Where do you have your kids while you work. My son is 3.5 and has been removed from 3 daycares and one home care situation. I am at a loss. I work because I hold the health insurance and I have been at my company for 16 years. My husband make good money, but not good enough to afford the isurance for us if I dont work and keep up with the bills. I am not sure what to do anymore. I feel like a failure.
Reasons why : he is a boy who demands (thought bad behavior) attention. Ie, he runs out of the class so the teacher will run after him and have a one on one talk with him about it. We are trying a star chart which some days he does well, and other days he does not. Right now he is talking about "private Parts" with other kids. Which is why we are being told we have 2 weeks and find something else.
I am at a loss, I have no idea how to get him to listen well enough to be in a daycare situation.
I have looked into having a nanny, but the prices are just too much for us. Not that I don't think they deserve more, but we just don't have it. as it is we pay more in daycare for my kids then we do for the mortgage.
Anyone had a child that does this type of behavior? What did you do to get it to stop, and get them to listen. What kind of care do you have for them?
We are having him evaluated. I am trying to get a dr now (working with is his primary care doc). I have him in a ECE class. They are working with him, some days are good, some are bad. I know all this switching is not good for him. I am trying to get a college student to take care of him for the summer. I am hoping that the one on one will be helpful for him. I love him so much even though he is a turkey. I will keep working for now, my mom will help for a few weeks, but I don't feel it is her job to be his primary caregiver, she is grandma (Nana).
Thanks for all the positive support I really do appreciate it.
I think it's time to find a child behaviorist.
A behaviorist maybe able to see things that you were not aware of and get you guys back on track.
Best of luck.
It's not a "next two weeks" option, but is he in preschool at all? A boy at my son's school (he is 4) has some strong behavior issues and not only does the school environment help, but some of the teachers are his babysitters/caregivers after school. This seems to work well for the family, the teachers make some extra money and he has consistent reinforcement.
Sounds like the places he has been really aren't meant for kids. Kids are going to act up and do bad things, especially todlers. If he is running out of the room, they need to get him to understand why he can't, but that is not a reason to kick him out.
If he is talking about p****** p****, they need to explain to him why we don't do that, but not kick him out.
If he is acting bad, they need to direct his attention elsewhere, but not kick him out.
Do a ton of research and find a good place. Maybe all of this moving around is only making it worse for him because he isn't learning how to behave for anyone. Seriously, people who CHOOSE to work with other people's children should be able to get them to behave in a professional manner.
I'm sorry you're having such troubles. I understand the issue with him running out of class. That's troublesome. But talking about p****** p****? Every preschooler does this. I can't believe they'd kick him out because of it. Wow.
As the parent of a VERY strong-willed child who has had her share of behavioral challenges, I can relate. Several things to consider...
... Make an appointment with your pediatrician immediately to discuss this issue and to make sure there is no physical cause for the behaviors. If there are none, expect the dr to refer you to a play therapist or other behavior specialist.
...Consult a play therapist.
...Have you tried a Montessori for school/daycare? This can make a huge difference.
...An interesting, short book is "Your 3 year old; friend or enemy.". Worth checking out. It talks about how age 3 1/2 is a time of disequilibrium for kids which leads to some behavioral issues that are a phase.
Good luck!
It sounds like the daycare situations have not been equipped to deal with real children. Nothing you're describing about your son sounds in any way unusual. Talking about p****** p**** is perfectly normal. Punishing him or kicking him out for this is ridiculous. It is perfectly normal for 3 year olds to sometimes do group activities and sometimes not want to. Daycare should provide them with that choice in a safe and supportive way.
Have you been using home daycares or an actual licensed center? I would personally look for a center that is play based and ideally uses positive discipline. I personally do NOT do rewards or consequences and would avoid a center that did. I would also look for a center where at least some of teachers have degrees in early childhood development.
I know this will not be popular, but just having a kid of your own does not qualify you to run a daycare center or honestly to be a preschool teacher.
In my experience w/ my own kids and nieces/nephews and their friends, this can be fairly normal for this age. And lets face it, they are getting more attention from their bad behavior than their good...that is what they are going for (and get).
If you, your hubby, and every adult associated with him would consitantly not "run across the room after him", it would stop. Now, I am not saying let him do what ever he wants but rather calmly stating "Joey that is not allowed" and go back to what you are doing type of reaction. If necessary, walk over to him and bring him back to the group and sit him down. I know this is easier said than done because we all tend to raise our voices and get sort of animated with our kids when they are acting up but really, that is what they are going for.
Check out 123 Magic. It's fairly simple and can be used by teachers too. The hardest part is simply being consistent with it. Whatever method you choose, be really honest with yourself about how consistent you and your husband are being with consequences, that makes a huge difference! Good luck!!
Wow, I don't really have a good answer for you, but feel your frustration because as I am trying to think of places I am coming up short. For the short term, Could you contact a foster agency, social service, department of developemental disabilities in your state to get referals to child care for children with behavioral issues? All these agencies have dealt with a wide variety of kids with various behavioral issues. He's only 3.5, so not sure if he can build a therapuetic rapport with a psychologist. Usually psychs. won't see children till they are at least 6 years of age. If he's not mean & violent, I am not sure if medication will be the best thing, just attention seeking. Don't quit your job though, that's for sure. Health insurance & your finances are just as important and you staying home will not necessairly cure the problem.
My kids went to multiple daycares, and I never heard of any kids being kicked out for behavioral issues, it would have had to be pretty extreme.
For your son to be booted from 4 daycares is a huge red flag. You need to get him evaluated by his pedi first thing. Another poster mentioned a behavioral therapy evaluation which I agree with. My son was strong willed, still is, but strong willed does not equal out of control. To be removed from 4 daycares he has to be out of control or completely inappropriate with his language.
At home the absolute best thing you can do is be consistent. Establish the rules, make them simple, and the consequences for breaking the rules. Then follow through each and every time. If you tell him he has to go to bed early if he runs out the front door then when he runs you put him to bed; even if you had special plans that night, even if it's a total PITA for you. 3 year olds, especially strong willed ones, thrive on consistency. Routines are your friend. If he knows what to expect he's less likely to act out. I can't tell you how many events we left early because my 3 year old had to be in bed at a certain time - it just wasn't worth it to allow him to stay up 'just this once' because we paid for it multiple times over.
I have been in your situation. It is extremely stressful! My son was kicked out of 2 daycares. He has sensory issues and the chaos from the daycare was overwhelming. He would purposely get in trouble so he would go down to the director's office where it was calmer. The second daycare he had enough and ran away and got as far as the parking lot before someone got him - beyond terrifying (obviously we never brought him back and they didn't want him back due to liabilities). We got him qualified for an IEP preschool program for emotional and social behaviors and got a part time nanny in the morning and he went to pre-school in the afternoon. The nanny was expensive, but worth it. Our son was so much calmer and happier with the one-on-one attention and his pre-school program was very structured with only 6 boys and he thrived. My son is now in full-time kindergarten and is doing very well - still in the IEP program so he is getting additional support from a social worker and an occupational therapist for sensory breaks, but over all doing very well. Feel free to message me if you want to talk further.
Good luck.
First of all, so sorry you are going through this. It sounds very stressful on many levels. I would say on one hand that his behavior doesn't sound too far off how many 3.5 year olds behave, but the fact that he's been booted from 4 day care situations is a huge red flag. I would absolutely have him evaluated. If there is something going on, you will have plenty of time to intervene and help him and yourself. In the meantime, since you say he thrives on the extra attention, make sure there is no such reward. If he runs away, you catch him and sit him in the corner and ignore him. Keep everything as neutral as possible when you (or teachers) take action (but making sure he's safe - ie, you absolutely run after him and catch him, but once you have hold of his arm, keep talking to a minimum, don't show emotion, etc.). Just like training dogs -- they can thrive on emotional responses, even when the emotion is negative. So don't give him much of a response. When his bad behavior is ignored there's no gain for him. But be sure to praise the good behavior mightily! Good luck to you all.
Good for you! You're having him evaluated. He probably has so much in him that is great, he just needs to know how to show that on a consistent basis. I would consult everywhere (that's what I did for my kid)-the local school district, my doctor, etc. There are also lots of occupational therapists who do play groups to teach kids how to play. I would google play therapy, or get more names from Mamasource moms. He needs consistency and structure, as well as a daycare/nanny which knows what it is doing. You're right-your mom is nana, not a therapist, and it isn't fair to make her the number one source of childcare. You are so smart to be searching for resources for your son now, before he hits kindergarten, so his schooling can be as productive and as positive as possible. You're doing a great job-you go, girl!!
put up an ad on Craigslist that you need a home daycare that deals with hard to handle kids, there are some out there. They have had training and can deal with it.
Another option is to hire a college kid, they are less expensive then a traditional nanny. If you were closer I would have a candidate for you who was an intern at my daycare.
