Co Sleeping and Baby That Won't Go Back to Sleep After Waking in the Night

Hi L.,

I am also a single mom and am currently staying with my parents. I do have a spare room thats close to mine, but I chose to have the crib in my bedroom. Most nights my twins share a crib, but by morning one or both end up in bed with me. I have found that whey they are fussy, it definitely helps to cuddle them. My twins will be 6 months old this week and we have gone through some periods when they would wake up at night and not want to go back to sleep (luckily not at the same time). Thankfully, it seems like that was just a stage that they went through and are sleeping better again.
I personally do not believe in letting a baby cry it out. I think that its our job, as parents, to be there and comfort our children whenever they need us, even if its in the middle of the night. It sounds like you are enjoying your little girl in bed with you, and if it works for the two of you, keep doing it!!! You will NOT spoil your child.
One of the things that really helped me when my munchkins were going through this stage was to walk around the house (with lights off)holding them. Something about the moving motion really soothes them. Another thing that worked is putting the baby that cant sleep into a swing thats in my living room (it has lights on it and fish that turn in circles) and laying down on the couch myself. The swing would soothe the baby, he/she knew I was in the same room right next to them, and I got some rest as well. Then once the baby fell asleep, I would take him/her out of the swing and bring back to the bedroom. If your little girl is fussy when she wakes up, maybe she's teething and her gums are bothering her. Try giving her some Hyland's teething tablets. Hyland's also makes tablets calle something like "calm baby"??? They are homeopathic and are supposed to help soothe a restless baby. I havent tried them myself, but wish I had found them while my munchkins were going through their fussy stage.

Try a few different things, you'll find something that works for the two of you. Most of all, dont forget that its just a stage that will pass.

L., first of all i am so sorry you are going through this!
please let us know what you have tried and then some of us can help you out. i can tell you to hold her like a cradle position while feeding her with the lights out and rock her while burpin her. i don't know if you've tried this or not?
plmk ~M.

Hi L.. Co-sleeping is good for some and works to a point. There comes a time when you have to break them from the comfort zone of sleeping with you and allow them to put themselves to sleep. While I do agree it is ok for you to allow your newborn to co-sleep with you, once they reach a certain age you must start allowing them to put themselves to sleep. Although you don't want to hear it, you need to allow her to cry herself to sleep, with you reasuring her every 15 min that you are there. She will eventually come to feel safe and secure, knowing you are there and not leaving her. My oldest, who is now 4, still wants someone to sleep with her because she is more secure, but she knows that she is getting to be a big girl and must sleep in her own bed in her own room. We allowed her to sleep with us until she was almost 2 and that was a mistake. The older they are, the harder it is to break them from this co-sleeping habit. My baby slept in the bassinet in the room till she was 2 months old then went into her crib in her own room and has put herself to sleep everynight since. She's now 18mo. I put her to bed at her bedtime and she talks and plays for a while then goes off to sleep, no crying. We have our routine, bath, cuddle time, bed time. I still fight with my 4 yr old to get to bed, having to reassure her she is safe and Mommy & Daddy are in the room next to her. There are night she goes right off to sleep then nights where she is up most the night. If you start now, then it will not be as difficult when she gets older. As much as you love her and want to be near her and cuddle her, she needs to learn she is still ok not being right next to you. Hope this helps. Not everyone has the same opinion and as mother's we have to do what works best for us. As a new mom I thought co-sleeping was ok, I soon realized it wasn't and did not make that mistake with my 2nd one. Good luck.
A.

Hi L., I'm happy to hear you're trying co-sleeping. We love it! Remember, any new sleeping arrangement takes some adjustment... keep trying.

Before I lie down with my daughter, we do a few sleep queues, the book, the bath, the lotion, the rocking, sweet whispering, lullaby music, dark room, nightlight... she doesn't stay alseep either. But when she wakes during the night, we only snuggle, nurse, rock, or something very quiet like that. We try to maintain sleepstate.

When I lie down with my daughter, I rest my hand on her body while she tries to get comfortable. And I close my eyes and I slow down my breathing, and I put myself to sleep (mostly). Sometimes this takes 5 mins, sometimes this takes 30 mins. Just relax. Teach her to relax like you do. Do this everytime she wakes up during the night. Sometimes I pretend I am asleep and she falls back to sleep more readily.

I personally don't buy into the idea that I cannot talk or look at my child when they are trying to sleep. I believe the mother's voice is the most soothing, so I often repeat her name in a whisper, and whisper a few more sweet nothings to her. When she sits up, I let her do it for a minute, and then I gently lay her down, cover her up, give her a binki, and we try again.

Here's some good advice from Dr. Sears on sleep.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

Remember, rocking your baby, cuddling your baby is a good thing. I plan on doing this with my daughter until she is at least two years old. Children need to feel secure, it's a big scary world, and in order to get an independent child, you must build on a feeling of trust and security that you are establishing now.

Hey another idea, is before she goes down at night, you could wear her in a carrier, my little one loves this, especially in the morning when I'm trying to get ready for work, and when I come home in the evening and I need to do some household chores. Are you working? maybe your daughter is missing you? Wearing her will give her that connection during waking hours, and maybe she won't seek it at night so much (although thats another good reason to co-sleep).

There are so many different ideas on parenting, do what feels right to you. If something is not working for you, then make a change. Don't feel like you have to follow one sleep training method or another. Kids have their ways, and everyone is different.

btw, I wouldn't prop her up on a boppy in your bed to sleep, she will want to roll, and stretch and move, and you don't want the boppy to be confining or you don't want her to some how end up underneath that big pillow.