Daughter Terrified of Costumes

Dear Kimberly,

My son had a similar fear of cats, and we have 2 cats! He was 2 yrs old and not really talking much when this happened. We started with photos of cats. Showing them to him. Then we would touch the photos of the cats and say "cat". Talking about them, what they do, where they live. I would show him videos of cats/kittens on YouTube. Then we moved up to looking at them from a distance, in person and doing this every day until he no longer got upset about them. It took a few weeks and now it's no big deal.

I would suggest doing the same. Get a catalog w/photos of costumes. Look at a Cinderella dress perhaps. Talk about them. Have her touch the photos. Explain what they are. Maybe even look on YouTube and see if you can find something there. Then go to the store and look at them on the rack or borrow one or two and hang them in the closet or put them on the floor so she can see them. Maybe a friend has one in her closet she can see. Have her touch them if she can. Never do more than she's willing to confront. Have her step on them or move them around so she feels a bit in control. Move up to her seeing others in them, or even possibly trying one on herself, perhaps a hat or something.

I think you need to take these things seriously because they cause so much upset, but to show her that she can be in control of the situation and that it's not life threatening in the here and now.

Best of luck. I know how upsetting these things can be as a mom.

-S.

Actually I think this may be common. I have an 8 year old that is autistic that's scared of costumes, and a 6 year old that isn't autistic that is also scared of them. Oddly enough neither are scared of Santa, but anything like McGruff, or the Easter Bunny, where they have their head covered and you can't tell it's a person, my kids go hysterical.

Ohmigod Kimberly, that is the funniest thing I have ever heard! I am still laughing!!! And now I'm laughing some more!

Ok, I will try to stop laughing and take your plight seriously. I teach theater so your dilemma holds an extra element of amusement for me. I guess you don't have a future actress on your hands, anyway!! Or maybe not -- I've had kids who began my class being afraid to say the word "hot", who are now in the theater program in high school.

Do you mean mascots (big furry animals), or all costumes (an Elizabethan dress)? If it tends more toward the former -- not to worry, my youngest son was afraid of everything as a youngster, and definitely of mascots at Disneyland, and at 14 he's fine. I even took out "Bozo", the nemesis of his childhood (a hideous clown puppet grandma gave the kids as a present), and tried to scare him with it a couple of days ago and it didn't work. Darn it. I used to get a lot of leverage using Bozo as a threat (only half kidding).

She doesn't need a therapist - I promise she'll grow out of it. When you go to Disneyland you'll just have to avoid Mickey. And maybe try her in a theater class!!

p.s. - 7 is still very young. It may take till 11 or 12, but I guarantee you at 14 she won't be scared.

I knew someone like this once. He was totally freaked out by anyone in costume. He would let it slide (a little anyway) for actors in plays but anything else really made him nervous. He was 23 years old and a roommate of a friend of mine who was in theater (not the best roommate matchup.) At Halloween he would turn of all the lights in the house and hide in his room to watch movies and he refused to come to any amusement parks with us (costumes where you couldn’t see the persons face were the worst for him). It was really sad. I say go for the therapy b/c they don’t always grow out of stuff like this. Also try talking to her about it and see if there is something in particular about costumes that she doesn’t like. Good luck.

Hi Kimberly -

While it is very common for children to be afraid of costumes, they generally outgrow it with age and life experience. However, from what you describe of your daughter, it seems as if this very normal fear has turned into a full blow phobia for her. At 7 years, she is old enough to cognitively understand that there is just a person in the costume, that costumes are to make people happy, and that no one in a costume will every hurt her. If you talk to her, she will probably agree that she knows these things -- but the very definition of a phobia is the presence of an IRRATIONAL fear, and your daughter's sheer physical reaction to her fear (shaking, constant use of the bathroom, etc) is a symptom of a phobia that she has no mental power to control herself.
Get in contact with her pediatrician, and have him/her refer you to a child psychologist. You will be unable to "rationalize" this phobia out of her yourself, and she is clearly incapable of that at this point because the phobia has taken over. It is now effecting her daily life, and she should NOT have to be afraid all the time that there might be a costume showing up. Can you imagine being afraid every day that you might see someone in a costume, knowing that there is nothing really scary about it, but being unable to control your reaction? It has to be a horrible, stressful thing for a little girl.The child psychologist will need to directly expose her to what she is afraid of and retrain her thought process and body to NOT react with fear. It might be a long road, but she needs to see someone as soon as possible, as this phobia will only continue to get worse (I have dealt with phobias before in children: I have a masters in child psych).

I think she sounds pretty smart. I mean, masked creatures ARE kind of creepy! Anyone or anything could be in there, seriously! As she gets older she will probably be able to see that mascots, etc, are just people dressed up. Also if you buy some dress-up type masks for her to wear (my kids have a few that look like cats, rabbits, etc), she may begin to see that it's not so scary.

Why not try Disneyland? I once took a "backstage" tour of Disney World and the person who played Mickey said that she specifically wouldn't go near kids who acted afraid. I think it's a pretty common fear.

Kimberly,
I have an idea for you. I used to work with kids (and now have one of my own) and this little trick worked for me when I had kids that were scared of things or people. Tell your child that before you leave the house/car/school, she is going to put on her "invisible suit." (It is fun to help them pretend to put it on.) Tell her that anyone in a costume can not see or hear her. She will be so caught up in thinking she is invisible, she will forget about how scared she is. (This actually worked for me with a 6 y/o boy at work) Also, I would reassure her that she will not be hurt by someone in a costume, even if her "invisible suit" has a tiny rip in it and someone sees her. Eventually she will grow out of it.
Hope this helps.
T.

Have you tried bringing home fun costumes for all the kids to try on? Maybe if she was in the comfort of her home she would realize that a costume is only clothing and that anyone even Mom could be the face behind the mask?

You might also want to take her to see a therapist. A few sessions could be all she needs to get over the phobia.

It sounds to me like her fear is inhibiting her life somewhat, as well as the lives of the rest of your family. I would at least discuss the situation with a therapist, and explore the possibility of treatment. When fear becomes controling then I believe it needs to be addressed in order to prevent a genuine phobia. Good luck.

PS My daughter is afraid of toilets. We've finally gotten to the point where she'll go at home, but in public it's a nightmare. She's almost 6 yrs. We haven't had therapy, but I don't give in to her fear. It's a basic human function, therefore in my eyes, she just has to go. Needless to say, it's not fun, and invovles a fair bit of tears.

I don't think you should worry too much. I've known two different kids with this fear, and both grew out of it on their own. One could not go see Santa, as she was terrified and would cry and scream. The other was in a family who liked to go to baseball games, and he would have serious anxiety attacks before the game just knowing that a mascot would be there).

I'd give your daughter more time to get over this. She is still pretty young, and I doubt she will be a 15 year old afraid of Mickey Mouse!). If its still a problem in a couple of years, then maybe get some input. You could ask your pediatrician about it in the meantime, just to get a little reassurance that it is not a sign of some larger problem (I seriously doubt it is). Given that your other kids are younger, I doubt it will inhibit you going to places like Disneyland (your other kids are still too young to enjoy places like that, anyway...and by the way, Disneyland is really not that fun with young kids, and definitely not worth the totally ridiculous expense. My daughter has just as much fun at the beach).

This too shall pass!!

I remember being at a carnival once when I was around 4 and there was a person in a Cookie Monster Costume. From far away I saw an older kid run up behind the Cookie Monster and push his head off to expose the human head underneath. This scared me really bad.

I was not afraid of the Cookie Monster Costume until I saw that it was not real. I think this is very strange because you would think it would be the other way around. I think the reason why it scared me is because I realized that I could not TRUST costumes or characters. It was like I thought they were trying to trick me. I was never happy to see them again after that. I didn't get super scared, but I did steer clear of them.

I have never had a problem wearing a costume or hanging out with people who I know that were in costume, it was just the big mascots and furry "head covered" ones that bugged me. Even now, they make me a little nervous!

Hope this helps somehow.

I have 3 daughters. My youngest daughter was also afraid of costumes. It helped that our oldest daughter was the high school mascot. She brought the costume home and my younger one got to watch her get dressed. She was still afraid of some (We have no shots of her with Mickey) but it is okay. We took it slow and didn't force her to be with any of the costumed people. Now she is preteen and fine with all costumes. Maybe this next time to Disneyland we will get the picture with Mickey.

my friends oldest son has this phobia, he would stay in on Halloween. Eventually they took him to see a therapist as they didn't want their younger children to miss a Disneyland trip. He has overcome his fears and even went out to trick or treat last year.
good luck

I wouldn't count on her growing out of this without some help. My husband teaches in a college theatre program where they teach clowning and they had students who were afraid of clowns. It make the class quit a challenge.

As parents it's our job to help our children overcome their fears especially ones that are going to keep them from enjoying life. Good luck.

Yes!!! Have her see a psychiatrist!!! When my son was 6 1/2, I went to one for some similar problem. I ended up having to fill out loads and loads of questionaires and paperwork from his history since birth!!! I found out that my son had an Autism Spectrum Disorder!!! I never even knew it! I thought he was a normal, bright child who was just a little different than most kids!!! He excelled acedemically so I would've never guessed that he had a disability!!! I was shocked and scared, but now he is 9 and doing so well!
I'm not saying that your daughter has anything like that, but I just wanted you to know that it is SO beneficial to have your children checked out...even if it is just something that seems like it's a small issue!

God bless!
N.!!!!

If your daughter is anticipating the event of possibly seeing a costume, and she is having to use the bathroom a lot because of her nerves, then it seems her anticipatory anxiety is causing her to have very mild panic attacks. I would absolutely seek proessional help for her anxiety. Because it is limited to costumes she could probably be helped easily. However, many people I know who struggle with panic and anxiety started out with a minor worry or problem as kids, but never got help for it so it progressed. So while your daughter is ok now, I would get her help to avoid her anxiety and panic getting worse as she gets older. I have recently become aware of just how many people suffer from panic and anxiety and it is really horrible for them. Most say it started when they were young. So I am not trying to be negative, I am just trying to make you aware that you could really help her a lot by attacking this anxiety when she is young and educating yourself about it.
Good luck!

It sounds like she may have developed some kind of phobia towards people in costumes. I would say that in the case of phobias you need to seek some professional advice. The therapist may offer some suggestions you can do in order to help the situation out so that your other children may get to enjoy these things and not miss out on Disneyland trips. Hope this helps and good luck.

My son used to be afraid of costumes to. My father-in-laws favorite Holiday is Halloween and would do a spook alley for all the neighborhood kids so there was always scary things in the garage. I think what help my son the most with this is we bought him some play masks, nothing to scary and we also bought costumes for us to wear to so that he could see it was just us. We would just leave his costumes in his room and one day he finaly decided to put it on and from then on he realized there weren't scary people under the costumes. Hope that helps.

Dear Kimberly,
How frustrating for you. I have two kids and they loved costumes. They would wear them 24/7 if I'd let them. In fact, we have a closet that is nothing but for "dress up". We've got pirate and superhero stuff for boys, princess and ballerina stuff for girls. Playing dress up and pretending was such a part of my kids life that I can't even imagine what you go through. Before taking her to a therapist, try showing her pictures of ballerinas and princesses and Disney characters. Try to get to the bottom of whether or not it is the actual costume, or the people in them that are scaring her. Show her a costume in a package from the store and see what happens. A costume in a sealed package can't hurt her. If you can open it up and let her see that it's just fabric and some sequins, she may be able to alleviate her fears. Begin with something innocuous like bunny or kitty ears.
There is no way to tell what causes certain children to have phobias. And you may need to take her to see someone.
My daughter, around that age, developed a dreadful fear of balloons and refused to go anywhere near one. Turned out her fear wasn't about the balloons, it was the fear of them popping. I did all the nice things such as show her that mylar balloons don't pop and the other ones basically shrink and shrivel unless you pinch them or poke them with a sharp object. Just being in the same room or looking at a balloon will not make it spontaneously combust. She would refuse to go to a carnival or a birthday party or other type of celebration if there were going to be balloons. I found it to be frustrating and irrational. When her little brother was born, she tried saying that no one had BETTER bring any balloons and he BETTER never have any for his birthday. That is when I had enough. It may sound harsh, but I told her to GET OVER IT! The world would not end if a balloon did pop and I was not making people change their celebrations to suit her. And, I would not stand for her little brother to never be allowed to have any balloons anywhere near him because of her. Of course, at first, she said that I obviously don't care about her. But she got over it. And she actually thought it was pretty cool when her little brother and I surprised her at school with balloon bouquets on her birthday or other special occasions. She buys us balloons now.
If your daughter has a true phobia, you will have to get to the bottom of it. But she can work through it. Go to the second hand stores and buy dress up things to keep in a box or trunk and make being in costume part of play. Your daughter is old enough to understand what is real and what isn't and that it's just normal every day people dressed up as something else. And when they take their costumes off, they are the same people. Before spending hundreds on therapy, I would really try to introduce her to costumes in a non threatening way. Buy her an inexpensive tiara. That's what princesses wear. It's part of a costume. Baby steps.
Good luck. Seriously.

Have you ever heard of EFT? Emotional Freedom Technique. It's kind of funky, but actually kind of fun. And it works. I have used Jordan Savage to help me with stuff using EFT. (your question reminded me to give her a review.) She has a website with how-to videos, so you might be able to get some help for free. www.ezhealthyme.com

I hope that helps!