Child Accused of Lying but She Didn't

Updated on November 16, 2011
M.L. asks from San Antonio, TX
15 answers

My 4th grade daughter's teacher believes she lied. I talked to the teacher twice about it and she still believes my child lied.
I proved it was a lie. She did not apologize. Should I let it go?

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So What Happened?

Well, after meeting with the principal I am sure the teacher won't be doing this again, but I have lost faith in her. We spent a lot of money, time, and effort in teaching my child how to deal with people. Now the teacher's answer is for my child to tell her every time something happens so there are no more misunderstandings. My daughter is ok and over it she says. She also believes the teacher won't accuse her again since we had these meetings. Thanks for your advice. I am not going to yank her out of school, but I am going to be up there ever more helping out. I am still seriously considering homeschooling. I taught for years and there is a group here that socializes together.

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answers from Miami on

You need to get her class changed. Get her away from the teacher and the boy. If you do not it could affect her later in life. But you need to give her the guidence to handle these situations. Get her into an afterschool program that can help her stand up to bullies. She needs to learn inner strength and confidence

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answers from Kansas City on

I would talk to the principle about the teacher making my child feel like she had to lie to leave class. A christian school should never make a child lie, or feel she would get in trouble for telling mom what happened! What is wrong with that teacher?

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

You definitely need to talk with the teacher. Do not let this go. Your daughter feels bad and needs to know that there are appropriate ways to work through this sort of thing.

You need to know both sides of this incident before making a judgment. It's possible that the teacher didn't intend for her words to cause your daughter to lie. It's possible the teacher lacks skills and needs to learn the effect her effort had so that she can learn.

Have a conversation with her in a calm open minded way. Do not accuse her. Just ask her what happened and then tell her what your daughter reported. Go from there to work this out so that both the teacher and your daughter feel like they're OK.

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answers from Minneapolis on

I think it is really important for you and your daughter to have a chance to meet with the teacher. Talk with your daughter about how doing this together can help alleviate misunderstandings. Sometimes adults (and kids) have to make decisions under stress and don't always handle situations perfectly. It is useful for everyone to have a little time and distance to gather their thoughts and then approach the problem more productively. Start out by just role playing with her...if you had a chance to talk to Ms. AAAAA, what would you want her to know about the situation? Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Sorry, I would speak with the teacher and find out what is going on.

You need to hear both sides of the story and then decide if this teacher is being unfair or not.

Then let the teacher know you do not like her bullying your child and do not believe in making anyone admit to something they did not do.

Also let her know you do not want the teacher to punish your child for discussing this with you, your daughter is already very upset.

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answers from Austin on

I do not think that sounds like a very Christian thing to do. Interrogate a child until they "crack" and confess. That woman is horrible and I would find myself not being able to be a mannerly southern lady about it. I may have reverted back to my heathen days. I commend you for not hitting her. Solution: Remove her from that class. If they do not agree remove her from the school. That boy is bullying her and by law they have to stop it. Take your child to that teacher with the principal included and make her apologize to your child for berating her when she did nothing wrong. Why in the world would she take a flipping duster for crying out loud. I am super angry for you!!!!!!!

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answers from Boston on

I agree that you should have a pleasant, confident, conversation with the teacher. You see, the same thing happened to me decades ago! I was afraid to tell my Mom because in those days the teacher was always right. But Mom sensed how upset I was, I told her about the incident, and in spite of me begging her not to, she scheduled a meeting with the teacher. Mom told me she said that I would never steal and that she completely believed me. I don't know all that happened in the conversation, but Mom told me the teacher was sorry. My teacher was very nice to me the next day and there were no repercussions for me or for her. The important bonus was that from that day on I knew that Mom trusted me completely and would protect me when I deserved it. I never needed that again, but I always carried that reassurance with me.

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answers from Beaumont on

I am a teacher and there is no way I would let it go. How in the world was she supposed to steal a large cleaning tool without someone seeing her or it showing up at home which it hasn't? If someone blamed my child for something they did not do and then harassed them until they confessed I would not allow them in that class or that hippocritical so called Christian school.
That is nuts. Then the other thing is that people pay good money for their children to be treated badly.
I teach in public school and I think the atmosphere is actually more "christian" than that.

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answers from San Francisco on


I am soooo sorry! I would go to the principal and talk to them. I am sure they will want to know about this teacher's behavior!!! Unacceptable and not ethical! Demand you be heard and switched to another clsas. GL


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answers from College Station on

Regardless of what your daughter says, I would go talk to the teacher. If you know your child is not a liar, and they accuser is, there is no doubt in your mind, then this is not acceptable and needs to be immediately dealt with,

A similar thing happened with my middle son and the teachers knew he was telling the truth, but could do nothing to the other student. Unfortunately, all you can do is teach your daughter right.

I would go talk to the teacher AND the principal. This cannot be tolerated.

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answers from Chicago on

Hi M.,

What a tough situation. My daughter is also in 4th grade at a private school. Doesn't it stink when you're paying your hard-earned money to have your kid be made to feel uncomfortable or bad about themselves. I would tell the teacher and principal that you talked to your daughter and that she only confessed because she was forced into it. Tell them that she did not take the item, and that the child who accused her is a known liar. Clearly this boy has issues with your daughter. Maybe he's seeking revenge because he got in trouble for pushing her. Has your daughter been at this school for a long time? Does she have a "clean record" as far as discipline goes? If so, you can use that to prove your point that she wouldn't do something like that. You said it's only one class per grade so you can't have her (or him) placed into a different class, but I would ask the teacher to keep that boy away from your daughter as much as possible. If things continue to go this way, I would send her to a different school or home school. Best wishes!

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answers from Seattle on

"You need to know... my daughter will agree to ANYTHING and take the blame for ANYTHING that happens.You can stand out in the hallway, bang really hard on the door, come in a minute later and demand who it was banging on the door... and my daughter will accept the blame for it if you tell her it was her."

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answers from Santa Fe on

That sounds like a terrible teacher - your poor little girl! She should feel safe and happy at school. What an awful day for her. Can you change her to a different school? Can you volunteer in the classroom 3x a week? I would be very tempted to talk one on one with that teacher. I would definitely bring this while episode up with the principal.

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answers from Houston on

Was the principal or assistant principal involved? If you feel like you can't let it go and you need to take it up a level send them an email detailing the situation. I've had to go over my son's teachers head many times.

Last year a teacher took a misunderstanding and blew it out of proportion and banned my son from computer lab for the rest of the year. I had to take that to the assistant principal and he was able to get it straightened out.
If your daughter is having issues with this boy, make sure to keep track of all the details, and let the principal or her teacher know each time something happens. It's sad that we have to report every little thing but unfortunately if we don't something like this happens and the liars seem to prevail. We had an incident earlier this week where a boy, whom my son was friends with, lied and almost got my son in trouble. Luckily the assistant principal knows my son well and was able to diffuse the situation but he advised me to make sure we report any issue immediately.

It's so frustrating, my son like your daughter gets so upset when some thing is unfair. They do have to learn that not all things in life are fair, but we also need to make sure they know to stick up for themselves and you don't always have to take it or put up with it.

Good luck!

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answers from San Francisco on

Let it go. Your daughter needs to understand that in life things happen that are not always fair or right but it doesn't seem like a big deal as long as she knows that you believe her. Also, she should learn that her past actions will affect her future and that she should consider that when deciding how to proceed/behave.

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