Communicating with Child's Therapist Between Appointments

I'm sorry you're exasperated. If you need to talk with the psychologist prior to your daughter's appointment, you need to either go in for 10 minutes before your daughter does (just say, "may I speak to you for a moment before you and my daughter get started?"), or make a separate appointment.

The psychologist is a bit like a medical doctor in that you need to be on their appointment schedule in order to get service. Unless there is a true emergency and they are the one on-call, you cannot expect to communicate with them between appointments. They simply have too much going on.

If you are finding yourself having an issue with your daughter more often than you're having appointments, you should schedule her for more appointments so less time elapses between. I also suggest that you keep a notebook, or a notes file on your electronic device, to write down any questions or concerns that you'd like to raise at the next appointment.

I would think the office staff should be able to tell you the usual protocol for this type of thing. Just let them know your situation. Maybe you will need to type something up for her to read in your daughter's chart before the appt., if you want it to be discreet.

If you can't get an appointment until 3 pm, it is probable that the psychologist only works part time or has an another office in another location. Perhaps the day she sees your daughter will be her first day back in the office this week and that will be when she sees hears your message. Perhaps she has been away for Spring Break. ??
When I made the appointment or on the first visit, I would have asked about the best way to contact the psychologist. What you might be able to do is to write down the info you wish to convey. When they call your daughter back to the room, give the note to the receptionist and ask her to give it to the psychologist prior to seeing your daughter. If the psychologist needs to confer with you, she can visit with you privately while your daughter is in the room. If you have major issues, a separate parent session or family counseling may be helpful.

When my daughter first started going, her therapist would have me come in for 5 or 10 minutes while my daughter waited in the waiting room. She explained to my daughter that it was important to speak to me alone for a few minutes, so she could hear what my worries and concerns were as a parent. After the first few sessions the therapist did this less and less, just about every third or fourth session or so.
If this doesn't happen at the beginning of your appointment today, ask the therapist if you can see her for the last ten minutes or so. It's really important for YOU to be a part of the process. You need that guidance and support to help your daughter.

I agree with asking the office staff what the protocol is. With our kids, we have never had contact with their therapists outside of a scheduled appointment because their time is money. We routinely go in and speak with the therapist for a few minutes at the beginning and/or end of the appointment and sometimes have our child(ren) out of the room for that part of the visit depending on what needs to be discussed. It's a normal expectation and something that your daughter is just going to have to take in stride and get over.

I could also see one-way e-mail being part of this...you send an e-mail with what you want her to know, she spends 5 minutes at the start of the appointment reading that privately while your daughter sits in the waiting room, then she can use that info to help guide the session and carve out a few minutes to speak with you privately at the beginning or end of the session if warranted.

At the end of the day, part of this process will be for your daughter to understand that you're all on the same team and while the content of her session with her therapist are private (to an extent), there is no reason to keep anyone in the dark about what is and isn't working. A skilled therapist will help her to get to that place where she understands that you aren't the enemy.

Anyway...this dynamic and communication triangle are a routine part of child and adolescent therapy so the office probably has an effective protocol...just ask!

Usually we all go in for the first few minutes with our guys therapist.

The therapist should let you know how they like to find out what's going on that is of concern to you. If they want everyone to come in the first few minutes or if they don't want to talk to you at all.

A therapist isn't going to discuss kiddo's therapy with you. Unless kiddo is suicidal or planning on hurting someone they don't have to and just shouldn't betray that trust.

Call the office one more time and ask the receptionist how this works, explain you've not done any sort of therapy before. What do other parents do when they need to convey something important to the doc?

I think that you might need to make one appointment with the doc so you can have an hour of her time so she can explain to you how this works. It won't likely be covered by kiddo's insurance so make sure to ask about payment when you're visiting with the receptionist.

I can't speak from experience but I think you need to give the therapist time to build your dd's trust. I would NOT initiate a private discussion w doc before dd goes in if it is going to set her off. If when you arrive for the appointment dr requests to meet w you or explains that it is normal for the parent to meet first then fine be prepared and share, but other wise let them hear your dd's side of things and what your dd wants to get out of the therapy, then while dd is in w dr ask the receptionist how this works and what to expect.

I get the feeling you want to give the dr all the facts right now and she might not need all the details yet. that might come later once a relationship is established. unless this is life threatening, that might change things.

good luck and I do hope you hear from the dr before the appointment but if not I would stay quite and make things as easy for your dd as you can.

I would think the therapist would talk to you first as part of the regular appointment. If your daughter gets angry, it's up to the therapist to handle that. You should not avoid going in because she's ticked off, but you shouldn't tell her up front that you're going to talk to the counselor without her. Sometimes a child will accept a comment from the doctor or therapist ("I'm going to have you wait in the waiting room while I talk to Mom for a few minutes") that they won't accept from Mom, or sometimes the therapist can advise the parent on what to say.

Re email: I don't think it's possible for all the info about the past 3 weeks to go into an email anyway, and doctors/therapists would spend forever just reading long explanations or background with no opportunity to ask questions. Moreover, putting stuff out on an email that can be misdirected or misfiled is a bad idea! Or, you can make an appointment on your own (which you would pay for) - the therapist can't take time from other clients to do a whole lot of unpaid work. I do think it's okay to leave a voice mail asking what the process is for communicating in between appointments.

I think it's too bad there was a 3-week window between appointments but I think it's just not feasible to wait until the "day off" to fill in the therapist on 3 weeks of events/occurrences! I'm sure they are relevant but how much can you cram in on the "day of"?? I don't think you have to expect the doctor to accomplish as much in the 2nd appointment - right now the goal is to get your child to feel comfortable, and if she doesn't do a lot of talking, that's normal.

Try not to get exasperated - this is only the second appointment.

Also try to schedule a bunch of appointments, every week or every two, whatever you and the therapist think, so you aren't stuck every week trying to find out what's available. That's why you had a 3 week wait - everyone else had booked up the available times! Ask the therapist how many appointments you should make - probably 4-6 is the right answer. If you don't need them, you can cancel in plenty of time to not get charged and to let the therapist fill those with other clients. But most things don't get solved in 2-3 sessions, so it's probably wise for you to book a bunch right now.

Good luck and I hope the sessions are fruitful.

I am a child and adolescent therapist. It is very important for you to communicate with your child's therapist. I always tell parents that they can email me, leave me voicemails or talk to me in person for the first 5-10 minutes of their child's therapy session to give me updates. It's possible she wasn't in the office. I only work part-time/3 days a week and I communicate this to parents. I always return their calls within 24 hours. Sometimes parents get antsy though and they will call me and leave me multiple voicemails. When I call them back I'll explain that I wasn't in the office and I returned their call as soon as I could. If she doesn't call you back before your daughter's session you will have to request to speak with her alone for the first few minutes of your daughter's next session.

We have Kaiser, so luckily we can email the therapist whenever we want and hear back usually the same day.

We have also done separate appointments when there were things we need to discuss without our son there. I wouldn't hesitate to schedule that type of appointment.

I would also stay on them and call again. The therapist likely isn't in before 2 if appointments don't start until 3. I'd try to find a way to be able to talk whenever the therapist is able to call you back. If you set limits, it may be a lot more challenging, especially when they're in appointments most of the time.

Good luck!

My son sees a psychiatrist (not psychologist) and she and I communicate mostly through long emails. Although I can call her in the evening to talk to, I prefer using email. Also, some therapy days she will see me either before or after my son's appointment for 10-15m. She is a very good communicator and it's great bc I really feel like I have someone on my team. Her behavioral techniques and just talking with my son really have been helping. It sounds like with your doctor, you will need to schedule your own session at another time!

Ok, here's the thing, if the therapy is your daughter's, the you may need to back off and not try to "explain things". Unless the therapy is for the both of you, you are crossing boundaries by meeting privately with your daughter's therapist. The therapist is there to build a relationship with her based on trust. By you explaining how YOU experienced events, it becomes about you. You need to NOT go into things and ask the therapist how this process should work.

I got therapy for myself when I graduated from college so I could deal with my issues. My mother offered to "talk to the therapist to explain things and give background". It was out of line. It was not about her, it was about ME dealing with MY issues and finding ways to heal/deal with MY challenges.

Your daughter has to have complete confidence that the therapist is listening to her and can trust her. You need to have confidence in the therapist. Ask the therapist for rules about communication.

Almost always when you take your child to these appointments the first 5 minutes the parent talks to the dr and then the kid goes in. we had these with my daughter and also with my youngest son. And yes both of them got mad. They got over it. Not sure what is going on with your daughter but unless you want to pay for separate visits each time then thats how it is done. Good luck.

She may not be in the office before 3 due to sessions and visits at hospitals. They have in patient patients as well as patients that they see in the office. Sometimes those go for several hours and she won't break to call another patient. And yes we did schedule separate sessions each month so that my self, my husband and her bio father could be on the same page with things with my daughter.