang in there, Mama!

Oh I remember the days! He is so little and young and has no clue what he wants...except that he wants his mom and his food. I had one like yours, one sleeper and one social butterfly. My first, the one like yours...I put her in a Snuggly. We even slept that way sometimes. She was actually in it most of the time until she was 4 months old. Then she "got it". You could try taking all his cloths off, changing his diaper between sides, talking, lots of light. I wouldn't recommend supplementing with a bottle. He could get confused and it will interrupt your milk supply. Crying it out does no one any good except teach HIM you aren't there when he needs you. You are doing great. He'll get it!

I know exactly what your going through. Did you know , according to my pediatrician, a child only has to get a total of 15 minutes total from both breasts, otherwise they will use you as a pacifier. It's so true. I nursed my daughter for that total of 15 minutes and she was gaining weight and as healthy as ever. So please try not to nurse him longer than that or you'll never get him off your breast. You need to be healthy and not stressed so don't do that to your self. I did and it wasn't healthy so I'm glad the doc told me that because after I was like a new woman and she was even happier and of course healthy. Now, he might not be hungry like we breastfeeding moms think when he cries. He might want you just to hold him. But we get caught up in thinking their hungry so what I would do and my hubby as well would try different things. Like for example, take him by the water faucet and turn on the water and he might like the sound. Or I would read to my baby even though she had no idea. The sound of my soft voice always worked. Walk out side just holding him for a few just to get him to calm down and get him used to other things than your breast because he doesn't just have to know your breast and nothing else just because your breastfeeding. I know what lacatation ladies are like. They NEVER think of the mom, only the baby. You need to be healthy and less stressed to have breastfeeding a success. Let me know if I helped. I sure hope I did. Good Luck to you

Hi mom, don't give up. At 2 weeks newborns go thru growth spurts and do nurse more often trying to increase your supply. AT night once you have fed baby, made sure he has no bubbles, changed him so he is dry then wrap him up snuggly and put him to bed and let him fuss for up 10- 15 munutes. He should eventually calm himself and go to sleep. Short periods of crying will harm you more than him. it pulls on our heart strings. Be consistant and he should develop a pattern of sleeping until time for the next feeding. We moms have to get sleep or we are no good the next day. Sounds like baby is using you for a pacifier and loves the closeness and constant sucking from moms soft nipple. Good luck.

Dear M L,

Congratulations on your new baby. It sounds to me like something more might be going on with your baby. Not anything medically serious. I'm wondering if your baby might be sensitive to the dairy in your diet. Some babies are sensitive to a protein found in cow's milk, that does pass through the milk to the baby. If so, you might want to try eliminating milk, cheese, ice cream, and yogurt. If you go to www.kellymom.com and put milk sensitivity you'll find good info on it.
It also might be an over-supply issue for you too. It does tend to be linked to dairy sensitivity as well, sometimes.

You might want to contact your local LLL Leader (go to www.llli.org to find one), or a local LC. Contact your local hospital to find one, or go to www.ilca.org

I hope this helps. If you have any further questions, please feel free to email me.

Warmly,

S., IBCLC, RLC, LLLL

Hang in there ML. I have a 4 week old who went thru a growth spurt between 2 and 3 weeks old. He wanted to nurse 9-11 times in a 24 hour period (he nursed for 1 hour each time). I do use a program called Babywise by Gary Ezzo it is wonderful(another person who responded explained it to you). Currently Nathan is on a 2 1/2-3 hour schedule and is nursing for 1/2 hour and is taking 1hour to 1 1/2 hour naps. Things will get better. I also have a 2 1/2 year old so I am busy during the day also but I have been making time for a nap and my husband will get our 2 1/2 year old up in the morning and let me sleep until he has to leave for work. Be blessed! J.

Hang in there! My son was the EXACT same way. I was tired, crazy crabby, emotional....etc. I did end up letting him sleep with us most nights for a while....it was the only way I could snooze. And yes, I felt often times like a human pacifier. All I can tell you is this: Now my little guy is 3 and I can't even remember any of that 'stress'. Do whatever it takes to get some sleep!!! Let him sleep with y ou....nurse him when he wants...nap when he naps etc. You will make it. Just look at that tiny, beautiful face when he's nursing...look how amazingly safe & wonderful he feels...and you will make it through!!! My guy nursed until he was 23 months old. I never though I'd EVER get him to stop. But we did. I cried more than he did. haha Hang in there & enjoy.

You've got a lot of good replies already so I won't go on. But just a thought...have you tried undressing him to keep him awake during feedings? Swaddling helped our little girl sleep wonderfully. Look into carriers if you don't have one yourself. We used our Ulitmate Wrap all the time! It was comfy and perfect for us both. Keep up the good work and good luck!

You have a lot of good advice here I would just add that as a mom of 4 you are way busier than when you had just one and that may mean that you need to work harder to establish a good milk supply. Two weeks can also be a growth spurt. Good Luck and many blessings!

You may want to try a pacifier that is shaped more like the breast. Try putting a little of your breast milk on the pacifier. Also used a burp cloth or something with your scent on it. I know it sounds silly, but babies can smell their mommies. This will end soon. It didn't last long with my son at all and even after I switched to a bottle, he still wanted to be held all the time.

Good luck!
R.

My daughter practically slept with my husband and I for the first four months of her life while she was nursing. She stopped on her own at 4 months when I went back to work; once she started getting a bottle while I was gone, she didn't want the breast anymore. I'd lay down with her at night so I could get some rest while she nursed and we both fell asleep that way. She also woke up when I put her back in bed so I just left her laying with us and she never rolled off and I never rolled onto her. Good luck and enjoy your baby!

At this age she is probably waking because she is hungry. It took my daughter 45 mintutes to empty me during the day, I had to get her naked and rub her back, etc. But, she slept 4 hours at night, and ate every 2-3 hours int he day, busy for me but it doesn't last forever.

Contact Le Leche Legeau and they will give you a person to help even come to the home if you want.

http://www.llli.org/

My daughter is the same way (9 months old now). My son wasn't this way at all, so I wasn't prepared for a baby with such different needs, but my daughter wants me ALL the time! Even when we were still in the hospital, and she was about 12 hours old, she would cry if I wasn't holding her. The moment I pick her up, it's like flipping off a switch. We cosleep so she can nurse at night--this is the only way anyone gets any sleep. The sling helps alot, too. We eventually gave my daughter a pacifier at aroud 3 months--she wouldn't take it before that. Good luck!

A trick that the nurse in the hospital taught me to keep them awake while nursing is to kind of tickle their chin and rub their cheeks. The chin thing worked pretty well. My daughter was notorious for falling asleep as soon as she started nursing so I was feeding very often, like you. And like the last poster mentioned, my daughter ended up with gas problems in her belly from the short feedings. So I used this technique and while it didn't work 100% of the time, it did help a lot.

My second son was very much like this too. What finally worked was letting him sleep in the car seat. That was another battle later on, but worth it to me to get a little rest. Seems he liked the snug and possibly warm feeling of the car seat.

As far as staying awake for nursing, I always used wet washcloths, but you've probably tried that.

Gently stroke your baby's face near the jaw bone to wake him up to finish eating. In the past I have laid my swaddled babies in a bobby pillow.

Sounds like your baby may just be a cluster feeder.. some babies just like mom.

Have you read Dr. Sears books? He has a website too.

I would think he's getting plenty of milk just likes to nurse and wants to be held by you.

Consider co-sleeping for now if you need sleep.

I wouldn't bother pumping.. just nurse...I hated pumping and babies get more by nursing than the pump ever would.

Def. recommend a sling.. then you can go about your daily activities and nurse while doing them. I had trouble figuring out how to nurse while doing things, but I have friends that worked it out really well and one even nursed her baby discretely while playing piano in church!

The sling will help your baby be happier all around too. I used to do all my household chores with my son in the sling. I rarely put him down before he was a year old