Cry It Out When 7 Mos Old Has a Cold

You said it - "it doesn't feel right". I think if she's sick you go to her and help her feel better. She's still so little. She needs you. Just my opinion. It's frustrating, yes, and tiring, yes, but this time and stage will pass. Follow you mommy-instincts :) Best of luck and hope she feels better soon!

I don't care how old the child, or what method is being used to teach them to self soothe, if they are sick they need comfort from mom or dad. Simple as that.

Hold the baby. We, as humans...even as primates, need to be held. When you're sick you like to be comforted and you're a grown woman and understand things are simply different when you're sick. She needs to feel that comfort as well.

Hope you get some sleep soon!

M.

She is too young, period, cold or no cold, to be left to cry. This is the issue with cry it out for infants: It flies in the face of what we know about babies' brains and their attachment to their adults.

Please understand: At seven months, she has zero concept at all -- none -- that you still exist when you are not in the room. Infants have no idea that people are there in another room; when you leave her sight, you are gone forever, never to return, and she is not capable of understanding or learning to understand (for a long time yet) that you are "right here next door." When you leave her to cry it out, she is not learning to "self-soothe" at this young an age; she is learning only that when she is distressed, no one comes. This does not teach self-soothing that ends in baby sleeping; baby just exhausts herself crying and then falls asleep. It does not teach her to be independent because infants are not designed to learn that lesson yet; toddlers, yes, but not infants. Infants are pure need: I need my adult, my adult does not come, my adult is not there or anywhere else--just Is Not. Ask your pediatrician if you want -- they can tell you that at seven months she cannot understand that you're "there" if you are not where she sees you.

Please stop CIO until she is actually old enough (which could come around age one to 18 months) to grasp that you are actually alive and there when she cannot see you. Right now, and for some time to come, she does not know this and cannot be taught it by letting her cry it out. She is simply not developmentally able to be taught this. I know the CIO fans out there will say all this is untrue but even our pediatrician with three kids herself says CIO goes against what's known about infant development and makes babies less secure, not more secure, and clingier when you are there, rather than more independent. Those are lessons for later. The lesson for her at this young age is that when she expresses a need, someone does come. That makes her more secure, and kids who are more secure will actually be more independent later.

I know you are tired but frankly this is life with a seven-month-old baby who is hungry three times a night. She can't control that or her sleep patterns no matter how much your husband wants her to. What he wants her to "learn" is something she is not able to do right now and he, not she, has to adjust. This WILL pass and fairly soon. Meanwhile, it's time to pump and get her on bottles some of the time so your husband can help feed her.

You have received some excellent advice, esp Leigh's very fact-based and thoughtful explanation.

Here is another way to phrase it to your husband:

Imagine being in a hospital bed with a head stuffed full, congested, throat and nose filled with something which makes it hard to breath. Imagine not being able to move your own arms or sit up to clear the airway. Imagine ringing the nurse's button over and over again.... and no one comes.... They're just hoping you will fall asleep all stuffed up like that and leave them alone...

Would we, as adults, want to be treated that way? Why would we treat a baby like that?

Screw the CIO method. You have a sick BABY. Your child is not an adult that can take care of a running nose on their own...babies need us for things like that. When she's sick, she will be up more. She may want to nurse for comfort. I say you do what feels right as a mother.

And I disagree that this means you aren't committed to it. I think it means you are a good, caring mother. Crying because a baby is learning to self soothe and crying because they need something are two different cries. You're doing fine.

Your instincts are correct.

The fact is that all bets are off when babies are sick. CIO goes out the window. Regression often occurs. Same goes when you have a toddler who is potty training...you don't stress it too heavily when they're sick. Regression may occur. You deal with comforting your sick child now, you get back to sleep training later, because that's what is best for the physical and emotional well-being of your child.

Lastly, I'd like to recommend that you not take the advice of certain judgemental mamas who, based upon their post history, are unsuccessful at sleep training their own children. Take anything they say with a grain of salt.

Even pro-CIO moms and advocates say NOT to proceed with CIO when baby has something going on, especially when baby is sick. Illness, teething, growth spurts, and a myriad of other changes happening will mess with the sleep cycles of even the most soundly sleeping baby. It is best to wait until the baby is in a somewhat stable period of comfort before attempting any kind of CIO.

If she is sick, she needs care. I know I would certainly feel abandoned if I was sick, and left to feel miserable by myself when I needed something... And I am a grown adult who has the mental capacity to understand the reasons why I may be left alone. 7 months is right at the brink of when you are "supposed" to start sleep training... To expect a baby to learn to soothe herself (which I personally do not believe CIO does...) while sick is just plain too much to ask. I get that it sucks being sleep deprived, but hey... That's part of being a parent.

What worked best for me during those times was co-sleeping. At first, I firmly thought that babies need to learn to sleep in their cribs from a young age, and that loving persistence would be the best way to go. After trying the Ferber method of CIO, and deciding that it did NOT sit well with my personal mommy instincts, I went through a cycle where I tried to comfort her in her crib as much as I could, r get her to sleep in my arms then transfer her to the crib... It worked well, but she still woke up pretty often at night so I decided to just pull her into bed with me. Then we both got sleep! I would put her back in her crib if she seemed to be sleeping soundly, or if I wanted the bed to myself (well, hubby and I wanted the bed to ourselves...) sometimes she would wake up later, and if she didn't fall back asleep quickly I would just pull her right back into my bed. Around 10 months she was sleeping through the night on her own most of the time, and there would be times when I would hear her wake up, babble to herself, and fall back to sleep. (So it's not like she developed a "need" to be with me to fall asleep because of the co-sleeping.)

Absolutely not. Would you want to feel like the bottom of the birdcage and then be ignored?

If she is crying she needs you even if it is only to snuggle. We coslept so I just didn't have these issues. For full disclosure though I do not agree with the CIO method.

Try pick up and put down. IMO, when a baby has needs like a cold is not when you let her cry and cry. She's sick. It happens. Give your DH some earplugs. I told my DH that I was not going to do CIO and pick up/put down worked for me. I was also nursing and had to be up many times a night anyway, so he needed to stuff his ears and go back to sleep. My DD got croup and I slept in the bathroom with her many nights. Because she needed me. She may also be in a growth spurt and be hungry.

This will pass. It's just tough right now.

Do you work or are you at home? If you are at home, take a few naps during the day when baby is sleeping to get your rest. The housework can wait. If it can't then hubby can help you with it.

The baby is sick, you are her parents, she needs you both. Put her in the bed with you at night to sleep. Nurse when needed about every 4 hours. Cuddle baby and make her feel safe. This phase won't last forever.

My son had allergies once and could not sleep laying down. I got him and put him in the bed with me. He sat up that night with his back to my back and my arm around him and neither moved the whole night. He got rest and so did I. Hubby was overseas at the time. The next day he was admitted to hospital.

There is no manual with how to parent a baby, child, tween, teen it is all on the job (OTJ) training and gut instinct. Once baby is well, try your method again. I never did CIO with either child.

Here's a big hug to you and hubby. Welcome to parenthood.

the other S.

I did Ferber, but when they were sick we would have to get up with them at night. Once they were feeling better they would get back to a normal sleep routine pretty easily. While she is sick use a cool mist vaporizer in her room to help her breathing. A warm bath before bed can help clear out her sinuses, as will saline spray and a bulb syringe. Sleeping in a semi upright position (like a swing or carseat) will also help.

We used Ferber, it worked for us. Two thoughts-
1. According to my ped, a child 4 months or 12 lbs no longer "needs" to feed during the night. (you might want to curb that sleep association when you do your CIO).
2. Ferber recommends that you put a pause to sleep training when your child has a cold, is teething, otherwise sick or experiencing a major life change (new sibling, sitter, school etc). You can start or resume once the child no longer needs the extra comfort.

Best to you and yours,
F. B.

The baby is sick. You take care of her. It doesn't matter how tired you are, it's something we as parents have to do.

And your husband needs to get a grip. She's not a puppy he's trying to train, she's a BABY. It doesn't matter how frustrated he is, she's sick.

And every baby is different/every child is different. My son wasn't able to sleep through the night till he was 6 YEARS old. He truely wasn't able. He has sensory issues, which we weren't aware of because they were not about sensitivity but input. My sister made him a weighted blanket, and he's been sleeping through the night - EXCEPT WHEN HE'S SICK ever since.

I would ask the pedi, because every hour isn't great - unless it's while she's sick, then it might be normal if she's miserable.

I breastfed as well, and because of crazy moving situation, we had a mattress in baby's room - twin size. I could nurse and fall asleep in there if I needed to. Don't know if that would help.

She probably wakes up because she can't breathe well. Put her in her carseat, strap her up and put it in the crib. Sitting up helps her breathe. Spray saline up her nose and suction it out with a syringe (I liked the ear syringes better than the nose ones - they worked better) to help thin out the mucous. Sit beside the crib and pat her so that she falls asleep. Don't feed her. She doesn't need the milk.

I am very much a proponent of self-soothing. But when baby is sick, you have to put it aside. What you DON'T have to do is nurse a 7 month and you don't have to pick up the baby. Put your hand through the slats and pat her.

This baby is ill and if it cries and no one comes they will not develop trust in the adults taking care of it. So please tell hubby thank you for helping and that it's just not the right time to do other stuff.

Sounds to me like you are not actually interested in doing what it takes to sleep train.

That's OK.

But stop it all together, then. There is no point in going through any of the motions (which are way harder on you than on baby) if you are not going to stay consistent with it.

And, I am sorry, but I have to disagree with literally everything Leigh said. That's her opinion and it's fine. But I am surrounded by behavioral child psychologists with decades of clinical data that can counter basically everything she said. So...take that for what it's worth. This is an issue that comes down to YOUR comfort. Period.

Awww. Poor baby and poor Mom & Dad. You know what - I'm sure others have said similar - I say hold them. Hold them and love them as much as possible. I know it's hard - especially when you're sleep deprived. But they're only babies once - and they're only babies for a SHORT time. I wish I could hold my babies again - they're too big and grow too fast. Probably not helpful, but my 2 cents ;-)

I don't think doing CIO when she has a cold is a good idea, even if it takes a few weeks for her to really be healthy. I get where your husband is coming from, as I know waking up that much is totally exhausting. But, in order for CIO to successfully work with your daughter, you should wait until she's not sick anymore. She will be able to learn faster and you won't need to worry that she's crying because she truly needs you.

If she has a stuffy/runny nose, all the crying will make it worse. If she has a cough or a sore throat, the screaming will cause additional pain and problems with that too.

It totally sucks, but you'll need to tough it out a little longer before trying again.

Perhaps a room humidifier would help loosen secretions, so she doesn't dry out in her little nose so much.
At 7 months, she may be going through a growth spurt and need more calories than breast feeding, so adding some cereal might help, she could be hungry.
At this age, she could also start teething so could be causing distress, sore gums and teething so often causes runny noses and seems like a cold. Feel her gums, see if you can detect teeth, see if she chews on your fingers, a good sign that she needs soothing in her mouth.

I agree with Kaseyirv. Wait it out a while longer. When she's sick she needs you, and the crying will make her symptoms worse. We've been dealing with this with my 9 month old. She was teething and waking up every hour. I'd go in in and comfort her, usually feed her because she'd freak out if I didn't.Then the teeth broke through and she went back to once or twice a night. And now she can mostly fall back to sleep on her own. It'll be an up and down thing for a while though. She may get to no wakings, then something will happen (illness, teething etc) and you'll feel like you're back to the beginning again.
Good luck!

I would wait until baby isn't sick to proceed with cry it out. I did this with my son at 10 months, he's a great sleeper now, but it was hard getting through those first few nights. No need to make it worse by wondering if your little one is sick and needs you.

Hi J.,
I'm sorry you're having this issue and not getting any sleep! I know how hard it is. I know you've already gotten a lot of answers too, but just wanted to give you a few more suggestions. God willing, something will help both you and your little one.

If she was waking 3+ times before you started CIO and before she was sick:
1) she may just be a baby who still needs to nurse that much or maybe she is hungry-have you tried a pacifier if she likes to suck?
2) she may just desire the closeness with you-I co-slept and especially for nursing and waking so often, this was a blessing
3) something is off in her environment-have you tried to make her room as sleep comfortable as possible-windows covered, white noise, comfortable pjs & sheets, a lovey-she may just need to feel comfortable in her crib

When she's sick, you could use saline drops/spray in her nose, rub chest rub on her chest (one for babies that young), run a humidifier.

In the end, follow your gut as other moms said. You know what's best and maybe you have an idea of what she really is asking for when she wakes so often. Having your husband go in is a good idea if she's just missing you b/c once she realizes you're not coming, she might stop waking. If she's only waking every hour while she's sick, then I hope it will pass.

Hang in there! ISIS baby center in Boston also has sleep consultants if you're really at your wits end. It costs $99, but I used them with my first and it was very helpful and reassuring.

The only thing that comes to mind that may help is if she is eating enough. Maybe she is still hungry, so she keeps waking up. Is she on any foods like rice cereal other than BM?