Crankieness!!

You've got to find a way to get a break. Can you introduce a 'quiet time' to your toddler? Start with 5 or 10 minutes, but try to work up to an hour where your child can rest or play quietly while you close your eyes. Maybe you can't go to your room for deep sleep, but you might be able to refresh yourself by closing your eyes in the rocking chair while your toddler plays nearby. You might try using a timer, so that the little one knows when quiet time is over. And you might consider bribing the little one..."We'll play a special game if you can help Mama rest for 10 minutes..."

Best of luck. I feel like mothering requires an inhumane level of patience. I cracked under the pressure every now and then!

Ask (nicely) for what you need more often. Your statement "even if you offend me or hurt my feelings...I don't say anything" -- indicates a lot about you. I used to be like that, and what I learned is, I thought I was really easygoing, but I was actually stuffing and ignoring my feelings.

So ASK people for what you want and need. And then try not to be cranky.

Oh honey.

You need to speak up and let people know how you feel. It is really hard, but it is a survival skill. If you are struggling now, how are you going to manage when the baby comes and you are taking care of a very needy baby and your toddler?

If you don't ask your husband, friends, and family for help, you are setting yourself up for some problems. I really understand, I hate asking for help and part of me thinks that if they don't SEE that I need help, I don't want their help anyway. But you can't do everything yourself, and people often see that you need help, just don't know how to bring it up, or even don't want to butt in.

You can do this. But even if you do, you have every right to be cranky. Just go ahead and feel what you are feeling.

M.-

I so feel for you!!! I'm 39, but when I was 35 I had a 10 month old, got pregnant. Very cranky & scared. Afraid of not being able to take care of them and keep up with the house part time work with our home business etc, etc. Plus an 8 year old in school. THEN, when my 3rd turned 18 months I found out I was pregnant....with TWINS!

Now, one thing I did was find a teenager I trusted and hired her a couple days a week to just come and play with the kids so I could take a break. This helps immensely. Even if it is just a couple of hours, get a break. If you cannot afford it, do a swap with another mom with a child the same age. Every (whatever day of the week), Tuesday (for example)- from 10 - 1 switch who watches the other's child. This way you both know you will be getting that break, and it lifts your mood like I cannot tell you. You know that even though today is tough, your day is coming up to get a way (or just take a nap).

I know it is tough, but things will get better. I was cranky too, over sensitive. Once I was able to get breaks, it changed my whole outlook. Now the twins are almost 1 and I still have help come in 1 - 2 days a week for a few hours so I can get a break, go grocery shopping or whatever. Cleaning without interference is therapeutic for me (strange but true). You will get through it, and be happy for it. Take good care of yourself and by the looks of these responses, you are never alone!!

D. (5 girls, ages 11, 4, 3, & 11 month old twins)

You post conveys your frustration and exhaustion and I feel for you! It must be extremely exhausting to have a three year old and be pregnant. I only had one child so I don't have any idea, but I know that just having to keep up with a three year old when I wasn't pregnant was enough for me! And you should not "shut your mouth" or stop complaining. After all, if we can't complain to each other, who are we going to complain too? That's what this website is for - get it out sister! Is there any way you can put your little guy in part time day care so that you have a couple of hours each day for you? If not, is there a family member who can take him for an afternoon once or twice a week? Three year olds are exhausting - never-ending energy! Is he able to navigate playground equipment? If so, maybe a couple of hour trip to the park where he runs and you sit and watch would help. You could also check with your local community college - sometimes there are lists of students taking early childhood development type classes who are looking for a child to care for for school credit. Good luck and hang in there, but I will say you need to get your rest and try to get yourself together before the next one comes along.

Hi M., I see you received lots of responses and I didn't read them, but wanted you to know you are not alone. I'm 7 months pregnant and have a 14 month old and I am much crankier this time around. I have even caught myslef and laughed! I think it's because we're tired and being pregnant on top of it is difficult. Just remember, it will pass and soon you will be running after 2 kids! Imagine if you get pregnant again after that! All you can do is laugh at yourself and roll with the punches. If people give you a hard time, say, Yea I'm cranky, but you would be too! Good luck, I totally understand.

I feel your pain! I'm 7 months pregnant with a 1 year old, 2 year old, and a husband who works 10 hours a day 7 days a week. I have one word for you (or maybe it's two) child-care! I've arranged for my kids to go to a babysitter's house 2 mornings a week. Take advantage of any hourly childcare you can find. Many churches do Moms Mornings Out, where you drop your kids off one morning a week for a low fee or in exchange for volunteering there to help with the kids (you can bring your kids with you) a couple of times a month. I put my kids in daycare while I go to church on Sunday -- I've never been to church more regularly in my life! I also attend MOPS (a great organization that I'm happy to tell you more about off the board) twice a month and they have childcare on the premasis. A local church is having childcare one Saturday morning this month for moms to go Christmas shopping ($5 bucks a kid from 9-12). Many health clubs have childcare and you can go take a pre-natal yoga class. Usually they allow you to buy a day pass, or better yet, get the week free trial at all the clubs in your area. Network with other moms as much as possible and get involved in Moms groups so you can learn about these places and get to know which places are good. I believe this approach has literally saved me from having a nervous breakdown. Oh, and I also sometimes put both my kids down for a nap (or just rest time with some books/stuffed animals) in their rooms for an hour in the afternoon if I need to rest. You can also use a favorite DVD and take a nap while your son watches. You may feel guilty about letting him watch TV, but hey, you need a break once in a while and it's not like you're just being lazy or planning to do it for the rest of his life -- you're pregnant and practically taking care of him all by yourself! Hang in there.
N.

Good Morning M.,

You have two months to make a plan. Perhaps your husband, due to his “line of work”, is confusing your complaining and emotional outbursts with the people he comes into contact with on a daily basis and has become immune to them. If “EVERYONE” says you are cranky, both you and your husband may need a little attitude adjustment. I would recommend first that you stop yelling at your 3 year old. (I know that’s not always easy, especially when they have gotten on your LAST nerve.)

I’m sure you are exhausted because being pregnant even without another child to look after can be exhausting, especially in the final weeks. Your husband is a police officer, so I am assuming that you have a decent income? If you don’t have a trusted friend or relative that can baby-sit your little guy for a day or two a week or even a few hours a day, so you can have a little “ME TIME”, then hire someone. A part time day care may be what you and your little guy need. He would have playmates and you would have time to rest and/or pamper yourself.

How long has it been since you had your hair, nails and toes done?

Your husband also needs to know, regardless of his line of work, he needs to help with your children and take a more active roll in family life. Is he planning any paternity leave when the baby comes? If not, is someone coming to help you for the first week or two?

Keep us posted and best wishes with your new addition.

Blessings….

Sweetie - It is insanely hard to take care of a toddler 24/7, even when you're not pregnant. It is entirely possible you get cranky, but people should shut up and help you out rather than make you self conscious. At 3, you should see about preschool for a few hours a day. It would be good for him AND for you. That way you can have a little alone time and he can have fun with other kids and learn. My daughter needed preschool by the time she was 2, she was ready to hang out & play with someone other than me. Take care, you'll be fine. C.

Hi M.!

Oh my darling.....you are SOOOO normal :o) This is the "developement stages" of becoming a wonderful mother! The trick is to learn how to handle it all, because truthfully, it doesn't get any easier, we just are forced to learn how to get better at handling everything.

I recommend that you have a meeting with YOURSELF. You need to find out what kind of mother you desire to be for your children. Did you want to be a "yelling mother"? I know how difficult 3 year olds can be, but this is when we HAVE to learn how to "pick our battles", and give many warnings about what we expect of them.

When my boys were 3, I taught them 5-4-3-2-1-...........and used it until...........well, I still use it and they are 6 & 12 :o) Anyway, it was always "5 minutes and we will clean up the toys...", or "sit down for lunch....", or "go back in the house", or whatever! Then I counted down 4 minutes, 3 min's, etc.... This gave them 5 warnings about what I expected of them and WHEN I expected it of them. 90% of the time it works like a charm, truthfully. When I knew it was going to be extra difficult to "leave" the play moment, I made sure I always said "I know you are having fun, but I need to remind that we need to go to the store in 3 minutes". As your son gets older, this will be a routine that he expects from YOU, which is wonderful because he will get so used to it, that you will slowly get less and less trouble from him. Oh yeah, FYI: I never used a minute-for-minute. My minutes were according to my schedule, too. Sometimes 1 minute was actually 5, but kids never know!!!

Also, don't ever hesitate to put YOURSELF in "timeout". There are times when mommy is the best example to her children. We ALL can lose our minds every now and then, we just have to be a good example to our kids of how to make things right. In those moments, simply apologize to your son, "mommy is so sorry I used my angry voice again when you were trying to.......I need to go into timeout for 3 minutes". Set the microwave timer, and lay on the couch! Your little one will learn by example, and you will get a few minutes peace of mind after "losing control".

M., motherhood is not easy, but the rewards are priceless, obviously! Just learn to be the mother that you dream to be, so that you can live a life full of love without regret. Mother's Guilt can hurt more than anything, so try to learn from an experienced mother :o)

The laundry can wait, so can the dishes, and so can the vacuuming. Your son needs you now. Yep, that little motor-mouth needs you to know how smart he is :o)

Good luck to you, M., I know you are a great mother!

~N. :o)

I too was very cranky when I was pregnant with my second. My daughter turned three 13 days before I had my second. I worked full time, but the last month I was on leave and it was just as hard as working. I had less patience with the second pregnancy as I was ALWAYS tired too. Does your son go to preschool? I found that the days she would go I had time to myself for a while and was able to relax and get things done. Good luck I feel for you! I just had our second three months ago and am still adjusting!

M.:
It is hard-I think it is almost harder to be a stay at home mom than it is to go out of the house and work. You have every right to be cranky.
It is difficult when you are at home with a little one and don't have anyone to vent to.
don't be so h*** o* yourself. and it is OK to expect some sympathy for your situation. Just remember, it will be over in 2 months.
Make sure you are taking your pre natal vitamins as sometimes a nutritional imbalance can make you feel yucky.
Use this web site to do your complaining.
and I would suggest some Red Raspberry tea. It really helps for emotional imbalances and is also great for making your uterus stronger so that when you go into labor, your contractions are worthwhile. Drink a couple of cups a day .
Dr. Eunice Green, NHD

M. I am so right there with you. It had been a while since I'd been pregers with a preschooler at home and it is much harder even with my older kids to help. You don't get the rest you need and the demands on you are constant. But let me tell you ,it's not going to get easier. Once that baby is here, well now you've got two little ones with big needs like me. I have been feeling cranky and not my myself. Especially with my husband. But having been through this a few times I really believe it's the hormones that are all out of whack making me this way. I am going to start taking my homeopathy pills again. This has really helped in the past. But you are going to need some compassionate help when your new baby comes. I am sorry that anyone would feel it okay to call you cranky. My husband is a deputy too and the long hours and overtime are diffucult. What shift dose he work? Mine works a swing shift which is really helpful to me. If my husband works days after 12 hours he gets home and has nothing left to give. On swing he is home till 2 in the afternoon so I have his help ,I can run to the store alone and then when he goes to work I only have 6 or 7 waking hours alone with the children. This has been the best shift for our family. My husband is freash in the morning and better at helping. Also I didn't think we could afford it but we found a little christian preschool for my 3 year old to go to 2 days a week and it has helped soooo much. It's worth every penny and it's affordable. If your husband works 12 hours he should be having 3 or 4 days off. Can he take them? Is he going to get a good chunk of time off with the baby. My husband had 5 weeks which was just enough, I would have liked more. Our husbands really need to step up and help when their home. It's hard for officers to shift gears though. You have a tough job just being married to one. Just know that today is as easy as it's going to get before the baby comes. So try to start cathching your boy doing good things. Focus on positve ,it makes parenting much more fun. Set up little activites for him that he can do while you put your feet up close by, such as playdough, cutting and glueing, rubber band board. Try to make a routine to the day and a little show to watch won't hurt anything. I hope someone in your life can set up meals to be brought to your family. Thats all I asked for this time instead of a baby shower. It's so comforting when friends and family bring you dinners. A huge burden is off of you and you can just enjoy your family. And lastly don't feel bad. Your a wonderful mom , it's not an easy job. Feel free to write me any time ,being a deputies wife and juggling family is hard. We have added stresses. Hugs

Magnesium Citrate (400mgs), Vitamin C (1,000-2,000mgs) And you need 5HTP or Tryptophan, for mood swings, ask your doctor if it is alright for you to take this supplement...

Interest in 5-HTP is primarily linked to its effect on serotonin production. Serotonin is also called 5-hydroxytryptamine and is widely recognized as one of the most critical neurotransmitters in human physiology. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that transmit impulses from one neuron (nerve cell) to another. The largest amount of serotonin is actually found in the cells of the intestinal mucosa. Other sites where serotonin exists are the platelets and other areas of the central nervous system. Serotonin is important for regulation of blood pressure, respiration, and mental/emotional function.

Love, G.. :0)
http://stemcellforautism.blogspot.com/

"I know of nobody who is purely Autistic or purely neurotypical. Even God had some Autistic moments, which is why the planets all spin." ~ Jerry Newport

You deserve a break and you need to tell your husband. Find a common ground so the two of you can come up with a solution. I can tell you are very proud of your husband and his profession but you need to keep those 12 hour shifts out of your head as an excuse for him. I have been a cop wife for 20 years and there are lots of us out there who have done the same thing you are doing. Pregnancy is hard in general, adding a 3 year old is very tiring. Others have given you great advice, play dates, preschool, friends, anyone you trust you need to say "Hey I need help!" If you find yourself losing it...Go into the bathroom, look in the mirror at who you are and count to 20, then reapproach the situation. Best of luck and don't lose who you are!

I didn't have time to read all the responses but of course you're entitled to be cranky!! Don't feel bad about it and don't feel so sorry for your husband either. I work full time and believe me, being at work is easier than being home. I'm sure cops have their stressful moments but I can't believe all 12 hours is so hard every day. My father was law enforcement so I have an idea what it's like. Isn't there a bit of a community of wives of policemen so you could trade off babysitting or at least have your son play w/ other kids while you chat w/ the moms? Kids entertain each other at this age and it makes it way easier than being alone w/ them all the time. And I'd look into some kind of preschool - maybe a co-op if money is an issue - bc when the baby comes, it's not going to get easier. Good luck!!

Hi M.,

Is there someone like a grandparent that can watch you little one while you take a nap? Or maybe a preschool that will take your child for just two mornings a week. That way he could get a break from just playing by himself and you can get a little break. Mood are normal during pregnancy. I remember my family telling me after I had my last son how cranky I was. I didn't even realize it.

D.

Being 7 months pregnant is exhausting in itself without the challenges of running after an active three year old boy. And your "Yay" at the end made it clear that basically you are happy and proud to be having your second child and wondering about the conflict of also feeling annoyed and unappreciated.

Look at your schedule and leave out or let others do those things you don't absolutely have to do yourself. Taking good car of yourself and your son are the most important things even if this means devising clever ways of getting your son to help you by playing at clean up and food preparation so you get these things done as a game instead of a chore. Relax with him by dancing, doing other kinds of exercise games and sitting down or lying down and telling stories or reading or doing art work. Enjoy these precious moments and let the other adults in your life know what you need so you don't feel like you feel when they call you "cranky" Best of luck with the new baby and having a wonderful family!! N.

M.,
When my kids were small, I used to take their nap time as a break for myself and or use it to take a nap also. This helped me quite a bit. Also, how close is your hubby to your son? Maybe they should have a boys day out...go to the park or something, just daddy and son. DO you have any relatives that can give you a break for a few hours?
I hope these suggestions helped.....and good luck.
W. M

Hi M.,
I completely understand. Really I do! I too am 7 mos pregnant, and have a 3 yr old daughter! I too also notice that though I was tearful and over emotional with her, this time I am much more cranky and more likely to get mad than to cry.
You have to lighten up on yourself. Realize that if your weren't 7 months pregnant, exhausted, and uncomfortable with raging hormones life would not look like this. I would guess, that like me, you don't get enough sleep, or rest. Does your son nap? I know it's easy to use that time to "get things done," but if he's napping I hope you are too!
Rest as much as possible, laugh often, give yourself some credit for all that you do, and most importantly remember this to shall pass!

24/7 with a toddler is a lot. He is old enough for preschool. Have you considered putting him in a preschool program for a couple of hours a week? It might be good for everyone...

Good luck!

i am a mom of two boys -- almost 3 and 6 weeks. i am going to tell you that is hard trying to deal with both of them, and my partner doesnt work 12 hour shifts. brace yourself the reason i am giving you this dose of reality is so that you figure out your "release valve" now, because your load is not going to lighten when that kid is on the outside. commit to a scheduled time for yourself -- maybe preschool? dont feel bad about it either. take care of yourself. your 3 year old is perceptive and you dont want him thinking that this new baby is a burden, causing him to be yelled at more, whatever. you should examine your behavior with him and make sure you are not taking out frustration on him. now is the time to enjoy your boy. this is special one-on-one time, never to be replaced. good luck. know you are normal and that you deserve a beak. make it happen.

Ok, I know it's bad, but I don't want to read all these responses.....but I totally feel your pain! I am 35 weeks (and 3 days) pregnant and my son will be 2 the end of January. I am in so much pain all the time, and I am busting my butt trying to get everything done for the holidays, baby, regular house stuff, deep cleaning I won'tbe able to do for awhile (I have c/s) and keep my 2 year old happy! It is hard and no matter what anybody says you hav ea right to be tired and cranky. I try hard to not let it get to me, because I know it won't do any good, but it's a real challenge. I too often feel like I am not doing a "good enough" job, but we are doing the best we can, and that's all we can do. I hope you get some relief soon! Have you joined any online groups for pregnant women? I am on a birth board (all moms due in December of 2008) on Baby Center and it is so nice to know I am not alone and be able to vent to other women.

Good luck!!!!!
M.

First off, Congratulations on your second!!
I totally understand the crankiness during pregnancy. I am the mama of two adorable girl toddlers, 27 months and 14 months. I was a mess at 7 months pregnant with an 11 month old to watch 24/7. I can tell you it does not get any easier when the second arrives.
I recommend getting some help as much as possible. It was so much help when my mom stayed with me for the last month of pregnancy and was able to help. Even if only an hour or so, someone to help you is needed for your sanity.
Sending you positive vibes!!

I wanted to say that I think that you are great for taking care of your 3 year old 24/7 and while being pregnant. My son is almost 3 and I have trouble handling him inside my home for a whole day, let alone 7 days a week. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and so I have some problems that are similar to what you are dealing with except that I don't have the hormones going crazy too. If someone says you're cranky (I hear it sometimes to) tell them that you wouldn't be so cranky if people thought a little about how you are feeling every once in a while. Tell them that you would be less cranky if they would take your son for an afternoon so that you could get a little more rest. YOU ARE PREGNANT, you DESERVE some extra rest. It's not that you are a bad mother, it's that you need a little help because there is only so much that one person can handle. Take some of the other mama's suggestions and try to get some childcare of some sort for him a couple of times a week. If there are grandparents around see if they would be willing to take him to a park for a couple of hours, or find a friend with a kid similar in age and go over for a playdate. At his age he and his friends should be able to play with their toys and let you and the other mom relax a little. I also find that my boy is easier to handle when we are out because he has more things to do and other things to keep him entertained than just me.

Good luck.

I would try not to worry about what others are saying--that you are cranky. It is very, very difficult being a mother. I have a one year old and work from home so I am with my daughter 24/7. My husband watches her while I work, and I love seeing both of them so much. But they both rely on me for a lot so that gets hard. I sometimes feel as if I am a single parent taking care of two children while working full time. I couldn't imagine being pregnant and taking care of a three year old. You are entitled to have some extra compassion from people expecially during the pregnancy. Give yourself a break and take what people say with a grain of salt.

You may want to create a new fun routine with your son that will be some special time for you to have together.
My son was only 20 months when I was way pregnant and I can relate. He started cutting out his naps and I was exhausted. I wish I had started our reading routine earlier. We always have read to him but this new routine was kind of a special time with the blankets and pillows etc.
We also started having some silly time where I would do a tickle attack on occasion, it kind of helped to break the tension that builds up when your together all day.
It's nice to start something like that now, then you can continue it after the baby comes. It seems silly to create "special time" together when you are together ALL THE TIME! But, maybe you need something to break up the monotony and lighten things up.
I know I found once I had the second, I missed the time alone with him!
Good Luck

M.,

I have two little girls, 2.5 and almost 6. Let me say from experiance...two kids is so much more than twice the work of one. And being pregant with a three year old at home is no comparison to being pregnant the first time with no other kids to take care of. You are under an enormous physical and emotional strain and you need support. I totally get that your husband's job is stressful and he works crazy hours, but that does not relive him from all other family responsibilities. Talk to him and tell him what you need and find out from him how he sees being able to help. I have found that when I am feeling things out of wack in my family, if I talk to my husband in a way that allows him to see how I am feeling instead of blaming him for something, I am more likely to see a positive result. Try asking your husband for twenty minutes of kid time when he's home so that you can take an uninterupted shower/bath. Or find a friend to watch your son for an hour so you can have a little time to yourself to do something in particular or nothing at all. I remember in my third trimester asking a friend to take my older daughter while I went grocery shopping -- it made the shopping such a nice experiance!! I also splurged a few times on a message with a woman who catered to pregnant women (she's in SF and if your interested I can find her contact info). The bottom line is finding some things that you can ask for that will make your life easier. And remember once baby 2 comes along things will still be crazy. Learning to ask for what you need takes practice so start now and get ready for the ride of your life!!!!

The crankiness & short temper are normal. You're tired & carrying around an extra 30+ pounds so who wouldn't be tired & cranky! And hubby needs to help out. Yeah, he has a stressful job but so do you! He agreed (I assume) to both kids so he needs to step up to the plate & take part in parenting. Don't start this 'he works hard' & make his life easier while he's at home. It will only get worse as time goes on & you will really start to resent it. I know I do after 8 yrs of kids! Our second is 3.5 & Daddy has only recently figured out where the clothes our cuz son #2 likes pick out his own clothes while Daddy stands by watching him throw shirts & shorts on the floor in search of his fav. A's t-shirt! Also, enlist the help of friends & family. Has your son started preschool yet? Three is a great age to start school.....he makes friends & you get time to yourself & then w/the new baby. If he hasn't already, it might be hard to find a spot w/just the 2 months you have left of this pregnancy but you could start looking. You need time to yourself to relax & rejuvinate. Make sure you cna schedlue regualr time to yourself esp. once #2 comes along. I enjoy just being able to go to Trader Joe's by myself! I know.....very sad! Make sure that Daddy is involved & has a basic idea of your kids' routines & schedules so that when you do leave by yourself, he's not clueless. He needs to develop a bond & a relationship w/his kids. Best of luck!

Hi M.,

Three things I know for sure cause crankyness:

Dehydration
Magnesium deficiency
drinking caffeine (as in coffee)

A great mood booster is cod liver oil. Walmart carries an orange flavored one. I would HIGHLY reccommend it, especially if you are pregnant. It is a super food. The highest levels of vit a, plus vit d as well. Great for the growing fetus and you! Drink more water too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and try to eat foods high in magneseium.

I remember this phase! My kids are 2.5 years apart and looking after a busy little one while pregnant can be so overwhelming sometimes, and exhausting all the time.

I don't know who is telling you you're being cranky, but if they are someone you think is genuinely concerned ask them to help! Just say, 'I know, I'm so tired. Could you watch him for an hour so I can take a nap?' If it is someone that is just being judgemental of your parenting, ignore them. :o)

I looked at your 'history' on this site and noticed that you recently asked about napping schedules for your son. How is that going? If he's napping/resting regularly, you should be too. The housework can wait. Your son needs a rested and patient mommy more than he needs a clean house. If he's still not napping, or at least resting each day, I really encourage you to make rest time a priority. Even if he doesn't need as much sleep as he used to he still needs some down time, and so do you. (watching tv/dvd doesn't count since it stimulates the brain) Catherine C. gave you some great advice about this. You are the mommy and you are the one in charge. He can rest on his bed for at least an hour each day. I used to close my kid's doors and let them know they didn't need to sleep, but they needed to stay quietly on their beds for an hour. They were allowed one book (no toys). I assured them that at the end of the hour I would come open their door. If they did fall asleep, they knew that when they woke up and the door was open they were welcome to come out. If the door was still shut, they needed to rest a bit more. (this was very important with my youngest since she would shut her eyes for 30 seconds and then declare that she had slept!) If they didn't sleep they would just come out when I came to open the door. If they threw a fit, I would just calmly tell them that the hour didn't start until they were quiet, and the hour would start over everytime they came out of their rooms before I opened the door. It may take a while, but if you are consistent he'll figure out the new deal. Try to stick with this even on the weekends. The more consistent the sooner he'll fall in line.

As for your husband's work schedule, he still needs to help out. He may be working 12 hour days, but so are you and you're doing it while pregnant! Your son needs time with his dad and you need to get some extra rest. At the very least daddy should be the primary caregiver (playing, making lunch, going to the park) for 4-5 hours on his days off. During that time you can get some extra sleep and run some errands (groceries, Christmas shopping, whatever) without the extra effort of having your son along. Also, you can (and should) ask friends and family for some help. Is grandma or auntie nearby? They can take your son to the park or library for an hour once or twice a week so you can take a nap. When I was pregnant with my second I hired a neighbor boy (14 years old) to come over and play with my older one for an hour after school three times a week while I went upstairs to nap. I paid him $5 just to play. He was happy to make an extra $15 a week, my daughter was happy to have a big kid to play with, and I was thrilled to be sleeping!

Before I go, I just want to say that you should never feel like you aren't doing a good job as a mom. Your being a member of this site says that you are trying to be the best mom you can and aren't afraid to admit you don't know it all. That makes you a great mom! Your son is a lucky boy!

don't shut your mouth M.. then you'll really never get what you need! you are doing the job of an entire village by yourself(i don't believe moms were meant to do this alone!!!. you need more help! do you have friends, family that could take the 3 yesr old off your hands on a REGULAR basis? friends with kids who could swap your kid for their kid every other week? and dad, as exhausted as he is, probably isn't as exhausted as you are (or it's a different kind of exhausted that doesn't even compare). he needs to step up too, so you don't feel overwhelmed. he IS the OTHER PARENT! no one in the family will be happy if you're not happy. keep speaking up about your needs. maybe soon someone will hear you! good luck, mamacita!

Being a mom to a toddler full time without any help would make me cranky even if I wasn't pregnant! It takes a lot of energy to care for a 3 year old and be pregnant at the same time. Our society seems to think motherhood is an easy job and pregnancy is just a breeze and you should be happy at least you don't have to "work." HA!!! Well, I was glad to go to work just to have some adult time and not have so many demands.

Instead of driving yourself and your family crazy, see if you can get some help occasionally so you can take some time out for yourself. It's only going to be more difficult when your sweet baby is born, so find the time now while it's only your toddler you have to get some care for. Trust me, even an hour will make a world of difference. Even teens can care for a 3 year old. It's worth it and you deserve it!

Hi M.. I totally understand what you're going thru. Every woman goes thru this with their second pregnancy! My sister in law is in the same situation right now..same exact! My bro works 12-20 hours a day and she is home with her almost 3 yr old! First of all 3 yr olds are hard anyway!! Stick in there.. try to get a friend or someone to help you.. my sister in law actually has her son in daycare 3 days a week right now!! Also she joined this mommy and me type of thing and she says that helps her too. My hubby is also an officer. He was in the academy all week then home on just the weekends when our daughter was just 3 mos old! It's hard.. but it'll be over soon then you'll be juggling 2 kids!!AHH! Good luck!

Look online for your local Girl Scout group. See if you can't get in touch with the scout leader and ask if any of the girls are interested in baby sitting for you once/twice (or how ever many times) a week.

It really is amazing how much better you feel about your week if you KNOW that you will be getting a break on X day (even if it's only for an hour and all you do is nap!)