Daycare Provider off Her Rocker????

You need to start looking for a new babysitter. If you want to e-mail me at ____@____.com, I can give you reference to a few good sitters.

I think it is very strange for an adult to voice this opinion about a child. Not so strange to say it about an adult ( I actually have the same opinion about death) but just odd to say it about a kid. Its a little creepy. Even if you feel this way you just don't say it out loud. Especially to a child's mother!! I would probably find someone else if I were you. If she is great otherwise then maybe talk to her about it. But still, she sounds weird.

Ok, so I am going to play devil's advocate and say maybe she was looking at the situations posed and commenting that even after all the precautions we take, we are still not completely in control... But, I agree that you need to ask her, directly, and then go from there.

In my line of work, that phrase has very real meaning. Children die. Nobody wants it to happen but it does. Maybe she has experienced loss and knows this. Just ask her what she means by that statement and if my child is choking are you going to do the heimlich maneuver, call 911 and try to save her?

LOL. She fell off her rocker awhile ago, and she hit her head hard during that fall. Sorry, but that is not acceptable behavior from someone whom you trust with your childs life. I am a provider, and I would never even begin to think, "when it is time to go it is time to go". God decides that, not us. I am sorry if I offend anyone when saying this, but first you need to have a one on one meeting with her to express your concers with her performance, and her way of thinking...second of all express your feelings. She works for you! She works for you child. If she can not emotionaly or in speaking terms do her job, then you need to find someone who can.
I am just sickened by this.Talk to the other moms(if you can or if there is any other moms), and ask how they would rate her. Ask their opinion on her, not the situation. Maybe they have some stories as well. Good luck.

I was trying to read all of the responses and I just got frustrated.... I don't believe anyone pointed out that the daycare provider WOULD get her children the shots. This shows that she believes in preventative medicine. She does not sound "off her rocker". She is just expressing her belief in that what will happen, will happen regardless of what we do to try to intervene.

I think you need to talk to her and give her the benefit of the doubt. But of course you need to feel comfortable with your daycare provider. You entrust your children to her regularly.

With that being said, I was disappointed with the many responses that were so quick to judge when the information in the request does not point to a deranged day care provider. We have no idea of her reasonings and ideals. It is a logical to understand that we can not control what will happen to our loved ones. I believe that her responses were an attempt to be supportive. (but I can not say for sure as I do not know this person)

For example, in the case of to get the shot or not. She may have been trying to say that whether you get the shot or not, the result of a child getting H1N1 is not because of the parents' decision. People get H1N1 with and without having the vaccine.

in the case of the car seat. She may have been trying to tell A. not to stress about the position of the car seat. Both are accepted during a certain age and the decision to go one way or the other should not cause guilt if a child does get hurt in an accident.

We can not predict the future. Living with guilt and a "could've, should've, would've" attitude is not healthy. It sounds to me as if this daycare provider was trying to be supportive rather than threatening. Her wording may have been harsh in this P.C. obsessed world where we like to sugarcoat everything. That is the only fault I see in the conversations in question.

i see you have gotten a lot of responses from both sides. i am not really sure about this one. i am not defending her, but i think sometimes we can take things out of context, or misunderstand. maybe that isn't the best word.... i don't know, for me it's sort of compared it to hearing "everything happens for a reason." each different person takes whatever they need to individually from that quote. it can mean different things to different people, depending on their lives and the circumstances surrounding them. so i compared it to that when hearing, "when it's their time to go, it's their time to go."

i would just hate for you to report this woman (not saying you were going to, just reading other people's responses), and she is just speaking from her heart or her spiritual beliefs. but not necessarily meaning that she is a bad care giver. i know it sounds like i am defending her now. i just wouldn't want her to be stripped of her license or job title, and have it end up being nothing. perhaps it really is something having everything to do with her, and nothing to do with you and your children?

that being said, if you do not feel comfortable with her, and have doubts, regardless... i think you should seek care elsewhere for your kids. you want to feel comfortable. and you are already doubting things which will only lead to anxiety. just control what you can, which is to have your children somewhere where you and they feel safe. not implying that this woman is not safe. just regardless, your obligation is to your child, so i would follow your instinct.

if she asks why you chose to leave, then you can calmly explain your concerns and what you took from what she said. maybe there is a logical explanation that wouldn't possibly lead to her employment reputation being messed up solely based on her spiritual beliefs? that's pretty much discrimination. not judging you.... definitely don't keep your kids where you are not comfortable. if she were to be fired for that reason in a bigger company it might be a bigger deal.

but maybe if you at least talk to her, she will realize how what she is saying may come across to any other potential parents and maybe she will then decide for herself to chose to word things differently or keep it to herself next time rather than lose a job over it? i could be completely way off. i don't know. just offering up a different perspective. hope everything works out and that you find a solution that you feel comfortable with. that is most important.

Hi A.,

First I think you need to feel comfortable with your child's care giver. If you don't then I would start looking. However, after reading the other post I am a little surprised by some of the strong language (ie. "red flags are flying up everywhere"," pull your child out immediately" etc.) This woman is giving her children the H1N1 vaccine to prevent them getting sick in the first place so she is not letting nature take its course. (Does she give her children antibiotics when they are sick?) Re: the car seat comment I think you do your home work to find the safest car seat today but I think we all understand that if a tractor trailer runs over your Honda Accord the kind of car seat in that situation really would not matter.
I think if you ask most people who have lost a child you will find that they did everything in their power "right" but death was still the result. Before I lost my child I think I thought I had a lot more power to make things right in this world and to protect my children than I actually do. Loosing my child made me realize how naive and powerless I really was/am in the scheme of things. This does not mean that I take chances with my other children's health or safety however. Although we may all want every child to live until old age there are far to many parents that have buried a child. If I were you I would talk to this women to find out where she is coming from. I honestly would be shocked to find that this women would let a child choke to death because "it was their time." If this were her feeling then why would she get the flu vaccine for her children?
Best of luck!

Hi A.! I'm still in shock and processing this....but....I really think you SHOULD ask her that question! Tell her exactly how you told us, that you are concerned about her attitude towards a child's life and how it is your expectation of her that her personal beliefs NOT cross over to her professional life.
I hope this goes well for you!

i don't think she's off her rocker.

sounds to me like maybe she lost a child at some point - either her own, or a family member, or even another child tragically under her care? i believe the very same thing - that when it is their time to go, it is their time. i have to, because if i lost my baby i would be consumed with guilt otherwise. it is a defense mechanism that we all employ at some point, perhaps in different ways.

that she is expressing it to you, is is possible that you have more than a parent/caregiver relationship? is she trying to confide in you or engage with you? did she lose someone recently?

sounds like she is also trying not to make things as big of a deal as we tend to make them. clearly we can take every precatution, do everything JUST RIGHT - JUST AS IS ADVISED and bad, tragic things can still happen. we had a child at the hospital die recently from H1N1 that got the vaccine. what would you tell those parents? what would they tell you in a year when its time to get the vaccine again? i could totally see myself saying "i'm going to get the vaccine for my child, but if it is their time to go, it is their time to go" and i'm a health care provider! i've witnessed the other side of it, and it sounds to me like she's justifying, that's all.

i'd engage her in a conversation before jumping to conclusions and pulling your child out of her care. based on what you have written, it sounds like there is definitely a sad story behind her comments. maybe you could be the one who listens.

There are people out there with that belief and many times it's a religious belief. They mean that God has a plan for everyone and many believe that everyone time is set according to God and it should be accepted. I'm not sure if that's what she's meaning or not. She may feel uncomfortable with the topic and will make light of it to make herself feel better. I don't know.

If this is how she treats everything in life and in her work, then I'd be concerned. Have you seen her be lax with safety concerning her daycare? I would think since she is giving her children the H1N1 shot that she is thinking of what is best for her children, so she is a concerned parent. I would really look at how she treats the children, hers and others, how she runs her daycare, before making a decision to pull your children out. She just may have poor communication skills in some sensitive areas but could be a very good daycare provider. Look at the facts of how she actually runs her center and treats the children and try to leave the personal issues out. I'm sure she is a loving mother who doesn't strap her kids to the roof of her car and yells, "When ya gotta go, ya gotta go!" LOL Know what I mean? I mean, is she making those comments after stating how well she'll strap her kids into a car or how she wants to protect her kids from the flu? Then I would say it's just a comment and doesn't reflect the idea that kids come and go and we can just make another one, lol! Good luck!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
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I'd look for another daycare! Yes, She's off her rocker! lol

run as fast as you can

Hi A.:

First of all, it sounds like you have lost trust in this woman.

I don't think that anything she says or does will return that trust to you.

It also sounds like you are concerned with your child's health and with her off-hand remarks, it doesn't calm your mind about your child remaining safe.

Yes, your feelings need to be acknowledged. Tell the woman your concerns and let her know that you are seeking another daycare.
Good luck. D.

Hi A., The best daycare provider is one that you really feel comfortable with that has your child's best intrest at heart and one that supports your decisions. If she is older one that can give you advice, but knows when to back off...someone that can become a part of your family. I had a great babysitter when my girls were born...she had kids that were teens, she lived around the corner, and her family became part of ours and even though we moved to PA almost 10 yrs ago we are still best friends and my girls go home to stay with her & her family for a few weeks every summer. Now I babysit for a friend and her family has become part of ours...LOL it's almost like the circle of life...and we love it. And we all love the boys I watch as if they were our own. All I can tell you is to go with your gut. If you are uncomfortable then look around and find someone else! Don't second guess your instincts. Best wishes.

Go with your gut. If your not comfortable, find an alternative to this child care provider. Don't second guess yourself.

A., you may be overreacting a bit. Obviously I don't know what her facial expression or tone of voice were like when she made these comments, but could she just have meant something else? Something along the lines of, "Life is dangerous, you can't shelter your baby from everything and stress yourselves out constantly..." As long as she isn't suggesting that you actively take risks with the baby, I wouldn't take her comments to mean that she's okay with your baby dying on her watch! I say this only because I am a constant worrier and pretty animated when I worry. People often make comments like this to me when what they really mean is that I need to chill out. I can imagine myself talking my friends' ears off about the rushed manufacturing of the H1N1 vaccine and wondering what I'll do if my son outgrows his car seat before age 1. Sometimes I exasperate them with worrying about hypotheticals and things I can't control anyway. And then they try to tell me to stop being anal in the nicest possible way :)

Hi A.,
I would really like to say for the most part not to let he personal beliefs bother you so much. However, because they do I would suggest not being afraid to ask her the question on your mind. After all, this is YOUR child's life you are trusting her with. I am a pretty laid back mom and I would ask just that. At the same time, please try to keep in mind this may be a coping skill she uses for herself. I have had MANY family members pass and I like to think of myself as a strong person but loss of a loved one is one of the few things I have not been able to stay strong through. I do feel that when it is someones time to go it is their time to go but at the same time we as humans have been given free thought and will and with that we have come a long way with Medicine to FIGHT early, needless deaths. So PLEASE if not for any other reason but peace of mind, ASK HER!!
Hope this helps.
T.

Whoooooaaaaa....go with your gut, get the kids out!

I would may be talk to one of the other parents that brings their child to her. See if they have dealt with any wierd comments from her. I understand you do not want to compromise your childs well being by making a comment about her statement but if you are that worried,then you need to look for someone else to watch your child. Go online and look up licensed day care providers in your area. There may be more than you think. Good luck.

Tell her what you are hearing and how that type of talk- comes across, if you have up until this been very satisfied with everything about her caring nature, home, etc. Her casual, off handed remarks may not be a true reflection of her values, but then she could be made aware of the strong link. She leaves little room for one to make that assumption. Be prepared. You'll learn what her attitude is and is not. Perhaps she has been around pat answers and she is relying on jargon instead of personalizing, "I don't know what to think about the flu shot" or what ever the concern is. Reassurance that your childcare provider is "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" persuasion would be my first priority in a caregiver.

Oh my god! Red flags are flying up everywhere! That day care provider needs to be reported! Pull you child out as fast as you possibly can. Like you mentioned above, would this day care provider save your child or say "it was the kids time". My goodness, she needs to see a psychiatrist. People like her should not take care of other people's children.

I'm all for people having their own opinions and beliefs, but this would bother me and I would start looking for another provider. Or maybe you could talk with her about this and explain your concern. Either way, I would not let it go without addressing the issue.
Good luck!

Hi A.,

I would pull my chiildren out immediately.

I am a stay at home Mom of 4 Grandma of 1. My oldest daughter is married and lives in Florida. My oldest son lives on his own too. My youngest 2 are ages 5 & 6.

I live in Bangor Pa. if you need a new day care provider and your close by give me a call!

It is hard enough leaving our little ones and going to work let alone have to worry if we left them with the right person.

I hope this helps!

I.

A.
If you are concerned enough to ask, then start looking for another daycare provider. You need to be able to believe your child is in the best place and not have to worry.

I am as horrified as you are! What area do you live in? I would start looking for a new provider.

This is a tricky one. I would feel very uncomfortable if I heard that from anyone. I had a daycare provider that let my son cry it out (I was home and would check out the problem while she was in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I was glad when I found a new person who was more intune to my expectations.
You may want to talk to her about your concerns and then see how she responds. If you are still uncomfortable I say start interviewing.Also If you asked her that question at an interview would you hire her?
Good luck,
L.

It seems to me that there are some major concerns arising here. With this being the case, you're never going to be comfortable leaving your children in your current provider's care and if something should happen to them, you'll always second guess yourself. My advice is to find another provider immediately, even if it is a difficult task to accomplish. Best of luck to you!

In some way i believe that if it your time to go nothing you can do about it. I have two children 18 month and 2 month, and when i look at them i imagin their first day of school, college, etc and wish that they will live till 100. I think it very terrible attitude towards children that your daycare provider has. And like you said if your child will be choking will she do everything possible to save her or she will take attitude that it child time to go that why she is choking. I would be very uncomfortable to lieve my children with her. I wish you best of luck, i know how hard it is to find somebody to watch your child that you can trust.

Only you know your child care provider. Only you see the situation at the facility--be it her home or a center. Go with your gut on this O.. I highly doubt that by her believing that everyone has "a time to go", that she would stand by and watch your child choke to death on a pretzel, but ONLY you can make this call! YOU've gotta be comfortable with the person left to care for your daughter.

That IS a very odd response!! Especially hearing it twice! You always have to go with your gut instinct... that is what it's there for (as Dear Abby always says). Before you just yank them out... tell her that you would like to take your child out of her daycare and that her responses to your safety concerns had bothered you and you think an alternative daycare at this time is appropriate. And yeah, what she says is true for every living thing, but to say it so nonchalantly about a child is not appropriate.