Could Use Advice

Could he have a food allergy? My Dr. recommended a book to me by Doris Rapp entitled "Is This Your Child?" She's an M.D. been on the various talk shows about food allergies and behavioral changes in children. My daughter's allergist says she is controversial though. You may want to check it out. I found it very interesting but don't believe every problem is a food allergy issue. I hope it helps.

Hello M.,
My name is S. and I have had your problem. My little boy is 6 years old and I am still going through it, but one thing that I have learned is to have an uncle talk to my son and find out what is bothering him and then my brother tells me. Sometimes he just feels more comfortable talking with someone else instead of his parents. Maybe try that and see if that helps, if not I would try talking to a child psychologist just to see if they can help you. Well let me know if talking to an uncle helps, it helped alot with my son.
Also, if the teacher wants him to repeat the grade over again I would do it because it just might be the best thing to do. My nephew also had the same problem and when he repeated kindergaten it helped him out alot. My nephew is now in the third grade and on the honor roll all the time.

M.

My son now 15 was the same way and his started at age 5 also when he was in prekindergarten i couldnt and wouldnt accept the fact that htee was something wrong withmy child, so i sent him to kindergarten things didnt get i still refused to think there was something wrong withmy child, finally in second he got held back and at that time we learned he had a mild learning disability, and a mild case of ADHD...before finding this out, the teachers wanted him on ridilin there is no way ridilin has been proven to be bad for children...and theres another that makes them more violent...i guess what i am saying is get him checked for a learning disability and if he needs too let him repeat n ow...dont wait...it will crush him but he needs to repeat early just let him know when he does repeat that this is going to make him smarter,,,i wish i wouldve not denied all this myslef until he was 7 like isaid he is now 15 in the 8th grade and is only reading at a 4th grade level...he was on medication through grade school an has not been on any for two years.,,,,he does much better in school than he used to and at times still gets really angry...but he is able to control it most of the time...he is and always was a very good and smart child...i fear he will be what he wants to be because i waited and denied the fact something was wrong...so dont wait...the medication he was on that worked i cant remember off hand i would know it if i heard it...but please get him tested now...for a learning disability dont wait for a few years and think he will be better in few years ...and regret it like ido...need to talk more about this let me know

L.

When my little brother started school he hated it. The teachers tried to tell my mom he had ADHD and she refused to believe it. He is a freshman now and is an almost straight A student. He has one B and that's in an elective course. He was never put on any meds the teachers just gave up on him and passed him so they wouldn't have him again. He finally got some good teachers that took him aside and helped him. From then on he has done ok. But it has been a long hard road. He had even started making himself sick because he didn't want to go feel stupid. I would suggest you stand on top of your son's teacher and make sure he doesn't get pushed aside. My four year old loves to learn and we set down as a family about every night and do something fun and educational with him. There are some really good Winnie the Pooh Kindergarten books that not only teaches them but they have fun activities for them to do. If the doctor said he was fine, then I would make sure the teacher knew that and know that you are not going to take that from her. Make her do her job! Good Luck.

M.
MY 8 YEAR OLD SON IS ADD AND ADHD.MY DOCTOR TOLD ME WITH HIM WHEN HE WAS FIVE THERE WASNT ANY THING WRONG WITH HIM. WE WAS HAVEING BEHAVER PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL SO I TOOK HIM TO QUNICO AND HAD HIM TESTED AND HE WAS ADD AND ADHD.DOCTORS ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. ADD AND ADHD KIDS HAVE A HARD TIME IN SCHOOL CAUSE THEY CANT CONCENTRATE LIKE THEY SHOULD.MY SON HAD TO REPEAT KINDERGARDEN AND WE HAD A TALK TO HIM AND HE WAS OK WITH IT SO THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS JUST TRY TO TALK TO HIM AND SEE WHAT HE SAYS.GOOD LUCK AND HOPE THING GET BETTER. ALSO MY SON DOES SOME OF THE SAME THING YOURS DOES.

My daughter turned 5 in August. She is also already in all day Kindergarten. She also did not go to any sort of pre-school or day care. She also cries at the drop of a hat and has all the same attitude that you describe about your son. She had her tonsils out last May. She also tried the "I don't feel good, my throat hurts" stuff for much longer than needed. She wanted to see how long she could milk the attention. I think it might just be the age we are dealing with. I know this isn't much help, but it might feel better to know you are not alone. Feel free to email me privetly if you want to talk more.

ok, if his teacher thinks he needs to repeat then ask yourself, "if i push it for him to pass and he does will he fail later in school?" my mom pushed the issue of me passing kindergarten and later i failed forth grade. i think if he is going to be held back it is better to be held back before he gets in the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grades.

on the issue of him being ADD or ADHD... my boy is ADHD, ODD, OCD, RAD, and is bipolar. i had a feeling early on that something was going on, but the pediatrician said no.if you feel like he might be, contact a child therapist to have him evaluated by a childrens mental professional. since my son has beed diagnosed things have been a great deal better.

good luck, and God Bless.

Let me start by saying your son is very lucky that his mom stayed at home with him though his formative years, it is very special!

Repeating a Grade: Only you and your husband can make the choice as to whether your son repeat a grade or not. As far as harming your 5 year in the long run, not hardly, he will probably thank you for it when he is older as instead of always being the last to experience things he can be one of the first. Although I was not held back, my mother started me a year later than you could have and I thank her for that. Your son will be yet another year older and maturity goes a long way when dealing with school and other socialization skills. If he is truly smarter than the rest of his peers in the future you can always put him in the accelerated programs, versus if he continues to struggle going through the years his self-esteem will not improve and his grades and class work will keep him average.

Reason for behaviors: I am sure there are many reasons for his behavior; the newness of school has worn off. You stated that he got his tonsils out in January. During that time, I am sure that he was the center of attention, all time and effort went into his needs. Now that he is 100%, you might have eased up on the 100% attention and given some of that attention back to dad, so of course your son is not happy with sharing as that is the age. Have you talked with your husband about going back to work? Has your son overhead these conversations? It could be that your son sees changes in his life and does not want it. Children are very much creatures of routine. They work well in routines and given the chance that his routine may be shaken up a bit he is revolting, again a typical behavior for a child. Change frightens all people, however children cannot see past today, so change is HUGE in a child’s eye.

Advice:
Look at what has changed in your routine. When you have found what has changed, talk to your son about how he feels about that change. Children act up when they are fighting to gain control of their world. They want and will try to preserve that balance by every available means. It is up to you and your husband to find out what has tipped the scale of your son’s world and go back to where the scale was tipped or better yet discuss a way to move forward...always being aware that a child must move forward and things can never stay the same.

Good Luck and God Bless!
S.

It's possible something may be bothering him that you aren't seeing. If he's basically good and has no past trauma that is making him angry, something is up. I would talk to him and ask if anything is making him mad. Ask point blank why he is mad at you and dad. School was stressful for my oldest son that did not attend preschool. Kindegarten was a tough year for us all. It may just be that he is still adjusting to the classroom setting. Definately have a talk with your son. It will also show him that he can tell you when something is bothering him. My boys tell me alot of things because they know I'll listen and love them no matter what. I would hold off on being too harsh until you know what is bothering him then handle the situation accordingly. Good Luck with that one.

I hate to say this, but if the teacher believes he should repeat, I would take that into consideration. I am a teacher myself and I know I don't mention repeating a grade unless I feel it is absolutely necessary. It's best to have your child repeat a grade NOW than later. If you think it would crush him now, wait until he gets older, realizes he cannot do the things others do better and really start feeling down about himself. If he's not motivated to go to school now, it'll make school harder in the latter years. Also, later, he may have to repeat... so would you rather him repeat now or when he's in fourth grade and all his friends are moving on to fifth but he's not? It only makes sense that it's much easier on them to do it early on. Like you said, there's an age difference too. Just think what holding him back could do for his self-esteem... he would be "top" of the class instead of the "low" of the class. Wouldn't that make him feel good? As far as him being up and around so much in the room, he may just be a curious little bug. That's ok. He just wants to explore, investigate, discover, etc. Like I said, have him repeat and see if that behavior improves with maturity before jumping into testing. When he hits first or second grade, if the teachers are still concerned, it wouldn't hurt to get testing. Better to do that and discover something (if there is something) and get him the extra help he may need. Good luck to you, but I'm sorry I have to side with the teacher on this one.

Does your son happen to go to Emmons School in Mishawaka? The school had to get a new roof and in the process the roofing company vented fumes into a grade K class and made the media clerk pass out, a child pass out and made several others sick. The school has NOT contacted the parents and the teacher has been out of work for a month now because she has short term memory loss and other issues that she is getting care for at Indy. I think it's appalling that the school is keeping hush about it. I've contacted news places and no one seems to want to out them. If your child does go to Emmons just call the Media Clerk, Jill, and she will verify this story.

If he doesn't go to Emmons I would make an appointment with your family doctor. If Mommy instinct says something wrong then you are probably right. I would push until something is figured out.

Good luck!

K.
Mom to 4

I don't know if I can offer much advice. But I did want to let you know that you aren't alone. My 6yr old daughter is doing that same thing at home. Everytime anyone tells her to do something or try to help her with something and she doesn't like what we say she calls us mean. When it comes to going to school in the morning it is like pulling teeth. I have been trying to tell myself it is because both my self and my husband are working strange hours and she has had to spend alot of time at her grandparents but I am just lost for words. I feel so helpless when she calls me at work and wants me to come home because either Daddy is being mean or she just wants me. If you get any good advice please let me know. I am just so frustrated and I want to enjoy her childhood and not always be in a battle. They grow up too fast... Good luck to you as well.

Good Morning:

My son is also 5 and very sensitive. I am sure you have already been asked the question what's changed at home. When our son displayed this similar behavior in school, we were questioned to death about what we were doing at home. After having our son tested for seveal possibilities we took our son to Nancy Shirley in Cicero. Nancy is a child therapist and she was able to figure out that the situation/behavior change was due to some things that were happening at school. You may want to run his behavior by a child therapist to see if that may help.

Good luck. There are so many variables and a lot of times it is hard to find why behavior changes so the therapist may be able to give you some things to work through to find the cause.

M.-

My son had a very rough start to kindergarten. He was not acting himself at school. He would get up and walk around during work time. He would throw tantrums when his teacher did not give him his way. We had to have a parent/teacher conf everytime they were being held. I thought we were never going to get thru it. Our teacher and guidance counselor talked to us many times about his behavior and maturity. They mentioned ADHD and repeating grande. I was devastated by this. I had knots in my stomach everytime we had to meet with his teacher. The year did get much better. Our son was a young kindergartner too. His birthday is 8-2. As far as being held back. After the initial shock wore off, my husband talked about it a lot. I also discussed it with one of my son's friends mothers. She had held him back from the year before. Ultimately we decided that our son would get over it and adjust fine after a couple of weeks. What ever was in the best interest of our son is what we intended on doing. One thing we did to help our son with the discipline and restlessness was enrolled him Karate. It really seemed to help him learn control of his body and increase his attention span. Don't give up or think things are hopeless. There were nights when I would cry myself to sleep because I was so worried. Things did get better and we are having and excellent year this year. First grade is going 100% better than kindergarten did.