Co-Sleeping To Sleeping on Own

I am mother to a 7 month old daughter who got tubes at just under 6 months for lots of ear infections....I wish I could say that now she sleeps really well, but that would be a lie. She just doesn't sleep well...wish I had a solution. I will keep reading the posts to hopefully get some new ideas.

I agree with the mothers below that co-sleeping is not an oops . . . and sleeping in a swing is not a big deal. Each child has different sleep needs and it sounds like you have been sensitive to what your son is telling you and it is working the best it can given his medical condition. I would avoid any sleep "training" and just stick to night time "parenting". Have you read anything by Dr. Sears? He has a great book titled "The Baby Book" that our family has found helpful. "The No Cry Sleep Solution" is another good choice on sleep.

I dont think having baby in bed with you is anything to feel badly about. Cosleeping is a safe & pretty awesome thing. Not an oops at all, in my book. :)

Our three have all slept with us & so far they're turning out pretty all-right. Madison went to her own bed at 3 1/2 (easy transition) & has been comfy tere ever since. Meara went about 2 1/2 but still sneaks in with us in the early morning hours (she's 3 now). Baby Maisie is 10 mos & currently cozy in our bed every night. We've got an Arm's Reach co-sleeper bed for her for those special ;) times.

My husband & I both enjoy having had our girls with us. They're cuddly & lovey & we feel good about our choice. None of us suffer for it, in terms of loss of sleep for us or inability to gain independence for the girls.

If you like having your baby in bed with you, keep him there. IMO, babies belong with their mommas & mommas belong with their babies. Esepcially if he's feeling yucky, you should help him through it by giving him even more cuddles. Sleep training, in my view, is like potty training. Let it come naturally & you'll all be happier & healthier for it.

Cosleeping isn't for everyone, but if it works for you & you're comfortable with it, keep doing it. You won't ruin him or create a sleep monster or keep him from growing into a smart, happy, healthy little boy.

Also, if he'll sleep in the swing, let him. I've learned to let the child sleep where she will & be thankful she's sleeping! :)

My eldest had tubes at 18 mos. Awesome! After months of ear infections every 4-6 weeks, she had the tubes in & not a single ear infection until she was 6 years old (the tubes had fallen out on their own long before then.)

sorry fr any typos...nursing baby! :)

Hi J.,

I also think that co-sleeping is a decision for each family. May I suggest that you have your son allergy tested prior to getting tubes in his ears.

It is common for kids to have ear infections and need tubes, but many of these kids are suffering from underlying allergies that do not present themselves as typical allergies - like a runny nose with sneezing. for some kids, it can actually cause thicker mucus which makes it more difficult for the ears to pass effectively.

If your son is sleep in a moving swing, he is probably doing so because the fluid in his ear canal is in motion and it feels good to him. If he sleeps with it still, he probably enjoys being at an incline with less pressure on his ears. Just think how you feel with a sinus infection and the like. This might help you in helping him find other sleeping positions he may find comfortable.

I wish you all the best!

S. M.
The Cerebellum Center
www.cerebellumcenter.com

My first born son, who is now nearly 5 years old, was not a good sleeper from the get-go. I will say that I fought and struggled to get him to sleep on his own until he was about 8 months old, and then I made up my mind that I had to do whatever I needed for both of us to get sleep. At the start of the night, he slept in his crib, and when he woke up after that point, I would have him sleep with me (usually our guest bedroom). I often would go back to trying to get him to sleep on his own, but then he and I both didn't get good sleep (that made for a cranky mommy the next day - no good). I feel that if one accepts what needs to be done to help their kid get sleep, then everyone is at peace. Don't beat yourself up because your little one wants to be near you. My son now starts his night out in his bed in his room, and when he wakes up in the night, we have a pallet on the floor next my side of the bed that he crawls into. It was a long transition, but it's what works for us. We have a 2 year old daughter, and she is one who was happier to sleep on her own in her crib and now bed. So you're right, it can be the personality of the kid, and in talking to other moms with boys . . . I've learned that boys tend to want to co-sleep more than girls. It just must be in-born comfort level. Hope this helps! Just don't beat yourself up too much if your little one won't sleep through the night on his own quiet yet - he's still a baby : ) Enjoy!

Well I haven't been through the sleep issues, but have been through the world of constant ear infections and tubes! My son pretty much had chronic ear infections from the age of 3 months until we got his tubes put in at the age of 10 months. One thing we did different was we never let him sleep with us, he would wake up and need some comfort but we would just go to him and comfort him. Now that being said I can truly understand why you chose to co-sleep, cause Mama I have been there done that with the no sleep when the infection is present!

Couple of things... I would start with nap time. I would start transitioning him to his bed at nap time and then when that has been accomplished I would move on to bed time. It will be a process for sure, but you can do it. And it will be so good for him and you!!

I do not believe it has anything to do with his personality, I truly think he just needs a bit of help learning good sleeping habits!

Good luck, and remember... This too shall pass!

K.
Helping MOMS work from home!
http://www.stayinghomeandhavingfun.com

I am a 54 yr. old grandma and have had ear infections since infancy. I had tubes when I was 8 (they didn't have them before then) and have had them several times in my adult life as recently as 2 yrs ago. Tubes still help me, and most people do outgrow ear problems but some of us never get the proper alignment of the eustacian tube that allows the ear to drain naturally. After reading extensively on the internet, I turned to chiropractic care 1.5 yrs ago. I have had one ear infection since starting with him, but normally would have had several in the same length of time. You might consider this for your child as I understand they work on people of all ages. I would not consider using chiropractic only and would continue with a good ENT, but getting the proper alignment in my ears and neck is helping me dramatically. Please go to someone who specializes in children and ear care. I wish I had started this many years ago.

I have 5 children. At first I was very much a child sleep in his own bed momma. I still am, but there are times when co-sleeping is just better. When you have little ones sleep is sometimes hard to come by. It is needed, and you take the necessary measures so that all can get it. A couple of our children slept in their infant carrier in our room, because they fell asleep in the car, and if we woke them up we would be up half the night. With ear infections sleeping upright is better. I would wait till after he gets the tubes to try and get him in his own bed, if that is the choice that you and your husband make. My oldest had tubes, and the difference was almost immediate.

You have received a lot of great responses. To add to the list, our daughter got tubes when she was 11 months and her sleep improved greatly and we were able to get her back to her room - yay! The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is a GREAT resource!

Sometimes, what you all need is sleep. He will learn. Our daughter is now 2 years old and she was a "difficult" sleeper. When she gets sick, we have a love seat in our room that we make as her "bed". She is old enough now that we are able to get her back to her room when she feels better. Two years later and I don't regret our decision to co-sleep with her when she needed us. Some day, she won't want to be ANY where near our room. :)

Enjoy him while he is at such a sweet age and good luck!

my best advice isn't great- hang in there. Our daughter didn't sleep well until 13 months old- and even now at 28 months old she still has rough nights here and there. It'll get better. Be grateful this is happening with the first- can you imagine having another child and being unable to nap during the day when he naps? :-) It will get better.

First of all you don't have to justify co sleeping with your child. It's a normal and often beneficial thing to do TEMPORARILY.
I started my daughter in the crib in our room for a couple of weeks and then moved it to her room and slept in the room with her for a few days.
This was a relatively painless process, but I know we were lucky that it went that way.

Whatever you do don't let yourself feel guilty for having co-slept...even if this transition doesn't go well. Mommy guilt can be very destructive.

Oh..been there, done that. My first had tubes in by 5 months. Ravaged is a good word. It was also part of his peronality to be hard to get to sleep. As I look back I think he had reflux that went up into his ears also. Have it checked. He wouldn't even get a fever so all I ever knew was that I could not get him to sleep when he had an infecion. He ended up sleepin with us plenty of times. Start with naps and finding a comfortable position, maybe trying to prop the mattress up on the back top side to help with reflux. It maybe why he likes the swing. You are lucky. Mine hated the swing! The infections didn't stop after the tubes but they didn't cause the pain they did before. Bless your heart I know you must be so tired. Remember, this too shall pass.

I'm lost. Why are you waiting for another infection to set in to get tubes?
Have you had a second opinion on this?
Are you more worried about co sleeping or the ear infections?

There is nothing in the world wrong with sleeping with your kids. Only in America has this ever been considered a taboo and thank goodness that has been changing.

The most important thing here is that everyone gets a good sleep, and I don't care if you are sleeping on the sofa, hanging in a hammock or sleeping under the bed. Sleep deprivation is actually used as a form of torture, don't forget that! So make sure you ALL get a good nights sleep. And of course make sure you are getting the best possible medical advice for the ear infection.

We went through the same thing with our daughter who is now 19 years old. She finally got tubes at 10 months and has been the healthiest one of the family ever since. She also slept with us (like you, we were both working full time and desperate for sleep - you do what you gotta do) and never learned to fall asleep on her own. Unfortunately, she was 8 before she didn't come to our room during the night. We finally put a futon on the floor and she slept half the night there. My advice is to be very disciplined about moving your son to his bed and teaching him to go to sleep on his own. It will not be fun for awhile, but you have to do it or you will have an 8 year old in your bed! Our second child never was allowed in our bed due to our problems with her. Good luck and be strong!

I totally understand with the sleeping thing. My second slept with us quite a bit b/c we were exhausted and it was the only way to get sleep. Sleep deprivation is not a good thing on a marriage, yourself or your kids. Every child is so different. My first always had trouble going to sleep but slept through the night beginning at 3 months but had night wakings on and off. With my second we had a terrible first 7 months and now she is one. I swear that child does not even make a peep in the middle of the night. There are a couple of things we did with both of our kids. Our second also had a lot of ear infections. You probably will see a big difference with the tubes. We saw a big difference after getting tubes in her ears; she was much better sleeper. Good luck!

We totally went through this. My daughter slept all of 3 hours in her crib during her 3 year existence. Cosleeping worked for us and when we felt she was ready, we got her a big girl's bed and let her pick out her sheets. We told her shecould come to our bed whenever she wanted and after a few weks, the trips got lesser and lesser. Do what feels right to you!

I know that this is difficult. We've been there too. The tubes didn't really help us get her out of our bed. Once we moved her to a full-size bed (she refused the toddler bed), it was a lot easier. Now on the nights she has problems, sick, bad dreams, whatever, I lay down with her in her bed and tell her when you go back to sleep, Mommy goes back to her bed. I kiss her on the forehead, we snuggle, she goes to sleep and I go back to bed. BTW, it took her 3 years to sleep through the night, but every child is different and I hope the tubes work for you. They worked great for us, just not getting her out of our bed.

Hi, J.-
I was blessed with a non-sleeper too. It wasn't related to ear infections or anything. He just didn't do it. :) I co-slept with him until he was about 10 months old. The transition to the crib was not easy- lots of tears- from both of us. But we made it through, and you will too. It's just hard when you're in the middle of it, and it feels like it will never end. After about a week of really tough nights he became a great sleeper, and is to this day (he'll be 6 next week). I have to say, after he started sleeping in the crib, I missed him. Crazy, huh? But that time is so brief- just enjoy it. Trust your instincts and don't guilt yourself for not doing things exactly like other moms. Hang in there!

My son got tubes at 11 months and it improved his sleep quality ( and mine) a bunch..I did the cosleep thing until recently ( he is now 19 months old) but for a different reason..his dad left us when he was 9 1/2 months old.
Anyhow..I have finally moved him back to his own sleep space..can you believe he took up over half a king size bed!
The trick is start off letting them go to sleep then move them to a spot near your bed ( a crib or play pen in the room) then after a few days move the child to their own room..there will still be nights where cosleeping occurs at first but the more you stick with having them in their own bed the better it gets. My son will now fall asleep in his own crib ( he gets down from his toddler bed and wanders if I put him down in it before he is asleep) without me in the room ( except for the first night back from an extended overnight visitation weekend then it is two nights in my bed before he realizes Mommy will be there when he wakes up)
The sooner you can get the sleep training started the better.