Clingy Child - Union City,CA

My 22 month old son is the same way and has been for as long as I can remember!! He only wants me always and will only go to my husband when I am not home, otherwise he wants nothing to do with him! It drives me insane sometimes! One thing that works for me if I'm trying to make dinner or do the dishes for example, is distract him with other things that he normally doesn't get to play with. I will open a lower cabinet that has all different plastic containers and it keeps him occupied for a long time. Or sometimes I will bring his toy broom or vacuum into the kitchen and ask him to help me clean and he gets a kick out of that too. That is the only thing that has worked for me though. Good luck!!

This little guy is reacting to the "craziness" swirling around him in the mornings. He has no idea why you can't take the time to comfort and reassure him. It is partly temperament – he can't help it. His stress/cortisol levels are probably higher than yours, because he has absolutely no means, beyond clinging to you, to let you know his emotional needs are not being met by a whirlwind of activity.

You might be able to improve the situation if you can organize and plan as much of your morning ahead of time, have your other children accept as much responsibility as they are able, and carve out 10-15 quiet minutes with your son to just relax, chat, cuddle, and laugh with him. This might mean getting up 15 minutes earlier, but you'll more than likely have a calmer and more streamlined morning yourself.

Of my five kids I think two would qualify as having been super-clingy. The things that helped, was having a routine, baby gates, heavy blankets and an Ergo Carrier. I now realize both my clingy kids have Sensory Processing Disorder and their senses are easily overwhelmed so the times I really needed them to give me some space when things were really busy were the times they had a hard time coping on thier own. I found a set routine helped as they knew what to expect, when mommy would help and when she would be busy. We aren't rigid about time but we do everything in the same order evey morning. We've had to make adjustments with new stages with each of the kids but we try to make the adjustments as small as possible. The routine starts with a timely bedtime as overtired kids and overtired mom are a horrible combination. We have a baby gate set up across the entrance to the kitchen this allows me when necessary to set a child down outside the kitchen to accomplish a necessary task. They usually aren't happy about it but it is a matter of necessity. The heavy blankets are used to wrap my sensitve child into a burrito, almost like swaddling which seems to help them feel more secure and centered. It doesn't always work and I find needs to be done before they've "lost" it. Lastly my Ergo carrier, usually with the child on my back but even a small 2 year old can be carried on the front when they are having a really rough time. Lastly do ahead as much as you can but if he's clingy at night too then I understand you are tired and really just wanting a little space to yourself.

I have a "velcro" baby-only she's 5yrs old. It has gotten better with age. Try taking 10-15min each hour or two and sitting down and focusing on him only-reading, coloring, puzzles. I think giving him a "job" to do would be good too. that way he's working independently but still next to you.

I put my boy in a backpack carrier. He was happy. I was happy.

Hi There! As the mother of 5 and having raise several other children and to top it off having a Day Care I wanted to add my 2 cents worth of thoughts.
If you observe the other children are older and don't need you as much but the little one sees and hears the confusion and becomes insecure. I learned that to stop the cling I had to be better organized and calmer in the morning :( it was not easy either, and in reality I often thought it was easier to deal with a clingy child! I have one child now that is glued to me the minuet I start something and I can't always include him so I put something special on the TV, or play his favorite music on and sing to him while I do things for the others and he knows he is not forgotten. I have also taken a bit of time to play with him directly so he knows if he holds on I will give him attention before going on with my day.
I wish you luck on this part of your journey in parenthood.

My daughter did just what you describe. She is now nearly nine and still my shadow. When she was a baby I had her twin brother and another daughter 2 years older so it is understandable that she may have felt clingy and needy. I think, however, it was mostly just her nature. She was born screaming her head off and her twin brother was born happy and observant. In every home video for the first few years, the other two are being filmed doing typical cute childhood things and she would be hanging on to my leg crying in the background. I am a stay at home mom and very patient in general but it was a very demanding time as it was, and to have her constantly needing more put me on edge sometimes. She was very sensitive and could sense if I was at all stressed or impatient and she would just get worse. I would feel really bad and then try to never show her that I was getting annoyed. It helped. So I started just stopping everything, whenever I could, and giving her full cuddles and attention. Every time I approached her, I would make an effort to love her up. This has been the answer for us. The more love and affection and attention I gave her, the calmer and more satisfied she would be. Now, at nearly nine, she is extremely loving to everyone. She is a real people person and thrives on the relationships she has with others. We have a very special relationship and she knows that we adore her and will shower her with attention whenever she wants it. It has been a great learning experience. I went from anxiety with her behavior to just realizing that she is special in that way and now I enjoy that about her. Your son may just be going through a stage, or may be more like my daughter and it is part of her personality but perhaps you could give my technique a try. I would have thought it impossible to give her more attention than I did but complete, patient, loving attention is different than just trying to get her to stop crying and she knew the difference! Good luck and pm me if you need more support. Hang in there!

I gave birth to your son's soul twin. Behaved the same way. I tried warning him when I was going to leave the room. If I had to go to the garage to put the trash out, I would tell him, I was going out there and would be back in 2 seconds. It helped to warn him but usually he still followed me out there.

Nothing really helped except time and it just takes while. It is frustrating to say the least but at 10, my son is very bonded to me and still likes to snuggle.

You've gotten a lot of really great suggestions here! All I can add is that with my daughter, who fluctuates between holding on to me for dear life and then wanting to be a grown-up and have nothing to do with me, giving her what she needs works the best. If I try to MAKE her be less clingy, it gets worse and her neediness seems to last for weeks. So, I started to hold her as much as possible when she was feeling clingy. If you have older kids, they can help you with tasks that you just can't do one-handed, but try to keep your son with you as much as possible. After a few days of this, my daughter usually eases up a bit and gets less clingy because she feels reassured that I am there when she needs me. My DD is now 4, and she still has days when I can't get her to leave me alone for a second, and I just give her extra attention on those days and usually by the afternoon, she's back to being 4-going-on-14! Good luck, and hang in there!

Hmmm....Yes, I'm sure it's just a phase. But man...those sure can seem like an eternity!! LOL What if you give him "jobs" to do in the mornings and make him "mommy's best helper". Simple things like, can you grab mommy's socks and bring them to me, now can you grab my shoes....can you throw this napkin in the trash, etc. Just simple tasks that keep him off your leg and may even help you get the little stuff done! =0) Then keep praising him for being such a big boy and what would mommy do without you. Kind of keeping him occupied while making him feel big and important.... Sometimes, it's as simple as changing the dynamic of a stressful situation by turning into something positive and helpful. Good luck! I hope it passes quickly!!!

My 16 mo old is VERY clingy. I'm a SAHM so that contributes to it. I've been told he will grow out of this and I've already seen different stages of this over the past 8 months. At some points he got worse and at times he gets better. I am sure he will grow out of this with time. He, too, follows me around and pulls at my pants to the point that if I have sweat pants on he will pull them down. I have found that I do alot when he takes his nap. Also, the moms in my life and on here encouraged me to take short breaks from him every day (30 mins) which I do when my husband comes home ot either go to the gym for a quick 30 mins, the store or I just hang out in the back of the house to return emails, put away clothes etc. One day my child won't need me as much or want anything to do with me (especially in front of his friends) so I'm taking advantage of it. He won't be 20 years old and clingy.....I guarantee it. So try to strike a balance and enjoy it while you can. They grow up so fast! Good luck!

Of my five children,My most clingy child, mama's girl, is now a very competent doctor and hospital administrator who now takes good care of me...I try not to be too dependent upon her or to seem "clingy"

I know it is a difficult stage h*** o* you as well as the rest of the family. In my experience, giving a child what he or she really needs when that need is being expressed in such an intense manner makes the need go away faster than when we try to ignore or punish or try to make the child move on to a more grown up phase than he is ready for.

It is hard. Is there a way you can keep him close and content that is more comfortable for you and less intrusive to other people and activities? Does the holding work ? It won't last forever!!

Good luck to you and blessing s on your family!! Nice that you are following your instincts. I have a great children's book called "Claydon was a Clingy Child" by Cressida Cowell...very funny

Great Grandma N.