Dating Again? - Tempe,AZ

Dating is fine if you are ready for it. If you want to explore new relationships and spend time with a woman, then do so. Your children do not need to be involved in your dating life - in fact, it is better if they are not.

My mother passed away when I was 13. After a few years my father did start dating. Honestly, we never met the women he dated. The one we finally did meet - after he had talked, and talked and talked about her :) - became his wife when I was a Senior in High School.

So, date if you are ready. Your children do not really even need to know that you are dating - and if they do, explain it casually. Do not introduce every woman you date to them. Do not bring women home.

Take it slowly.

And I second Wild Woman - do not date solely to find your children a new mom. You would be doing a disservice to her and to your children. Date to make yourself happy. Happy parents are good parents.

Date for you. Not just for them. You can never replace their mom so don't even try. Rather, find someone for you, that also loves them. No need to intorduce them to the wild cards. Only introduce them to serious girlfriends. Otherwise you'll just cause more problems than you are trying to fix. Go slowly. A "blended family" doesn't mean you add all the people and hit "puree".

As for Mother's Day, that's hard for anybody who is missing his or her mom. I would do something for other mothers, do something in memory of her, etc. It is natural for them to be sad today, and miss her even more.

If you don't want to date, don't. They are sad on mother's day because they miss their mother. It's normal. That doesn't mean they want you to go looking for a "replacement" mother. And really, you're better off giving your KIDS the time than being on the market for someone. They need a loving parent. They have a loving parent.

It doesn't sound like you're interested in dating. Don't force it. Don't go looking for a mom. If you want to re-connect socially, take a class in something you'd enjoy where there are other adults. Or find a Parents Without Partners group in your area - there may be support at the group for you about this very issue that you're dealing with.

Something you CAN do, if you feel they might need a female role model in their lives is look into Big Brothers/Big Sisters - a female role model without dating strings.

ETA: Sorry - I didn't read your question right - as a widower you can date. There is no specified amount of time you need to wait. IF you are ready to date - do. However, I would NOT introduce ANY W. to your children until you have been dating a while and really know her....maybe wanting to make a commitment to her.

do NOT get stuck in the comparison. No one will replace your wife. You deserve to date, to have fun and share things with a W.. However, **I** believe it's important to get to know a person before introducing her to your kids.
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Dad:

Welcome to mamapedia!! Don't know why you think dad's aren't welcome here - we have several!!

I'm sorry for the loss of your wife. I am sure your kids feel sad. They miss their mom.

They NEED their father. They NEED their father to be happy. Do NOT go out searching for a "mother" to your children. They already have one, yes, she's dead and I'm sorry for that. If you are looking for someone to care for your children - get a nanny.

ONLY get married again because you love the W. and want to spend the rest of your life with her. DO NOT marry someone just to take care of your kids - that's what a nanny is for.

Best of luck to you!

I think that you should date, Dad. It has been five years since your wife passed away, and having a woman in your life is good in lots of ways. The thing that you must remember is that it is a lot to ask for a woman to come in and be a step mother to 4 children. It would take a special woman to be willing to commit to that.

This being said, you should take it slow and not try to bring a woman around your children too quickly. You have to assess if she is right for you personally, and then determine if she is right for you as a possible step-mother. Whatever you do, don't bring her to live with you as a way of letting the children get to know her. That would be SO unfair to the kids.

If there comes a point that you want to re-marry, enlist the help of a counselor who deals with families who have lost a parent. I'm sure that they can recommend someone who works with families such as yours.

You mention that your children do not like change. It makes me a little worried your family might need some support. If your home life is difficult, if the children are stressed, get some help with this BEFORE looking to make changes. I think that would help a lot.

We don't mind having fathers ask questions on here, dad. It's okay.

Good luck.

Um, are you dating or interviewing for a "mom"? I am not too sure there are so many applicants for mom of 4.

But if you want to date again that's a different thing. You need to be the one that this person loves enough to do this job. There is nothing less than love that could make someone do this job. But I be there is some lady out there that would give you a chance. But it's a date first. Just a date. And that's not too big a step.

I am so sorry. You are welcome here. Are you ready to start dating? If so, go ahead. Take it slow and see how things go. Your kids might surprise you. A friend of mine was raising his three little ones and finally did remarry. The kids were a smidgen younger when he remarried. They were very accepting of their "new mom". Am happy to report all is well and everyone is happy. It is a process that requires time and patience. There will be bumps in the road but I think you can handle it. God bless you and your family.

date but dont include them or let them know unless its very serious and then at that point introduce her as your girlfriend not their future mom. if they eventually devlop that bond with your future wife great, but dont expect it or force it