Death - Hercules,CA

L.,
My condolences to you & your family. I'm not sure where you are located, but after my mom died I found a grief group through Bay Area Hospice in San Francisco. After my stepfather & sister died I utilized hospice again but in the East Bay. Grief is a unique experience, but it is comforting (hard to grasp that word for you right now, I'm sure) to be around people who have gone through a similar experience.
My best to you, R.

Hello L.,
I'm so sorry about your parents. As I write this, I am in Colorado and my father will be passing away probably in the next few weeks. My mom is slowly developing dementia through Alzheimers. She's still alive, but she's not the mom I knew. I have a two and a half year old, and this is incredibly hard. So I just wanted to say that there are others out there like you. I think that grief counseling sounds like the right thing for you. It seems that our society expects people to move on too quickly from these incredibly emotional events. Take the time that you need. I don't know if it's helpful to hear this, but I am allowing myself to really feel sad when the feelings come, instead of trying not to feel sad. It's almost like birth contractions--if I allow myself to really feel it, I ride it through and it passes. If I try and not feel sad, then it just lingers around unresolved. Hope this helps--my best wishes to you. It sounds like you had a really wonderful relationship with your mother.

Dear L., Losing your parents is so very hard. My mom passed away at the age of 52. I was 34 at the time and even though I was a grown/adult/responsbile/independent woman I
had such a hard time with it because at 34 I wasnt ready to
lose my mom yet. I can say it does get easier with time but it takes awhile for that to happen. It certainly does not happen only one month later. To be quite honest even three months after the passing is not going to be easier as at that point you are still realizing that this is final; that there is no more mom around. I dont want to appear negative but I believe it gets worse before it gets better........BUT PLEASE KNOW IT DOES GET BETTER. My son was born after my moms death and she never got to experience being a grandma which I know she would have loved. I am now 50, and it has been 14 years since her death, but there are still days when the pain of losing her is quite unbearable. You have kids which is something that will help you get thru this but if you find you are sinking into a deeper hole please get some counseling. Dont ever feel you are being a wimp if this is something you can't handle on your own. Even tho I dont know you you are in my thoughts as I have been there. Take care!!

Hi L.,

I'm sorry about the passing of your parents and I admire you for asking for support. I don't know any grief counselor, but I have some suggestions.
First of all I want you to know that I can relate with you and the other women who responded to you.
I lost my mother last December after a second stroke. She was American, but spent most of her life in France with my father, where she's now buried in his family grave. Just before I had my son here, in California, she had a first stroke, which took away her ability to speak and move freely. My son and her met, and I know she enjoyed him very much, but I doubt that he will have any real memory of her. A detail that makes me sad, when I think of it, is that there is no picture of them together.
I believe I would had have a much harder time with the funerals and what followed if I hadn't taken on the Curriculum For Living from Landmark Education. It starts with the Landmark Forum, that makes clear that no one can change the past and what happened, but that the meaning that one attached to it is not absolute and can be changed.
It also brings you to a new way to think of your relationships.
I would recommend that you check the website www.Landmarkeducation.com.

I also have created a questionnaire, called "Your Mother With Passion Project" with the intention to help people complete with their mothers; It's online on my website www.yourpassionlife.ning.com. I would appreciate if you would join it to fill out this questionnaire.

Just one more thing; your mother is always with you, in you.

Dear L.,

I'm sorry you lost your mother and your father. My mother died on my 49th birthday, and ever since my birthday is not a good day. For the first year I cried at least once a day, but after a year it stopped. The way you feel is normal and it probably won't get better for a while. You might want to try to take a walk every day. Walking sometimes smoothes out the emptiness. Even now I miss my mother. I guess, especially now, because she would understand how I feel about current events.

Take care,

E.

L., I don't know of a good grief counselor in the area, but I do know the pain of losing a parent. My mother passed away a month before my older daughter was born, and at times the grief was overwhelming. I wanted so much for her to see her only grandbaby and to ask her questions that only she would know the answer to! I can tell from your post that your pain is overwhelming...please, get help, immediately. I have also experienced depression and know that once you fall into that hole, it is impossible to get out of without help. Know that you are not alone, that help is possible, and all of the trite advice about it getting better is true, sort of. It's not so much that it gets better...it won't magically go away, but it does get different and easier to cope with. But it will take time and support. Hang in there, get help, and know that there are lots of people who love you and want you to feel better, even complete strangers.

I am really sorry to hear about your loss! That really is aweful. There really isnt much anyone can say to take the pain away. It will get better in time but you will always miss yur parents. Take that energy and try to focus on your kids. I know it is hard! Again IM really sorry!

Hi L.,

I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. I know how much it hurts. I couldn't seem to recover from losing my dad, 3 years ago and many people told me to go to grief counseling. I avoided it for a while, but when I finally went, for some reason it really helped. I called my health care provider and they set me up with a grief counselor. If you have health care, chances are good they can do the same for you. I hope it helps. Other than that, time truly is the great healer. I still miss my dad and get teary eyed and choked up about once every month or 6 weeks, but it's not for nearly as long now and I can accept it better.

I pray you get the help you need and can find joy, soon, in your good memories of your loving parents.

Blessings to you,
K.

Hi L.!

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. It's not easy, but it will get easier. It hasn't even been a month so give yourself time. My mom died when I was 5 years old... 25 years later I still cry out for her and miss her... and I didn't even get a chance to really know her. You knew your mom and so it will be even longer. It does sound like you should seek out some bereavement resources. You could check with your health insurance to see if they have any referrals. I am new to this area and I don't know much. I just wanted to give you a hug and confirm that it does get easier, but you'll pray every day (like I do) that it never goes away... that you never forget... because that is when she truly dies... when she's forgotten. So hold on to your love and your memories.