Crying It Out... - New Orleans,LA

I do the cry it out and to me it soundsl like he needs to be on cereal he is old enough for it. put cereall in his nighttime bottle and give him some for dinner. it should help him sleep in my experience he is probably waking up hungry. mine still does it at 2. dont ever let him cry more than 20 minutes though. if he cries more than 20 minutes something else is wrong. on cio they should cry quieten a bit cry quiten a bit and get shorter cries and longer gaps or something is worng

My breastfed 18 month old does not sleep through the night. It's not unusual at all! 3 kids, we never did CIO. First 2 sleep through the night all the time unless there is something wrong (ie sick or something).

Here's the story you can share with your husband: For a year, your wife has nurtured your son in the best way possible. Because of her, he has a great start on his life, both physically and emotionally. And now you're going to berate her for it? Grow up, stop whining and being self-centered, and be a man.

I don't believe in the "cry it out" method as it is, so tell your husband that babies are supposed to "get attention in the middle of the night." It isn't "attention" really that you are giving him anyway, it is NOURISHMENT! FOOD! God made it where babies have to eat every couple of hours. So that's my advice, take it or leave it. But I have 2 happy, healthy children and I NEVER allowed them to "cry it out." It is our job as parents to give love, no matter what time the clock says.

Stop nursing him to sleep, you've mostly done that, but just had to explain in case you try it again. It's proven that nursing to sleep causes sleep confusion when the child wakes and that can cause the crying as they wake in different surroundings they fell asleep in and it can cause a panic, which is why they cry. Instead nurse the baby until he is sleepy, so he can learn to sleep.

Now, he could be waking b/c he wants cuddles or because he's hungry or because he's teething, or gassy from food allergies. But he is old enough to cry it out and your husband needs to stop being a pansy! Do you want me to come over there and give him a good slap?!

Also, I breastfed my boys till they were about 18 months... at this age, they don't need to nurse on demand at night, so please get some sleep and don't worry about that. Though I did the same as you... nursed in the morning so I could lay in bed for another hour!!

In any case, Dr. Sears is an expert in this field, so maybe your hubby can read this. Here are 8 ideas to help with night nursers who are weaning:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/T022900.asp

one that works is the "Awaken baby for a full feeding just before you go to bed. Rather than going off to sleep only to be wakened an hour or two later, get in a feeding when you retire for the night. This way, your sleep will be disturbed one less time, and you'll (hopefully) get a longer stretch of sleep."

and help on the cry it out methods and sleep problems:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070700.asp

It is not abnormal for him to be waking up at night. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. I weaned him completely when he was 15 months old. I have to say once I stopped nursing him when he woke at night, he slowly started sleeping better. Sometimes he would wake up and I would offer him a snack. He would eat it sleepily and then go back to sleep. I haven't ever done cry it out so i can't help you there. Is your son teething? That is usually the reason my son wakes up at night. That and hunger. Good luck!

First off, you're husband is being a jerk! Seriously! I would tell him to stuff it! Then I would take every single video game and donate it to charity. Then I'd wake his butt up at 7:00 every single weekend. It takes two to parent. But, that's just me :)

As far as the waking goes, it sounds pretty normal. I know it doesn't feel like it, but he'll sleep through the night eventually. :) I would assume that your son is on table food at this age. Offer him a meal before bed. My girls love to eat a bowl of cereal or oatmeal before they go to bed. I'm not a fan of cry it out. It sounds to me like your son really is learning how to self soothe. If you want to try cry it out, set a time limit. If he full on cries for more than say 7 minutes, then go to him. If he's just fussing, then don't. We used that method with my kids, but it wasn't until they were older. My youngest is 16 months and she will still occasionally wake up in the middle of the night. My 3 (almost 4) year old almost always climbs into bed with my husband and I at some point during the night.

Honestly though, I think you need to have a really long talk with your husband. Be honest with him. Tell him that you need a little help. It's not right that he's up all hours of the night and sleeps in every weekend. Mom needs a chance to sleep in too! And if your husband is up all hours of the night, then he can take care of the baby while you sleep :)
Good luck :)

I nursed my daughter for 3 1/2 years. At 9 mths I worked hard to get her to start sleeping in her own bed. I don't agree with cry it out at all. I put her in bed and patted her back and whispered to her until she was just about asleep then I slipped out. It took me two hard weeks to get her to where I could just tell her night-night and put her down with a pat on the back. She did not sleep through the night until about 21mths. I put her to bed sleepy each night and whenever she woke up, I brought her to my bed and nursed her. She gradually slept longer and longer until at 21 mths I woke up one morning and realized she was still asleep!

Sharing other moms' stories with your husband
isn't going to help.
He'll find something else to complain about.
If he won't go to counseling with you,
go yourself to learn some techniques
for dealing with his totally inappropriate behavior toward you.
His attitude stinks.
imo.

Heck. I still feed my 8yo on demand.

Real food, of course.

Some kids grow REALLY fast, and they just need to eat. And some kids have small stomachs and just need to eat more often.

I'm trying to remember when my son stopped eating at least once a night and am drawing a blank. But at some point, he progressed to only eating a full meal in the middle of the night during growth spurts, and just drinking warm milk / hot chocolate (he hated white milk) in the middle of the night. Then around 4ish/5ish he even cut out the milk in the middle of the night.

But every time... he was just flippin' hungry. If I fed him (either WM/HC) first time he woke up (and I could just zap a sippy, hand it to him, change his diaper and leave)... he didn't wake up again. If I did the whole soothing thing... then he'd wake and wake and wake and wake. He'd sleep because he was tired, but he just kept waking up because his body needed nutrients. Starvin'o'the'hunger.

At 8, kiddo still eats every 3 hours in the daytime. But he doesn't eat at night unless he's in a growth spurt. But in a growth spurt he DOES wake up. And takes his happy little feet downstairs and makes a PB&J and pours some milk and eats and washes up and gallumphs back up the stairs. If I'm awake he may ask me to make him an omlette. But if I'm asleep... I find smears on the counter in the morning and a dish in the dish rack. <grinning> Things to look forward to, that! I'll take smears on the counter over waking up QUITE happily!

I think of it like this: I was *Starving* when I was preggers. And I only had to grow 10lbs worth of person... a fraction of my own size. Kiddo tripled his weight that first year, half doubled it his 2nd, and halved it his 3rd. By year 2 he had also doubled his height (23 inches at birth to 37.5 inches at age 2) Can you even PICTURE how much food you would have to eat and how often to double your weight? Much less double weight AND height?

As always, not what anyone else should do, just my own personal opinion: If a kid is hungry... feed them.

And yeah. Some men are just dumb.

Every child is different...most important thing to remember and there is no one size fits all solution for anything, including sleep! Sleep patterns and habits are often indicative of other issues or habits and you have to look at it as a whole picture, not just sleep.

That said, my son will be 2 on Jan 1. I do not believe in CIO. He has nursed on demand since birth with supplemented formula during the first year for times when I was away or didn't pump enough. He co-sleeps, nurses periodically through the night and throughout the day. Mostly now, just at sleepy times. He sleeps about 2-3 hours in nap a day and about 6-8 hours through the night, but sometimes with fusses or partial wake ups.

I guess the point I am making is that you shouldn't have guilt about your child not sleeping all the time, at 13 months, you still have a lot of teething to go through and molars and potential flus/colds, all of it is going to affect sleep and you're going to need to be there to provide the comfort.

There is nothing abnormal about your son, he's still a baby and he's still figuring out how to sleep and when he wants to nurse or eat and all of it is normal and expected and it requires flexibility and the acceptance that everyone might lose some sleep through the process. Be patient, be compassionate, and find a balance that works for you and you'll all get the sleep you need.

Um, hate to say it but my son is 14 and still doesn't sleep through the night all the time. He always woke to nurse/eat between 2 and 3 am and still wakes up, even if just lightly, around the same time period.

Your son is not waking up looking for attention. He is still on his nursing schedule. It takes awhile before they outgrow that. Eventually his internal clock will adjust and he will sleep through the night.

I'm sorry your husband is not being understanding at all! It's okay to vent, you are understandably frustrated. First, I do not believe in the "cry it out method" for infants or any baby under 12 months old. They are truly too young to understand how to communicate what they need and want from you...so they cry and will continue to cry until you respond to the need they need.

After 12 months, most moms who are very much ready to begin sleeping through the night are very hopeful that their beloved angel will begin sleeping through the night as well. But most of us here can attest that this is not always true for every mom or every baby. My sister's baby is 17 months old and still waking up during the night...to nurse! Personally, I believe it is very possible that your baby is waking up (as most babies this age do) for reasons other than the need to nurse. Sometimes they wake up because of genuine thirst, sometimes it's hunger, sometimes they are aware they peed and the coldness in the diaper wakes them up, often times it is teething that is the biggest problem and then there is the baby who wakes up "just because." If you want to stop nursing through the night, you will need to stop offering your breasts. There really is no gentle way about this, you just don't nurse him. If it's thirst, you might consider offering water (not milk, not juice ~ nothing enticing to encourage night time waking) in a sippy cup, not a bottle. If it's hunger, you might consider what time you eat dinner vs. what time your son actually goes to sleep. How do you know if your baby is hungry during the night? Well, if you eat dinner at 6 P.M. and expect your little one to be in bed by 9 P.M., (AND sleep through the night) that is quite a stretch from dinner to bedtime and I might suggest you offer a bowl of good old fashioned oatmeal...or farina (Cream of Wheat) or baby cereal. Something substantial. Nurse your baby to sleep and hope he sleeps through the night. If he wakes up, you have to know it's not because he's hungry because you fed him just before bed time (I usually fed my child just after his/her bath) so you can offer water in a sippy cup. If he refuses that, then you know it's not thirst...so you check the diaper. The idea is to begin ruling out what the problem may be. You may determine that you're baby is waking up "just because," and honestly, with these babies who do this, I know how frustrating it is. You might also try a night light, a very low wattage one that illuminates just enough but not enough to light up the entire room. Sometimes they wake up and discover, "Oh no, it's dark, where's mommy!" I had to resort to using a night light with my second child...after nearly 8 months of her waking up and not knowing why. A little night light kept her sleeping through the night! Easy fix but months of aggravation. Your husband is wrong. This is normal for most babies, so you are not alone. Hang in there. They sleep through the night....eventually!

I'm in almost the same position as you, except my son is 10 months old, but the husband thing is spot on for my family. So first, you are not alone. My suggestion is patience, with both your husband and your son. Talk to your husband, and tell him "I need your help". And be specific in your needs, I've asked my husband to not play video games until after our boy is asleep at night, and one day on the weekend he gets up, I get up on the other. DH did fight with me on this for awhile, but he is getting better. We also did the CIO method, and just weaned one night waking out at a time. He now only wakes at 2:30, but it has taken 4 months to get us to this point. Eventually, your son will make it through the night. Good luck, and your doing a great job!!!

He sounds like my exhusband... funny how maternity leave means work for momma but video games for daddy. My ex would pretend not to hear the baby cry at night, her crib was next to our bed, like you could tell he was awake. One night I was tired and he spent the day not helping me at all so I pushed him out of the bed.. he was mad but I looked at him and said oops sorry I meant to say your turn. LOL. But he didn't help very much, I think he changed her diapers 6 times in 1 year. Consistently waking up just means he's hungry at consistent times... no big deal, no need for blame... it's healthy. Cry it out doesn't work/is kinda cruel when he's hungry... I wake up to get a drink or snack sometimes. Try giving him a snack or something right before bedtime or bedtime routine. That's probably the funniest thing I've heard... who would wake up for attention LOL! Your baby is tired at night not trying to get attention haha.

I agree with the other mama's...for the most part, though, I probably wouldn't slap your husband so much as hide his video games and be his personal obnoxious and unrelenting alarm clock:)

The only thing I might add is to make sure your son is eating well for dinner. Breast milk doesn't stay in the tummy as long as food and formula so babies do tend to wake up hungry if it isn't attachment or teething or gas related.