Church - Chandler,AZ

Tithing is not a "requirement" for attending a church.
I do believe in giving, as you plan to tap a lot of the churches resources for your kids. You can give money or time. So--get involved!

Truth be told, I think the phrase "I don't believe in organized religion" is right up there with "I'm spiritual, but not religious." Both are cop outs.
He may have a bad taste in his mouth about a particular religion or church but its up to each of us to SEEK the right fit.

So, yeah, I'd go. And I'd give of yourself in place of a strict tithe. And I'd give what I could.

And I wouldn't let a lazy or uninterested spouse (not saying yours!) stop my kids or me from enjoying what I like. There's a lot of people affected by this decision.

Good luck!

We attended despite my father's non participation. He gave my mother his support in taking the kids. If we were to complain about not wanting to go, or his not attending, he would put an end to it immediately. "Don't back talk your mother. She said you are going to church, I think you should go to church so off to church you go."

Churches have/ should have room for congregants of all financial means. Tything need not be monetary. If this is a big cause for concern, speak with the priest/ pastor/ vicar/ fellowship committee etc.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

1. Yes, I would go.

2. I can't answer as to whether it would cause conflict because I've not experienced this. But your husband said that he didn't have a problem with you going.

3. You're not required to tithe just to try out a new church. However, according to the bible, God asks that we tithe 10% of our first fruits (income from labor) to show our trust in him. Tithing is a personal decision....and I wouldn't make that decision right now. Perhaps your husband might come around to the idea later. Pray on it.

4. (yes, I know you didn't ask a 4th question) Pray for your husband. Pray that he sees God changing you for the better. Pray that he sees the light in you and wants to have that for himself. Pray that he grows closer to God and recognizes that the Church is not just a building with a bunch of people who make rules. The Church is ALL of us.

Go to as many churches as it takes. The right one is the one where yout feel the PRESENCE of God. You should feel loved and accepted there. And you should not have to be perfect to attend. A church is not a museum for saints, it's a hospital for sinners. Look for a church that reflects that ideology.

Go, and give it a try. See how you like it. However, please remain respectful of your husband's point of view. IE please don't become one of those who "prays" for him to join you, when this is clearly not his intent. Recognize that any conflict is likely to arise from you wanting to change him, not him wanting to change you. Demonstrate and teach tolerance to your children by remaining respectful to him and his choices.

(my MIL is NOT respectful in this way, and is the cause of unending drama b/c of her lack of tolerance - we've experienced the other side of your equation, and it's not pretty) Luckily, your husband sounds supportive and tolerant. I know several couples who happily make it work with one atheist and one church goer, so I don't see why you shouldn't explore this interest of yours.

Yes, I would go to church no matter what my husband says, because he is not my God; he is my spouse, my equal.

My mom has attended church without my dad just about every single Sunday since they married in 1975. My mom and us kids are Catholic. My dad is a non-practicing Lutheran. We never tithed, but gave what we could.

Believe me, God wants you there, with or without your tithe.

Don't worry about the tithing. Of course I say that as a Catholic and we don't "tithe" the way other churches do anyway. We give what we can of our time, talent or money. I contribute to the weekly collection but nowhere near 10% of our income. However, I also teach religious education classes, lead children's liturgy and contribute to the food pantry on a regular basis. If you decide this is a good fit for you and your family, there are other ways you can contribute to your church than just money.

And don't worry about your husband. Mine is Jewish, so coming to church with us has been off the table since before we got married, which is fine. All of the kids are Catholic though (including his daughter from a prior relationship) and they go to Mass, attend religious education classes, and receive the Sacraments for their ages. The only things that I expect of him are to respect our beliefs (i.e. don't mock or ridicule), tolerate our holidays and participate in things like Easter and Christmas, and be there for their Sacraments. I should add in that we go to temple when he goes (annually for his mother's memorial service), we celebrate all of the big Jewish holidays and the kids know some prayers in Hebrew.

Anyway...I've never gotten any flack for my husband not being a part of our church life. There are lots of different types of families out there - married, single, divorced, blended, mixed religions, one parent who is an atheist or agnostic, etc. It's all good, at least in my church. So go ahead and try it out!

My children and I go to church, but my husband chooses not to. When he first quit going, I stopped as well. But I missed it and felt disconnected. I don't pressure him to go. He knows that I enjoy the experience and I know that he doesn't. It's just something I do for me that he isn't involved with.

Don't worry too much about tything. If you can't and the church says something to you about it, then it isn't the right church for you. Tything is between you and God.

If you want to go, I would go. I don't see that it should cause conflict. I would not tithe unless you both agree to it.

BUT do NOT "Pray for your husband. Pray that he sees God changing you for the better. Pray that he sees the light in you and wants to have that for himself. Pray that he grows closer to God and recognizes that the Church is not just a building with a bunch of people who make rules. The Church is ALL of us."

That would be offensive and guaranteed to cause conflict.

If you want to go, go.

If you can't afford to tithe, don't. Tithing is 10% of your income, and no god worth worshipping is going to expect you to fork over the money you need to feed your kids to pay the preacher's salary. If you have a little money to spare, and want to make a small offering when the plate is passed, do so.

GO!!!
There are many ways to tithe. Don't even worry about that until you find a church home. It took us 2 yrs to find the right fit for our family, so don't be discouraged!!

When your husband sees a wonderful positive aura from you, he may want to attend, but I wouldn't pressure him; just tell him the offer always stands.

I think you should try going to church. Yes you're asked to tithe, but a real church of God will not bash you or kick you out for not doing so. Most childrens ministries are a wonderful way to connect not only with God but with peers who have the same beliefs. There are women's ministries that are awesome for you as well, even ones that are for women whose husbands don't attend with them. My advice is try it. What do you have to lose? Maybe seeing your children fellowship and grow, your husband would become involved, and if not, that's ok too.

I say go. My hubby is not a fan of organized religion however he respects my choice to go to church. Our kids go to catholic school. (go figure huh?) I will say that my hubby shows up to important events, first communion, first alter serving mass. I always say that he needs to sit a bit away from me incase lightening crashes down. :)
As far as tything, you do what you feel you need to do. You most certainly do not need to pay to attend. I know for us there are times we just cant however we do participate with the church with our talents and time.
I also attend without my kids from time to time. They go once a week with school and there are times they just do not want to go and I am okay with that.
Many blessings to you and I hope you find your perfect fit

If you want to go and he is okay with it then try it out, and just play it by ear. If the kids don't like it or your husband seems put off by it there is nothing that says you have to keep going just because you decided to try it out. And since tithing is meant to help those in need I see no reason why not tithing when you do not have it to spare would be an issue, you are the one in need.

Now, for our family there would be a problem. We are not Christian, and I also have issues with organized religion (like your husband) but my convictions run deeper because I think they tend to brainwash children before they understand that they are allowed to question what they are told. For me, if my husband wanted to go that would be fine, but I would have a major issue with him taking our children along. But, that does not seem to be the case with your husband so try it and just see how it all goes.

Blessed Be :)

It sounds like he's not against others in his family going to church, it's just that he doesn't want to be involved in a church. So I don't see that it would cause much friction. You're responsible for your own spiritual health and growth, as well as that of your children. You don't have to tithe. If a church is pressuring you to do that, then it's probably not the right one.

I take our girls to church but hubby doesn't go with us. He will attend at Christmas and Easter. It's not a big deal. We go every other Sunday so we can have family day. The girls have Sunday school on Monday nights this year. Go and give it a try. If it's not for you after that then don't go. You can always pray at home, in the car, etc.

My husband and I are in a blended family as well. We have our kids every other weekend, but get mine back at 10:45 because my ex will drop them off at our church specifically so they can go, which I am VERY thankful for. Our parenting plan says he can have them until 6pm. My husband ex gets their daughter the entire weekend, we don't see her for 2 weeks straight.

So my point is I can understand where you are coming from, although my husband does attend with me. There are several women who attend our church with their kids faithfully whose husbands are not saved or choose to not attend. I think you should bring the kids and attend anyway. It's a GREAT way for the kids to make friends outside of school and the neighborhood and the same for you as well.

I hope this doesn't get too long, but I will tell you a couple stories about tithing personally. My husband and I have been together going on 6 years. We both are 100% commission only, check to check and each month we have NO idea how much our income will be since it depends on our sales. Ok, so we are sitting in a service at our old church. Pastor is speaking of tithing. I lean over to my husband and tell him I feel like I should tithe everything in my wallet. He says, how much? I say, around $88. He's all, how about $20? (lol, no kidding!) I said, no, I really feel like I should give all of it. He says, ok. So I do, even dump out my coin purse. So I'm feeling great and we go out to my car, hop in and my gas light comes on. I immediately start bawling, hubby says, it's ok, we'll make it. Ugh. We literally had $20 in our account, no kidding. So he leaves Monday morning for work, decided to stop by one of his clients offices, they say, hey, we have 3 new employees you need to see...he sees them, sells them and we get $1200 deposited into our checking account the next day. In 15 years of sales for the same company, he has RARELY had this happen.

Now at our new church, the Pastor gave us a challenge for 90 days to tithe 10% of our FIRST income. Meaning, before you pay taxes or anything else. That Sunday night, my husband and I decided to do it. That next Monday morning, I woke up, logged onto email and was basically fired. 2 days later, I get an email from my ex saying he has been on disability for 2+ weeks and won't be returning to work for a while so I won't get any child support. The next day my husband gets an email from a client cancelling a HUGE opportunity that likely would have been 5k at least in commission for him. A month later, I have a weird health issue that costs us dearly in copays and premiums. I mean over 10k already and they don't even know WHAT happened. All of this after we committed to doing what is right. But guess what? Since Feb, we have been living SOLEY off my husbands income and only the last month did my ex go back to work so I've gotten 2 c/s payments since before Feb. So living on ONE income and STILL tithing 10% off our first income, we have lived the same, if not better than before. In fact, we just found out my husband qualified for the NATIONAL company trip to NYC this year. He has not qualified for that trip in the 5+ years we have been together. Interesting how that works...right? God is not going to let you go homeless or starve.

Sorry this is so long and if you haven't given up on me yet, here is my 2 cents. You said your husband "believes in God", which is great. So if I were you, I would be honest with him in that if YOU work and have an income, tell him you feel you need to tithe 10% off the top because it says to do that in the Bible. (I can't remember the exact verses but message me if you want them and I'll find them or ask my friends.) Do not stress him about going but you go with the kids. Go to everything you can and get the kids involved in their groups and you get involved with the women's group. Keep praying for him and invite him to all the "parties" they have. Like this Saturday is the mens/womens breakfast. If he says no, go anyway. But keep inviting him. I'm pretty sure one day he will see the positive changes in you, and when you say, hey, there is a church pool party that would be fun if we all went to, he just may say yes and go.

In the event that you are NOT ready to tithe and/or feel it would put too much pressure on you guys, then just go to church. Someday you may feel differently and start tithing but in the mean time, make sure you at least start going. We all LOVE to go and are very active. I wish the same for you and someday it may happen. Good luck.

My MIL is very religious and her husband, my FIL, is an athiest. She always took their 3 kids to church and he stayed home. Everyone was happy with that arrangement. It's funny, out of the three kids, the two boys ended up non-religious/atheists as adults (but tolerant of other people's beliefs and they love their mom and are respectful of her religion) and the daughter is a quaker (totally different from the methodist mom). You should just go and take the kids and let them enjoy the youth activities. Does that bother your husband? If so, talk about it with him some more. My husband had a great experience with his church and all the youth programs growing up. It was a very important part of his life...but he does not have a religious bone in his body now! Kind of strange, huh?

I go to church without my DH. My kids go with me and enjoy it. It doesn't cause any conflict in our house. When the kids talk about things they've learned, if they say something he doesn't agree with, we have a conversation about how different people believe different things, and no one knows for sure. I think it's good.

As for tithing, don't worry about that for now. Try out the church and see if it's for you. If you find that it's a worthwhile addition to your life, then see what that moves you to do. Some people in my church don't have $ to give, but they give of their time and effort instead and that too appreciated as much as $. But again, don't worry about that for now.

Go and see what it adds to your life before you worry about how you can give back.

yes. I would go to church.. It will uplift your spirit.. and your children will learn about God, the bible morals values, heaven and meet other children with parents that are trying their best to raise good kids.

I take my kids to church and hubs does not go. he sits at home and reads the paper. or whatever.

I started taking my kids when they were 4 and 6 years old. my daughter loves it always .. my son sometimes loves it sometimes hates it.

I do not tithe.. but I do put something in the offering plate. what we can afford at the time.

Why don't you go to church for a while and see how it goes. put a dollar or 2 in the plate and feel good about it.

I went to Church for years without my husband and I tithed very little knowing that my husband wouldn't like it. At some point I did ask him to come because I needed help with the kids. I told him that I realized that he wasn't interested in joining and honestly that isn't what I was working towards. I told him that if there was something he felt was very important and he needed help he would never have to ask me twice. I love him and I would be there. I needed help to do something I felt was incredibly important for myself and my husband. He did end up coming. Many years later he even ended up joining. It is my most favorite event of the week! I love that my entire family is with me.

Is he really against church? It sounds to me like he's not, but it's not something he's going to do. He's been fine with his ex taking his children to church. So I would just go. Take the kids and make it your thing.

My DH does not attend church as a regular thing. His older children don't, either. I have asked him to support me and to support me taking our child. All of them attended her baptism. I promised I'd bring her to church when I had her baptized and I've kept up with that. She attended a Christian preschool and this summer was old enough for VBS. DH supported all of it, as it was important to me and not against anything he believed in. DH comes Christmas and Easter, mostly. And if there is another special event for us. I would like him to come more. I am grateful for his support and willingness to come when it's extra important to me. If he hasn't heard DD's Sunday School story before, he's willing to go over her papers with her. So maybe he doesn't go to the building, but in some ways, church comes to him. Your DH might be/become the same way.

My church doesn't care about tithing. Well, they care, but not in the sense that it's an entrance fee. Churches need money to do what they do, pay the pastor, keep the doors open. It's basic economics. But the ushers don't kick out people if they quietly pass on the plate. My jobs have changed over the years. I give what I can. When I can tithe, that's great. And sometimes I can't. And sometimes I can't give so much money, but I can help pack lunches for kids that we support in the summer or I can do something else for the church. The church needs hands to help, too. My mother was a single mom on a teacher's budget much of my growing up. We didn't have a lot. Many weeks she'd put a dollar in the envelope because that was all she had to spare. There's a story about a widow giving her 2 coins. It's not always how much, but how much that is important to you.

Don't get scared. It will be a transition, and maybe this church will be a good fit and maybe it won't. But go. Go til you find your church home. Go til you find where you and your children are happy and spiritually fed. The first step is the hardest when you try something new.

Start with Sunday. Tell him you are going and you are taking the children. He is welcome to come along, too. If he doesn't come, tell him that you respect that but you also want respect for something that is important to you.

First don't let not being able to tithe keep you from attending church. It is not just 10% of your money, its your time and heart. You will give your time and heart. The money helps support the church, but don't fret over not having it. God knows your heart and intent, you will be fine. No one will know what you do or don't do unless you tell them.

As for your husband, go without him. He has said he doesn't mind. You have to make sure your children learn about Christ and develop a relationship with God. You never know he may decide to start going with you and even if he doesn't it doesn't mean it will become a issue.

Good Luck!

Hi, J.,

If you want to go to church, then go to church. When you find a church that is a good fit for you and your family, it can be a very rewarding experience. It won't always be easy.

We do try to go to church every weekend (Sat evening or Sunday morning), but we do miss sometimes. Some days I leave church feeling like I didn't hear most of what was said, because my kiddos were a little more ornery than usual (they're pretty good in church, but they're still kids...it's life). :) BUT I always seem to feel better about going. My husband is not catholic, but he does choose to go with us.

Most churches want you there more than they want your money. If they only want your money, then I would look into a different church. I understand living paycheck to paycheck. I would suggest that you make it your goal for each child to have something to put into the basket. I do pay money towards our church each week and put it in the envelope that is provided for us (the envelope does help the church keep track of how much you give so that you can get a statement for a tax write off the next year), but I have never had anyone say anything about how much or how little we are able to give (and you don't have to use their envelopes!). Our children each have a dollar bill that they put in the basket. We are also planning on starting having the kids take a little money out of their piggy bank each week to give to church...even a few coins...it doesn't have to be much, but it is teaching them the importance of giving to others. You'd be surprised at how proud they feel to be contributing.

Good luck!

My husband does not believe in God or organized religion, but I have taken the kids to church with me since they were toddlers. I do not tithe a percentage of the family income, but I do make a monthly contribution that is reasonable for a SAHM. I volunteer my time to the church serving on various committees and the council, as well as teaching Sunday school. I only ask my husband to join us in church on Christmas Eve and on Mothers Day.

why not? your husband already said it's fine for you to go so long as he's not expected to attend.
not all churches expect all attendees to tithe. if they're a good church, they'll be happy that you are allowing your kids to hear their message, not be hyper-focused on you bringing them money.
my husband and i don't share religious beliefs. it's fine. we respect each other's views and don't interfere or participate in each other's worship.
khairete
S.

My husband and I do go to church together, though not always every week. That being said...admittedly I cannot completely empathize with your position, however I think it must ultimately be up to you since you would be going there with the children. Is this something you can do without feeling resentful?

I think you have the right to nurture yourself and your children if you feel church can provide you with this. As far as tything...I disagree with feeling guilty when we don't. I don't believe religion was ever meant to bring on the type of guilt it winds up inflicting...that's a human failing in my opinion, but that's a blog I wrote LOL.

Anyway, you can find other ways to give of yourself to your church. I've come to realize that I have a gift in certain areas, and no such gifts in other areas. I'm ok with saying no and if they're not...too bad so sad because frankly, I'm not going to do something I will wind up resenting...that's not useful for anyone.

Yes I go to church without my husband. My kids (13 and 9) don't want to go with me. DH doesn't believe in forcing it, so doesn't push it. Fanged Bunny's dad's support (first post) was good to read.

I do pray for everyone's salvation. Nothing wrong with praying. I don't lecture my husband about it. He doesn't want to hear anything about organized religion.

I would like my kids to either go to church or Bible Study Fellowship. Frankly, I prefer BSF. Learning God's word is the most important thing. THEN you'll want to go to church. Church (fellowship) is secondary for me. If God's in your heart to begin with, THEN you'll want to be there. BSF has a weekly night class of Bible Study for kids. My 9 yr old tried AWANA last year and quit (I like a fool, let her quit). Some of the girls weren't nice and she let that get to her. I'm going to get her to go to BSF this year (kitten bribe). My BSF time was my favorite day of the week. I've learned so much.

Stay excited. I'm thrilled for you that the ex's take the kids to church. That's wonderful. Don't worry about tithing. You can volunteer your time. God knows your heart and your situation.

I suggest you find a church that does not emphasize tithing. Many do. I grew up Baptist and the plate is passed each and every service. You are not accountable for your tithing and offerings but still, the kids will bug you like crazy to put money in each time.

The LDS church has each member come in for a meeting each year and they have to be accountable for their tithing. It's called tithing settlement. You aren't required to pay tithing to be a member but to have a temple recommend you must be a full tithe payer.

There are many other churches that are good churches and they don't even talk about tithing.

You can call all the churches in the phone book and ask to speak to a preacher, pastor, or leader and ask them some questions.

For instance, how do YOU feel about baptism? Is it only a symbol of what Christ did or do you need to go under the water for it to be genuine?

How do you feel about people all speaking out loud during prayer and raising their hands? What about those that preach about speaking in tongues? Or do you prefer a more sedate church meeting? One where you sit quietly and sing from a hymnal and don't even clap your hands? Do you like for the kids to be with you during the meeting? Or go to a children's church that occurs the same time your church meeting happens? Do you want to go to Sunday school then meetings? Of just one big meeting and nothing else?

The only church I've ever heard of having church on Tuesday's in the Jehovah's Witnesses. My sister is a member of that church. I think maybe the Seventh Day Adventist might have a Tuesday meeting too.

All the churches I have ever visited or been a member of have done Wednesday evening and that is usually a time where each age group has their own class to go to. That's when our youth group had our activities and meetings.

I hope you can think this through and find out really what you're looking for in a church. Many don't care if you pay tithing or not and then some really do.

A large happy youth group is a good thing to look for too. The kids will eventually be part of that group and if the church you go to doesn't have many youth or had non at all then they may fall away and look for friends that don't go to any church at all.

But tithing should be the last thing that keeps you from going to a church where you feel the spirit and grow closer to God.

I think it is wonderful you want to go to church and get your children involved too. Yes..I think I would go if in your shoes. It doesn't sound like your husband is against you going. He just doesn't want to be involved in it at all.

Yes..you can attend a church and not tithe. Tithing is mentioned quite a few times in the Bible. But I believe the understanding was that the people tithing were of the same faith. You cannot tithe with your household's money without you both consecrating it for God's work. Don't feel guilty for not being able to tithe.

Get involved in a church, serve people in your church and outside of your church. I believe God loves to see His children giving their time and talents and love freely to other's in need...doesn't always have to be in the form of paper currency. Tithe does mean 10th. We are to give a 10th of our labors. But...you cannot do that. Don't feel bad.

I do warn you. I have seen some very rocky marital relationships develop due to religion. The husband wants NOTHING to do with organized religion and the wife starts going occasionally. Then she gets more and more involved and so do the kids. Then the husband is not happy with all the time she and kids are away at church related services and activities. Then the wife desires a husband that is devoted to faith and God. Anger and resentment build on both ends.

So, if the question is more about tithing then go...don't worry about it. If you forsee this really causing a rift in your marriage then I might not get uber involved in the church right off the bat. Sunday worship at first..then slowly add more and more and see how your husband deals with it.

I married a person of my faith...it was a MUST for us. We raise our children in our faith. It brings us so close together as a couple and a family. We are at church A LOT!! It becomes part of our extended family, our community service opportunities, we go every Sunday, there are youth activities weekly and many times on the weekend. I am not sure how I could just go to church a little bit...cuz once you jump in there are so many opportunities and experiences that open up.

I wish you the best!

Go! Find a Baptist church or a nondenominational near you.

My H was treasurer for 10 years and I never knew who tithed and who didn't! Neither did the Preacher, unless he was considering someone for an office.

They will be glad to see you!

So many of your questions really depend on the particular faith, congregation/parish, and individuals involved. Here's what little advice I can offer about the financial aspect of belonging to a church.
Not all churches expect tithing (technically 10% of your income). I probably do between 3-5%, with a little less during lean times and a little more when I can afford it. There have been times when I could give no money at all. No one ever said anything negative to me about this.
Many churches have an auto-pay system so most people in the pews aren't putting cash in a basket anyway. If the church you pick does this, only the pastor and financial secretary would even know you weren't donating.
If you begin going to a particular church frequently, you can make an appointment with the pastor to explain why you can not tithe. Offer time or another sort of donation if you can (my parish says treasure, time, or talent can be tithed). When I first divorced, I couldn't afford a monetary donation so I answered the rectory phones for 2 hours every Sunday. Another mom I know sweeps the church after the last service of the day.