Dad's and Family Outings

My husband also can tend to be a downer on these types of trips. Now, I tell him well in advance about my plans and offer him the choice of going or not. I do tell him that if he goes, it will probably be hot/cold, he will have to walk, it will cost x amount and if I buy extras, I don't want to hear any complaints because I have budgeted for them. Then, if he chooses to go, he watches himself so he doesn't do the things I have warned him about and if he starts, I walk away from him and the kids and I continue to have a good day. He can lag behind or go wait in the car - his choice! He may not really realize that he puts a damper on everyone's trip. Try talking to him about it WELL in advance of the trip, and not in an accusatory way. In a fun, silly way let him know what he does. If he's like my husband, he won't really cop to anything, but you'll see a change at the next event.

Tell him that you are offering to give him some me time by taking the kids out of the house for a few hours. Or say that you are joining another mom friend to take the kids to an event and he'd be bored if he came.

I think you need to be honest with him and tell him what you just told us. Yes, it will hurt his feelings, but he will get over it, and I for one would be glad to know I was such a downer so I could work to fix it!

I think it's at least a positive sign that he is willing to go, just maybe a bad thing that he does! If you haven't, I would start with the conversation about what he doesn't like about wherever you're going and see if there's something you can do. I know for me, I'm the grump if there's no plan. If we go to Disneyland with no agenda, I'm overwhelmed and just hate it. I've learned I need to do a little research to see what there is to do and map it out a little bit (built in flexibility of course, but some sort of plan and a visual in my head of what the day entails). Maybe it's something like this for him.

If he just doesn't like being out at these type of things, that's probably ok. Assuming, of course, that there are other ways he spends time with the family. As others have said, maybe you take them to festivals, etc., and he takes them bowling or to a movie or whatever else for some daddy time. And again, make sure to find something for all of you together.

Wow-that is really a shame. These kinds of things are what my family loves best and it would really stink if my husband acted like that. You have 2 choices- 1. do NOT tell him and let him go along and ruin it for everyone-thus giving your children these sour memories of family outings to have forever. 2. TELL him that you will not let him go if he acts like this b/c it is ruining it for the rest of you-thus giving your children wonderful memories of the special times that their mom would take them to these events. Stories they will pass on to 'their' children one day along with the love for these kinds of activities.

Well-I suppose there is one more choice-tell him how he acts and give him the chance to improve. He may not realize that he is acting like he is.

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I think you need to just tell him what you told us. And then give him a choice as to whether or not he wants to go next time. Tell him if he opts in then you do not want to hear a single negative thing come out of his mouth or he can go sit in the car, lol. Maybe by telling him that he needs to look at these events through his childrens eyes it might help him to see it in that perspective.
I did take my kids to certain things without dad if it was some place he hated to go to. The mall was one of those places ;)

My husband tended not to be too much fun about things either. The traffic, the crowds, parking...any little thing could set him off. Me and the kids saw things as an adventure. Halloween? Forget it. He never wanted to go and one year he finally caved but was whining before we even got halfway down our block. I knew right then and there that his place was at home passing out the candy. It worked best that way.
After our divorce, he decided he wanted to participate and that was even worse.
Anyway, I would have a gentle talk with your husband and say something like, "It seems that when we go out, I feel you are uncomfortable and unhappy during the outing. I'm wondering if you would be happier if the kids and I just went."
Some people don't like crowds, don't like being out in the cold, etc.
My husband, now my ex, could find something to complain about on the most perfect day let alone the slightest thing go wrong.
Your husband may or may not realize he acts that unhappy, but you might bring it up to him in a way that makes it sound as though you are concerned about him.
He may feel you'd get mad if he said he didn't want to go. Take an opportunity to let him say how he feels about it so you can say you won't be upset if he stays behind for some things.
That's what I would do.

If someone's not going to have fun, that's fine, but no sense in ruining it for everybody else.

I hope you get some great advice and get it worked out.

Best wishes!

I have the same kind of husband. I used to encourage him to come along but I no longer bother. He will always complain about something (the traffic, the kids, etc.) get cranky with the kids and make me regret having him with us every time. I dread vacations because he takes a couple days to acclimate to the new environment (if he was a child we would say that he has difficulties with transitions!). The frustrating thing to me is that he doesn't see that his behavior is worst than our daughters'. He blames everybody for his unhappiness except himself.

In my house, when one of us is planning something the other may not like, we tend to give each other the option of not attending, usually with a suggestion of what else they could do. yesterday I took the kids to an animated movie while my husband saw something grown up. Today, he's taking them bowling while I putter around a quiet house.

I would try yo have an open conversation with him about it, start with observations about his experience (it seems like you don't enjoy these excursions) then ask about what it's like for him. He may genuinely not enjoy it, he may just not realize that he's being so negative. Maybe he wants to be a part of things, maybe he wants the permission to opt out. But you don't know until you ask. Approach without accusations, if you want to share how it affects you and the kids keep your statements to the "I": "I worry about your happiness, when I hear your negative comments I feel anxious and stressed..." Definitely talk to him about it.

Sounds like my husband. We simply don't take him anymore. He makes it very clear that he does not want to go. It makes me sad but I can't make him do something that will potentially make all of us miserable. The invitation is always there but he declines so off we go!

I just say to my husband, "I would like to take the kids to the zoo, does that sound fun to you/do you want to come?" If he says no, then I go by myself or see if some friends want to meet us at the event. This way I give him an opportunity to come if he wants to.

Don't take him any more.
They are too much trouble. :) It's like having another baby along.
Go w/o him so you enjoy yourself and he won't be miserable.
Dads don't need to go to everything I've learned.
Go yourself and ENJOY!
Some dads just don't enjoy those types of outings.

If it were me, I would tell him when you are planning something, and tell him that you and the kids are going to go and have fun, so that he can have a day to himself to relax and do what he wants to do without having to worry about you guys.

Too bad that he doesnt enjoy those outings with you and the family. He doesnt realize what he is missing. Sad to say but later on he will look back and wish he had put in more of an effort to have fun.